Losing Ourselves

1. The self is an illusion, but persons are real

To be a person is to play a role; the person you are is constituted by the multiple roles you play, including family roles, professional roles, roles in networks of friends, and political roles.

The self is a cognitive illusion. We instinctively believe we have an enduring, independent self that is the subject of our experiences and the agent of our actions. However, careful philosophical and scientific investigation reveals this self to be an illusion. There is no unified, unchanging essence at our core.

Persons are real, but conventionally constructed. While the self is illusory, persons are real in a conventional sense. A person is not a substantial entity, but rather a collection of physical and mental processes that cohere into a causally connected continuum. Persons are constituted by their roles and relationships in social contexts.

The self illusion involves believing in:

• A unitary, unchanging essence
• An independent subject/agent
• Something that stands apart from experience
  Persons are characterized by:
• Constantly changing physical and mental processes
• Interdependence with others and environment
• Conventional identity constituted by social roles

2. We are not selves, but interdependent, socially constructed persons

We are not isolated individuals who happen to choose to live together; we are social animals who only become the individuals we do in social contexts that scaffold our flourishing.

We are fundamentally social beings. Humans are an ultrasocial species, biologically programmed for complex social interactions and language use. Our cognitive capacities and sense of self develop through interactions with others from infancy onward.

Our identities emerge through social construction. The specific persons we become are shaped by the social, cultural, and linguistic contexts in which we develop. Our preferences, goals, and ways of thinking are deeply influenced by our social environments. Even our biology is subject to selection pressures from our socially constructed niches.

Key aspects of our social construction:

• Language shapes thought and self-understanding
• Cultural norms and practices mold behavior and values
• Social roles define identity
• Collective narratives give meaning to our lives
  Biological, psychological, and social levels interact:
• Biology enables sociality
• Social structures shape psychology
• Psychology influences biological evolution

3. Personhood emerges through second-person interactions

To understand ourselves as persons is to understand ourselves as members of communities of persons, and therefore to recognize others as persons as well.

Self-awareness develops through interactions. From infancy, our sense of self emerges through dyadic interactions with caregivers. We first become aware of ourselves as the objects of others' attention and intentions, before developing explicit self-consciousness.

Adult subjectivity is inherently intersubjective. Our mature sense of self and others is mediated by language and social norms. We understand ourselves and others through a process of mutual interpretation governed by shared conventions. Our identities as persons are constituted through participation in linguistic and social practices.

Stages of self-awareness development:

1. Infant-caregiver dyadic interactions
2. Recognition of others' intentions and attention
3. Language acquisition and norm internalization
4. Adult intersubjective self-understanding
   Key aspects of intersubjective personhood:

• Mutual recognition as addressors/addressees
• Shared norms enabling interpretation
• Socially constituted roles and identities

4. Selflessness enables spontaneity and skillful living

When performing as a virtuoso, one is in what psychologists call a "flow" state. In such a state, one experiences one's action as spontaneous, not as planned or calculated; one's own body, cognitive states, and the objects around one are not objects of reflective awareness, even though in these moments one is perhaps more closely perceptually attuned to the world and to one's own actions than at any other time.

Self-consciousness impedes expert performance. When we are overly focused on ourselves as subjects, it interferes with fluid, skillful engagement with tasks. Novices benefit from self-monitoring, but experts perform best when self-awareness recedes and they become fully immersed in activity.

Nondual awareness enables spontaneous action. In states of flow or expert performance, the sense of a distinct self operating on external objects disappears. Instead, there is a nondual integration of agent, action, and environment. This allows for more fluid, responsive, and effective engagement.

Characteristics of expert/flow states:

• Absence of explicit self-awareness
• Nondual integration of subject and object
• Heightened attunement to task and environment
• Fluid, spontaneous responsiveness
  Benefits of selfless engagement:
• Enhanced performance and skill
• Greater enjoyment and meaning
• Reduced anxiety and self-consciousness

5. The self illusion distorts our moral landscape

When we see the world this way, moral interest tracks location in relation to ourselves. We take pride of place not only as those whose interests we take to be paramount, but also as those on whom the moral value of everyone else depends. We are each the points of origin of our own moral universes.

Belief in a self promotes egocentrism. When we view ourselves as independent selves, it fosters a self-centered moral perspective. We tend to prioritize our own interests and view others' moral worth in terms of their relation to us.

Egocentrism undermines impartial moral reasoning. This self-centered view conflicts with core ethical principles like impartiality and universal concern. It makes it difficult to consider others' interests as equally important to our own or to adopt an impartial moral point of view.

Problematic aspects of egocentric morality:

• Prioritizing self-interest over impartial good
• Valuing others based on relationship to self
• Difficulty adopting impartial moral perspective
  Ethical principles challenged by egocentrism:
• Impartiality
• Universal concern
• Equal consideration of interests
• Objectivity in moral reasoning

6. Abandoning the self leads to ethical cultivation

To see ourselves as interacting persons allows us to consider the causes and reasons for our own behavior and attitudes, as well as those of others, and encourages us to resolve problems rather than to recriminate, to ameliorate situations rather than to punish, and to cultivate attitudes that make everyone more effective and happy.

Recognizing interdependence fosters empathy. When we understand ourselves as interdependent persons rather than independent selves, it becomes easier to empathize with others and consider their perspectives. We recognize our shared participation in social contexts.

Selflessness promotes ethical attitudes. Buddhist ethics emphasizes cultivating attitudes like friendliness, care, sympathetic joy, and impartiality. These attitudes naturally arise when we abandon the illusion of an independent self and recognize our interdependence with others.

Ethical attitudes fostered by selflessness:

1. Friendliness: Wishing well for others' sake
2. Care: Acting to alleviate others' suffering
3. Sympathetic joy: Taking pleasure in others' success
4. Impartiality: Extending equal concern to all
   Benefits of selfless ethical perspective:

• Increased empathy and compassion
• Reduced blame and punishment
• Focus on problem-solving and situational improvement
• Greater concern for collective flourishing

7. Our lives have meaning as selfless persons in a shared world

To see ourselves as persons rather than as selves allows us a richer, more nuanced understanding of who we are, of how we become who we are, and of the importance of our development and social context to our identity.

Meaning emerges through social participation. Our lives gain meaning not through the realization of an independent self, but through our participation in shared social practices, narratives, and relationships. We find purpose by playing our roles in a collective human drama.

Selflessness enables fuller engagement with life. Abandoning the self illusion allows for a more direct, spontaneous engagement with the world and others. We can more fully inhabit our roles and relationships without the constant self-conscious monitoring that the self illusion promotes.

Sources of meaning in selfless personhood:

• Participation in shared social practices
• Fulfillment of social roles and responsibilities
• Contribution to collective narratives and projects
• Direct, spontaneous engagement with life
  Contrasts with self-centered meaning:
• Not about individual achievement or self-realization
• Meaning found in interdependence, not independence
• Focus on contribution and participation, not personal gain
• Embracing change and impermanence, not fixed identity

Last updated: May 21, 2025