I'd Rather We Got Casinos

1. Rebranding Black Identity: The "Chocolate" Proposal

You can’t change the face of racism without changing the name.

Proposing a new name. Larry Wilmore argues that "African-American" is outdated and doesn't resonate with the black experience in America. He suggests replacing it with "chocolate" to make the identity more fun and less tied to the painful history of slavery and Africa. This new branding could change perceptions and ease racial tension.

Advantages of "chocolate". The term is universally liked and easily adaptable to different shades and mixed heritages (milk chocolate, dark chocolate, chocolate milk, etc.). It could simplify racial identification abroad and even make interactions with law enforcement less fraught. Wilmore humorously suggests calling white people "vanilla" to ease the transition.

Seeking NAACP support. Wilmore repeatedly writes to the NAACP, urging them to adopt "chocolate" as the official designation. He believes their endorsement is crucial for the movement's success, even suggesting they could become the National Association for the Advancement of Chocolate People. Despite his passionate arguments and creative suggestions (like using it on tax forms or driver's licenses), he receives no response.

2. Challenging Traditional Black Leadership

To be an effective black leader, one must be able to blame the Man for just about everything.

Self-appointed leaders. Wilmore questions the legitimacy of self-appointed black leaders and humorously presents his own qualifications for the role. He argues that black people should vote for their leaders, but since they don't, he's stepping up because he's black and wants the job.

Essential leadership skills. His satirical qualifications include being good at rhyming to make issues sound important, finding blame in unexpected places (like school lunches), having a mysterious job, being a reverend without a church (allowing for shouting), and loving camera time. He also notes the effectiveness of brooding, hurt anger in dealing with white people.

A call to action. Despite the satire, Wilmore expresses a genuine desire to help his race reach the "finish line" of the struggle for equality. He concludes his leadership pitch by appointing himself, acknowledging that he doesn't truly need permission but still wants support.

3. Understanding "The Man" as a Systemic Force

I don’t like seeing a brother down, I just enjoy putting him there.

Interviewing "The Man". Wilmore conducts a radio interview with "The Man," a figure often blamed for systemic oppression. Surprisingly, The Man presents himself as a normal, relatable person with a family and everyday problems, even admitting to a mid-life crisis.

A game of obstacles. The Man clarifies he isn't Big Brother or responsible for large-scale government failures like Katrina. His role is more individual, like an "annoying omnipresent speed bump." He finds joy not in seeing people suffer, but in the "puzzle" of creating obstacles to keep individuals down, especially those from stable backgrounds.

Not a racial conspiracy. The Man denies being part of a racial conspiracy, stating that's handled by the government (citing Tuskegee, drug laws, Katrina). He focuses on screwing individuals through systemic means, primarily targeting black people in the US, but also the French in Europe and potentially other immigrant groups.

4. The Unexpected Impact of Black Cultural Habits

Black people everywhere yell at the movie screen.

Talk-back trauma. Wilmore explores the phenomenon of black audiences talking back to movies, but from the perspective of the on-screen characters. He interviews characters who suffer from "talk-back trauma," a condition preventing them from appearing in films shown to black audiences due to constant yelling and insults.

Character experiences. Characters like Girl #1 from a horror film, a Janitor from a sci-fi thriller, and Man in Crosswalk from an action film share their traumatic experiences. They are constantly warned or insulted by black viewers who seem to forget they are fictional characters following a script. The Janitor refuses to appear in black theaters, while Man in Crosswalk considers listening to the audience's advice.

Cultural analysis. The characters and callers discuss potential reasons for this behavior, ranging from a sense of community to simply finding it funny. Despite the characters' frustration and the perceived racism by some callers, the segment highlights the unique, sometimes disruptive, interaction black audiences have with film.

5. The Complex and Contradictory Role of the "N" Word

The man who has experienced more racism than arguably anyone here, the man who was scarred by the defendant, uses the defendant as a term of endearment.

Symbolic funeral. Wilmore participates in a symbolic funeral for the "n" word, delivering a eulogy that turns into a call-and-response revival, urging the crowd to "kill it." He captures the word's painful history but also its persistent presence, even on his own lips. The ceremony ends controversially when Wilmore pours water on the grave "for the niggas that aren't here."

A symbolic trial. Feeling the word was executed without a fair trial, Wilmore stages a hearing. The prosecution highlights its hateful origins and historical use to dehumanize. Wilmore's defense focuses on semantics, arguing that other words ending in "-agger" aren't banned and portraying the word as a victim of profiling.

Witness testimony. The trial features witnesses like a sociology professor discussing the word's history and a hip-hop artist and comedian who use the word in their work, claiming it saved their lives or is essential to their humor. The most powerful moment comes when an elderly black man, scarred by the word, reveals he uses it as a term of endearment for his closest friend, suggesting its complex, contradictory usage within the black community.

6. Finding Blackness in Unlikely Places

After all, the issue is not whether Jesus was dark but whether he was black.

In search of Black Jesus. Wilmore humorously analyzes biblical clues to argue that Jesus was not just dark-skinned but authentically "black." His evidence includes the "who's the baby daddy" question, being born in a manger (like not being allowed in an inn), having a hip-hop name cousin (John the Baptist), walking on water (because brothas can't swim), speaking in pre-Ebonics (the beatitudes), and having a large posse.

More Jesus clues. Further points include turning water into wine cooler, feeding thousands with gumbo, curing "ashy elbows," drinking from a chalice (before Snoop Dogg), not having a job (due to racism), possibly dating a white girl, gaining street cred after betrayal, becoming more famous after death (like Tupac), not getting a fair trial, Romans playing craps for his clothes, rising in three days ("cp time"), people wearing bling in his honor, and disappearing for two thousand years ("like a brother").

Brothas and UFOs. Wilmore also explores why black people don't report UFO sightings. Theories range from historical trauma (fear of ships) and melanin blocking alien signals to street cred concerns and redundancy (aliens would just be another "Man"). He investigates a rumored government cover-up (Project Black Book) of "black" UFO reports, leading to a hypnotic regression session with a witness who seems to recall movie plots mixed with a traumatic Area 51 experience.

7. Creative Approaches to Reparations and Apologies

Give us the Superdome.

Beyond monetary reparations. Acknowledging the difficulty of traditional monetary reparations for slavery, Wilmore proposes linking recompense to more recent injustices like Hurricane Katrina. His solution is simple and symbolic: give black people the Superdome.

Reparations for specific wrongs. He extends this idea to other historical and ongoing injustices, suggesting specific, non-monetary reparations:

• Disenfranchisement in Florida elections: Disney World
• Police brutality without video: A camcorder
• Exclusion from country clubs: Free range balls for a year
• Blacks with Indian blood but no casino: "What happens wherever you are, stays right there"
• DWB (driving while black): The 405 freeway in Los Angeles
• Wrongful convictions: The Grand Canyon one month a year

Apology strategies. Wilmore also tackles the government's reluctance to apologize for slavery, offering various satirical methods: the "My Bad" apology, the vague "Guy" apology, the "Absent-Minded" apology (pretending it already happened), the "Bury the Lead" apology (hiding it in another announcement), the "Irresponsible Celebrity" apology (blaming misinterpretation), the "Shaking Your Turkey Neck" apology (feigning outrage), the "You Go First" apology (waiting for blacks to apologize for something else), the "Tearful Jimmy Swaggart" apology, the "My Oppression Is Worse Than Your Oppression" apology, and the "Throw It In With All the Other Apologies" apology. Despite the methods, he notes black people still want to hear it, even if they won't believe it.

8. Analyzing Black Representation in Media

We need the Shetland Negro now more than ever!

Decline of the black sitcom. Wilmore laments the decline of the black sitcom, arguing it's not just a general trend but a sign that America is uncomfortable laughing at black people anymore, partly due to increased accusations of racism. He proposes a solution to make black characters safe and universally appealing again.

The "Shetland Negro". He introduces the concept of the "Shetland Negro," a term for diminutive, happy, smart-alecky black child characters who bring joy to all races. Examples include Rodney Allen Rippy, Gary Coleman (Arnold Jackson), Emmanuel Lewis (Webster), and Jaleel White (Urkel). Their appeal was tied to their perpetual cuteness and small stature.

The problem of growth. The popularity of these characters waned when they inevitably grew up, losing their "Shetland" quality. Wilmore argues that America felt betrayed when these characters matured. He believes the "Shetland Negro" is needed again in a post-9/11 world as a form of "comfort food" television, suggesting they should be brought back to revitalize the black sitcom and provide nonpartisan joy.

Last updated: July 6, 2025