It Was on Fire When I Lay Down on It

1. Life is Messy, Contradictory, and Often On Fire

"Why do you laugh? Change the name, and the story is told of you."

We lie down on it. Life often feels like lying down on a burning bed – we know it's trouble, yet we do it anyway. This inherent human contradiction, doing things we hate while failing to do what we want, is a universal dilemma. From a man in a smoldering bed to daily struggles with habits, we are all in this together.

Ancient wisdom agrees. This isn't a new problem; it's been noted throughout history by figures like Saint Paul and Euripides. Psychiatrists and theologians grapple with it, but it remains unresolved because it's part of the human condition. We live with this internal conflict, finding comfort in the company of others who share similar struggles.

Judgment is difficult. It's hard to truly understand why others do what they do, just as our own actions can be mysterious. Suspending judgment allows for greater compassion towards ourselves and others. Perhaps if we judged less often, we might like ourselves and each other more.

2. Find Wonder and Meaning in the Ordinary

"Oooo-wow," chorus the students.

The brain's mystery. Holding a human brain reveals the profound mystery within us. This three-pound lump of meat contains everything we are – memories, skills, emotions, knowledge. It's a motor, yes, but also a repository of our entire existence, processing vast amounts of information in ways we barely understand.

Beauty in the mundane. Even the most mundane things, like the gunk in a sink strainer or the blood from a cut finger, hold wonder. The body's ability to heal itself is a powerful, efficient, and beautiful process. Taking a moment to observe these ordinary occurrences reveals the intricate miracles happening constantly.

Simple things hold value. A child's paper sack filled with treasures – ribbons, stones, a plastic dinosaur – can be a profound gift of love. What seems like junk to an adult is a collection of cherished memories and dreams. Recognizing the value in these simple, personal things is key to seeing the world through a lens of wonder.

3. Simple Acts of Love and Presence Matter Most

"I love you, Daddy."

Love in a sack. A child's gift of a paper sack filled with her most cherished items is a powerful symbol of love and trust. Dismissing it as "junk" is missing the profound affection being offered. Recognizing and valuing these simple gestures is crucial for connection.

Enduring connection. Relationships evolve, but the foundation of love and care can remain strong. Watching a grown son jog alongside his father, protecting him from traffic, illustrates a deep bond forged through shared experience. They have been through difficulties, but their care for each other is evident in simple acts.

Being present is key. Sometimes, just being there is enough. The father holding his sobbing child in the supermarket parking lot, not trying to fix it, but just being present until the child sleeps, is a powerful act of love. Showing up and being available, even in messy moments, builds lasting connection.

4. Challenge Conventional Wisdom and Define Your Own Worth

"Making a living and having a life are not the same thing."

Beyond the job title. Society often defines us by our occupation, but what we do for money is not the sum of who we are. A job title doesn't capture the richness, complexity, and contradictions of a human being. We are much more than our paychecks.

Defining yourself broadly. When asked "What do you do?", consider answering with what brings you pleasure or makes you feel useful, not just your paid work.

• A "sleepeur" or "napeur" who excels at rest.
• A "singer" who loves to sing, regardless of talent.
• A "citizen" with a vital role in national security.
• A "Fulghum" who strives to be the most authentic version of themselves.

Finding meaning daily. The focus shouldn't be on the grand "meaning of life," but on finding "meaning in life" day by day, hour by hour. It's not just what you do, but how you think about yourself while doing it. Your occupation is simply being the most "you" you can be, encompassing all your roles and passions.

5. Perspective Transforms Understanding and Experience

"Me? I’m building a cathedral for the Glory of Almighty God."

Finding purpose in work. The story of the Chartres cathedral builders illustrates how perspective elevates mundane tasks. A stonemason, glassblower, and blacksmith saw their work as just carving, making glass, or pounding iron. But the old woman sweeping saw herself as building a cathedral for God's glory.

Seeing the bigger picture. Like the driver training teacher who sees himself as a shaman guiding a rite of passage, shifting perspective reveals deeper meaning. He's not just teaching kids to drive cars; he's helping them navigate a transition to young adulthood, discussing responsibility, dreams, and fears.

Beyond perceived failure. John Pierpont, the author of "Jingle Bells," was considered a failure in many careers during his lifetime. Yet, his simple song about joy became a lasting, worldwide success. What seems like failure in the moment can be seen as profound success from a different perspective, especially when viewed through the lens of impact and enduring legacy.

6. Embrace the Mystery and Unpredictability of Life

"Chaos. I can relate to that."

The cosmic glitch. Science reveals that even the most ordinary things, like how aspirin works or how water gets to the top of a tree, hold deep mysteries. The universe itself has an inherent "glitch" or untidiness, like the earth wobbling off-center. This unpredictability is not an error but a fundamental aspect of existence.

Chaos Science. This new field studies the "Cosmic Glitch," recognizing that patterns are far more complex and unpredictable than previously thought. It looks at everyday phenomena like mixing paint or traffic flow, finding that chaos is not just disorder but a complex, underlying pattern we are only beginning to understand.

Relating to chaos. For those whose lives often feel chaotic, this scientific perspective can be comforting. It suggests that personal messiness might be in tune with the universe itself. Embracing this inherent unpredictability allows for wonder and anchors mystery at the center of being.

7. Hope and Connection Endure Through Difficulty

"Love was more powerful than prejudice—Love won out."

Love conquers all. The story of the interfaith wedding, fraught with familial prejudice and tension, ultimately demonstrates the enduring power of love and connection. Despite threats and arguments, the love between the couple, and eventually the love within the families, overcame division.

Shared values emerge. The families, initially divided by religious and cultural differences, discovered they shared fundamental values: belief in family, faith, love, and the capacity to celebrate. The shared experience of the wedding, particularly moments of genuine emotion and mutual respect (like standing ovations for the grandmother and rabbi), revealed their common ground.

Hope for happy endings. While not every story has a perfect ending, the possibility of happy endings, especially those built on deep connection and shared experience, remains a powerful force. The enduring love between the couple, and the reconciliation of their families, offers a hopeful testament to the resilience of human connection.

8. Define Your Own Meaning and Purpose

"I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know."

Reflecting the light. A small mirror fragment, found by a child during wartime, becomes a powerful metaphor for life's purpose. The child learns he is not the source of light (truth, understanding), but he can reflect it into dark places. This simple act of reflection becomes his life's work.

Individual contribution. We are all fragments of a larger, unknown design. Our purpose is not to be the whole light, but to use what we have – our unique skills, perspectives, and experiences – to reflect light into the world. Even a small fragment can illuminate dark corners.

A personal mission. This metaphor provides a framework for finding meaning. It's not about understanding the grand design, but about actively participating in the process of bringing light and understanding to others. It's a personal mission, carried in the "wallet of the mind," guiding actions and interactions.

9. Sometimes, Just Sit Still

"She was anchored to her seat by her own dignity."

The power of stillness. Being told to "sit still" is a common childhood command, often ignored. Yet, sitting still can be a powerful act. Rosa Parks, by simply refusing to give up her seat on a bus, ignited a social movement. Her stillness was an act of profound dignity and resistance.

Sacred simplicity. Great religious leaders throughout history have found wisdom and power in stillness – Buddha under a tree, Jesus in a garden, Muhammad in a cave. Meditation and passive resistance are forms of purposeful stillness that can lead to profound change, both personal and societal.

A simple practice. Sitting still can be a personal sacrament. Taking just fifteen minutes a day to sit quietly and be still can lead to amazing things. It's a practice accessible to everyone, everywhere, turning any chair or bench into a place of reflection and potential transformation.

10. Doing Good Can Be Playful and Joyful

"To assault evil, even small evil, with mischief, cleverness, merriment, and laughter—that takes genius few of us have..."

Mischief for good. The Hunt Saboteurs Association, dedicated to disrupting fox hunts, uses humor, cleverness, and mischief to achieve their goal. Their tactics, like spraying artificial fox scent or luring hounds away, are designed to cause chaos and embarrassment, not violence.

Joyful activism. Their approach demonstrates that working for justice and mercy doesn't have to be grim. Attacking a perceived evil with merriment and laughter requires a special kind of genius. It makes the effort more palatable and engaging, both for participants and observers.

Making progress fun. If doing good could be more fun, perhaps more people would join the effort. The SABs find joy in their actions, celebrating their successes with parties. This suggests that incorporating playfulness and merriment into efforts for positive change can be a powerful and effective strategy.

11. Growing Up Means Cleaning Up the Mess

"Being an adult is dirty work."

Facing the gunk. As children, we see the "stuff" in the sink strainer or a stopped-up toilet as toxic waste, something adults handle with mysterious courage (or laziness). This aversion to mess is a hallmark of childhood.

Adult responsibilities. Becoming an adult involves accepting responsibility for cleaning up life's messes, both literal and figurative. The list of adult tasks includes dealing with:

• Sink strainers and toilets
• Baby messes (diapers, spit-up)
• Household grime (ovens, grease traps)
• Pet waste (litter boxes, dog doo)
• Garbage and unpleasant realities (dead pets)

Love motivates. While kids might feel unloved for being asked to do dirty work, adults often do it out of love – for family, for community, for humanity. A willingness to do your share of cleaning up the mess is a test of maturity and a condition of membership in the human community.

12. The Wisdom of Grandparents and Simple Truths

"Perfect is what they want."

Grandparent perspective. Grandfathers shopping for toys reveal a desire for perfection, seeking unblemished, idealized dolls for their granddaughters. This reflects a common grandparental wish for their grandchildren's lives to be perfect, free from the messiness they've experienced.

Simple, enduring truths. The wisdom of grandparents often comes in simple, direct forms.

• The Greek grandmother teaching patience through coffee making: "God took seven days to make the world... she... takes exactly seven minutes... in the spirit of God."
• The Corsican grandfather using his grandson's charm to sell wine.
• The Crete grandfather selling raki disguised as soda.

Love and acceptance. Ultimately, the wisdom lies not in seeking perfection, but in love and acceptance. The story of the toad brother and the frog wife, whose enduring companionship and quiet love were recognized and celebrated by their children, shows that true fairy tales are built on real connection and shared life, not idealized perfection.

Last updated: May 11, 2025