Sure, I'll Join Your Cult

1. Seeking Belonging in "Cults" (Groups) Offers Structure and Acceptance.

I am very fond of suddenly adopting a new set of ideals in order to receive welcome from any rigid group of weirdos.

Finding acceptance. The author is drawn to groups, or "cults," as a way to feel accepted and find structure. These range from formal organizations like twelve-step programs to informal ones like family or even the entertainment industry. The appeal lies in the promise of belonging and a defined set of rules or beliefs to adhere to, or push against.

Structure and boundaries. Groups provide boundaries that, while sometimes restrictive, offer a sense of security. Even when resisting the rules, being part of a defined social order feels safer than being completely alone. This search for external structure helps manage internal chaos.

Temporary relief. Joining a new group or adopting a new philosophy offers a temporary sense of purpose and validation. It's a way to feel "okay" by being wanted or needed by others, even if the underlying issues remain unresolved.

2. Mental Illness Shapes Perception, But Doesn't Define Worth.

I am not suicidal, but I’m also not particularly psyched.

Distorted reality. Mental health struggles, particularly OCD and bipolar disorder, profoundly impact the author's perception of herself and the world. Intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and mood swings create an internal landscape of fear and self-loathing, making simple tasks or interactions feel catastrophic. This internal experience often doesn't match external reality.

Impact on functioning. These conditions significantly affect daily life, leading to difficulties with work, relationships, and basic self-care. The constant internal battle is exhausting and makes navigating the world feel overwhelming, despite outward appearances of competence or success.

Seeking diagnosis and understanding. Identifying and understanding these conditions through diagnosis and therapy provides a framework for coping. While not a cure, recognizing the source of the struggle helps in seeking appropriate treatment and support, moving towards a more stable baseline.

3. Family Dynamics Form a Foundational, Complex "Cult."

If our family was a cult and we had a leader, our leader was my mom, Marilyn.

Early indoctrination. The family unit serves as the first and most influential "cult," shaping core beliefs and behaviors. The author's mother, a charismatic figure with strong opinions and a need for external validation, set the tone for performance and appearance. This created a dynamic of seeking approval through achievement and presentation.

Complex relationships. Family relationships are filled with both deep love and significant challenges. Experiences like sibling teasing, parental criticism, and differing worldviews create lasting impacts, contributing to insecurities and coping mechanisms developed in childhood. Despite difficulties, the bond remains a source of support.

Lasting influence. The values, communication styles, and unresolved issues from the family continue to influence the author's adult life and relationships. Understanding these dynamics is crucial for navigating personal struggles and building healthier connections outside the family unit.

4. Honesty, Even Messy Oversharing, Can Be a Path to Connection.

As far as I can tell, full disclosure is a CASH COW.

Radical honesty. The author employs extreme honesty, often bordering on oversharing, as a core communication style and comedic tool. This involves revealing personal flaws, struggles, and financial details, sometimes to the discomfort of others. It's a way to process experiences and connect with an audience.

Seeking validation through revelation. Sharing vulnerable details, even those considered taboo, is a way to feel seen and accepted. By exposing her perceived worst parts, the author hopes to find others who relate, reducing feelings of isolation and shame. It's a risky but often effective strategy for building rapport.

Navigating boundaries. While oversharing can build connection, it also creates challenges in personal relationships and professional settings. Learning when and how to share, and respecting the boundaries of others, is an ongoing process, often learned through missteps and feedback.

5. Money and Work Are Intertwined with Self-Worth and Anxiety.

I cannot possibly follow laws that make society function, 128 people need to see me in Scottsdale on a Thursday night!

Financial struggles and debt. Despite coming from a comfortable background, the author experienced significant financial difficulties in early adulthood, leading to debt and anxiety. This period highlighted the practical challenges of living independently and the emotional weight of financial insecurity.

Work as a coping mechanism. Work is often pursued out of necessity and as a distraction from internal struggles. The author takes various jobs, sometimes performing poorly due to anxiety or lack of interest, but the act of working provides structure and income, essential for survival and seeking help.

Transparency and ethics. Sharing financial details, even those perceived as shameful, is a form of transparency learned in groups like Debtors Anonymous. It challenges societal taboos around money and connects personal struggles with broader economic realities, while also serving as a form of self-accountability.

6. Formal Treatment and Support Groups Offer Essential, Imperfect Help.

Medicine is the best medicine.

Seeking professional help. Navigating mental health crises requires seeking help from various sources, including psychiatrists, therapists, and hospitals. These experiences are often challenging, marked by misdiagnoses, ineffective treatments, and frustrating interactions with the healthcare system. However, they are crucial steps towards stability.

The value of support groups. Twelve-step programs like OA, DA, and SLAA provide free, accessible support and community. They offer tools, shared experiences, and accountability, helping to manage specific behaviors and thought patterns. While not a replacement for medical care, they are a vital complement.

Imperfect but necessary. Both formal treatment and support groups are imperfect, sometimes dogmatic or frustrating. Yet, they offer essential resources and connections that enable recovery and management of chronic conditions. The key is to find what works and take what is helpful, leaving the rest.

7. Relationships Provide Crucial Support, Even Amidst Shared Struggles.

Scott Marvel Cassidy was the main reason I was able to do Lady Dynamite, and I cannot underestimate how much his love and support made it possible for me to even try.

Finding a supportive partner. Meeting a partner who understands and accepts mental health struggles is transformative. Scott's presence provides a stable foundation and emotional support, enabling the author to pursue challenging opportunities and navigate difficult periods. His acceptance contrasts with past experiences of rejection.

Shared vulnerability. Both partners bring their own histories and challenges to the relationship. Acknowledging and working through shared struggles, like anger management or mood issues, becomes a joint effort. This shared vulnerability fosters deeper connection and empathy.

Utilizing relationship tools. Seeking couples therapy and joining support groups like Recovering Couples Anonymous provides tools and strategies for navigating conflict and building a healthier dynamic. It's an active commitment to improving the relationship and supporting each other's well-being.

8. Simple, Consistent Actions Build Tenacity and Progress.

Discipline in sports, waking up before noon, hosing down your private parts, in whatever tiny, painful increments you can manage, will give you a positive outcome.

The power of small steps. Lessons learned from activities like Suzuki violin and programs like Dale Carnegie emphasize the value of consistent effort, even in small increments. Repeated practice, showing up daily, and following simple instructions build discipline and a belief in the possibility of improvement over time.

Overcoming resistance. Despite internal resistance, anxiety, or lack of motivation, engaging in simple, prescribed actions can lead to progress. This counters the tendency towards procrastination and self-sabotage, demonstrating that action, even imperfect action, is necessary for moving forward.

Building resilience. The ability to persist despite setbacks and discomfort is a learned skill. By breaking down overwhelming tasks into manageable steps and focusing on showing up "one day at a time," the author builds resilience and the capacity to handle challenges.

9. External Validation (Showbiz) Can Be Both a Goal and a Trap.

I love SHOW BUSINESS AND ALL OF ITS CEREMONIES!

The allure of attention. The desire for external validation, stemming from childhood experiences, fuels the pursuit of a career in show business. Performing and receiving attention from groups provides a powerful, addictive sense of being seen and valued.

Navigating the industry. The entertainment industry is presented as another "cult" with its own rules, hierarchies, and often unrealistic expectations. Navigating it involves auditions, networking, dealing with rejection, and balancing creative integrity with commercial demands. Success brings new pressures and ethical dilemmas.

The cost of success. Achieving success in showbiz, like the Target campaign or the TV show, brings financial rewards and recognition but also significant stress and compromises. It can exacerbate mental health issues and create conflicts between personal values and professional obligations, highlighting the double-edged nature of fame.

10. Boundaries, Even Imperfect Ones, Are Necessary for Survival.

I will not join just anything.

Setting limits. Learning to set boundaries is crucial for protecting mental health and personal well-being. This includes saying no to overwhelming work demands, limiting contact with toxic individuals, and establishing personal rules around finances or relationships.

Protecting energy. Recognizing personal limitations, such as the need for sleep due to medication or the inability to tolerate certain social situations, is essential. Setting boundaries, like requiring a twelve-hour turnaround on set or avoiding certain types of interactions, helps conserve energy and prevent relapse.

Saying no. The ability to refuse requests or opportunities that are detrimental, even when pressured or feeling guilty, is a sign of progress. It prioritizes self-care over people-pleasing or external expectations, reinforcing self-worth.

11. Finding Humor in Suffering Helps Make the Unbearable Bearable.

Comedians can be like that. “Kill myself, you mean?” And yes, because the comedian is a skilled jokesmith, that is exactly what they mean. Ha-ha!

Comedy as a coping mechanism. Humor is a primary tool for processing difficult experiences, including mental illness, trauma, and the absurdities of life. Turning personal pain into jokes makes it more manageable and relatable, creating connection through shared laughter.

Dark humor and self-deprecation. The author uses dark humor and intense self-deprecation to disarm and connect with the audience. By openly mocking her own struggles, flaws, and the systems she navigates, she invites others to laugh along, reducing the stigma around mental health and other taboo topics.

Finding levity in the mundane. Even in the most dire situations, like hospitalizations or relationship conflicts, the author finds moments of levity. Focusing on the absurd details or the human imperfections in these experiences provides comic relief and a sense of perspective.

12. Recovery Is an Ongoing Process, Not a Sparkling New Reality.

This book is NOT going to have a clear chronicle of trauma, healing, victory. It’s going to be more like a series of emotional sudoku puzzles that I grow tired of trying to solve and a third of the way through start a new one, hoping the next one is easier.

Non-linear healing. Recovery from mental illness and life's challenges is not a straightforward path with a clear endpoint. It involves ups and downs, relapses, and continuous effort. There is no magical cure or moment of complete transformation.

Ongoing management. Maintaining stability requires ongoing work, including taking medication, attending support groups, utilizing therapeutic tools, and managing daily stressors. It's a lifelong process of self-awareness and adaptation, not a state of permanent "wellness."

Accepting imperfection. The narrative rejects the idea of a perfect, healed self. Instead, it embraces the reality of ongoing struggles and imperfections. The goal is not to eliminate problems but to develop better coping mechanisms and find moments of joy and connection amidst the chaos.

Last updated: May 30, 2025