Melania and Me

1. An Unlikely Friendship: From Vogue Hallways to Trump Tower Penthouse.

When I met Melania Knauss in 2003, we were both thirty-two years old and walking the hallways of Vogue.

Bonding over differences. The author, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, a busy working mother and former Vogue events director, formed a close friendship with Melania Knauss (later Trump), a private, confident model. Their contrasting personalities, life philosophies (Melania's emotional control vs. Stephanie's expression), and approaches to self-care and careers initially drew them together.

Shared confidences. Despite their differences, they bonded over common ground as women, daughters, and mothers. Melania offered Stephanie commonsense advice on marriage and life, while Stephanie provided a listening ear for Melania, who rarely shared her inner world with others. Their friendship was built on trust and mutual support, often over private lunches.

A "come to me" person. Melania preferred hosting at her Trump Tower penthouse or meeting at select restaurants, rarely venturing to others' homes. Their interactions were often intimate, filled with laughter and serious conversations, creating a sense of exclusivity and deep connection for Stephanie.

2. The Making of a First Lady: A Carefully Crafted Image for the Spotlight.

No, I take it back. A star was made.

Strategic image building. Melania's public image was meticulously crafted, notably with the help of Vogue editor André Leon Talley and the author, transforming her from a "pretty young woman" into a "transcendent, high fashion, editorial worthy" figure ready for the spotlight. This makeover was strategically timed with Donald Trump's rising media profile.

Met Gala engagement stunt. Donald Trump used the 2004 Met Gala, a major fashion event produced by the author, as a stage to announce his engagement to Melania. This highly public moment, complete with a large diamond ring and coordinated press coverage, was orchestrated for maximum publicity, leveraging the fashion world's most iconic event.

Vogue covers and public persona. Melania's appearance on the cover of Vogue in 2005, featuring her lavish wedding gown, solidified her status as a public figure. Subsequent appearances, like the Annie Leibovitz photo shoot while pregnant, continued to build her brand, positioning her as the glamorous, supportive partner to the reality TV star and businessman.

3. Campaign Controversies: Melania's Distance and the Fallout from Donald's Words.

“Nope! He is who he is. I told him that if he ran for president, he had to be ready for everything to be opened up and exposed. His whole life.”

Unfazed by scandal. Melania maintained a surprising level of composure and distance during Donald Trump's controversial 2016 presidential campaign. She reacted to major scandals like the "Access Hollywood" tape and nude photo leaks with pragmatism, stating "He is who he is" and that she had a "thick skin," seemingly unfazed by public outrage.

Parallel realities. While Donald crisscrossed the country holding rallies, Melania largely remained at Trump Tower or other residences, focusing on their son, Barron. Her texts and conversations with the author rarely mentioned campaign specifics, creating a sense of living in a "parallel reality" separate from the political storm.

Protecting her image. Despite her public distance, Melania was concerned about her portrayal in the media and enlisted the author to speak to reporters, providing specific talking points to shape the narrative. She wanted to be seen as a devoted mother and wife, not actively involved in the campaign's political fray.

4. The Inauguration Debacle: Chaos, Competing Agendas, and Unseen Costs.

I hadn’t the first clue what I was getting myself into.

Recruitment and initial scope. The author was asked by Melania and Ivanka Trump to help plan the 58th Presidential Inauguration, initially believing she would oversee a few key events. This request, framed as a patriotic duty and an honor, quickly expanded into managing numerous events with little information, budget, or staff support.

Disorganization and lack of transparency. The planning process was marked by extreme disorganization, lack of communication from the Presidential Inaugural Committee (PIC) staff, and questionable financial practices. The author struggled to obtain basic information like past budgets, vendor contracts, and event logistics, leading to constant frustration and a feeling of being deliberately kept in the dark.

Budget controversies and vendor issues. Significant concerns arose regarding inflated budgets and the selection of vendors, particularly Hargrove, the main events company. The author questioned exorbitant costs and lack of transparency, feeling caught between the PIC's financial decisions and the need to deliver high-quality events, ultimately leading to conflicts and staff changes within the PIC.

5. Ivanka vs. Melania: A Relentless Battle for Influence and Office Space.

“Who?” Melania said. “You mean Princess?!”

Competing for attention. A clear rivalry existed between Melania and her stepdaughter, Ivanka Trump, who actively sought to position herself as a prominent female figure in the administration. Ivanka frequently inserted herself into Melania's events, requested seating priority, and sought media attention, often seemingly at Melania's expense.

Usurping roles and resources. Ivanka attempted to take credit for the author's involvement in the inauguration and later sought to claim office space in the East Wing, traditionally the First Lady's domain. She also tried to co-opt Melania's planned events and initiatives, leveraging her influence with West Wing staff to gain access and control.

Behind-the-scenes maneuvering. Ivanka and her team, including Rick Gates and later Stephanie Grisham, appeared to work behind the scenes to undermine Melania's efforts, control information flow, and potentially sabotage her public image, as suggested by the handling of Melania's convention speech and the "Finding Dory" incident.

6. East Wing Struggles: Understaffed, Undermined, and Isolated.

Basically, the First Lady got what she got, and she’d have to wait until April for the new budget to even think about hiring anyone else.

Delayed move and limited resources. Melania's decision to remain in New York initially left the East Wing largely empty and understaffed. The First Lady's office was allocated minimal budget and few senior-level positions, making it incredibly difficult to hire qualified staff compared to the well-funded West Wing.

West Wing interference. The West Wing, including figures like Katie Walsh, Reince Priebus, and Joe Hagin, exerted significant control over the East Wing's operations, budget, staffing, and even Melania's schedule. They often ignored Melania's requests, delayed approvals, and seemed to actively thwart efforts to build her team and launch initiatives.

Lack of access and communication. The author, despite being Melania's top advisor, faced constant hurdles with security access, government email, and secure phones, hindering her ability to perform her duties effectively. Information was often withheld or filtered, creating an environment of distrust and isolation within the White House.

7. The Initiative: Building 'Be Best' Amidst Internal Resistance.

We declared, “Let’s make America care again, especially for America’s most valuable asset and our collective brighter future: our children.”

Developing a platform. The author worked closely with Melania and external experts, including those from Yale, to develop a comprehensive initiative focused on children's well-being, encompassing emotional intelligence, social media safety, and the opioid crisis. This platform, eventually named "Be Best," aimed to teach children how to express feelings and build resilience.

Contradiction with presidential behavior. A major challenge was the stark contrast between the initiative's message of kindness and empathy and President Trump's public behavior, particularly his use of social media for bullying. This created an inherent conflict that made the initiative vulnerable to criticism and mockery.

Internal roadblocks. Despite Melania's stated passion for the initiative, its development faced resistance and lack of support from within the White House. Staffing issues, budget constraints, and interference from other factions, particularly Ivanka's team, hindered progress and made the launch process incredibly difficult.

8. Personal Sacrifice: Health Crisis and the Toll of Unpaid Loyalty.

I was physically and emotionally devastated and needed time to heal.

Working without compensation. The author dedicated months to working for Melania, first on the inauguration and then in the East Wing, without a salary or formal contract for a significant period. She covered expenses out-of-pocket and gave up her own career opportunities to support Melania.

Physical and emotional toll. The immense stress, long hours, constant travel, and lack of support led to a severe health crisis for the author, resulting in multiple spinal surgeries and a lengthy recovery. This physical breakdown was a direct consequence of the demands and pressures of her role.

Unacknowledged contributions. Despite her significant efforts and personal sacrifices, the author's role and contributions were often downplayed or ignored by the White House. Her attempts to gain formal recognition and necessary resources were met with resistance, leaving her feeling undervalued and exposed.

9. The PIC Controversy: Becoming the Scapegoat for Inaugural Spending.

With those ten words, life as I knew it ended.

The New York Times article. A New York Times article published in February 2018 reported that the Presidential Inaugural Committee (PIC) paid $26 million to the author's firm, WIS Media Partners. The headline and content implied personal enrichment and cronyism, linking the payment directly to her friendship with Melania.

Misinformation and deflection. The article contained significant inaccuracies regarding the author's personal compensation, the scope of her firm's work (which included subcontracting millions to other production companies), and her role in the PIC's financial decisions. The author believed this narrative was deliberately crafted to deflect attention from broader questions about the PIC's overall spending and lack of financial transparency.

Damage to reputation. The article and subsequent media coverage severely damaged the author's professional reputation, built over decades in the events and media industries. She became publicly associated with Trumpian corruption, facing widespread criticism and isolation despite her efforts to clarify the facts.

10. The Ultimate Betrayal: Melania's Silence and the End of a Friendship.

When it really counted, Melania wasn’t there for me. She wasn’t really my friend.

Lack of defense. Following the damaging New York Times article, Melania Trump remained largely silent and did not publicly defend the author or clarify her role and compensation. Despite the author's pleas for her to speak the truth, Melania cited legal advice preventing her from commenting on PIC finances.

Termination of contract. The author's gratuitous service agreement was abruptly terminated by the White House counsel's office shortly after the article's publication, framed as a global decision to end such contracts. However, the timing and context led the author to believe she was being fired due to the controversy, further solidifying the public perception of wrongdoing.

Realization of betrayal. The lack of support, the perceived deliberate misinformation from the White House, and the termination of her role led the author to the painful conclusion that her friendship with Melania was not as deep or reciprocal as she had believed. She felt betrayed and used, realizing the immense personal cost of her loyalty.

Last updated: May 6, 2025