Sex Object

1. Objectification shapes women's experiences and self-perception

All women live in objectification the way fish live in water.

Pervasive objectification: From a young age, women are subjected to constant objectification, harassment, and the threat of violence. This shapes their experiences and how they view themselves, creating a sense of mourning for a version of themselves that never existed without these influences.

Coping mechanisms: Women develop strategies to navigate this reality, such as using humor, becoming hyper-aware of their surroundings, or adopting a performative strength. However, these coping mechanisms often come at the cost of vulnerability and authentic self-expression.

Long-term effects: The cumulative impact of objectification can lead to:

• Dissociation from one's body
• Difficulty in forming healthy relationships
• A persistent sense of unease in public spaces
• Internalized shame and self-doubt

2. Childhood traumas and family history influence adult relationships

I know it's called the cycle of violence, but in my family, female suffering is linear: rape and abuse are passed down like the world's worst birthright, largely skipping the men and marking the women with scars, night terrors, and fantastic senses of humor.

Intergenerational trauma: The author's family history of sexual abuse and violence creates a lineage of female suffering that shapes her own experiences and relationships.

Coping through humor: Dark humor becomes a coping mechanism for dealing with traumatic experiences, passed down through generations as a way to survive and process pain.

Impact on parenting: The author grapples with how to protect her daughter from similar experiences, recognizing the weight of this inherited trauma while hoping to break the cycle.

3. Navigating sexuality and self-worth in adolescence and early adulthood

I was the girl who lost her virginity freshman year, who wore tight tops and bright lipstick. The girl who embarrassed her best friends by talking too much and too loudly about sex and joked about penis sizes.

Sexual exploration: The author describes her journey of sexual exploration, using her developing sexuality as a source of power and attention, particularly in contrast to her perceived academic shortcomings.

Self-objectification: In an attempt to gain control and approval, the author participates in her own objectification, often at the cost of her emotional well-being and authentic self-expression.

Consequences: This behavior leads to:

• Complicated relationships with peers
• Vulnerability to exploitation
• A conflicted sense of self-worth tied to sexual desirability

4. The impact of sexual assault and societal expectations on women

The truth is that this thing that happened, no matter what you want to call it, did not have a lasting impact on me, and for that I feel . . . strange.

Complexity of trauma: The author grapples with her experience of sexual assault, highlighting the complicated nature of trauma and how it doesn't always fit societal expectations of how victims should feel or react.

Societal pressure: Women face pressure to respond to assault in specific ways, often leading to confusion and self-doubt when their experiences don't align with these expectations.

Coping mechanisms: The author describes various ways of processing and coping with assault, including:

• Minimization of the experience
• Difficulty in labeling or discussing the event
• Confusion about the lack of long-term impact

5. Substance abuse as a coping mechanism and its consequences

Cocaine is not a humble drug.

Escapism: The author turns to drug use, particularly cocaine, as a way to feel more present and confident, escaping feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.

False sense of control: Substance abuse provides a temporary illusion of control and social ease, masking underlying issues and insecurities.

Consequences: The drug use leads to:

• Strained relationships
• Professional challenges
• Health concerns
• A disconnection from authentic emotions and experiences

6. Motherhood, anxiety, and the struggle for identity

I do know I was upset. I know when I woke up the next afternoon—I had slept until two p.m.—I said you're not supposed to have sex with someone who is passed out.

Traumatic birth: The author's experience of a premature birth and subsequent NICU stay profoundly impacts her transition into motherhood, exacerbating existing anxiety and creating new fears.

Identity crisis: Becoming a mother challenges the author's sense of self, as she struggles to reconcile her pre-motherhood identity with her new role and responsibilities.

Mental health struggles: The author grapples with:

• Postpartum anxiety and depression
• Intrusive thoughts about harm coming to her child
• Difficulty bonding and feeling present
• The pressure to perform as a "good mother" despite internal turmoil

7. Feminism, success, and the challenges of public life

Fake it till you make it, but at what point are you just a fucking faker?

Public persona: As a feminist writer and public figure, the author struggles with the pressure to present a strong, confident image while dealing with internal doubts and vulnerabilities.

Online harassment: The author faces significant online harassment and threats, forcing her to navigate the tension between speaking out and protecting herself and her family.

Impostor syndrome: Despite her success, the author grapples with feelings of inadequacy and the fear of being exposed as a fraud, particularly in academic and professional settings.

Balancing act: The author must constantly navigate:

• Personal authenticity vs. public expectations
• Vulnerability vs. strength in her writing and public persona
• The desire for success vs. the fear of losing touch with her roots and values

Last updated: August 19, 2024