Sell the Way You Buy

1. Embrace Empathy: Sell the Way You Buy

Every day salespeople find themselves in a similar moral and operational dilemma, executing tactics they sense are outdated, ineffective, and inconsistent with their personal philosophy.

The Golden Rule of Sales. The core principle of modern selling is to treat your customers as you would like to be treated. This means abandoning outdated, pushy tactics and adopting an empathetic approach that prioritizes the customer's needs and experience. By understanding your own buying behaviors, you can better tailor your sales strategies to resonate with modern buyers.

Question Everything. Don't blindly follow outdated sales playbooks. Instead, constantly question the effectiveness of your tactics and seek to understand the "why" behind customer behavior. This involves studying human psychology, behavioral science, and the emotional drivers that influence purchasing decisions.

The Cobra Kai Paradox. Avoid outdated, aggressive sales tactics that you yourself would find off-putting. Instead, strive to create a more human and empathetic sales process that builds trust and fosters long-term relationships. This shift requires a conscious effort to align your sales motion with your personal values and the way you prefer to be sold to.

2. Attention is Scarce: Earn It with Value

As the perceived value of a product increases, the degree of attention or mindshare you need from a customer in order to take notice decreases.

The Attention/Value Matrix. In today's crowded marketplace, capturing customer attention is a constant battle. The key is to understand the relationship between the perceived value of your solution and the amount of attention required to convert a buyer. High-value solutions require less attention-grabbing, while low-value solutions need more aggressive outreach.

Break Through the Noise. Most products fall into the "sea of sameness," requiring creative sales and marketing strategies to stand out. This involves crafting compelling messaging, targeting the right buyers, and delivering a unique and memorable experience. Focus on moving from the "sea of sameness" to the "innovative minority" by combining a mainstream value proposition with a high-impact delivery mechanism.

Prescription over Reaction. Don't assume buyers know exactly what they need. Instead, take a prescriptive approach by guiding them through the buying process and reframing their requirements to align with your solution. This involves challenging their existing beliefs and showcasing the unique value you offer.

3. Feelings Trump Logic: Understand Buyer Biases

The truth is, as buyers we value all sorts of things about the products and services on which we spend money—things that have absolutely nothing to do with the hard returns we derive from them.

The Illusion of Rationality. While we like to think we make decisions based on logic and reason, emotions play a far greater role than we realize. Cognitive biases, such as confirmation bias and status quo bias, can lead to irrational purchasing decisions. Modern sellers must understand these biases and tailor their approach accordingly.

Value Beyond ROI. Don't focus solely on return on investment (ROI). Instead, recognize that buyers are driven by subjective feelings of value, such as the desire to stand out, feel secure, or enjoy a sense of well-being. Tap into these emotional motivators to create a stronger connection with your customers.

System 1 vs. System 2. Human decision-making is governed by two systems: System 1 (fast, intuitive) and System 2 (slow, deliberate). System 1 often dominates, leading to decisions based on emotions and impulses. Successful sellers understand how these systems interact and craft their messaging to appeal to both.

4. Experience is Paramount: Create Lasting Impressions

It doesn’t matter what you sell or who you sell it to, the experience a customer has with your brand is your product.

Beyond the Product. In today's market, the customer experience is just as important as the product itself. Every interaction, from initial contact to ongoing support, shapes the customer's perception of your brand. Focus on creating a positive and memorable experience at every touchpoint.

The Power of Listening. Listening is a fundamental skill for building trust and rapport with customers. By actively listening to their needs and concerns, you can demonstrate empathy and tailor your approach to their specific situation. Top-performing sales reps spend more time listening than talking.

Advocacy is Key. Customer referrals and testimonials are incredibly powerful. Encourage satisfied customers to share their experiences and leverage their advocacy to generate new leads. Remember, people trust recommendations from peers more than marketing messages.

5. High-Impact Messaging: Cut Through the Noise

This simple question should be the centerpiece of every organization’s sales and marketing playbook.

The Power of Clarity. In a world of information overload, clear and concise messaging is essential. Avoid jargon and focus on communicating the core value proposition of your solution in a way that resonates with your target audience. A simple question, "What do you do?" should be easily answered.

Polarization and Juxtaposition. Use polarizing messages to attract your ideal customers and repel those who are not a good fit. Juxtapose your solution with the problem it solves to create a clear and compelling contrast. Provocative questions can also engage the customer and encourage them to think critically about their needs.

Conviction and Storytelling. Lead with what you believe and communicate your passion for your solution. Use storytelling to connect with customers on an emotional level and make your message more memorable. People connect with the "why" behind your product, not just the "what."

6. Mindful Discovery: Ask the Right Questions

Sales discovery is arguably the single most important part of the interaction we have with our customers.

Discovery is Key. The discovery phase is the most critical part of the sales process. It's where you uncover customer needs, identify pain points, and position yourself as a trusted advisor. Effective discovery requires careful planning, active listening, and a genuine desire to understand the customer's perspective.

Three Types of Insights. There are three types of customer insights: known-spoken, known-unspoken, and unknown-unspoken. Mastering the art of uncovering known-unspoken and unknown-unspoken insights is crucial for establishing credibility and building trust.

The Pain Spectrum. Customer pain exists on a spectrum, ranging from functional/technical to quantifiable/financial to personal/strategic. Understanding the different types of pain and their impact on the customer is essential for crafting a compelling value proposition.

7. Objection Handling: Address the Real Concerns

These findings on the neurobiology of storytelling are relevant to business settings.

EQ is Essential. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is crucial for handling customer objections effectively. This involves recognizing your own emotions and those of others, and responding appropriately based on the circumstances. High-EQ sellers are better able to understand the underlying intent of objections and address the customer's real concerns.

Understanding Intent. Before responding to an objection, take the time to understand the customer's intent. Are they seeking clarification, expressing doubt, or trying to derail the sale? Tailor your response to address the specific intent behind the objection.

Tactics and Approach. There are many tactics for handling objections, from resolving with empathy to turning weaknesses into strengths. The key is to choose the right tactic for the situation and deliver it with authenticity and conviction.

8. Science, Empathy, and Execution: The Modern Selling Trinity

In essence, an approach that harmonized the key principles of science, empathy, and execution.

A Holistic Approach. Modern selling requires a holistic approach that combines science, empathy, and execution. This involves understanding the psychological principles that influence buying behavior, connecting with customers on an emotional level, and consistently executing proven sales tactics.

Continuous Learning. The sales landscape is constantly evolving. Successful sellers are lifelong learners who stay up-to-date on the latest research, trends, and best practices. This involves reading books, attending conferences, and seeking feedback from peers and mentors.

Sell the Way You Buy. The ultimate goal of modern selling is to align your sales motion with the way you yourself buy. This involves understanding your own biases, preferences, and emotional drivers, and using that knowledge to create a more human and empathetic sales process.

Last updated: August 15, 2025