Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

1. Respect: The Cornerstone of Baby Communication

Every baby is a person who has language, feelings, and a unique personality—and, therefore, deserves respect.

Treating babies as individuals. Hogg emphasizes that respect is not just a concept but a practice. It involves acknowledging a baby's personhood from the start, using their name, and explaining actions before they happen. This approach fosters trust and understanding, laying the foundation for a healthy relationship.

Drawing an imaginary boundary. Hogg suggests drawing an imaginary circle of respect around your baby, a boundary beyond which you cannot go without asking permission or telling your baby what you’re about to do. This means explaining diaper changes, baths, and even simple movements, ensuring the baby feels secure and understood.

Listening, not just talking. Respect also means engaging in a two-way conversation, even before the baby can speak. By observing their cues, responding to their needs, and acknowledging their feelings, parents can create a secure environment where the baby feels valued and understood.

2. E.A.S.Y.: Structure for Baby, Sanity for You

Your baby is part of your life, not the other way round.

The E.A.S.Y. framework. Hogg introduces the E.A.S.Y. routine (Eat, Activity, Sleep, Your time) as a flexible structure that provides predictability for the baby and allows parents to reclaim some personal time. This routine helps detach the expectation of eating from sleeping, encouraging self-soothing and independent settling.

Benefits of a structured routine. A structured routine helps parents set a pace that their baby can follow and create an environment that helps him know what’s coming. With E.A.S.Y., there is no rigidity—we listen to Baby and respond to his specific needs—but we keep his day in logical order.

Flexibility within structure. While consistency is key, Hogg stresses the importance of adapting the E.A.S.Y. routine to the baby's temperament and individual needs. This involves observing cues, adjusting feeding times, and modifying activities to suit the baby's preferences, ensuring a personalized approach to care.

3. S.L.O.W.: Decoding Your Baby's Language

Whenever your baby fusses or cries, try this simple strategy, which takes only a few seconds.

The S.L.O.W. technique. Hogg introduces the S.L.O.W. acronym (Stop, Listen, Observe, What's Up?) as a tool for parents to decode their baby's cries and body language. This technique encourages parents to pause, pay attention to the nuances of their baby's communication, and respond thoughtfully.

Understanding different cries. Hogg emphasizes that crying is a baby's language, and different cries convey different needs. By listening to the pitch, intensity, and frequency of the cries, parents can learn to distinguish between hunger, tiredness, discomfort, and other needs.

Observing body language. Hogg encourages parents to pay attention to their baby's body language, including facial expressions, gestures, and postures. These nonverbal cues can provide valuable insights into the baby's feelings and needs, helping parents respond more effectively.

4. Feeding Choices: Breast, Bottle, or Both

Food comes first, then morals.

Empowering feeding decisions. Hogg acknowledges the controversy surrounding breastfeeding versus formula-feeding and encourages parents to make informed choices based on their individual circumstances. She emphasizes that both methods can provide adequate nutrition and foster bonding, and the decision should be free from guilt and pressure.

Breastfeeding benefits and challenges. Hogg discusses the benefits of breast milk, including its nutritional value and immune-boosting properties. However, she also acknowledges the challenges of breastfeeding, such as sore nipples, latch difficulties, and time commitment, and encourages mothers to prioritize their own well-being.

Formula-feeding as a viable option. Hogg emphasizes that formula-feeding is a perfectly acceptable alternative, especially when breastfeeding is not possible or desirable. She encourages parents to choose a high-quality formula and follow safe preparation and storage guidelines.

5. Activities: Engaging Senses, Fostering Independence

Babies and young children think, observe, and reason.

Stimulating senses, not overwhelming. Hogg emphasizes the importance of engaging a baby's senses through various activities, such as diaper changes, baths, and playtime. However, she cautions against overstimulation, which can lead to fussiness and difficulty settling.

Creating a safe and interesting environment. Hogg encourages parents to create a stimulating environment for their baby, providing opportunities for exploration and discovery. This can involve simple activities, such as gazing at a mobile, reaching for a toy, or listening to music.

Fostering independence through play. Hogg encourages parents to foster their baby's independence by allowing them to explore and play on their own. This involves observing without intervening, providing encouragement, and respecting the baby's natural pace of development.

6. Sensible Sleep: Setting the Stage for Restful Nights

I had hardly had a new baby for two weeks when it hit me that I was never again going to be rested.

Prioritizing sleep for baby and parents. Hogg emphasizes the importance of establishing healthy sleep habits for both the baby and the parents. She acknowledges the challenges of sleep deprivation and encourages parents to prioritize rest and rejuvenation.

Establishing bedtime rituals. Hogg recommends creating consistent bedtime and nap time rituals to signal to the baby that it's time to sleep. These rituals can include a warm bath, a gentle massage, a lullaby, and a quiet cuddle.

Teaching self-soothing skills. Hogg encourages parents to help their babies develop self-soothing skills by putting them down in their cribs while they're still awake. This allows the babies to learn how to fall asleep on their own, without relying on external props.

7. The "Y": Reclaiming Yourself Amidst Motherhood

Think of yourself sometimes. Don’t give everything to the children and leave nothing for yourself.

The importance of self-care. Hogg emphasizes that self-care is not selfish but essential for effective parenting. She encourages mothers to prioritize their own well-being by taking time for rest, relaxation, and activities they enjoy.

Sharing responsibilities. Hogg encourages parents to share responsibilities and support each other. This can involve dividing up household chores, taking turns with nighttime feedings, and providing each other with opportunities for personal time.

Maintaining relationships. Hogg encourages parents to maintain their relationships with their partners, friends, and family. This can involve scheduling date nights, attending social events, and seeking support from loved ones.

8. Navigating Special Circumstances with Grace

Great emergencies and crises show us how much greater our vital resources are than we had supposed.

Addressing unique challenges. Hogg acknowledges that some parents face unique challenges, such as adoption, surrogacy, multiple births, prematurity, or medical complications. She encourages parents to seek support and information specific to their circumstances.

Adjusting expectations. Hogg emphasizes the importance of adjusting expectations and being flexible in the face of unforeseen events. This can involve modifying routines, seeking professional guidance, and accepting that things may not always go as planned.

Celebrating the journey. Hogg encourages parents to celebrate the joys and triumphs of their parenting journey, regardless of the challenges they face. She emphasizes that every child is a miracle, and every family is unique.

9. Accidental Parenting: Recognizing and Correcting Course

In order to be a good mother, you have to breastfeed.

Identifying unintentional patterns. Hogg introduces the concept of "accidental parenting," in which parents unwittingly reinforce negative behaviors in their infants. This can involve misinterpreting cues, responding inconsistently, or relying on ineffective strategies.

The ABC strategy. Hogg presents a simple ABC strategy for analyzing and correcting accidental parenting patterns:

• A: Antecedent (what happened before the behavior)
• B: Behavior (the baby's response)
• C: Consequence (the parent's reaction)

Breaking bad habits. By identifying the triggers and consequences of negative behaviors, parents can develop strategies to change the pattern. This can involve modifying their own responses, creating a more structured environment, or seeking professional guidance.

Last updated: April 13, 2025