Portrait of a Turkish Family

1. Idyllic Childhood in a Fading Ottoman World

Looking back, it seems to me that the whole of early childhood is linked with the sound of the sea and with the voices of my parents and grandparents as they sat eating breakfast on the terrace overlooking the gardens.

Sheltered beginnings. The narrator recounts a privileged early childhood in a large wooden house in Istanbul, overlooking the Sea of Marmara. Life is defined by sensory comforts and the presence of a loving, extended family, including young parents, doting grandparents, and loyal servants like İnci and Hacer.

A world of ritual. Daily life follows established routines and social customs, from the grandfather's visits to the coffee-house to the grandmother's elaborate hamam excursions. The family's status is evident in their large home, servants, and adherence to traditional norms, such as the mother's veiled seclusion.

Early perceptions. The world is experienced through a child's eyes, filled with simple joys like playing with dogs, fishing with an uncle, or the thrill of a rocking-horse. Yet, even here, subtle undercurrents of fear and misunderstanding begin to surface, hinting at a world beyond the garden walls.

2. War's Shadow and the Erosion of Privilege

Years later when I began to record family events in diary form, my mother most faithfully reconstructed that night at Sarıyer – the night when a small, inquisitive boy first discovered the cold breath of insecurity.

Distant drums. Whispers of a war in Europe gradually intrude upon the family's tranquility, initially dismissed by the grandmother but understood with growing dread by the father and uncle. Discussions about selling the family business and house reveal the impending economic and social disruption.

Men called away. The reality of war hits home when the father and uncle, along with other men in the district, are conscripted into the Ottoman Army. The poignant farewells, the mournful drums, and the sight of men marching off in their civilian clothes underscore the sudden, brutal impact of the conflict.

First signs of hardship. The departure of the men leads to immediate changes:

• Food shortages and rising prices.
• Dismissal of servants like Hacer and Murat.
• The need to sell the large family home.
• A palpable sense of fear and uncertainty replacing the former ease.

3. The Fire: A Catalyst for Loss and Change

Oh to remember that night, when the enemy spies set fire to the wooden houses of İstanbul, when they burnt like matchwood under a summer sky!

Sudden catastrophe. A night of unexplained fires sweeps through the wooden houses of Istanbul, including the family's new, smaller home. The terrifying escape through flames and smoke leaves the family with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

Loss of security. The fire represents a total loss of material possessions and, more profoundly, the destruction of the physical symbol of their security and identity. The mother's initial reaction is one of shock and despair over her lost money and jewels.

Forced dependence. Homeless and destitute, the family is forced to rely on the grandmother's wealthy, estranged husband for temporary shelter. This period highlights their vulnerability and the stark reality of their changed circumstances.

4. Struggle, Adaptation, and Shifting Family Roles

She had ceased to be a lady of leisure and was frequently to be found in the kitchen these days during Feride’s shopping expeditions.

New realities. The loss of the home and the men forces the women to adapt to drastically altered roles. The mother, formerly a sheltered lady of leisure, takes on domestic duties and the burden of providing for the family.

Poverty's grip. The family faces increasing hardship:

• Limited food supplies and constant hunger.
• The need to sell cherished furniture and possessions.
• The mother's attempts to earn money through sewing.
• Dependence on the grandmother's dwindling resources.

Changing dynamics. The grandmother's remarriage provides temporary relief but also introduces new tensions and ultimately leaves her dependent on the mother. The mother's growing competence is juxtaposed with her underlying fragility and moments of despair.

5. Military Education as a Path to Survival

I was in an agony that she, with her feminine prejudices, was going to take this chance from my hands.

A new opportunity. With traditional schooling disrupted by the war, the military school emerges as a potential path for the narrator and his brother. Despite the mother's initial hesitation about signing away their lives, the prospect of free education and a secure future proves compelling.

Kuleli's harsh reality. The reality of military school life contrasts sharply with the boys' expectations:

• Harsh discipline and poor conditions.
• Hunger and illness due to food shortages.
• Separation from family and each other.
• A diverse and often rough mix of students from different backgrounds.

Growing up hard. The years at Kuleli force the boys to become self-reliant and resilient. The narrator's initial romantic notions of military life are replaced by a pragmatic understanding of its demands and limitations, shaping his future path.

6. The Mother's Silent Battle and Mental Decline

Her gaunt look grew more pronounced and my grandmother complained that she kept her awake at night.

Lingering trauma. The cumulative stress of war, loss, poverty, and separation takes a heavy toll on the mother's mental and physical health. Periods of apparent recovery are interspersed with bouts of illness, irritability, and increasing detachment.

Signs of fragility. Her behavior becomes erratic:

• Absent-mindedness and difficulty concentrating.
• Unpredictable mood swings and sudden rages.
• Growing morbid fears, particularly regarding the narrator's safety as an airman.
• Neglect of her appearance and self-care.

The breaking point. The mother's mental state deteriorates, culminating in a public breakdown and her eventual placement in a mental institution. This tragic outcome underscores the profound and lasting impact of the hardships she endured.

7. Historical Upheaval: From Empire to Republic

When Kemal Atatürk formally declared on October 29th, 1923, that our country was now a Republic, everything slowly began to change its face.

End of an era. The narrative unfolds against the backdrop of the final years of the Ottoman Empire and the birth of the Turkish Republic under Atatürk. Major historical events like WWI, the occupation of Istanbul, and the Nationalist movement in Anatolia directly impact the family's life.

Social transformation. The establishment of the Republic brings sweeping changes:

• Abolition of the Sultanate and religious institutions' political power.
• Changes in social customs, such as the abolition of the fez and the veil.
• A shift towards secularism and Westernization.
• The rise of a new national identity.

Personal impact. These large-scale changes are reflected in the family's personal experiences, from the grandmother's struggle to accept the new norms to the narrator's education in the new military system, highlighting the tension between tradition and modernity.

8. Poverty's Scars and the Value of Resilience

We ate poor-quality food and this, she complained, upset her stomach.

Enduring hardship. Despite moments of temporary relief, poverty remains a constant struggle for the family for many years. The need to sell possessions, the reliance on meager pensions, and the constant search for food define their daily existence.

Resourcefulness and pride. The women display remarkable resilience and resourcefulness in the face of adversity. The mother's willingness to work, the grandmother's shrewd bargaining skills, and their collective determination to maintain dignity in difficult circumstances are central to their survival.

Psychological toll. The prolonged period of hardship leaves lasting scars, contributing to the mother's health problems and the children's difficult experiences in charity and military schools, illustrating that poverty impacts more than just material well-being.

9. Disintegration of Family and Lingering Memories

Alone I returned to İzmir and went to the empty house and wondered what to do with the furniture that was left.

Scattering of members. As the children grow up and pursue their own lives, the close-knit family unit begins to fragment. The narrator and his brother are sent away to school, the grandmother eventually moves in with the brother, and the mother is left increasingly alone.

Emotional distance. Despite physical proximity at times, emotional distance grows between family members. The narrator struggles to connect with his mother's pain, and the younger generation, having experienced different hardships, finds it difficult to fully understand the struggles of the older generation.

Haunted by the past. Memories of the lost home, the departed men, and the years of hardship continue to shape the family's present. The physical remnants of their former life, like the old furniture, serve as constant reminders of what was lost.

10. A Final Farewell in the Face of Madness

‘She has lost her mind,’ said Bedia with a dignity in her voice and I was glad that she was here, new to the family, able to speak of hurting, hidden things as we others would not have done.

The inevitable decline. The mother's mental health deteriorates to the point where she can no longer care for herself. Her erratic behavior, paranoia, and inability to live with others lead to her being taken into custody by the police.

Institutionalization. Despite the narrator's desperate attempts to intervene, the mother is sent to a mental hospital. The final visit is heartbreaking, revealing her diminished state and the irreversible nature of her illness.

Legacy of pain. The story concludes with the mother's confinement, leaving the narrator to grapple with the complex legacy of her life, marked by beauty, resilience, loss, and ultimately, madness, reflecting on the forces that shaped his family's tragic trajectory.

Last updated: June 8, 2025