Magic Words

1. "Yes" is the most powerful word for building rapport and influence

"Yes" bridges conflict, fosters admiration, creates shared experience, and offers acceptance.

The power of agreement. Saying "yes" early in an interaction eases tension, creates rapport, and opens minds. It's not about always agreeing, but finding common ground to build upon. The brain creates deep associations between "yes" and positivity, optimism, and confidence.

Techniques for more "yeses":

• Aim for at least three "little yeses" early in a conversation
• Use tag questions to encourage agreement
• Respond to positive statements with "yes, and..." to build momentum
• Avoid "disappearing negatives" that negate your message

2. "But" can erase or enhance ideas, use it strategically

The But Effect has two halves: the But Eraser and the But Enhancer.

The But Effect. In any sentence, anything that comes after "but" is perceived as more important than what comes before it. This can be used to erase negative thoughts or enhance positive ones.

Strategic use of "but":

• Place the part you want people to remember after "but"
• Use "but" to erase bad feelings from people's subconscious
• Replace "but" with "and" to link ideas without diminishing either
• Try the "But Cause-and-Effect" formula: "[Cause], but you may [Effect]"

3. "Because" satisfies our need for causality and motivates action

The brain only wants to feel like it understands the cause. It doesn't actually have to understand the cause.

Our craving for reasons. The word "because" satisfies the brain's need for a link between cause and effect. This makes it a powerful tool for motivation and persuasion, even when the reason given isn't particularly strong or logical.

Levels of motivation:

1. Need to
2. Have to
3. Want to
4. Choose to
5. Love to
6. Called to

The most effective motivators tap into the deeper levels of "love to" and "called to," which create intrinsic motivation.

4. Using someone's name commands attention and builds connection

A person's name is so important to them that the letters it contains (especially the first initial) can actually have a significant influence on many of the choices that person makes.

The power of a name. Hearing one's name triggers a unique brain response, commanding attention and creating a sense of importance. This makes it a valuable tool for building rapport and influencing others.

Strategies for using names effectively:

• Use names to interrupt negative patterns or regain control in heated situations
• Combine name use with other techniques like the "pattern interrupt"
• Learn and practice techniques to never forget a name again
• Create "name-pictures" to associate names with memorable images

5. "If" unlocks imagination and overcomes resistance

The magic behind "if" lies in its ability to engage the imagination.

Overcoming resistance. The word "if" creates hypothetical scenarios that bypass psychological resistance. It allows people to consider ideas without feeling pressured or threatened.

Ways to leverage "if":

• Use "if" to help people overcome the feeling of "can't"
• Ask "What would you say if you did know?" to encourage problem-solving
• Use the "magic wand" technique: "If I had a magic wand and could make anything happen..."
• Be cautious with "if/then" statements, which can create extrinsic motivation

6. Asking for "Help" fosters engagement and interdependence

The magic word "help" fosters engagement and interdependence in those who hear it.

The power of vulnerability. Asking for help creates connection and makes people feel valued. It shifts the dynamic from a transactional relationship to a collaborative one.

Chloe's Three Laws of Delegation:

1. If they ask for the task, give it to them
2. Allow people to fail safely
3. Bring people problems, not solutions

These principles promote engagement, learning, and ownership of tasks.

7. Expressing "Thanks" cultivates gratitude and strengthens relationships

Of all the crimes that human creatures are capable of committing, the most horrid and unnatural is ingratitude.

The impact of appreciation. Expressing gratitude is not just common courtesy; it's a powerful tool for building strong relationships and motivating others. Lack of appreciation is a major reason people leave jobs or become disengaged.

Cultivating gratitude:

• Make expressing thanks a daily habit, like Howard Thurston's pre-show mantra
• Send personalized thank-you notes to customers or team members
• Recognize that gratitude benefits both the giver and the receiver
• Use gratitude to stand out in a world where many neglect to show appreciation

Last updated: September 16, 2024