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NLP

NLP

The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming
by NLP Comprehensive 2013 482 pages
3.96
1k+ ratings
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Key Takeaways

1. Master your mind: Understand and reshape your inner world

You'll discover HOW your one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-duplicated special mind actually works.

Your mind is malleable. NLP teaches that our inner experiences are created through a combination of visual, auditory, and kinesthetic representations. By understanding this process, you can gain control over your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.

Perception shapes reality. Our brains constantly filter, delete, and distort information to create our unique map of the world. Recognizing this allows you to question limiting beliefs and expand your perspective.

Key NLP presuppositions:

  • The map is not the territory
  • People respond to their map of reality, not reality itself
  • If you change someone's map, their emotional state will change

2. Harness the power of submodalities to transform experiences

Sub-modalities are called the "molecules of meaning" because they're what give us the meaning.

Fine-tune your inner world. Submodalities are the subtle qualities of our internal representations, such as brightness, size, and location of mental images. By adjusting these, you can significantly alter the emotional impact of memories and anticipated events.

Create positive change. Experiment with submodality shifts to:

  • Reduce the intensity of negative memories
  • Enhance motivation for future goals
  • Boost confidence in challenging situations

Practical applications:

  • Dim and push away unpleasant images
  • Increase the brightness and size of empowering memories
  • Adjust the tone and volume of internal dialogue

3. Cultivate congruence and resolve internal conflicts

When we're in conflict, they're stuck. They have a foxhole mentality that says, "This is the only way to go. Everything else is idiotic."

Alignment breeds success. Congruence occurs when all parts of you are in agreement. Internal conflicts, on the other hand, create stress and hinder progress.

Integrate conflicting parts. Use the Conflict Integration Process to resolve inner struggles:

  1. Identify conflicting parts
  2. Explore the positive intention of each part
  3. Find common ground through meta-outcomes
  4. Create a new, integrated solution

Benefits of congruence:

  • Increased energy and motivation
  • Improved decision-making
  • Enhanced overall well-being

4. Boost energy, confidence, and productivity through NLP techniques

If you change any variable in an equation, the results change.

State management is key. Your emotional state dramatically affects your performance. NLP offers numerous techniques to quickly shift into more resourceful states.

Anchor positive states. Create powerful anchors to instantly access confidence, motivation, or relaxation when needed.

Proven NLP strategies:

  • Circle of Excellence: Step into a imaginary circle of personal power
  • Curiosity Shunt Installation: Transform frustration into curiosity
  • Eye Movement Integration: Reduce resistance and trauma
  • Navy SEALs' Big 4: Focus on the present, visualize success, control breathing, and maintain positive self-talk

5. Upgrade your self-concept for lasting personal growth

It's never too late to be the person you might have been.

You are not fixed. Your self-concept is malleable and can be intentionally reshaped. By understanding how beliefs form and influence behavior, you can make profound changes to your identity.

Rewrite your story. Use NLP techniques to:

  • Identify limiting beliefs
  • Create empowering new beliefs
  • Strengthen positive aspects of your self-concept

Steps to upgrade your self-concept:

  1. Explore current beliefs about yourself
  2. Challenge and reframe limiting beliefs
  3. Gather evidence for positive beliefs
  4. Visualize and embody your ideal self

6. Build rapport and connect deeply with others

Making someone else feel safe, interesting, and "felt" are critical steps to being good company.

Rapport is the foundation. Establishing a strong connection allows for effective communication and influence. NLP provides powerful tools to quickly build rapport with anyone.

Master nonverbal communication. Pay attention to and match:

  • Body language
  • Tone of voice
  • Breathing patterns
  • Gestures

Key rapport-building strategies:

  • Mirror and match subtly
  • Use "the gaze" for meaningful eye contact
  • Ask open-ended questions to show genuine interest
  • Practice active listening

7. Communicate effectively by adapting to others' preferences

Speaking someone's language makes it easier for them to get the message you're sending simply because they have less to translate into their preferred channel of processing.

Flexibility is power. Recognize that people process information differently. By adapting your communication style to match others' preferences, you increase understanding and influence.

Identify and match preferences. Pay attention to:

  • Representational systems (visual, auditory, kinesthetic)
  • Meta-programs (e.g., towards/away from, options/procedures)
  • Language patterns and predicates

Communication adaptation strategies:

  • Use visual language for visual processors
  • Employ auditory metaphors for auditory thinkers
  • Incorporate feeling-based words for kinesthetic individuals

8. Navigate conflicts creatively using the Conflict Integration Process

Creativity in Disney's strategy is kind of loving, isn't it? It's all positive. It's completely focused on getting the biggest dream possible—which means the Dreamer can't be afraid of anything.

Conflict as opportunity. Rather than viewing conflicts as problems, see them as chances for creative problem-solving and deeper understanding.

Apply the Conflict Integration Process:

  1. Separate people from the problem
  2. Identify underlying interests and meta-outcomes
  3. Generate multiple options
  4. Find mutually beneficial solutions

Benefits of effective conflict resolution:

  • Stronger relationships
  • Innovative solutions
  • Personal and professional growth

9. Negotiate with skill and purpose in any situation

Negotiation is a game and the goal is to win the game. It's fine to call the other person a partner in the negotiation because they are your partner in a game, but they're also an adversary in terms of the negotiation.

Preparation is crucial. Understand the four key assets at play in any negotiation: time, money, energy, and emotion. Leverage these to your advantage.

Win-win is possible. Aim for outcomes that benefit both parties, but remember that negotiation is still a strategic game.

Negotiation best practices:

  • Do thorough research
  • Identify your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement)
  • Uncover meta-outcomes to find common ground
  • Be willing to walk away if necessary

10. Apply the Disney Strategy for innovative problem-solving

When he was trying to conceive something new, he would assume three roles that he isolated: the roles of the Dreamer, the Realist, and the Critic.

Harness your inner genius. Walt Disney's creative process can be applied to any problem-solving or innovation challenge.

Utilize three distinct mindsets:

  1. The Dreamer: Imagine all possibilities without limits
  2. The Realist: Plan how to implement the ideas
  3. The Critic: Identify potential issues and refine the plan

Steps to apply the Disney Strategy:

  1. Create separate physical or mental spaces for each role
  2. Fully embody each mindset in sequence
  3. Allow ideas to flow freely in the Dreamer phase
  4. Build on those ideas practically in the Realist phase
  5. Constructively critique and improve in the Critic phase

Last updated:

Review Summary

3.96 out of 5
Average of 1k+ ratings from Goodreads and Amazon.

NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming receives mostly positive reviews, with readers praising its comprehensive coverage of NLP techniques and practical exercises. Many find it helpful for personal development, communication skills, and understanding thought processes. Some criticize its repetitiveness and lack of scientific evidence. While most reviewers appreciate the book's accessibility, a few find it too basic or pseudoscientific. Overall, it's considered a good introduction to NLP for beginners, though opinions on its effectiveness vary.

About the Author

Tom Hoobyar and Tom Dotz co-authored NLP: The Essential Guide to Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Hoobyar was a successful businessman, having served as a high-tech CEO in Silicon Valley. He later became an NLP practitioner with 35 years of experience, using his engineering background to approach the subject. Hoobyar's writing style is described as conversational and easy to understand. He frequently shares personal anecdotes and experiences from his business career to illustrate NLP concepts. His approach combines practical business knowledge with NLP techniques, making the book accessible to a wide audience. Hoobyar's expertise in both the corporate world and NLP contributes to the book's unique perspective.

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