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I Think You're Wrong (But I'm Listening)

I Think You're Wrong (But I'm Listening)

A Guide to Grace-Filled Political Conversations
by Sarah Stewart Holland 2019 224 pages
4.08
4k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Remove your political jersey and examine your core values

Politics becomes policy, and policy is the road map for the more than five hundred thousand elected officials who make decisions every single day—decisions that determine the roads we drive on, the schools our children attend, the wars we wage, and the taxes we pay.

Politics affects daily life. Removing our partisan "jerseys" allows us to critically examine our beliefs and values without being constrained by party loyalty. This self-awareness is crucial for meaningful civic engagement. By stepping back from team-based politics, we can:

  • Identify our fundamental values and priorities
  • Recognize where our views may be inconsistent or unexamined
  • Open ourselves to new perspectives and solutions

Examining our core values enables us to engage more authentically in the political process, rather than simply adopting pre-packaged partisan positions. It allows for more nuanced and productive dialogue across political divides.

2. Find your "why" behind political beliefs and engage with curiosity

If we want to trust our institutions, we can start by forgiving them.

Understand your motivations. Identifying the deeper reasons behind our political stances allows for more meaningful engagement. By getting curious about our own beliefs and those of others, we can:

  • Uncover the values and experiences shaping our views
  • Ask thoughtful questions to understand different perspectives
  • Find common ground even amid disagreement

Approaching political discussions with genuine curiosity fosters mutual understanding and respect. It moves us beyond surface-level talking points to explore the human experiences and concerns underlying political positions. This curiosity-driven approach opens doors for constructive dialogue and innovative problem-solving.

3. Embrace paradox and nuance in political discussions

We can hold contradictory, messy, difficult things together. It just takes practice and faith.

Complexity is inevitable. Recognizing that political issues are often multifaceted and resist simple solutions allows for more productive discourse. Embracing paradox and nuance enables us to:

  • Hold multiple truths simultaneously
  • Consider various perspectives and potential outcomes
  • Move beyond false dichotomies and "either/or" thinking

By acknowledging the complexity inherent in many political issues, we can engage in more thoughtful and comprehensive problem-solving. This nuanced approach fosters creativity and compromise, leading to more effective and sustainable solutions.

4. Get comfortable with discomfort in challenging conversations

We don't like uncomfortable air travel or hotel rooms. We've segregated ourselves into socioeconomically (and often racially) homogeneous neighborhoods because we don't like getting out of our comfort zones.

Growth requires discomfort. Engaging in difficult political conversations can be uncomfortable, but this discomfort is often a sign of growth and learning. By embracing discomfort, we can:

  • Challenge our own assumptions and biases
  • Develop empathy for different viewpoints
  • Build resilience and communication skills

Leaning into discomfort allows us to have more meaningful and transformative political discussions. It helps break down barriers and fosters personal and collective growth. By pushing through initial discomfort, we often discover new insights and connections.

5. Exit your echo chamber and seek diverse perspectives

We hunger for conclusions, especially when there aren't any good ones.

Broaden your information diet. Actively seeking out diverse viewpoints and information sources is crucial for developing a well-rounded political perspective. To exit our echo chambers, we can:

  • Engage with news sources across the political spectrum
  • Have conversations with people who hold different views
  • Challenge our own assumptions and seek out contrary evidence

By exposing ourselves to a variety of perspectives, we develop a more nuanced understanding of complex issues. This broader view helps us make more informed decisions and engage in more productive political dialogue.

6. Practice grace and empathy in political discourse

Grace isn't rolling over or acquiescing to those who have completely different values than we do. It is simply seeing our shared connections and acknowledging each other's human dignity so that we can continue moving forward as a country.

Humanize your opponents. Approaching political discussions with grace and empathy creates space for meaningful dialogue and understanding. By practicing these virtues, we can:

  • Recognize the humanity in those with whom we disagree
  • Listen actively and seek to understand others' experiences
  • Disagree respectfully without demonizing opponents

Cultivating grace and empathy in political discourse fosters a more constructive and civil political environment. It allows us to find common ground and work together even amid significant disagreements.

7. Keep political engagement in perspective within your life

Politics should take a back seat to the care we demonstrate for one another.

Balance is crucial. While political engagement is important, it should not consume our entire identity or relationships. Maintaining perspective helps us:

  • Preserve relationships with those who hold different views
  • Engage in politics without becoming overly anxious or bitter
  • Contribute positively to our communities beyond politics

By keeping politics in its proper place, we can maintain a healthier and more balanced approach to civic engagement. This perspective allows us to be effective advocates for our beliefs while still nurturing other important aspects of our lives and relationships.

8. Develop a nuanced approach to complex issues

Embracing the paradox of not knowing where life begins and valuing life at the same time? How different would the abortion debate look if we accepted that both "sides" touch on some fundamental truths?

Resist oversimplification. Many political issues are complex and multifaceted, requiring a nuanced approach. By developing this skill, we can:

  • Recognize the validity of multiple perspectives
  • Avoid knee-jerk reactions and partisan talking points
  • Seek creative solutions that address various concerns

A nuanced approach allows for more productive and thoughtful political engagement. It helps bridge divides and find common ground, even on contentious issues. By resisting the urge to oversimplify, we can contribute to more effective and sustainable policy solutions.

Last updated:

Review Summary

4.08 out of 5
Average of 4k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

I Think You're Wrong (But I'm Listening) received mixed reviews. Many readers appreciated its message of fostering respectful political dialogue and found it timely in a divisive climate. They praised the authors' approach to nuanced discussions and encouraged readers to examine their own perspectives. However, some critics found the book elementary or insufficiently practical for dealing with extreme viewpoints. Others felt it was written from a place of privilege or lacked balance in representing both political sides. Despite criticisms, many readers found value in the book's call for more grace-filled political conversations.

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About the Author

Sarah Stewart Holland is a writer and podcaster known for co-hosting the political podcast Pantsuit Politics. Before her podcast career, she maintained a blog called bluegrass redhead, where she wrote about parenting and politics. Sarah Stewart Holland's work has been published in various notable outlets, including the Atlantic, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, and BlogHer. Her transition from blogging to podcasting reflects her ongoing interest in discussing political issues and fostering dialogue across party lines. Holland's background in writing and her experience in addressing both personal and political topics contribute to her approach in co-authoring "I Think You're Wrong (But I'm Listening)."

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