Never Stop Walking

1. A childhood split between two worlds: Brazilian streets and Swedish suburbs

"I have been so mad at Camile for not running faster, for not being speedier. I know it doesn't make sense to be mad at her for that. What happened certainly wasn't her fault or mine, but I was the one who ran faster, and I was the one who survived."

Survival on the streets. Christina's early years in Brazil were marked by extreme poverty, violence, and constant struggle for survival. She lived in caves, begged on the streets, and faced daily dangers such as police brutality and gang violence. Her experiences included:

• Scavenging for food in dumpsters
• Making improvised weapons for self-defense
• Developing street smarts to avoid dangerous situations
• Forming tight bonds with other street children for protection and companionship

Transition to Sweden. At age eight, Christina was adopted by a Swedish couple, thrusting her into a completely different world. This abrupt change brought new challenges:

• Learning a new language and cultural norms
• Adapting to a structured family life and formal education
• Dealing with the emotional trauma of separation from her biological mother and brother
• Navigating racial and cultural differences in a predominantly white community

2. The power of adaptability and resilience in extreme circumstances

"I wasn't going to let anyone see how scared I was, and I was scared out of my wits!"

Survival mechanisms. Christina developed a remarkable ability to adapt to her ever-changing circumstances, which proved crucial for her survival and later success. Key adaptations included:

• Learning to read people's intentions quickly
• Developing a tough exterior to mask vulnerability
• Quickly picking up new languages and social norms
• Compartmentalizing traumatic experiences to function in daily life

Overcoming adversity. Despite the immense challenges she faced, Christina demonstrated incredible resilience throughout her life:

• Persevering through physical and emotional hardships on the streets
• Adjusting to a completely new culture and family dynamic in Sweden
• Confronting and processing childhood trauma as an adult
• Using her experiences to fuel personal growth and help others

3. The impact of love and friendship in overcoming trauma and loss

"Camile was a very special girl. She was what I would now call an old soul. Talking to her was sometimes like talking to a grown-up."

Bonds forged in hardship. Christina's relationships with key figures in her life provided crucial support and emotional anchors:

• Camile: Her first true friend on the streets, offering companionship and wisdom
• Petronilia (biological mother): Providing love and protection despite difficult circumstances
• Lili-ann (adoptive mother): Offering stability and unconditional love in Sweden

The healing power of connection. These relationships played a vital role in Christina's ability to process her trauma and find hope:

• Sharing stories and experiences with Camile helped make sense of their harsh reality
• The memory of her biological mother's love sustained her through difficult times
• Her adoptive mother's patience and understanding helped her adjust to life in Sweden

4. Navigating cultural identity and belonging across continents

"I have no idea if I'll feel at home when I step off this plane. But since I decided to return, memories have been coming back to me stronger and stronger."

Straddling two worlds. Christina's unique background left her grappling with questions of identity and belonging:

• Feeling like an outsider in both Brazil and Sweden
• Struggling to reconcile her past experiences with her new life
• Facing discrimination and misunderstanding in her adopted country

Finding balance. Over time, Christina learned to embrace her dual identity:

• Recognizing the strengths and perspectives gained from both cultures
• Using her experiences to bridge cultural gaps and promote understanding
• Embracing the complexity of her identity rather than trying to fit into a single mold

5. The complexities of family relationships and the search for biological roots

"I've wondered who my biological father is, but I've never felt that knowing his identity mattered. He was never there. That was normal for me."

Redefining family. Christina's experiences challenged traditional notions of family:

• Forming familial bonds with other street children for survival
• Adapting to a new family structure with her adoptive parents
• Maintaining a connection to her biological mother and brother despite separation

The search for origins. As an adult, Christina embarked on a journey to reconnect with her biological family:

• Overcoming fears and uncertainties about what she might discover
• Navigating complex emotions upon reuniting with her biological mother
• Reconciling her childhood memories with the reality of her mother's mental illness

6. Confronting painful memories and reconciling with the past

"I lay awake for a long time and prayed to God to make my mother happy and to let us out of the police station. In my powerlessness, that was the only thing I could do."

Unearthing buried trauma. As an adult, Christina had to confront the painful memories of her childhood:

• Reliving experiences of violence, hunger, and loss
• Facing the guilt and confusion surrounding her separation from her biological family
• Acknowledging the long-term impact of childhood trauma on her adult life

The healing process. Christina's journey of reconciliation involved:

• Seeking therapy and support to process her experiences
• Writing about her past as a means of understanding and healing
• Returning to Brazil to confront her memories and reconnect with her roots
• Finding ways to forgive herself and others for past events

7. Finding strength and purpose through adversity

"I realize that I'm almost the same age Mamãe was when she had me. If I have children, what are the odds that they could inherit this? What if I get sick, too?"

Turning pain into purpose. Christina's experiences shaped her into a resilient and compassionate individual:

• Using her story to raise awareness about street children and poverty
• Advocating for better support systems for adoptees and their families
• Inspiring others with her message of hope and resilience

Ongoing growth and self-discovery. Christina's journey of healing and self-improvement continues:

• Confronting fears about her own mental health and potential genetic predispositions
• Balancing her desire to help others with her own need for self-care
• Embracing the ongoing process of integrating her past experiences with her present life

By sharing her story, Christina not only finds personal healing but also creates a powerful narrative that challenges perceptions about poverty, adoption, and the human capacity for resilience in the face of extreme adversity.

Last updated: December 19, 2024