Quit Like a Woman

1. Alcohol is a toxic drug, not a healthy lifestyle choice.

In other words, we drink—for fun—the same thing we use to make rocket fuel, house paint, antiseptics, solvents, perfumes, and deodorants, and to denature (i.e., take away the natural properties of, or kill) living organisms.

It's poison. Despite being normalized and marketed as a healthy or essential part of life, alcohol (ethanol) is a neurotoxic, psychoactive drug. It's used in industrial applications like fuel and solvents because it kills organisms by denaturing proteins. Our bodies recognize it as a toxin and prioritize its removal.

Health impacts. Even moderate consumption disrupts numerous bodily functions.

• Disrupts sleep cycles, leading to anxiety and irritability.
• Increases anxiety by releasing cortisol and adrenaline.
• Impairs liver detoxification, storing toxins in fat.
• Causes weight gain and interferes with weight loss.
• Damages brain function and blood sugar balance.
• Disrupts hormone function and is linked to seven cancers.
• Causes premature aging and destroys gut microbiome.

Wellness paradox. In a society obsessed with health, organic food, and clean living, drinking ethanol is a glaring contradiction. The idea that moderate drinking is healthy is a myth perpetuated by industry and outdated studies, ignoring the immediate toxic effects on the body.

2. Big Alcohol uses manipulative tactics like Big Tobacco.

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

Engineered consent. Like Big Tobacco, Big Alcohol manipulates public perception to normalize and increase consumption. They co-opt cultural movements, like feminism, portraying drinking as an act of liberation or empowerment, particularly targeting women and marginalized groups. This creates "engineered consent," making people believe their choices are autonomous when they are influenced by marketing.

Engineered controversy. The alcohol industry, through organizations like Responsibility.org, promotes the idea of "drinking responsibly." This tactic, similar to Big Tobacco's "not enough research" claim, shifts blame from the substance to the individual, creating confusion and skepticism about alcohol's inherent dangers. It implies the problem lies with "irresponsible" people, not the toxic product itself.

Targeting emerging markets. Facing death among loyal customers, both industries aggressively target new consumers.

• Big Tobacco used Joe Camel to hook kids.
• Big Alcohol used Spuds MacKenzie and targets women with "mommy juice" culture and pink branding.
• Both expand into Low-to Middle-Income Countries, increasing addiction and death rates globally for profit.

3. The label "alcoholic" is harmful and misplaces blame.

Alcohol is the only drug in the world where, when you stop taking it, you are seen as having a disease.

Blaming the person. The concept of "alcoholic" implies a fundamental difference between "normal" drinkers and those with a problem, suggesting the issue lies with a defective individual rather than the addictive substance or the culture promoting it. This eugenicist idea, historically used to marginalize vulnerable populations, protects the alcohol industry from accountability.

False security. This binary thinking prevents many people from examining their relationship with alcohol. If they don't fit the extreme "alcoholic" stereotype (pissing the bed, DUIs), they assume they don't have a problem, even if alcohol negatively impacts their life. This allows problematic drinking to escalate unchecked.

Limits healing. The label carries heavy stigma and fear, making people resistant to seeking help. It suggests an incurable, lifelong disease, trapping individuals in a narrative of brokenness and powerlessness. Ditching the label allows for a focus on healing the whole person and addressing the cultural context of drinking.

4. Addiction is a Two-Part Problem: Root Causes & Cycle.

Addiction begins with the hope that something “out there” can instantly fill up the emptiness inside.

Beyond the substance. Addiction isn't just about the drug; it's a complex response to underlying issues. It's a "Two-Part Problem" involving root causes and the biological cycle of dependence. Focusing solely on abstinence without addressing the roots is like treating a symptom while ignoring the disease.

Root causes. These are the underlying factors driving the need to escape or self-medicate.

• Unhealed trauma (Big T and little t).
• Disconnection from self, others, purpose, and culture.
• Societal oppression (sexism, racism, classism, etc.).
• Inability to self-regulate emotions or discomfort.
• Nutritional imbalances and physical health issues.

Cycle of addiction. Repeated use of a substance or behavior to cope creates a biological feedback loop. Alcohol floods the brain with dopamine, hijacking the survival instinct and weakening the prefrontal cortex (judgment, willpower). This top-down control flips, making the primitive brain prioritize alcohol seeking, perpetuating the cycle despite negative consequences.

5. Traditional recovery models are often patriarchal and ineffective for women.

If being reminded of how much we are not God, how little control and power we have, or claiming our fallibility and insignificance and humility was the antidote to a drinking problem, women wouldn’t have drinking problems.

Built for men. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the dominant recovery model, was founded by and for upper-middle-class white men in the 1930s. Its core tenets, like deflating the ego and admitting powerlessness, were designed to counter the specific issues of men who were sick from an overdeveloped sense of power and control in a patriarchal society.

Harmful to women. These tenets can be detrimental to women and marginalized groups who already lack power, voice, and a strong sense of self.

• Self-silencing and self-naughting (ego destruction) reinforce existing oppression.
• Admitting powerlessness can be re-traumatizing for those who already feel powerless.
• Focus on character defects ignores societal factors contributing to addiction.
• Anonymity and lack of central authority can leave vulnerable members unprotected.

Systemic issue. AA's principles permeate the entire addiction treatment landscape, influencing therapy, rehabs, and the criminal justice system. This means even those not in AA are often subjected to its patriarchal framework, which can actively work against the healing needs of women and other oppressed individuals.

6. A feminine-centric recovery builds self, agency, and trust.

There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.

Rebuilding, not destroying. Unlike patriarchal models that seek to break down the ego, a feminine-centric approach focuses on building up the self, agency, and self-trust. It recognizes that women often come into recovery already "cratered" and need empowerment, not further diminishment.

Core beliefs. This approach is guided by principles that counter societal conditioning.

• Self-Advocacy: Mothering yourself, growing agency, choosing guilt over resentment, setting boundaries, cultivating power.
• Self-Trust: Trusting your gut, knowing what you can't "fuck with," trying everything with an open mind.
• Self-Practice: Embracing willingness, understanding surrender, seeing recovery as an upgrade, committing to practice, taking holistic action, evolving.

Bottom-up healing. This paradigm supports individual needs and intuition, rather than imposing a rigid, external structure. The goal is not just abstinence, but creating a life so fulfilling that escape is no longer desired, centered on reclaiming one's voice, power, and desires.

7. Quitting requires understanding habits, willpower, and energy management.

You don’t have to use willpower when you don’t want to do something.

Beyond willpower. Quitting isn't just about having enough willpower, which is a finite cognitive resource. It involves understanding how habits are formed (cue-routine-reward loop) and how to manage your energy throughout the day to avoid burnout that triggers cravings.

Unified mind. Cognitive dissonance (conflicting thoughts about drinking) drains willpower. Achieving a "unified mind" where the desire to not drink outweighs the perceived benefits eliminates the internal battle. This is supported by dismantling confirmation bias about alcohol's benefits.

Strategic quitting. Quitting is a process that requires planning and training, not just a sudden decision.

• Create new habits and rituals (morning, midday, evening) to replace old ones and automate positive behaviors.
• Manage energy by avoiding overstimulation, taking breath breaks, eating regularly, and setting boundaries.
• Build a "toolbox" of healthy coping mechanisms to turn to instead of alcohol.
• Learn to engage directly with cravings (urge surfing) rather than just resisting them.

8. Healing involves addressing root causes holistically (trauma, health, etc.).

Unhealed traumas, an inability to be with ourselves, destructive patterns of behavior, abuse and self-abuse, defects in self-regulation, lack of purpose or existential meaning, nutritional imbalances, and neglected physical bodies all need to be addressed so that we don’t simply move from one crappy coping mechanism (like wine) to another (like shopping).

Holistic approach. Lasting recovery requires addressing the multifaceted reasons driving addiction. It's not enough to stop drinking; one must heal the underlying wounds and imbalances that made escape necessary in the first place. This involves tending to physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

Addressing trauma. Trauma, stored in the body, often fuels addiction. Renegotiating trauma requires somatic (body-based) therapies like EMDR, EFT, or SE, as well as practices like meditation, yoga, and breathwork to discharge stuck energy and reconnect with the body.

Physical well-being. Addiction impacts physical health, and imbalances can perpetuate addictive patterns.

• Prioritize sleep (7-8 hours).
• Eat regularly (every 3-4 hours) to stabilize blood sugar.
• Consume protein and healthy fats for brain and hormone health.
• Hydrate adequately for detoxification.
• Move your body daily.
• Eat whole, nutrient-dense foods.

Beyond the body. Healing also involves addressing finances, career, purpose, spirituality, and any other area of life that contributes to discomfort or disconnection. It's a continuous process of building a life you don't need to escape from.

9. Relationships and community are essential for recovery.

The opposite of addiction is connection.

Biological need. Humans are wired for connection and cooperation; it's fundamental to our survival and well-being. Addiction often stems from disconnection – from self, others, and meaningful purpose. Rebuilding healthy connections is vital for healing.

Navigating change. Sobriety often disrupts existing relationships, as social circles may be centered around drinking. This can lead to intense loneliness and isolation, even while needing support the most. It's crucial to understand this is a normal part of the process.

Building new connections. Finding a supportive community is key.

• Seek out a "care team" (therapists, coaches, mentors) for guidance and support.
• Find "peer people" who understand your journey, through recovery groups or shared interests.
• Embrace the tension of needing connection while also needing solitude to reconnect with yourself.
• Be brave in putting yourself out there to meet new people aligned with your evolving self.

10. Life without alcohol is an adventure of self-discovery.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?

Beyond boring. The fear that life without alcohol will be boring is a lie perpetuated by alcohol culture. Removing alcohol doesn't remove fun; it removes a depressant and anesthetic that dulls genuine experience and limits options. Sobriety opens the door to a richer, more authentic life.

Reclaiming joy. Sobriety allows you to reconnect with simple pleasures and childlike wonder that alcohol suppressed.

• Enjoy "normal things" like reading, hiking, or movies.
• Embrace silliness and act like a kid again.
• Discover the value of solitude and embrace introverted tendencies.
• Connect with your "radical crone" – the part of you that doesn't take shit and does what she wants.

Creative expression. Sobriety often unlocks suppressed creativity, providing a powerful outlet for self-expression and absorption. Creating art, writing, or building something meaningful can become a source of deep fulfillment.

Seeing anew. Sobriety allows you to see the world with fresh eyes, appreciating the wonder and magic in everyday life. It's an invitation to be fully present and engaged, finding adventure in risks and embracing your authentic self.

11. Sobriety is a social justice issue tied to systemic oppression.

It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a sick society.

Beyond individual fault. Addiction is not just an individual failing; it's deeply intertwined with systemic issues. Alcohol culture, the War on Drugs, the Prison Industrial Complex, and unchecked capitalism all contribute to widespread sickness and addiction, disproportionately harming marginalized communities.

Intersectional issue. Sobriety is a social justice issue because it intersects with sexism, racism, classism, homophobia, and other forms of oppression. These systems create the conditions that drive people to addiction and shape how recovery is accessed and experienced.

Radical self-awareness. The path to recovery requires confronting personal wounds and societal conditioning.

• Claiming your voice, power, and needs goes against patriarchal norms.
• Healing from trauma requires acknowledging the ways society has harmed you.
• Understanding how systems of oppression contribute to addiction is crucial for holistic healing.

Recovery as resistance. Choosing sobriety and healing is an act of rebellion against a sick society that benefits from keeping people down and disconnected. By reclaiming self-awareness and personal power, individuals contribute to a collective momentum for change. The revolution begins within.

Last updated: July 10, 2025