It's Not You, It's Biology.

1. Biology, Not Astrology, Explains the Battle of the Sexes

FORGET MARS AND VENUS. ASTROLOGY TELLS US NOTHING. BIOLOGY TELLS US EVERYTHING.

Sperm vs. Egg. The fundamental differences between men and women are rooted in the biological realities of sperm and egg production. Men produce vast quantities of sperm with minimal investment, while women invest significant time and energy in producing a single egg. This disparity shapes their reproductive strategies and desires.

Different Agendas. Men are optimized to spread their sperm as widely as possible, while women are optimized to choose a mate who can provide resources and protection for their offspring. This leads to inherent conflicts in relationships, with men often perceived as commitment-phobic and women as overly focused on the relationship's status.

Evolutionary Roots. These differing agendas are not the result of social conditioning but are deeply ingrained in our genes, shaped by the evolutionary pressures faced by our ancestors on the Pleistocene savanna. Understanding these biological roots can help us navigate the complexities of modern relationships with greater awareness and empathy.

2. Testicle Size Reveals Female Promiscuity

Fellahs, you may trust your wife, but your sperm don’t.

The Ball Barometer. The size of a male's testicles, relative to his body weight, is a reliable indicator of the level of promiscuity in the females of his species. Larger testicles indicate a higher degree of sperm competition, as males must produce more sperm to compete with rivals.

Chimps vs. Gorillas. Chimpanzees, with their highly promiscuous females, have enormous testicles. Gorillas, with their relatively monogamous females, have tiny testicles. Humans fall somewhere in between, suggesting a history of both monogamy and occasional extra-pair copulations.

Sneaky Women. The size of human testicles suggests that women in our ancestral past engaged in some degree of infidelity, despite the potential risks of discovery and punishment. This infidelity drove the evolution of larger testicles and more competitive sperm in men.

3. Women Want Resources, Men Want Fertility

A man is attracted to a woman’s ability to grow a baby inside her. A woman is attracted to a man’s ability to grow a baby outside him.

Beyond Physical Attraction. While men are primarily attracted to physical signs of fertility in women, such as youth, healthy skin, and a favorable waist-to-hip ratio, women are more attracted to signs of a man's ability to provide resources and protection. This includes ambition, industriousness, and social status.

Predictive Power. Women are not simply attracted to existing power but also to the potential for future power. They seek men who demonstrate the ambition and drive to rise in social hierarchies and secure resources for their offspring. This predictive ability is crucial, as women need a provider for many years.

Cultural Universality. Studies across diverse cultures consistently show that women rate prestige and earning power in a potential mate higher than men do. This preference transcends cultural boundaries and suggests a deeply ingrained evolutionary drive.

4. Commitment Fears Stem from Reproductive Strategies

Everybody’s emotions are structured to protect the great reproductive gift of their gender.

Reproductive Gifts. A woman's reproductive gift is her womb, while a man's is his ability to acquire resources. Each gender's emotions are structured to protect these gifts, leading to different fears and desires in relationships.

Commitment vs. Consummation. Women are often cautious about consummation because pregnancy means a significant investment of resources and limits their reproductive options. Men, on the other hand, may be afraid of commitment because it limits their ability to spread their sperm and potentially father more children.

Dual Mating Strategies. Both men and women inherit dual mating strategies: one focused on quantity (spreading genes) and the other on quality (raising offspring). This creates internal conflict and tension in relationships, as each partner grapples with competing desires.

5. Men Get Sex Through Attention, Women Through Competition

The attention of the tribe is a kind of psychic territory where we harvest the resources we cooperative apes need to survive.

Attention as Currency. In ancestral tribal societies, attention was a form of psychic territory, where individuals harvested the resources needed for survival. Men who commanded attention were seen as leaders and were more sexually attractive.

Fitness Indicators. Men attract women by displaying fitness indicators such as height, fame, wealth, body symmetry, and athleticism. However, the ability to spread ideas and influence others can also be a powerful aphrodisiac.

Catfight Gene. Women compete fiercely for access to high-status men, as a lifelong bond with a loyal provider increases the chances of survival for their offspring. This competition can manifest as "catfights" and a relentless pursuit of social standing.

6. The Jerk Gene: Balancing Quantity and Quality in Mating

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Quantity vs. Quality. Male animals often pursue a "quantity" strategy, inseminating as many females as possible and leaving the offspring to chance. However, some males adopt a "quality" strategy, investing in a few choice offspring and ensuring their survival.

The Jerk Gene. Men inherit two different kinds of sexual desire: one for pair-bonding and the other for sperm-spreading. This can lead to internal conflict and a tendency to view some women as potential wives and others as potential concubines.

Female Bind. Women face a different bind: they need to entice men with sexual behavior but also avoid being perceived as promiscuous, which could lower their chances of securing a long-term commitment. This creates a tension between attracting mates and maintaining respect.

7. Art and Status: The Bowerbird's Guide to Seduction

The greatest force in evolution is our turn-ons.

Art as Courtship. Art evolved as a form of courtship display, similar to the elaborate bowers built by male bowerbirds. Creative expression signals genetic fitness and attracts potential mates.

Sexual Selection. Sexual selection, the process by which organisms evolve traits to impress potential mates, is a powerful force in evolution. It can lead to the development of extravagant and seemingly pointless features, such as a peacock's tail or a bowerbird's architecture.

Brains as Fitness Indicators. Human intelligence and creativity serve as primary fitness indicators, signaling a potential mate's ability to provide resources, solve problems, and contribute to the community. This explains why artists and intellectuals are often seen as sexually attractive.

8. Male Promiscuity Dictates Physical Traits

the faithful sex looks drab, and the slutty sex looks fab.

Polygyny and Dimorphism. The degree of polygyny (males having multiple female partners) in a species is correlated with the size difference between males and females. More polygynous species tend to have larger, more ornamented males.

Human Dimorphism. Humans exhibit moderate sexual dimorphism, with males being slightly taller and heavier than females. This suggests a history of mild polygyny in our species.

Brains as Ornaments. Human intelligence is a primary fitness indicator, with both males and females competing for mates based on their cognitive abilities. However, subtle cognitive differences between the sexes, such as spatial reasoning and multitasking, also play a role in attraction.

9. Concealed Ovulation: The Root of Coyness and Confusion

Female Homo sapiens evolved sexual mystery to keep males enticed and more liable to form lasting attachments.

Estrus vs. Concealed Ovulation. Most female mammals go into estrus, signaling their fertility with obvious physical and behavioral changes. Human females, however, have concealed ovulation, making it difficult for males to detect their fertile periods.

Bonding Through Sex. The lack of estrus in human females led to the evolution of year-round sexual receptivity, which in turn promoted pair-bonding and increased male investment in offspring. Sex became more about bonding than procreation.

Coyness and Cluelessness. Concealed ovulation contributes to the legendary coyness of women and the cluelessness of men. Men struggle to decipher female desires, while women use their sexual mystery to maintain male interest and secure commitment.

10. Perversion Preserves Pair-Bonds

The purpose of human perversion is not procreation. The purpose of human perversion is to preserve marriage.

Runaway Sexual Selection. Year-round sexual receptivity in females and year-round horniness in males created a runaway feedback loop in human sexual selection, leading to the development of superfluous erogenous zones and elaborate courtship rituals.

Sexuality vs. Sex. Human sexuality became more emphasized than sex, with flirtation and foreplay taking on greater importance. This is because human sex serves primarily to bond and maintain relationships, rather than simply to procreate.

Perversion as Preservation. The diverse range of human sexual practices, often considered "perversions," evolved to ensure that males baby-sit. By making sex more enjoyable and varied, evolution incentivized men to stay committed to their partners and offspring.

11. Kindness is Sexy, and Popularity is Key

The greatest force in evolution is our turn-ons.

Altruism and Attraction. As hominids evolved to rely on cooperation and communication for survival, kindness and altruism became sexually attractive traits. Responsible citizenship signaled reproductive fitness.

Brains and Hearts. The evolution of intelligence and empathy as primary fitness indicators led to the development of big brains and big hearts in humans. Both men and women were attracted to these qualities in potential mates.

Kindness Across Cultures. Studies across diverse cultures consistently show that "kindness" is rated as one of the most attractive qualities in a potential mate by both men and women. This suggests a universal human preference for compassion and empathy.

12. Love is a Biological Trick

To preserve the family. Our oversized penises and breasts and myriad perversions evolved to ensure that males baby-sit.

The Market Decides. Women are not worried about sperm shortages. They’re worried about dependable piggybackers. It’s the men who are worried about the limited number of eggs in the world.

The Power of Female Choice. Female choice has been a driving force in human evolution, shaping male bodies and behaviors to meet women's desires. This has led to the development of traits such as intelligence, kindness, and a willingness to invest in offspring.

The Illusion of Control. Our emotions, particularly love, are often structured by our genes to serve reproductive goals. While we may feel like we are making conscious choices, our desires are often driven by ancient instincts and evolutionary pressures.

Last updated: April 5, 2025