Sacred Companions

1. Spirituality is a Lifelong Transformational Journey with God

The essence of Christian spirituality is following Christ on a journey of personal transformation.

Life as pilgrimage. Spirituality is best understood as a journey, a continuous pilgrimage of following Jesus. This metaphor connects deeply with biblical narratives, from Abraham's call to the Israelites' wilderness wandering and Jesus' invitation to his disciples to "Follow me." It emphasizes movement and change rather than a static state or destination.

Inner transformation. This journey is primarily one of inner transformation, moving from the inside out, focusing on the heart. It's about becoming, not just doing or being, prioritizing the development of the inner self. The goal is not merely reaching a physical place or achieving external success, but undergoing profound character change shaped by Christ.

Following Jesus. The route of this journey isn't a fixed map but a person, Jesus himself. We are called to follow him, not other people or prescribed paths. This requires overcoming the temptation to rely on human guides as ultimate authorities, recognizing that Jesus alone is the Way.

2. We Need Sacred Companions (Friends & Directors) on This Journey

We were never intended to make the life pilgrimage alone.

Journeying together. The Christian spiritual journey is not meant to be undertaken in isolation. While the Spirit of God is our constant companion, human companions – spiritual friends and directors – are also essential. They provide support, challenge, and shared experience that are vital for growth.

Mutual care. Christian soul care emphasizes caring for the souls of others, not just self-care. Deep knowing of both God and self, foundational to spirituality, requires being deeply known by others. Intimate relationships with others prepare us for intimacy with God.

Growth catalyst. Love, the central dynamic of Christian spirituality, is cultivated in close soul relationships. Journeying together provides opportunities to confront narcissism and develop genuine love for others. Companionship is not just helpful; it's necessary for real progress.

3. Spiritual Friendship is a Gift of Hospitality, Presence, and Dialogue

Spiritual friendship is a gift of hospitality, presence and dialogue.

Gift of self. Spiritual friendship is fundamentally a gift of being, not just doing. It's about offering hospitality by making space in one's life for another, grounded in a quiet, still inner center cultivated through attentiveness to God. This inner space allows for the gift of presence.

Creating safety. Soul hospitality offers a place of safety where one can be genuinely known without fear of criticism or ridicule. It's a place where masks can be dropped, deepest secrets shared, and acceptance is offered for who one is, for the sake of who one may become. Confidentiality is crucial for this safety.

Shared inquiry. Dialogue, a deep form of soul engagement, is central to spiritual friendship. It's a shared inquiry aimed at increasing awareness and understanding, where participants meet as "I-Thou" (persons made in God's image) rather than "I-it" (objects). Dialogue involves sharing one's inner world, not just external events.

4. True Spiritual Friendship Requires Love, Honesty, Intimacy, and Mutuality

True friends experience each other as being part of themselves in some profound way.

Bond of love. Friendship involves a bond of love, a sense of being "one in spirit" or "kindred souls" who share a passion for something outside the friendship, like the spiritual journey. This love desires the other's well-being and growth, seeking their wholeness and holiness. It is grounded in reality, not idealization, and includes loyalty.

Honest challenge. Love demands honesty, confronting self-deceptions and illusions to call friends to truth. Just as Jesus challenged his disciples out of love, spiritual friends risk temporary discomfort to help each other see blind spots. This requires a balance of support and confrontation.

Shared experience. Intimacy in friendship is shared experience across various spheres (spiritual, emotional, intellectual, etc.), particularly sharing the inner self and experience of God. It's a togetherness that honors separateness, recognizing the friend remains partly a stranger, and avoids possessiveness.

Reciprocal giving. Friendship is marked by mutuality, a reciprocal giving and receiving that balances over time. Unlike other care relationships, friendship requires both parties to offer companionship. While not necessarily equal in all aspects, it's a shared journey where each accompanies the other.

5. Spiritual Direction is a Prayer Process Focused on Attuning to God's Presence

Spiritual direction is a prayer process in which a person seeking help in cultivating a deeper personal relationship with God meets with another for prayer and conversation that is focused on increasing awareness of God in the midst of life experiences and facilitating surrender to God's will.

Prayer at the core. Spiritual direction is fundamentally a prayer process. It's not just talking about prayer or occasionally doing prayer; the conversation itself becomes prayer, a dialogue of three: the director, the directee, and God. This keeps both participants focused on the divine presence.

Deepening relationship. The primary goal is cultivating a deeper personal relationship with God. The focus is on the directee's relationship with the Lord, with the director's role being to facilitate this, not to become the central figure or solve problems. It is developmental, not primarily reparative.

Awareness in life. Spiritual direction focuses on increasing awareness of God in the midst of life experiences. It prioritizes experience, particularly spiritual experience (awareness of God), over abstract theology. The search for God in everyday life is key to attunement and moving towards prayer without ceasing.

6. The True Spiritual Director is the Holy Spirit, Not a Human Guide

The only authority that has any place in spiritual direction is God himself and his Word.

Divine guidance. Spiritual direction is not authoritarian; it does not place a human intermediary between the individual and God. The human director is merely an assistant to the true Spiritual Director, the Holy Spirit. The focus is on discerning the Spirit's presence and leading, not following human dictates.

Facilitating attunement. The human director's role is to facilitate the directee's attunement to God. This involves encouraging attentiveness to God's communication and presence, rather than giving advice, teaching a curriculum, or providing moral guidance. It's about accompanying, not commanding.

Beyond human expertise. Unlike counseling which is problem-centered and relies on human expertise, spiritual direction is Spirit-centered. The director's empathic focus is not primarily the directee's feelings but the Spirit's activity. The director's own spiritual journey and humility are more important than being a spiritual giant or expert.

7. Soul Attunement Involves Attending to God's Communication in Various Ways

Attentiveness to this communication is foundational to spiritual growth.

Increasing sensitivity. God constantly communicates through His Word, creation, and Spirit. Soul attunement is about increasing our sensitivity to this ongoing revelation. Spiritual directors help directees attend to God in diverse ways to deepen this awareness.

Ways to attend:

• Experience of God: Reflecting on personal encounters with the divine.
• Jesus: Meditating on the Gospels to know God as revealed in Christ.
• God's Presence: Practicing disciplines like the daily examen to discern God in everyday life.
• God's Attention: Reflecting on Scripture (like Psalm 121) to know God's constant watchfulness.
• Scripture: Encountering the Word behind the words for instruction and meeting God.
• Dreams: Prayerfully listening to dreams as a resource for knowing innermost thoughts and meeting God in one's depths.

Beyond ideas. Attunement moves beyond merely having ideas about God to having personal, experiential knowledge of God. This requires interior reflection and openness to God's presence in unexpected places, even in darkness or struggle.

8. The Journey's Goal is Becoming a Great Lover, Whole, Holy, and Our True Self-in-Christ

The intended destination of the Christian journey has been described in a variety of ways.

Becoming like God. The goal of Christian spiritual transformation is multifaceted, summarized by three interrelated master goals. First, becoming a great lover, reflecting God's nature as love and allowing His love poured into our hearts to flow out to others. This begins with falling deeply in love with God.

Redeeming humanity. Second, becoming whole and holy. This emphasizes that salvation redeems our humanity, not rescues us from it. Wholeness involves integrating all aspects of self (psychological, physical, spiritual), while holiness is becoming like God through a restored relationship with Him. Deep knowing of self and God are essential for both.

Finding true identity. Third, becoming our true self-in-Christ. This involves crucifying false ways of being (based on possessions, actions, others' esteem) and actualizing the unique self found only in Christ. It's a surrender to God's will, trusting that His will leads to our happiness and fulfillment.

9. Spiritual Accompaniment Can Flourish in Small Groups Through Prayerful Listening and Sharing

The potential of small groups as a vehicle for spiritual accompaniment is enormous.

Beyond fellowship. While small groups serve various purposes, they hold significant potential for combining spiritual friendship and direction. These groups prioritize soul friendships and spiritual accompaniment over general fellowship or content-driven study.

Honoring questions. Spiritual accompaniment groups prioritize questions over answers, creating a safe space for spiritual seeking and exploration. They welcome longing and restlessness, recognizing that questions are vital reflections of spiritual hunger to be explored, not eliminated.

Contemplative climate. Prayerful listening is central, cultivated through silence and practices like lectio divina (prayerful listening to Scripture). This helps members attend to God's Spirit in themselves, each other, and their shared experience, fostering a contemplative character.

Sharing experience. Group time focuses on sharing spiritual experience – where God is in life circumstances, spiritual practices, longings, and struggles. Members prepare by reflecting on their experience of God, listening prayerfully to others, and offering support and acceptance rather than advice or judgment.

10. Marriage Offers Unique Potential for Deep Spousal Soul Friendship and Direction

Marriage is in many ways the ideal context for soul friendships.

High ideal. While challenging, spousal spiritual friendship represents a high and attainable ideal, offering unique potential for deep intimacy. It's a gift to be nurtured, ideally beginning with cultivating genuine friendship before marriage, rather than relying solely on romantic expectations.

Cultivating the soil. Developing a spousal soul friendship requires cultivating three key elements:

• Respect: Honoring the spouse's separateness and uniqueness, seeing them through God's eyes as a unique creation and discerning the Spirit's activity in their life.
• Absence of Control: Abandoning agendas for changing the other, avoiding possessiveness, coercion, and manipulation, trusting the Spirit's work.
• Dialogue: Committing to active, prayerful listening, valuing conversation, taking risks to share one's inner world, and being open to change through shared experience.

Ecstasy of union. When dialogue and intimacy across various spheres (including sexuality, as celebrated in the Song of Songs) are grounded in respect and absence of control, marriage offers the possibility of profound spiritual union. Sexual intimacy becomes the joining of souls, not just bodies.

11. Becoming a Spiritual Companion Requires a Call, Hunger for God, Love for People, and Preparation

No one should undertake the work of spiritual direction without the call of God.

Discerning the call. A call to spiritual direction is often affirmed by others who recognize spiritual maturity, trustworthiness, and interpersonal accessibility. Those called are typically already providing some form of spiritual guidance, formally or informally.

Essential qualities. Beyond external affirmation, the call is marked by internal qualities:

• Hunger for God: A personal commitment to one's own spiritual journey, a continuous seeking and humility about where and how God is found.
• Love for People: Genuine care for ordinary people as they are, enjoying sharing their journeys and counting it a privilege.

Ongoing preparation. Preparation is lifelong and includes:

• Personal experience in receiving spiritual direction.
• Understanding the psychospiritual dynamics of the soul.
• Commitment to deepening knowledge of self and God.
• Knowledge of Scripture and grounding in theology.
• Developing skills in holy listening (attending to God and the other simultaneously).
• Considering formal training and supervision.

Last updated: June 22, 2025