Modern Manhood

1. Navigating Modern Manhood: Embrace Thoughtful Self-Reflection

For those trying to leave the world a better place than they found it.

Redefining masculinity. Modern manhood requires a critical examination of traditional norms and expectations. Men are encouraged to move beyond outdated archetypes and embrace a more thoughtful, empathetic, and proactive approach to their roles in society. This involves questioning ingrained beliefs about gender, power, and relationships.

Challenging societal norms. The book encourages men to challenge the "Man Box" culture, which prescribes a narrow set of qualities for men to embody, such as dominance, stoicism, and emotional repression. By breaking free from these constraints, men can develop a more authentic and fulfilling sense of self. This shift also involves recognizing and addressing the ways in which societal norms perpetuate inequality and harm.

Personal responsibility. The author emphasizes the importance of personal responsibility in creating a more equitable world. This includes acknowledging one's own biases, taking ownership of past mistakes, and actively working to promote positive change in personal and professional relationships. It's about moving beyond defensiveness and embracing a commitment to continuous self-improvement.

2. Dating in the #MeToo Era: Consent, Communication, and Shifting Gender Roles

I feel as though #MeToo created a more consensual culture. You can be super old school and bemoan it. But in this new world, people get to speak up and ask for what they really want.

Redefining courtship. Dating in the post-#MeToo era requires a reevaluation of traditional courtship rituals and gender roles. The book challenges the notion of men as the sole pursuers and encourages women to take initiative and express their desires openly. This shift necessitates clear communication, active listening, and a mutual respect for boundaries.

Navigating consent. Consent is not merely the absence of "no," but an enthusiastic and ongoing agreement. Men are encouraged to be mindful of nonverbal cues, check in with their partners, and create a safe space for open communication about desires and boundaries. This involves moving beyond a focus on personal gratification and prioritizing mutual pleasure and respect.

Challenging financial expectations. The book addresses the question of who pays for dates in a world striving for equality. It encourages couples to have open conversations about their financial situations and values, and to find arrangements that feel fair and equitable. This may involve splitting costs, taking turns paying, or considering the gender pay gap.

3. Sex and Relationships: Beyond Hookup Culture, Prioritize Empathy and Mutual Pleasure

You cannot have sex with every vagina the way you had sex with the last vagina.

Moving beyond transactional sex. The book challenges the notion of sex as a performance or a conquest, and encourages readers to prioritize empathy, communication, and mutual pleasure. This involves shifting the focus from personal gratification to creating a shared experience that is enjoyable and fulfilling for all involved.

Deconstructing gendered expectations. The book challenges the idea that women are the gatekeepers of sex and that men are always "ready to go." It encourages readers to recognize that both men and women have diverse desires and needs, and that open communication is essential for navigating these differences. This involves moving beyond traditional gender roles and embracing a more fluid and inclusive understanding of sexuality.

Addressing past mistakes. The book acknowledges that everyone makes mistakes in their sexual lives, and encourages readers to take ownership of their actions, apologize for any harm caused, and learn from their experiences. This involves seeking redemption, doing the work to understand the root causes of harmful behavior, and committing to doing better in the future.

4. Workplace Dynamics: Redefining Masculinity and Promoting Equity

Any workplace that lacks gender diversity is going to have #MeToo issues.

Challenging traditional power structures. The book examines the ways in which traditional power structures in the workplace can contribute to harassment and inequality. It encourages men to be mindful of their privilege, to challenge sexist behavior, and to actively promote diversity and inclusion. This involves recognizing that the workplace was not originally designed for women and that changes are needed to create a more equitable environment.

Mentorship and allyship. The book addresses the fear that #MeToo has made men hesitant to mentor women. It emphasizes the importance of male mentorship for women's career advancement and provides practical advice for navigating these relationships in a respectful and ethical manner. This involves setting clear boundaries, maintaining professional communication, and creating a culture of transparency and accountability.

Promoting open communication. The book encourages men to be more open and communicative about their concerns and anxieties in the workplace. This involves creating a safe space for dialogue, asking for clarification when unsure, and challenging the notion that men must always be strong and stoic. It's about fostering a culture of trust and mutual respect where everyone feels comfortable speaking up.

5. Money and Relationships: Challenging Traditional Roles and Embracing Financial Feminism

The new survival mechanism is to have money.

Deconstructing financial expectations. The book challenges traditional gender roles related to money and relationships. It encourages men to move beyond the idea of being the sole provider and to embrace a more equitable and collaborative approach to finances. This involves recognizing the value of women's contributions, both financial and non-financial, and challenging the gender pay gap.

Embracing financial feminism. The book introduces the concept of financial feminism, which emphasizes the importance of women's financial independence and empowerment. It encourages men to support their partners' career goals, to share financial responsibilities, and to challenge the societal norms that perpetuate financial inequality. This involves recognizing that financial security is a key ingredient in women's liberation.

Open communication about finances. The book emphasizes the importance of open and honest communication about finances in relationships. This involves discussing financial goals, anxieties, and values, and creating a shared plan for managing money. It's about building a team mentality and working together to achieve financial security and well-being.

6. Parenting Sons: Fostering Emotional Intelligence and Respect

We lack coming-of-age rituals for men and, because we don’t have them, we go into the world confused about how to be.

Redefining masculinity for the next generation. The book explores the challenges of raising sons in a world where traditional notions of masculinity are being questioned. It encourages parents to move beyond outdated stereotypes and to foster emotional intelligence, empathy, and respect in their sons. This involves creating a safe space for boys to express their feelings, challenge gender norms, and develop a healthy sense of self.

Teaching consent and respect. The book emphasizes the importance of teaching consent and respect from an early age. This involves promoting bodily autonomy, encouraging open communication about boundaries, and challenging the notion that boys are entitled to anything from girls. It's about fostering a culture of empathy and mutual respect where everyone feels safe and valued.

Modeling healthy relationships. The book encourages parents to model healthy relationships in their own lives. This involves demonstrating respect, communication, and equality in their interactions with their partners, friends, and family members. It's about showing sons what it means to be a good partner, a good friend, and a good human being.

7. Male Friendships: Cultivating Vulnerability and Authentic Connection

Depth of relationship or depth of friendship is equal to time multiplied by vulnerability.

Challenging traditional male bonding. The book examines the ways in which traditional male bonding rituals can perpetuate harmful stereotypes and behaviors. It encourages men to move beyond "locker room talk" and to cultivate more authentic and meaningful connections with their male friends. This involves challenging sexist jokes, promoting open communication, and creating a safe space for vulnerability.

Building emotional intimacy. The book provides practical advice for building emotional intimacy in male friendships. This includes admitting discomfort, sharing personal experiences, and actively listening to each other's concerns. It's about creating a support network where men feel comfortable expressing their feelings, seeking help, and being their true selves.

Learning from female friendships. The book encourages men to learn from the ways in which women cultivate friendships. This involves recognizing the value of emotional support, empathy, and vulnerability, and incorporating these qualities into their own relationships. It's about expanding the definition of friendship and creating a more inclusive and supportive community for all.

8. Self-Care and Mental Health: Prioritizing Well-being and Seeking Support

Men are bad at self-care. They won’t go to the doctor for physical needs so forget emotional needs.

Challenging the stigma around mental health. The book addresses the stigma that often prevents men from seeking help for mental health issues. It encourages readers to recognize that mental health is just as important as physical health and to prioritize their well-being. This involves challenging the notion that men must always be strong and self-reliant, and embracing vulnerability as a sign of strength.

Finding healthy coping mechanisms. The book provides practical advice for managing stress, anxiety, and depression. This includes engaging in physical activity, practicing mindfulness, connecting with nature, and seeking professional help when needed. It's about finding healthy coping mechanisms that promote emotional well-being and prevent "deaths of despair."

Redefining self-care. The book encourages men to redefine self-care in a way that resonates with their values and interests. This may involve reframing self-care as "life hacking" or focusing on activities that promote productivity and performance. It's about finding ways to prioritize well-being without sacrificing masculinity.

9. Media Consumption: Critically Evaluating Content and Supporting Ethical Creators

I think it’s impossible to be a purist about these things. But I also think saying, ‘Well, we can’t be a purist, so why bother thinking about it at all’ is a cop-out. It’s a spineless cop-out.

Recognizing the influence of media. The book examines the ways in which media can shape our perceptions of gender, power, and relationships. It encourages readers to be critical consumers of media and to recognize the potential for harmful stereotypes and messages. This involves questioning the narratives we consume and seeking out diverse and inclusive perspectives.

Supporting ethical creators. The book encourages readers to support artists and creators who align with their values. This may involve choosing to watch films and TV shows that promote positive representations of women and minorities, or supporting musicians who challenge harmful stereotypes in their lyrics. It's about using our purchasing power to promote a more equitable and just media landscape.

Navigating problematic content. The book acknowledges the difficulty of separating art from the artist when the artist has engaged in harmful behavior. It encourages readers to grapple with these ethical dilemmas and to make informed decisions about what content they choose to consume. This involves considering the impact of our choices on survivors and the potential for perpetuating harm.

Last updated: March 29, 2025