Istanbul

1. Istanbul: A City Defined by Collective Melancholy

Istanbul’s fate is my fate.

Intertwined Destinies. The author establishes a profound connection between his personal identity and the city of Istanbul, suggesting that the city's character has shaped his very being. This intertwining of personal and urban destinies becomes a central theme, exploring how the city's history, culture, and atmosphere have molded the author's experiences and perspectives.

• The author's decision to remain in Istanbul, despite opportunities to leave, underscores this deep connection.
• The city's "melancholy" is not merely an observation but a shared experience, a common fate embraced by its inhabitants.

Hüzün as a Defining Trait. The Turkish word "hüzün," meaning melancholy, is presented as a key to understanding Istanbul's soul. It's not just individual sadness but a collective emotion, a shared understanding of loss and decline that permeates the city's culture.

• Hüzün is seen as an honor, a mark of spiritual depth, and a source of poetic inspiration.
• It's a lens through which İstanbullus view their city and their lives, accepting fate with a blend of resignation and pride.

Beyond Individual Grief. The author distinguishes hüzün from individual melancholy, emphasizing its communal nature. It's a shared atmosphere, a cultural identity that binds millions of people together in a collective experience of loss and longing.

• This collective melancholy is rooted in the city's history, particularly the fall of the Ottoman Empire and the subsequent decline in its fortunes.
• It's reflected in the city's landscapes, its architecture, and the faces of its people, creating a unique and haunting beauty.

2. The Allure of Black and White: Istanbul's Enduring Image

To see the city in black and white is to see it through the tarnish of history: the patina of what is old and faded and no longer matters to the rest of the world.

Visualizing Melancholy. The author associates Istanbul with a black and white aesthetic, reflecting the city's historical weight and its faded glory. This monochrome vision captures the essence of hüzün, emphasizing the city's ruins, its poverty, and its sense of being forgotten by the world.

• The author's preference for winter in Istanbul, with its leafless trees and crowds in black coats, reinforces this somber imagery.
• Black and white photographs and engravings of Istanbul evoke a sense of nostalgia and loss, highlighting the city's decline from its former grandeur.

Beyond Color. The choice of black and white is not merely aesthetic but symbolic, representing the city's soul and its inhabitants' shared fate. It's a way of stripping away the superficial and revealing the underlying melancholy that defines Istanbul.

• The author contrasts this monochrome vision with the vibrant colors of Istanbul's past, suggesting a deliberate rejection of opulence in favor of a more somber and introspective aesthetic.
• This aesthetic choice reflects a sense of modesty and resignation, acknowledging the city's long decline and its enduring poverty.

Dogs and Night. The stray dogs roaming the streets, described as being a nameless color between gray and charcoal, add to the city's black and white haze. The night, often associated with evil, further contributes to the city's impenetrable mysteries.

• The legendary Salacak murder, a terrifying story from the author's childhood, reinforces the association between darkness and danger.
• The author's black and white fantasies about nighttime, rowboats, and the waters of the Bosphorus highlight the city's haunting and melancholic atmosphere.

3. The Bosphorus: A Lifeline Amidst Urban Decay

To be traveling through the middle of a city as great, historic, and forlorn as Istanbul, and yet to feel the freedom of the open sea—that is the thrill of a trip along the Bosphorus.

Contrasting Worlds. The Bosphorus is presented as a counterpoint to the city's melancholy, offering a sense of life, pleasure, and freedom amidst the urban decay. While Istanbul speaks of defeat and poverty, the Bosphorus sings of hope and renewal.

• The author's childhood memories of boat trips on the Bosphorus, taken to alleviate whooping cough, highlight its association with fresh air and healing.
• The Bosphorus is not merely a waterway but a dynamic force, with strong currents, wind, and waves that invigorate the traveler.

A Glimpse of Lost Splendor. The Bosphorus offers glimpses of a vanished Ottoman culture, with its grand yalis (waterside mansions) and its refined way of life. These remnants of a bygone era evoke a sense of longing and loss, reminding the author of a time when Istanbul was a center of power and wealth.

• The author contrasts the Bosphorus yalis with the modern apartments of the republican era, suggesting a decline in architectural and cultural vitality.
• The Bosphorus becomes a symbol of a lost paradise, a reminder of the city's diminished status and its fading glory.

The Bosphorus Soul. The author contemplates whether the Bosphorus has a soul, drawn to its mysterious currents, its gleaming white foam, and its ever-changing colors. This personification of the Bosphorus reflects its importance as a source of life and inspiration for the city.

• The Bosphorus is seen as a cure for ills, a font of goodness, and a source of solace for İstanbullus.
• Despite the changes and losses that have transformed the city, the Bosphorus remains a constant, a reminder of the city's enduring beauty and its connection to the sea.

4. Western Eyes: A Mirror to Istanbul's Soul

If we see our city in black and white, it’s partly because we know it from the engravings left to us by western artists; the glorious colors of its past were never painted by local hands.

The Western Gaze. The author explores the complex relationship between Istanbul and the West, acknowledging the influence of western artists and writers in shaping the city's image. Western engravings and travelogues have, in many ways, defined how İstanbullus perceive their own city.

• The author notes the absence of Ottoman paintings that can easily accommodate modern visual tastes, highlighting the reliance on western representations of Istanbul's past.
• This reliance on western perspectives contributes to the city's melancholy, as İstanbullus see their past through the lens of foreign observers.

Melling's Nuanced Vision. Among western artists, Antoine-Ignace Melling stands out for his nuanced and convincing depictions of the Bosphorus. His engravings capture the city's architectural details, its topography, and its everyday life with a precision that resonates with modern-day İstanbullus.

• Melling's paintings offer a glimpse of a lost world, a Bosphorus that was still unspoiled and a city that was still in its golden age.
• His attention to detail and his lack of dramatic exaggeration distinguish him from other western artists, making his work particularly appealing to İstanbullus.

Beyond Exoticism. The author contrasts Melling's approach with that of other western artists who exoticized or orientalized their scenes. Melling's insider's eye, combined with his western techniques, creates a vision of Istanbul that is both candid and beautiful.

• Melling's paintings capture the city's transition, reflecting a mood in which purity has been abandoned.
• His work offers a sense of heaven in which the Ottomans have claimed the Bosphorus for themselves, transforming it from a string of Greek fishing villages into a place of their own.

5. The Weight of History: Ruins as Constant Companions

Watching the pashas’ mansions burn to the ground, my family maintained a stony equanimity—much as we had done in the face of all those stories about crazy princes, opium addicts in the palace harem, children locked in attics, treacherous sultans’ daughters, and exiled or murdered pashas—and ultimately the decline and fall of the empire itself.

The Vanishing Past. The author reflects on the destruction of the pashas' mansions in his childhood neighborhood, symbolizing the erasure of the Ottoman past in the rush to modernize. This loss of history contributes to the city's melancholy, as the new Republic struggles to fill the void left by the fallen empire.

• The author's family maintains a "stony equanimity" in the face of this destruction, reflecting a desire to move on from the bitter memories of the past.
• However, the absence of a clear vision for the future leads to a cultural void, with families like the author's furnishing their houses like museums, preserving relics of a bygone era.

Ruins as Reminders. The ruins of the Ottoman Empire are everywhere visible in Istanbul, serving as constant reminders of the city's diminished status. These ruins are not preserved as historical monuments but are simply integrated into the fabric of everyday life.

• The author contrasts this with the way western cities preserve their historical landmarks, highlighting Istanbul's unique relationship with its past.
• The ruins inflict heartache on those who live among them, reminding them that the present city can never again reach its former heights of wealth, power, and culture.

The Allure of Decay. Despite the sadness associated with the ruins, the author acknowledges their beauty and their power to evoke a sense of history. The crumbling fountains, the forgotten mosques, and the dilapidated wooden houses all contribute to the city's unique character.

• The author's prolonged study of photographs of his family and his city led him to appreciate the importance of preserving certain moments for posterity.
• The author's prolonged study of these photographs led him to appreciate the importance of preserving certain moments for posterity, and in time he also came to see what a powerful influence these framed scenes exerted over us as we went about our daily lives.

6. Family and Fate: Navigating a Changing World

At least once in a lifetime, self-reflection leads us to examine the circumstances of our birth.

The Lottery of Life. The author contemplates the circumstances of his birth, questioning why he was born in an aging and impoverished city buried under the ashes of a ruined empire. He acknowledges the role of fate in shaping his life and accepts the city into which he was born.

• The author's family history, with its rise and fall in fortune, mirrors the city's own trajectory.
• The author's father's bankruptcies and absences reflect the instability and uncertainty of life in a changing world.

The Pamuk Apartments. The author's family's move from a traditional Ottoman mansion to a modern apartment building symbolizes the shift from the old world to the new. The Pamuk Apartments become a microcosm of Istanbul, with its mix of tradition and modernity, its family feuds, and its shared history.

• The author's grandmother's sitting room, filled with untouched objects and framed photographs, represents the family's attempt to preserve its past in the face of change.
• The constant traffic between floors in the apartment building reflects the interconnectedness of family life, with its joys, its sorrows, and its never-ending dramas.

The Rivalry of Brothers. The author explores the complex relationship with his older brother, a rivalry fueled by competition for their mother's affection. This rivalry takes on a symbolic significance, representing the struggle between tradition and modernity, between the old and the new.

• The author's brother's departure for America marks a turning point in their relationship, as the author begins to discover the joys of solitude and the power of his own imagination.
• The author's childhood games and fantasies, often involving violence and destruction, reflect the anxieties and uncertainties of a world in transition.

7. The Power of Art: Finding Solace and Identity

I’ve spent my life either battling with this melancholy or (like all İstanbullus) making it my own.

Painting as Escape. The author discovers a passion for painting as a means of escaping the boredom and gloom of his childhood. Painting allows him to create his own world, to express his emotions, and to find solace in the beauty of the city.

• The author's early paintings, inspired by postcards and calendars, reflect his desire to capture the essence of Istanbul's famous views.
• However, as he matures, he turns to painting the city's back streets, seeking to capture the melancholy and the hidden beauty of its forgotten corners.

Imitation and Identity. The author acknowledges the influence of western artists, particularly Utrillo, in shaping his own artistic style. He recognizes that his identity as an artist is, in part, a product of imitation, a reflection of the western gaze.

• The author's struggle to reconcile his western influences with his Turkish identity becomes a central theme in his artistic development.
• He realizes that true originality comes from embracing his own unique perspective, from seeing the city through his own eyes.

The Artist's Eye. The author develops a keen eye for detail, noticing the subtle nuances of light, color, and texture that define Istanbul's landscapes. He learns to see beauty in the city's ruins, in its poverty, and in its everyday life.

• The author's descriptions of the Bosphorus, the city walls, and the back streets reveal his deep connection to the city and his ability to find poetry in its most unlikely corners.
• The author's artistic journey becomes a metaphor for his personal journey, as he seeks to understand his place in the world and to find meaning in his own experiences.

8. Religion and Guilt: A Complex Relationship

This is my fate, and there’s no sense arguing with it. This book is concerned with fate.

The Absence of Faith. The author reflects on the absence of religious instruction in his family, a reflection of the secularism of the Turkish bourgeoisie. He observes that religion is primarily the domain of the poor, a source of comfort and solace in their difficult lives.

• The author's family, while claiming not to believe in religion, still adheres to certain superstitions and traditions, reflecting a deep-seated ambivalence.
• The author's childhood image of God as a white-scarved woman reflects the limited and often distorted understanding of religion in his household.

Guilt and Envy. The author acknowledges a sense of guilt for not being religious enough, for not sharing the faith of the poor. He also experiences a strange envy of their devotion, a sense that they possess something he lacks.

• The author's interactions with the family maid, a devout Muslim, highlight the tensions between his secular upbringing and the religious beliefs of those around him.
• The author's fear of those who believe in God too much reflects the anxieties of the Turkish secular elite, who see religious fervor as a threat to their way of life.

The Feast of Sacrifice. The Kurban Bayram, or Feast of Sacrifice, becomes a symbol of the family's ambivalence towards religion. They participate in the ritual but do so in a way that is both detached and self-conscious.

• The author's description of the family's feast, with its beer and its store-bought meat, highlights the hypocrisy and the underlying guilt that permeates their relationship with religion.
• The author's childhood experience of fasting, undertaken to impress a teacher, reflects his desire to conform and to find meaning in a world that often seems devoid of purpose.

9. The Elusive Rich: Aspiration and Disillusionment

At least once in a lifetime, self-reflection leads us to examine the circumstances of our birth.

The Lure of Wealth. The author explores the allure of wealth and the social hierarchies that define Istanbul society. He observes the lives of the rich, their aspirations, their anxieties, and their often-superficial attempts to emulate western culture.

• The author's mother's interest in society gossip reflects a desire to climb the social ladder, to gain access to a world of privilege and luxury.
• However, the author also recognizes the emptiness and the artificiality of this world, questioning the values and the priorities of the rich.

The Burden of Inheritance. The author contrasts the nouveau riche, who have made their fortunes through industry and commerce, with the old Ottoman families, who have inherited their wealth from previous generations. He observes that the old families are often trapped by their past, unable to adapt to the changing world.

• The author's description of the old families' mansions and their eccentric habits highlights their detachment from reality and their inability to find meaning in their lives.
• The author's own family's decline in fortune serves as a cautionary tale, illustrating the fragility of wealth and the importance of adapting to change.

The Price of Success. The author questions the true cost of success, suggesting that the pursuit of wealth and social status can lead to a loss of authenticity and a disconnection from one's own values. He observes that the rich are often driven by fear and insecurity, constantly striving to maintain their position and to protect their wealth.

• The author's encounters with the rich reveal their anxieties about the state, their fear of poverty, and their often-superficial attempts to emulate western culture.
• The author's own ambivalence towards wealth reflects a deeper questioning of the values of his society and his own place within it.

10. The Unfolding Self: From Daydreams to Discontent

I am attached to this city because it has made me who I am.

The Power of Imagination. The author reflects on the importance of imagination in shaping his identity and in providing an escape from the realities of his life. His childhood daydreams, his love of painting, and his fascination with stories all contribute to his sense of self.

• The author's imaginary friend, the other Orhan, serves as a source of solace and inspiration, allowing him to explore different possibilities and to imagine a different life.
• The author's early experiences with art, particularly his love of painting, provide him with a means of expressing his emotions and of finding beauty in the world around him.

The Loss of Innocence. As the author matures, he becomes increasingly aware of the complexities and the contradictions of the world around him. He begins to question the values of his family, his society, and his own place within them.

• The author's experiences at Robert Academy, a foreign school, expose him to new ideas and perspectives, challenging his assumptions about the world.
• The author's growing awareness of social injustice, political turmoil, and the city's decline contributes to his sense of disillusionment.

The Search for Meaning. The author's journey becomes a quest for meaning, a search for a way to reconcile his own desires with the realities of his world. He explores different paths, from art to politics to love, but ultimately finds himself drawn back to the city that has shaped him.

• The author's relationships with his friends, his family, and his lovers all contribute to his understanding of himself and his place in the world.
• The author's final acceptance of his fate, his embrace of the city's melancholy, and his commitment to writing about his experiences reflect a hard-won sense of self-awareness and a deep connection to his city.

Last updated: April 22, 2025