How to Think More About Sex

1. Career Fulfillment: The Modern Quest for Meaning

We have entered a new age of fulfilment, in which the great dream is to trade up from money to meaning.

The shift in priorities. In affluent societies, the pursuit of career fulfillment has become a widespread aspiration. This represents a significant shift from previous generations' focus on job security and financial stability. People are increasingly seeking work that aligns with their values, passions, and sense of purpose.

Challenges of the quest. Despite this aspiration, many struggle to find fulfilling work:

• Job dissatisfaction is at record highs in many countries
• The "job for life" concept has disappeared, leading to more frequent career changes
• There's a growing tension between the desire for meaningful work and practical financial needs

Historical context. This quest for fulfillment has roots in the rise of individualism during the Renaissance, but has only become a widespread phenomenon in the post-World War II era. It reflects a broader cultural shift towards self-expression and personal growth in various aspects of life.

2. Overcoming Choice Paralysis in Career Decisions

We are not psychologically equipped to deal with the expansion of choice in recent history.

The paradox of choice. The vast array of career options available today can lead to decision paralysis. This phenomenon, described by psychologist Barry Schwartz, occurs when too many choices overwhelm our decision-making capacity.

Factors contributing to confusion:

• Rapid expansion of career possibilities in recent history
• The burden of early educational choices that can limit future options
• Flaws in personality-based career advice and testing

Strategies for navigating choices:

• Recognize that perfect choices don't exist; aim for "good enough"
• Focus on intrinsic motivations rather than external pressures
• Embrace the concept of "multiple selves" - acknowledging that various careers could suit different aspects of your personality

3. The Three Pillars of a Fulfilling Career: Meaning, Flow, and Freedom

Flow has the potential to provide this sense of daily enjoyment.

Meaning involves work that aligns with your values, uses your talents, or contributes to a cause you believe in. It provides a sense of purpose and the feeling that your work matters.

Flow, a concept developed by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, refers to a state of complete absorption in a task, where time seems to fly by. Jobs with high "flow potential" often lead to greater satisfaction.

Freedom encompasses autonomy in your work, control over your time, and the ability to express your individuality. It can manifest as:

• Self-employment or entrepreneurship
• Flexible work arrangements
• The ability to shape your job responsibilities

Balancing these three elements is key to finding a truly fulfilling career. While not every job will maximize all three, striving for a combination that works for you is crucial.

4. Experimental Approach: Act First, Reflect Later

We learn who we are by testing reality, not by looking inside.

The limits of introspection. Traditional career advice often emphasizes self-reflection and personality tests. However, these methods have limited effectiveness in predicting job satisfaction.

Experiential learning. Instead of endless deliberation, the most effective approach to career change involves:

1. Identifying potential "possible selves" or career options
2. Engaging in real-world experiments to test these possibilities
3. Reflecting on the experiences to guide further decisions

Types of career experiments:

• Radical sabbaticals: Taking extended time off to try multiple careers
• Branching projects: Pursuing side projects related to potential new careers
• Conversational research: In-depth discussions with people in fields of interest

This approach helps overcome fear, builds confidence, and provides concrete experiences to inform decisions. It aligns with the idea that our identities and preferences are shaped by our actions, not just our thoughts.

5. Balancing Security and Autonomy in Work

Being self-employed is wonderful and awful.

The security-freedom dilemma. Many people struggle with the trade-off between the stability of traditional employment and the autonomy of self-employment or entrepreneurship.

Benefits of autonomy:

• Higher job satisfaction reported by self-employed individuals
• Ability to align work more closely with personal values and interests
• Potential for greater work-life integration

Challenges of autonomy:

• Financial insecurity and inconsistent income
• Lack of benefits like paid leave or employer-sponsored healthcare
• Increased responsibility and potential for work to invade personal time

Finding balance:

• Consider a gradual transition through "branching projects" or part-time entrepreneurship
• Develop multiple income streams to mitigate financial risk
• Cultivate skills in self-management and discipline
• Recognize that even traditional jobs don't guarantee long-term security in today's economy

6. Redefining Success: Beyond Money and Status

If we truly aspire to live the good life, then we would be rash to allow money to be our primary goal.

The limitations of extrinsic rewards. Research consistently shows that beyond a certain point, increases in income do not lead to significant increases in happiness or life satisfaction.

Alternative measures of success:

• Making a positive impact or contribution to society
• Achieving a state of "flow" in your daily work
• Developing and utilizing your talents and skills
• Building meaningful relationships and connections through work
• Enjoying autonomy and control over your time and tasks

Shifting priorities:

• Focus on intrinsic motivations rather than external validation
• Consider the concept of "enough" in terms of material wealth
• Explore the benefits of simple living and reduced consumption
• Evaluate jobs based on their potential for personal growth and fulfillment, not just salary

This redefinition of success often requires challenging societal norms and expectations, but can lead to a more authentic and satisfying career path.

7. Cultivating a Vocation: Growing into Your Calling

A vocation is a career that not only gives you fulfilment – meaning, flow, freedom – but that also has a definitive goal or clear purpose to strive for attached to it, which drives your life and motivates you to get up in the morning.

Misconceptions about vocations. Many people believe a vocation comes as a sudden epiphany or is something you discover through intense self-reflection. In reality, vocations are typically cultivated over time.

The process of growing a vocation:

1. Pursue work that provides meaning, flow, and freedom
2. Dedicate yourself to developing skills and expertise in your field
3. Remain open to emerging interests and opportunities
4. Allow time for a sense of purpose or mission to crystallize

Examples from history. Marie Curie didn't start out with a clear vision of becoming a pioneering researcher in radioactivity. Her vocation emerged gradually through years of dedicated scientific work and following her evolving interests.

Practical steps:

• Focus on finding fulfilling work rather than waiting for a "calling"
• Embrace lifelong learning and skill development
• Reflect regularly on how your work aligns with your values and interests
• Be patient and allow your sense of purpose to evolve naturally

8. Overcoming Fear and Taking the Leap

A man needs a little madness, or else… he never dares cut the rope and be free.

The final hurdle. Many people struggle with taking the final step towards career change, even after thorough research and preparation. This hesitation often stems from fear of the unknown and the comfort of familiarity.

Strategies for overcoming fear:

• Create a financial safety net to reduce anxiety about instability
• Make public declarations about your intentions to create accountability
• Write your own "future obituary" to clarify long-term goals and values
• Embrace the idea that some risk is necessary for growth and fulfillment

The power of action. Ultimately, there comes a point where analysis must give way to action. Historical wisdom, from Horace's "carpe diem" to Kierkegaard's "leap of faith," emphasizes the importance of seizing opportunities for growth and change.

Reframing risk:

• Recognize that staying in an unfulfilling job also carries risks (e.g., regret, stagnation)
• View career changes as experiments rather than permanent, irreversible decisions
• Remember that skills and experiences gained are never wasted, even if a change doesn't work out as planned

By cultivating a spirit of adventure and recognizing the brevity of life, we can find the courage to pursue more fulfilling work and live more authentically.

Last updated: January 23, 2025