New Passages

1. The Revolution in the Life Cycle: Extended Second Adulthood

There is a revolution in the life cycle. In the space of one short generation the whole shape of the life cycle has been fundamentally altered.

Extended lifespan. The life cycle has undergone a dramatic transformation, with people now living much longer and healthier lives. This has resulted in an extended "Second Adulthood" - a period from roughly age 50 to 85+.

Shifting stages. Traditional life stages have been pushed back:

• Adolescence often extends into the late 20s
• "True adulthood" may not begin until 30
• Middle age has been pushed into the 50s
• Old age may not begin until very shortly before death

New opportunities. This extended Second Adulthood offers unprecedented opportunities for:

• Personal growth and reinvention
• New careers and pursuits
• Deeper relationships
• Spiritual development
• Contributing to society in meaningful ways

2. From Survival to Mastery: The Shift in Middle Life

The massive shift in the passage to Second Adulthood involves a transition from survival to mastery.

Evolving focus. In young adulthood, the focus is on survival - figuring out how to please others and perform for those in power. In Second Adulthood, the emphasis shifts to mastery - taking control of one's life and acting on the world rather than reacting to it.

Key elements of mastery:

• Greater self-confidence and self-knowledge
• Ability to navigate complex environments
• Capacity to change conditions around oneself
• Less concern with proving oneself to others
• Focus on meaningful work and relationships

Conscious effort required. Achieving mastery in Second Adulthood is not automatic - it requires conscious effort, reflection, and often a willingness to let go of old identities and ways of being.

3. The Pits-to-Peak Phenomenon: Women's Journey Through Menopause

Surprise! You're not getting older, you're getting happier!

The pit. Many women experience a "pit" or low point in their mid to late 40s, often coinciding with perimenopause. This can involve:

• Mood swings and depression
• Physical discomfort
• Identity crisis
• Feelings of invisibility

The peak. Contrary to popular belief, many women report feeling happier and more fulfilled in their 50s and beyond:

• Greater self-confidence and authenticity
• Reduced concern with pleasing others
• Increased focus on personal growth and meaningful pursuits
• "Postmenopausal zest" - a surge of energy and creativity

Shifting perspective. This pits-to-peak journey often involves a fundamental shift in how women view themselves and their place in the world, moving from a focus on external validation to internal satisfaction.

4. The Samson Complex: Men's Struggle with Aging

What most men want to do at 50 is to stay where they are, to keep what they've got. They don't want to make a passage.

Resistance to change. Many men struggle with the physical and psychological changes of aging, desperately trying to maintain the strength, dominance, and identity of their youth - a phenomenon Sheehy calls "the Samson Complex."

Key manifestations:

• Obsession with hair loss
• Pushing physical limits in sports and fitness
• Denial of health issues
• Difficulty expressing emotions or seeking help

Potential consequences. This resistance can lead to:

• Increased stress and health problems
• Difficulty adapting to changing social and professional landscapes
• Missed opportunities for personal growth and deeper relationships

5. Custom-Designing Your Approach to Menopause

Custom-design your approach to menopause.

Individualized approach. Every woman's experience of menopause is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Factors to consider include:

• Personal health history and risk factors
• Severity of symptoms
• Life goals and priorities
• Attitudes toward hormone replacement therapy (HRT)

Informed decision-making. Women should educate themselves about:

• The stages of menopause (perimenopause, menopause, postmenopause)
• Various treatment options (HRT, natural remedies, lifestyle changes)
• Long-term health considerations (bone density, heart health, etc.)

Ongoing adjustments. The approach to menopause may need to be adjusted over time as symptoms and priorities change. Regular check-ins with healthcare providers and self-reflection are crucial.

6. The Mortality Crisis: Facing Our Limitations

We all have to learn how to husband our bodies as we get older.

Confronting mortality. The midlife passage often involves a confrontation with one's own mortality, triggered by:

• Health scares or diagnoses
• Deaths of parents or peers
• Physical changes and limitations

Potential responses:

• Denial and risk-taking behavior
• Depression and withdrawal
• Acceptance and proactive health management
• Spiritual or philosophical exploration

Opportunity for growth. While challenging, facing mortality can lead to:

• Greater appreciation for life
• Clarification of priorities
• Deepened relationships
• Spiritual or personal growth

7. From Pleasing to Mastery: Women's Transformation in Second Adulthood

I can now live by my own lights and stop trying to please everyone.

Shifting focus. Many women describe a fundamental shift in their 50s and beyond:

• From trying to please others to living authentically
• From external validation to internal satisfaction
• From sacrificing for others to prioritizing personal growth

Key aspects of this transformation:

• Increased self-confidence and assertiveness
• Willingness to express opinions and set boundaries
• Pursuit of long-held dreams and passions
• Deeper, more authentic relationships

Challenges and rewards. This transformation can be challenging, particularly in established relationships, but often leads to greater fulfillment and a sense of living one's true purpose.

8. Redefining Masculinity in the Age of Mastery

Men are going to live much longer than they expected, whether they like it or not.

Outdated models. Traditional definitions of masculinity often focus on:

• Physical strength and dominance
• Emotional stoicism
• Career success and provider role
• Competitiveness

New paradigm needed. As men enter Second Adulthood, a new model of masculinity is required, emphasizing:

• Emotional intelligence and vulnerability
• Deeper, more nurturing relationships
• Flexibility and adaptability in career and identity
• Contribution to community and society

Potential benefits. Men who successfully redefine their masculinity often experience:

• Improved mental and physical health
• More satisfying relationships
• Greater sense of purpose and fulfillment
• Increased resilience in face of life changes

9. The Fantasy of Fertility Forever: Risks and Realities

The cosmic joke today is: You spend the first half of your adult life trying not to get pregnant; then you spend the second half trying to get knocked up.

Delaying childbearing. Many women are postponing pregnancy into their late 30s and 40s, often due to:

• Career priorities
• Later marriages
• Assumption of continued fertility

Risks and challenges:

• Declining fertility with age
• Increased risk of pregnancy complications
• Emotional and financial strain of fertility treatments
• Potential regret over delayed childbearing

Societal implications:

• Need for better education about fertility and aging
• Ethical considerations around advanced reproductive technologies
• Changing family structures and dynamics

10. Forging a New Identity in Second Adulthood

Second Adulthood is not about repeating ourselves; it's about finding a new version of attractiveness.

Identity reconstruction. Second Adulthood often requires a fundamental reimagining of one's identity, involving:

• Letting go of outdated self-concepts
• Embracing new roles and pursuits
• Integrating life experiences into a cohesive narrative

Key elements of a new identity:

• Authenticity and self-acceptance
• Focus on personal growth and learning
• Emphasis on contribution and legacy
• Integration of multiple aspects of self

Ongoing process. Forging a new identity in Second Adulthood is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process of exploration, reflection, and adaptation.

Last updated: October 2, 2024