I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

1. Embracing imperfection: The journey of self-acceptance

"I want to love and be loved. Without suspicion, and with ease. That's it. I don't know how to love or be loved properly, and that's what pains me."

Self-acceptance is a process. The author's journey illustrates the struggle many face in learning to accept themselves, flaws and all. This process involves:

• Recognizing negative self-talk and cognitive distortions
• Challenging unrealistic expectations of perfection
• Embracing vulnerability as a strength, not a weakness
• Learning to value oneself beyond external validation

Imperfection is human. The book emphasizes that everyone has flaws and struggles, and that perfection is an unattainable goal. Accepting this can lead to:

• Reduced anxiety and self-criticism
• Improved relationships with others
• Greater resilience in facing life's challenges
• A more authentic and fulfilling life

2. Breaking free from black-and-white thinking

"Psychiatrist: Your biggest problem remains this black-and-white thinking."

Cognitive flexibility is key. The author's tendency towards extreme, all-or-nothing thinking is a common cognitive distortion that can lead to:

• Heightened anxiety and depression
• Difficulty in problem-solving and decision-making
• Strained relationships and social interactions

Developing nuanced perspectives. The psychiatrist encourages the author to recognize the shades of grey in life:

• Acknowledging multiple perspectives in any situation
• Accepting that people and situations are complex and multifaceted
• Practicing seeing both strengths and weaknesses in oneself and others
• Using "both/and" thinking instead of "either/or" thinking

3. The power of honest self-expression and vulnerability

"I've always thought that art is about moving hearts and minds. Art has given me faith: faith that today may not have been perfect but was still a pretty good day, or faith that even after a long day of being depressed, I can still burst into laughter over something very small."

Authenticity fosters connection. The author's decision to share her experiences openly through writing demonstrates the power of vulnerability:

• Breaking down stigma around mental health
• Creating opportunities for empathy and understanding
• Helping others feel less alone in their struggles

Creative expression as therapy. Writing and other forms of art can serve as powerful tools for:

• Processing emotions and experiences
• Gaining new perspectives on personal challenges
• Building self-awareness and insight
• Finding meaning in difficult experiences

4. Navigating relationships with low self-esteem

"Because I don't love myself, I am unable to understand those who do love me in spite of it all, and so I test them."

Self-esteem affects all relationships. The author's struggles with self-worth impact her ability to form and maintain healthy connections:

• Difficulty trusting others' genuine affection
• Tendency to sabotage or test relationships
• Constant fear of abandonment or rejection

Building healthier relationship patterns. The book explores strategies for improving relational dynamics:

• Recognizing and challenging negative self-talk about worthiness
• Practicing self-compassion to build a foundation for healthy relationships
• Learning to communicate needs and boundaries effectively
• Accepting love and care from others without constant questioning

5. Confronting the obsession with appearance and validation

"I am absolutely obsessed with the way I look. I hate my face. For example, I can't bear to meet my partner's friends because I'm afraid they'll think I'm ugly."

Appearance anxiety is pervasive. The author's preoccupation with her looks reflects a common struggle, especially in image-focused societies:

• Constant comparison to others
• Seeking validation through physical appearance
• Fear of judgment based on looks

Shifting focus from external to internal. The book suggests ways to combat appearance-related anxiety:

• Recognizing the subjective nature of beauty
• Cultivating self-worth based on character and actions, not appearance
• Challenging societal beauty standards
• Practicing self-acceptance and body neutrality

6. The impact of childhood experiences on adult mental health

"My mother always thought of herself as having no confidence and being stupid. Her sentences often contained self-castigation. 'I'm terrible with directions, I'm stupid, I don't understand other people when they talk, I have no confidence, I can't do anything.'"

Childhood shapes adult patterns. The author's reflections on her upbringing highlight how early experiences influence mental health:

• Internalization of parental self-talk and beliefs
• Development of coping mechanisms in response to family dynamics
• Formation of core beliefs about self-worth and capabilities

Breaking generational cycles. The book emphasizes the importance of:

• Recognizing inherited patterns of thought and behavior
• Conscious efforts to change negative self-talk
• Seeking therapy to address deep-rooted issues from childhood
• Developing new, healthier ways of relating to oneself and others

7. Coping with depression and anxiety through professional help

"Psychiatrist: I think what you're describing is a bit different from regular depression. There's a kind of ADHD that manifests in adults. The symptoms include feelings of emptiness, boredom and a decrease in concentration. I'll prescribe something for that as well."

Professional help is crucial. The author's therapy sessions demonstrate the value of seeking expert guidance:

• Accurate diagnosis of mental health conditions
• Access to appropriate treatments, including medication
• Gaining new perspectives and coping strategies
• Regular support and accountability in the healing process

Therapy as a collaborative process. The book illustrates how therapy involves:

• Open and honest communication with the therapist
• Willingness to explore uncomfortable topics and emotions
• Applying insights and strategies in daily life
• Patience and persistence in the face of setbacks

8. Finding balance between solitude and connection

"To me, solitude is my one-bedroom apartment, underneath the blanket that fits me perfectly, beneath the sky I find myself staring at while out on a walk, a feeling of alienation that comes over me in the middle of a party."

Solitude can be nourishing. The author explores the positive aspects of alone time:

• Self-reflection and personal growth
• Creative inspiration and expression
• Recharging from social interactions

Balancing alone time with connection. The book also emphasizes the importance of human connection:

• Recognizing when solitude becomes isolation
• Cultivating meaningful relationships despite anxiety
• Finding ways to connect that feel authentic and comfortable
• Learning to be vulnerable and open with trusted others

9. The role of creativity and writing in healing

"I think I am learning how to accept life as it is. Accepting your burdens and putting them down isn't an occasional posture; it's something you need to practise for the rest of your life."

Creative expression as catharsis. The author's writing process serves multiple therapeutic functions:

• Externalizing and processing complex emotions
• Gaining clarity and new perspectives on experiences
• Creating meaning from difficult circumstances
• Connecting with others through shared experiences

Writing as a tool for self-discovery. The book itself becomes a means of:

• Documenting personal growth and insights
• Challenging negative thought patterns through reflection
• Developing a stronger sense of self and identity
• Inspiring others who may be struggling with similar issues

10. Recognizing progress in mental health recovery

"Looking more closely at myself, there are parts that I've improved on. My depression has lessened a lot, and so has my anxiety over my relationships. But other problems have filled the cracks, and the culprit that thwarted every effort I made in exploring my problems in detail was my self-esteem."

Progress is not linear. The author's journey illustrates the complex nature of mental health recovery:

• Improvements in some areas while struggling in others
• Setbacks and relapses as part of the process
• The ongoing nature of mental health maintenance

Celebrating small victories. The book encourages readers to:

• Acknowledge and appreciate incremental progress
• Recognize that healing takes time and patience
• Maintain hope even in the face of ongoing challenges
• Continue seeking growth and self-improvement, even after significant progress

Last updated: July 22, 2024