Rejection Proof

1. Rejection is a universal human experience that can be overcome

"Rejection is like chicken. It's yummy or yucky depending on how you cook it."

Rejection is ubiquitous. From job applications to romantic pursuits, everyone experiences rejection. However, the fear of rejection often holds people back from pursuing their dreams and ambitions.

Jia Jiang's journey. The author embarked on a "100 Days of Rejection" experiment to confront and overcome his fear. He made unusual requests to strangers, such as:

• Asking for Olympic ring-shaped donuts at Krispy Kreme
• Requesting to play soccer in a stranger's backyard
• Attempting to plant flowers in someone's yard

Through these experiences, Jiang discovered that rejection is not as devastating as he feared. In fact, he often received unexpected positive responses, demonstrating that many opportunities are lost simply because people are afraid to ask.

2. Fear of rejection often stems from evolutionary instincts

"The fear of rejection may have saved many of our ancestors from getting tossed out of their social groups, but by and large it no longer makes sense in our modern lives."

Evolutionary roots. Our fear of rejection is deeply ingrained in our biology. In prehistoric times, being ostracized from a social group could mean death, as survival depended on cooperation.

Brain chemistry. Research shows that social rejection triggers the same areas of the brain as physical pain. This explains why rejection can feel so devastating.

However, in modern society, this fear is often disproportionate to the actual consequences of rejection. Recognizing this can help us put rejection into perspective and overcome our instinctive fears.

3. Rejection is human, subjective, and has a number

"Rejection is an opinion of the rejector. It is heavily influenced by historical context, cultural differences, and psychological factors. There is no universal rejection or acceptance."

Rejection is not absolute. It's important to understand that rejection is often more about the rejector than the person being rejected. Factors influencing rejection include:

• Personal experiences
• Cultural background
• Current mood or circumstances

Persistence pays off. Many successful people faced numerous rejections before achieving their goals. For example:

• J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter was rejected by 12 publishers
• Stephen King's Carrie was rejected 30 times
• Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for "lacking imagination"

These examples demonstrate that rejection often has a "number" – if you persist, you may eventually find acceptance.

4. Asking "why" and offering alternatives can turn rejections into opportunities

"By engaging in conversation with the man, I learned two very valuable things: 1. The man rejected me not because he didn't trust me or thought I was weird. He appreciated my offer, but it didn't fit his situation. 2. He gave me a lead to another person who he knew might be much more open to my gift."

Ask "why" before goodbye. When faced with rejection, asking for the reason can provide valuable insights and potentially turn the situation around. This approach:

• Shows genuine interest
• Provides opportunity for clarification
• May lead to alternative solutions

Retreat, don't run. Instead of giving up after an initial rejection, try retreating to a lesser request. This can:

• Keep the conversation going
• Show flexibility and willingness to compromise
• Potentially lead to a positive outcome

By employing these strategies, rejection can become a starting point for negotiation and problem-solving rather than an endpoint.

5. Humor and empathy are powerful tools for handling rejection

"Laughter reduced their pain and stress."

Humor as a coping mechanism. Research shows that laughter can increase pain tolerance and reduce stress. When facing rejection, maintaining a sense of humor can:

• Diffuse tension
• Reduce personal embarrassment
• Make the situation more manageable for both parties

Empathy builds connections. Understanding and relating to the rejector's perspective can:

• Foster better communication
• Create mutual understanding
• Potentially lead to a more favorable outcome

By approaching rejection with humor and empathy, we can transform potentially negative experiences into positive interactions and learning opportunities.

6. Rejection can be a source of motivation, self-improvement, and character building

"For someone like me, who achieved a lot over the course of my career, you look for any kind of messages that people may say or do to get you motivated to play the game of basketball at the highest level, because that is when I feel like I excel at my best."

Motivation through adversity. Many successful individuals use rejection as fuel for their ambitions. Examples include:

• Michael Jordan using his high school basketball team rejection as motivation
• Thomas Edison viewing his failures as steps toward success
• Oprah Winfrey overcoming early career setbacks to become a media mogul

Self-improvement opportunity. Rejection can highlight areas for personal growth and development. It provides:

• Feedback on areas needing improvement
• Opportunities to refine ideas or skills
• Chances to develop resilience and perseverance

By reframing rejection as a tool for growth rather than a personal indictment, we can use it to build character and drive success.

7. Finding meaning in rejection can lead to personal growth and new missions

"We might not have freedom to control our situations, but we have freedom to find meaning in every experience, even when it's rejection, whether it's empathy, value, or a new mission in life."

Empathy through shared experiences. Rejection can foster understanding and connection with others who have faced similar challenges. This can lead to:

• Stronger relationships
• Increased compassion
• A broader perspective on life

Discovering new paths. Sometimes, rejection from one direction can open up unexpected opportunities in another. Examples include:

• Steve Jobs using his ouster from Apple to found Pixar
• J.K. Rowling finding her calling as an author after facing personal and professional setbacks

By seeking meaning in rejection, we can transform difficult experiences into catalysts for personal growth and new life missions.

8. Overcoming rejection fear leads to freedom to ask and self-acceptance

"I feel I can ask for anything I want or need and not be afraid of rejection, judgment, and disapproval. I've learned that amazing things can happen when I reach out and take that first step—and my excitement about those possibilities has begun to overshadow any fear I have about potential rejection."

Freedom to ask. Overcoming the fear of rejection allows us to:

• Pursue opportunities without hesitation
• Express our needs and desires openly
• Explore new possibilities without self-imposed limitations

Self-acceptance. True freedom from rejection fear comes from accepting ourselves, regardless of others' opinions. This involves:

• Recognizing our inherent worth
• Trusting our judgment and instincts
• Being authentic in our interactions with others

By conquering the fear of rejection, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and achieve a level of personal freedom that allows us to live life on our own terms.

Last updated: January 23, 2025