It's Not Always Depression

1. The Change Triangle: A Map to Emotional Well-being

The Change Triangle is a map to move us out of our defenses and put us back in touch with our core emotions.

The Change Triangle is a powerful tool for understanding and navigating our emotional landscape. It consists of three corners:

1. Core Emotions (bottom)
2. Inhibitory Emotions (top right)
3. Defenses (top left)

The goal is to move from the top corners down to core emotions and ultimately to the openhearted state beneath the triangle. This journey involves:

• Recognizing and moving past defenses
• Calming inhibitory emotions
• Experiencing and processing core emotions

By working the Change Triangle, individuals can achieve greater emotional awareness, resilience, and overall well-being.

2. Core Emotions: The Foundation of Our Emotional Lives

Emotions are wired into us by eons of evolution. Their purpose is not to scare us and overwhelm us and make us afraid to lose control.

Core emotions are survival programs deeply embedded in our brains, designed to help us navigate life effectively. The seven universal core emotions are:

• Sadness
• Joy
• Anger
• Fear
• Disgust
• Excitement
• Sexual excitement

Key characteristics of core emotions:

• They function like on-off switches
• They are rooted in the body
• They provide valuable information about our environment
• They have specific action tendencies (e.g., fear prompts us to run or hide)

Understanding and accepting our core emotions is crucial for emotional health and authentic living.

3. Inhibitory Emotions: Anxiety, Shame, and Guilt as Emotional Blockers

Inhibitory emotions are a special set of emotions that block core emotions.

Anxiety, shame, and guilt serve as inhibitory emotions, often preventing us from fully experiencing our core emotions. They develop as a result of:

• Childhood experiences
• Cultural and societal expectations
• Traumatic events

Effects of inhibitory emotions:

• Block access to core emotions
• Maintain social connections (sometimes at a cost)
• Protect us from overwhelming feelings

To overcome inhibitory emotions:

1. Recognize them when they arise
2. Understand their origins
3. Work through them to access core emotions

By addressing inhibitory emotions, we can achieve greater emotional freedom and authenticity.

4. Defenses: Recognizing and Overcoming Protective Mechanisms

Defenses are brilliant and creative maneuvers the mind makes to spare us the pain and overwhelming sensations that emotions can cause.

Defenses are coping strategies developed to protect us from emotional pain. Common defenses include:

• Avoidance
• Intellectualization
• Humor
• Perfectionism
• Procrastination

While defenses can be adaptive in the short term, they often become problematic when overused or relied upon in situations where they're no longer necessary.

To work with defenses:

1. Identify your defensive patterns
2. Understand their original purpose
3. Develop alternative, healthier coping strategies
4. Gradually expose yourself to the emotions you've been avoiding

By recognizing and addressing our defenses, we can create space for more authentic emotional experiences and relationships.

5. Trauma and Attachment: Understanding Their Impact on Emotional Health

We are wired for connection—it is necessary for our survival that we care for one another.

Trauma and attachment experiences significantly influence our emotional well-being and relationships. Key concepts include:

• Big T trauma: Major catastrophic events (e.g., abuse, accidents)
• Small t trauma: Repeated, seemingly inconsequential events that accumulate over time
• Attachment styles: Secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized

Effects of trauma and insecure attachment:

• Difficulty regulating emotions
• Challenges in forming and maintaining relationships
• Increased risk of mental health issues

Healing from trauma and attachment wounds involves:

1. Recognizing the impact of past experiences
2. Processing stuck emotions
3. Developing secure relationships (including with oneself)
4. Practicing self-compassion and self-parenting

By addressing trauma and attachment issues, individuals can build more secure, fulfilling relationships and improve their overall emotional health.

6. The Openhearted State: Achieving Emotional Balance and Authenticity

The openhearted state partakes of both AEDP's core state and Internal Family System therapy's core Self.

The openhearted state represents emotional balance and authenticity. It is characterized by the "7 C's":

1. Calm
2. Curious
3. Connected
4. Compassionate
5. Confident
6. Courageous
7. Clear

In this state, individuals experience:

• A deep sense of peace and well-being
• Increased ability to handle life's challenges
• Greater connection to oneself and others
• Enhanced problem-solving and decision-making capabilities

Achieving the openhearted state involves:

• Processing core emotions
• Calming inhibitory emotions
• Moving past defenses
• Cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion

Regular practice in accessing the openhearted state can lead to lasting improvements in emotional well-being and overall life satisfaction.

7. Working the Change Triangle: A Lifelong Practice for Emotional Growth

Working the Change Triangle around and around again over a lifetime leads us back to this openhearted state with regularity.

Emotional growth is an ongoing process that requires consistent effort and practice. Working the Change Triangle involves:

1. Recognizing your current emotional state
2. Identifying which corner of the triangle you're on
3. Taking appropriate steps to move towards core emotions and the openhearted state

Key practices for working the Change Triangle:

• Regular self-reflection and emotional check-ins
• Developing mindfulness and body awareness
• Cultivating self-compassion
• Seeking support from trusted others or professionals when needed

Benefits of consistent practice:

• Increased emotional intelligence
• Greater resilience in facing life's challenges
• Improved relationships and communication
• Enhanced overall well-being and life satisfaction

By committing to the lifelong practice of working the Change Triangle, individuals can continue to grow, learn, and become more comfortable with themselves and their emotions throughout their lives.

Last updated: January 24, 2025