Key Takeaways
1. Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence
Self-awareness means having a deep understanding of one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drives.
Cornerstone of success. Self-awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence and a critical factor in personal and professional success. It enables individuals to recognize how their feelings affect them, others, and their job performance. Self-aware people are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful; instead, they are honest with themselves and others.
Practical benefits. Self-awareness leads to:
- Better decision-making
- Stronger relationships
- More effective communication
- Increased job satisfaction
- Higher likelihood of promotion
Self-aware leaders can assess themselves realistically, speak openly about their emotions, and understand how they impact their work and others. They often demonstrate a self-deprecating sense of humor and a thirst for constructive criticism, which contributes to their overall effectiveness.
2. There are two types of self-awareness: internal and external
We've found that internal self-awareness is associated with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness; it is negatively related to anxiety, stress, and depression.
Internal self-awareness involves understanding your own values, passions, aspirations, fit with your environment, reactions, and impact on others. It correlates with higher job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness, while being negatively related to anxiety, stress, and depression.
External self-awareness means understanding how other people view you in terms of those same factors. People with high external self-awareness are more skilled at showing empathy and taking others' perspectives. Their employees tend to have better relationships with them, feel more satisfied, and see them as more effective leaders.
Interestingly, there is virtually no relationship between internal and external self-awareness. This leads to four leadership archetypes:
- Aware (high internal and external)
- Introspectors (high internal, low external)
- Seekers (low internal, high external)
- Pleasers (low internal and external)
3. Experience and power can hinder self-awareness
Contrary to popular belief, studies have shown that people do not always learn from experience, that expertise does not help people root out false information, and that seeing ourselves as highly experienced can keep us from doing our homework, seeking disconfirming evidence, and questioning our assumptions.
Experience paradox. Contrary to popular belief, experience doesn't always lead to increased self-awareness. In fact, it can sometimes hinder it by:
- Creating a false sense of confidence
- Reducing the likelihood of seeking feedback
- Discouraging the questioning of assumptions
Power pitfall. As leaders gain more power, they tend to:
- Overestimate their skills and abilities
- Receive less candid feedback from others
- Become less willing to listen to alternative viewpoints
To counteract these tendencies, successful leaders actively seek frequent critical feedback from various sources, including bosses, peers, employees, and board members. This practice helps them maintain and improve their self-awareness as they progress in their careers.
4. Introspection doesn't always improve self-awareness
As it turns out, "why" is a surprisingly ineffective self-awareness question.
The problem with "why". Contrary to popular belief, asking "why" questions during introspection can be counterproductive. This is because:
- We often lack access to our unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives
- "Why" questions can lead to excessive rumination and negative thought patterns
- We tend to invent answers that feel true but may be inaccurate
The power of "what". Instead of asking "why," focus on "what" questions:
- "What are the situations that make me feel terrible?"
- "What are the steps I need to take to do a better job?"
- "What do I need to do to move forward?"
These "what" questions help maintain objectivity, focus on the future, and empower action based on new insights. They lead to more productive self-reflection and increased self-awareness without getting caught in unproductive rumination.
5. Recognize your patterns and label your thoughts and emotions
The first step in developing emotional agility is to notice when you've been hooked by your thoughts and feelings.
Recognize patterns. To develop emotional agility, start by noticing when you've been "hooked" by your thoughts and feelings. Signs include:
- Rigid and repetitive thinking
- Familiar storylines that feel like reruns of past experiences
- Feeling stuck or unable to move forward
Label thoughts and emotions. Once you recognize these patterns, practice labeling your thoughts and emotions:
- Instead of "I'm not doing enough," say "I'm having the thought that I'm not doing enough"
- Rather than "I'm angry," say "I'm noticing that I'm feeling anger"
This labeling technique:
- Creates distance between you and your thoughts/emotions
- Allows you to see them as transient data points
- Reduces their power over your actions and decisions
By recognizing patterns and labeling thoughts and emotions, you can start to unhook yourself from unproductive mental loops and gain more control over your responses.
6. Accept your thoughts and emotions, then act on your values
Effective leaders don't buy into or try to suppress their inner experiences. Instead they approach them in a mindful, values-driven, and productive way—developing what we call emotional agility.
Accept, don't suppress. Rather than trying to control or eliminate difficult thoughts and emotions, practice acceptance:
- Acknowledge and allow yourself to experience them
- Observe them without judgment
- Recognize that they are temporary and don't define you
Act on values. Once you've accepted your thoughts and emotions:
- Identify your core values and long-term goals
- Ask yourself: "Is my response going to serve me and my organization in the long term?"
- Make choices that align with your values, not your momentary feelings
This approach allows leaders to navigate challenging situations more effectively, make better decisions, and maintain their integrity even in the face of difficult emotions or circumstances.
7. Use data-driven approaches to enhance self-awareness
Applied the right way, auto-analytics can provide hard evidence in situations where traditionally we've relied on intuition and anecdotal feedback.
Auto-analytics tools. Leverage technology to gain insights into your behavior and performance:
- Trackers: Reveal patterns and help set goals (e.g., sleep trackers, productivity apps)
- Nudgers: Guide you toward your goals based on collected data
Areas of focus:
- Physical self: Monitor sleep, stress levels, and exercise routines
- Thinking self: Track cognitive tasks, attention patterns, and work output
- Emotional self: Record moods and correlate them with various factors
Benefits of data-driven self-awareness:
- Provides objective insights into your habits and patterns
- Helps identify areas for improvement
- Allows for testing and measuring the impact of changes
- Supports more informed decision-making about your career and personal development
By using auto-analytics tools and approaches, you can gain a more accurate and nuanced understanding of yourself, leading to better-informed choices and more effective personal and professional growth strategies.
8. Seek feedback from others to improve self-perception
Tapping into this collective impression can give us valuable information on what's working for us and where we may need to adjust our style.
Conduct a presence audit. To gain insight into how others perceive you:
- Select 5 trusted colleagues who see you in relevant work situations
- Ask for face-to-face meetings
- Pose two key questions:
- "What's the general perception of me?"
- "What could I do differently that would have the greatest impact on my success?"
Handle feedback effectively:
- Resist the urge to explain or defend yourself
- Ask for specific examples if needed
- Thank the person sincerely for their input
Analyze and act:
- Look for themes and repetitive points in the feedback
- Identify areas where perceptions align or differ from your intentions
- Develop an action plan to address key areas for improvement
By seeking and acting on feedback from others, you can bridge the gap between your self-perception and how others see you, leading to more effective leadership and improved relationships in the workplace.
9. Learn to solicit and receive negative feedback effectively
Even if we get frequent feedback at work, it's typically about our functional performance. You may be told that your sales skills need sharpening, but not that people see you as self-interested. Which one has more of an impact on your career?
Overcome feedback barriers. Managers often hesitate to give negative feedback due to:
- Fear of hurting feelings
- Desire to maintain professionalism
- Lack of role models for giving negative feedback
- Concern about emotional reactions
Strategies for soliciting negative feedback:
- Give yourself negative feedback first to make others comfortable
- Frame it as a personal commitment to improvement
- Ask what you could learn from the other person
- Minimize the impact by asking for "one small habit" to change
Benefits of seeking negative feedback:
- Demonstrates commitment to growth
- Builds trust and openness in relationships
- Provides valuable insights for career development
- Shows emotional maturity and self-awareness
By actively seeking and effectively receiving negative feedback, you can accelerate your personal and professional growth, improve your relationships, and demonstrate your commitment to continuous improvement.
10. Find the coaching in criticism to accelerate growth
Getting better at receiving feedback starts with understanding and managing those feelings.
Understand feedback triggers. Recognize three types of triggers that can make receiving feedback difficult:
- Truth triggers: Reactions to the content of the feedback
- Relationship triggers: Responses based on the person giving the feedback
- Identity triggers: Emotional reactions related to your self-image
Strategies for effective feedback reception:
- Know your tendencies: Recognize your typical reactions to feedback
- Disentangle the "what" from the "who": Separate the message from the messenger
- Sort toward coaching: Try to hear feedback as advice rather than criticism
- Unpack the feedback: Seek clarity on what exactly is being suggested
- Ask for just one thing: Request specific, actionable feedback
- Engage in small experiments: Test out suggestions to see what works
Benefits of embracing feedback:
- Accelerates personal and professional growth
- Improves relationships and communication
- Enhances leadership effectiveness
- Increases adaptability and resilience
By learning to find the coaching in criticism and managing your emotional responses, you can transform feedback from a potentially threatening experience into a valuable opportunity for growth and improvement.
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FAQ
What's "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review about?
- Focus on Emotional Intelligence: The book is part of the HBR Emotional Intelligence Series, focusing on the human side of professional life, particularly self-awareness as a key component of emotional intelligence.
- Understanding Self-Awareness: It explores the concept of self-awareness, which involves understanding one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drives.
- Practical Guidance: The book provides practical advice and strategies for cultivating self-awareness in professional settings, drawing from various experts and research studies.
- Comprehensive Coverage: It includes insights from multiple authors, each contributing their expertise on different aspects of self-awareness and its impact on leadership and personal growth.
Why should I read "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review?
- Enhance Leadership Skills: The book offers valuable insights into how self-awareness can improve leadership effectiveness and decision-making.
- Improve Emotional Intelligence: It provides strategies to develop emotional intelligence, which is crucial for personal and professional success.
- Practical Applications: Readers can apply the practical advice and exercises to their own lives to better understand themselves and improve their interactions with others.
- Diverse Perspectives: The book includes contributions from various experts, offering a well-rounded view of self-awareness and its importance in the workplace.
What are the key takeaways of "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review?
- Self-Awareness as a Foundation: Self-awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence and is essential for understanding one's emotions and their impact on others.
- Two Types of Self-Awareness: The book distinguishes between internal self-awareness (how we see ourselves) and external self-awareness (how others see us).
- Overcoming Barriers: It addresses common barriers to self-awareness, such as overconfidence and lack of feedback, and offers strategies to overcome them.
- Continuous Improvement: Self-awareness is a journey that requires ongoing reflection, feedback, and adaptation to achieve personal and professional growth.
How does "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review define self-awareness?
- Deep Understanding: Self-awareness involves a deep understanding of one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, needs, and drives.
- Impact on Others: It includes recognizing how one's feelings affect themselves, others, and their job performance.
- Values and Goals Alignment: Self-awareness extends to understanding one's values and goals, ensuring decisions align with personal principles.
- Realistic Self-Assessment: It involves the ability to assess oneself realistically, acknowledging both strengths and limitations.
What are the two types of self-awareness discussed in "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review?
- Internal Self-Awareness: This refers to how clearly we see our own values, passions, aspirations, and reactions, and is associated with higher job satisfaction and happiness.
- External Self-Awareness: This involves understanding how others perceive us, which can enhance empathy and improve relationships.
- No Direct Correlation: The book notes that being high in one type of self-awareness does not necessarily mean being high in the other.
- Balancing Both Types: Effective leaders work on balancing internal and external self-awareness to improve their effectiveness.
What are some practical exercises from "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review to improve self-awareness?
- Best Self Exercise: Reflect on a time when you were at your best, noting the tasks, environment, and factors that contributed to your success.
- Mental Models: Use hypothetical scenarios to explore your desires and passions, such as imagining you have one year left to live.
- Feedback Solicitation: Regularly ask for feedback from colleagues to gain insights into how others perceive you and identify areas for improvement.
- Reflection Practices: Schedule regular reflection time to consider your beliefs, actions, and their impact on your personal and professional life.
How does "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review suggest handling negative feedback?
- Solicit Feedback Proactively: Ask for specific feedback on areas for improvement rather than waiting for formal reviews.
- Reframe Feedback: View negative feedback as a learning opportunity rather than a personal attack.
- Minimize Impact: Preemptively minimize the impact of negative feedback by framing it as a small habit change.
- Engage in Experiments: Test feedback through small experiments to determine its validity and potential benefits.
What role does emotional agility play in "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review?
- Managing Thoughts and Feelings: Emotional agility involves managing one's thoughts and feelings in a mindful, values-driven, and productive way.
- Acceptance of Emotions: It encourages accepting emotions rather than suppressing them, allowing for more effective decision-making.
- Values-Driven Actions: Acting on one's values rather than being controlled by emotions is a key aspect of emotional agility.
- Improving Job Performance: Emotional agility can help alleviate stress, reduce errors, and improve job performance.
What are the barriers to self-awareness mentioned in "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review?
- Overconfidence: Experience and power can lead to overconfidence, hindering self-awareness and accurate self-assessment.
- Introspection Pitfalls: Introspection can be ineffective if done incorrectly, leading to rumination rather than productive self-insight.
- Feedback Avoidance: A lack of feedback or reluctance to seek it can prevent individuals from gaining a clear understanding of themselves.
- Bias Toward Action: A preference for action over reflection can limit opportunities for self-awareness and growth.
How does "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review address the importance of feedback?
- Crucial for Growth: Feedback is essential for personal and professional growth, helping individuals understand their impact on others.
- Receiving Feedback Well: The book emphasizes the importance of being open to feedback and managing emotional responses to it.
- Feedback as a Learning Tool: It encourages viewing feedback as a tool for learning and improvement rather than criticism.
- Soliciting Feedback: Regularly seeking feedback from various sources can provide valuable insights and enhance self-awareness.
What are some key quotes from "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review and their meanings?
- "Self-awareness is the first component of emotional intelligence." This highlights the foundational role of self-awareness in understanding and managing emotions effectively.
- "People with strong self-awareness are neither overly critical nor unrealistically hopeful." It emphasizes the importance of realistic self-assessment and balance in self-perception.
- "The bottom line is that self-awareness isn’t one truth." This underscores the complexity of self-awareness, involving both internal and external perspectives.
- "Effective leaders don’t buy into or try to suppress their inner experiences." It suggests that acknowledging and managing emotions is crucial for effective leadership.
How does "Self-Awareness" by Harvard Business Review suggest using auto-analytics for self-awareness?
- Tracking Tools: Use trackers to document routines and physical responses, such as sleep patterns and stress levels, to understand their impact on work performance.
- Nudging Tools: Employ nudgers to guide behavior changes based on data, such as reminders to take breaks or adjust work habits.
- Holistic Approach: Combine various measurements in a single dashboard to analyze oneself across multiple dimensions.
- Data-Driven Insights: Use data to gain insights into personal habits and make informed decisions to enhance self-awareness and productivity.
Review Summary
Self-Awareness (HBR Emotional Intelligence Series) receives positive reviews for its insightful essays on developing self-awareness in professional and personal contexts. Readers appreciate the practical advice, exercises, and real-world examples provided. The book is praised for its concise format and diverse perspectives from multiple authors. Many find it helpful for improving emotional intelligence, leadership skills, and personal growth. Some readers note that while the content is primarily business-oriented, it can be applied to various aspects of life. A few criticize the repetition of content across other HBR books and desire more depth in certain areas.
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