The Purity Myth

1. Virginity is a social construct, not a medical reality, historically used to control women.

People have been talking authoritatively about virginity for thousands of years, yet we don’t even have a working medical definition for it!

Lack of definition. Despite widespread belief in its concrete existence, there is no medical or scientific standard for virginity. Researchers like Hanne Blank found no definitive diagnostic criteria in medical texts, highlighting its subjective nature. The concept of "sex" itself is fluid, making "having not had partnered sex" an equally ambiguous definition.

Historical control. Historically, the concept of virginity has been deeply rooted in patriarchy and male ownership. It was used to establish paternity and treat women's sexuality as a commodity, literally transferring "property" from father to husband. This legacy persists in traditions like the father "giving away" the bride.

Modern commodity. Today, virginity is still treated as a commodity, though less overtly. The "virginity movement" promotes it as something to be "saved" or "given," using marketing tactics like "Virginity Vouchers" and "bare stem" analogies for non-virgins. This reinforces the idea that a woman's value is tied to her sexual status, not her character or accomplishments.

2. The Purity Myth ties women's morality solely to their sexual status, creating a harmful double standard.

When young women are taught about morality, there’s not often talk of compassion, kindness, courage, or integrity. There is, however, a lot of talk about hymens...

Moral compass. The Purity Myth teaches young women that their moral worth is located "somewhere between their legs," dependent on whether they are chaste. This contrasts sharply with how boys are taught morality, which is based on universally accepted ethical ideals like integrity and courage. It reduces women's ethics to passivity – defined by what they don't do.

Sexual double standard. This myth perpetuates a damaging sexual double standard where the same sexual act means different things for men and women. Men are often lauded for sexual activity, while women are labeled "sluts" or "whores," regardless of the context or their character. This irrationality is frustrating and pervasive in society.

Damaging consequences. Equating virginity with morality ensures that young women define themselves primarily by their sexuality, impacting their self-perception and how the world interacts with them. It contributes to social mores, laws, and even violence that punish women who don't adhere to the "pure" ideal, regardless of their positive qualities.

3. Girls are hypersexualized in culture, but the "pure girl" ideal is another form of objectification.

By focusing on the virginity of young women and girls, the movement is doing exactly what it purports to abhor—objectifying women and reducing them to their sexuality.

Youth fetishization. American culture increasingly fetishizes youth, presenting younger and younger women as sex objects in media and marketing. This ranges from padded bras for six-year-olds to "sexy schoolgirl" costumes and child "supermodel" websites. The message is that the most desirable women are not women at all, but girls.

Purity as sexualization. The virginity movement, while decrying mainstream sexualization, contributes to it by focusing intensely on girls' virginity. Events like purity balls, where fathers receive pledges of virginity from daughters as young as six, position girls as sexual objects before puberty. This "dating your daughter" language and symbolism (locks and keys) is deeply unsettling and pseudo-incestuous.

"Innocence" trope. The valorization of "innocence" in girls is often a thinly veiled focus on virginity. Debates around the HPV vaccine, for example, centered on fears that it would encourage promiscuity and "assault girls' innocence," rather than protecting their health. This trope implies that becoming a woman (e.g., menstruating) means losing innocence and becoming "guilty."

4. Pornography's mainstreaming is used by purity advocates to justify their regressive agenda.

Pornography and purity may make strange bedfellows, but they’re sharing sheet space all the same.

Scapegoat for ills. The virginity movement relies on the pervasiveness of pornography to justify its extreme purity message. By portraying everything from teen clothing to birth control education as "pornographic," they create a social evil to rail against, making their simplistic solutions ("Stop having sex. Stop porn. Be pure.") seem necessary and relevant.

Reinforcing sexism. While mainstream porn can be misogynistic, the purity movement's critique often reinforces sexist aspects rather than challenging them. They focus on banning sex toys, masturbation, and lesbian sex, which are under women's control, while ignoring issues like the objectification, dehumanization, and violence against women depicted in some porn. This reveals their true agenda: maintaining male control over female sexuality.

Conservative wet dream. Paradoxically, much of commercial porn aligns with the purity myth's values by fetishizing women's sexual subservience and silence. Products like Real Dolls, marketed as passive "girlfriends" who "never say no," embody the "ethics of passivity" expected of women. This "raunch culture" is described as a "conservative wet dream" because it embodies gross materialism, sexual hypocrisy, and acquiescence in the name of "empowerment."

5. Federally funded abstinence-only education spreads misinformation and sexist stereotypes.

Over 80 percent of federally funded abstinence programs contain false or misleading information about sex and reproductive health.

Misinformation campaign. Abstinence-only education, heavily funded by the government, is a primary tool of the virginity movement. It provides students with subjective and often false information, exaggerating condom failure rates, denying their effectiveness against STIs, and linking premarital sex to negative outcomes like poverty, depression, and suicide. Examples include comparing HIV to a penny causing death or claiming touching genitals causes pregnancy.

Shame and fear tactics. These programs use fear- and shame-based tactics, portraying sex as dirty, wrong, and dangerous. Analogies like the "Scotch Tape" exercise (showing a girl picking up dirt from a boy) or comparing non-virgins to "bare stems" are used to make girls feel sullied by sex. This focus on female "dirtiness" is rooted in historical fears of women's bodies.

Regressive gender roles. Abstinence-only curricula promote outdated gender norms, portraying women as weak, intellectually inferior, and needing male protection. They teach that women are less sexual than men and are responsible for controlling male behavior. LGBTQ youth are ignored or ostracized, as the only acceptable sexuality is heterosexual and within marriage.

6. Legislating sexuality punishes women and removes their autonomy over their own bodies.

More and more, policy that affects women’s bodies and rights is being formulated with the myth of sexual purity in mind.

Controlling reproduction. The push to legislate chastity extends beyond denying birth control to controlling women's reproductive lives entirely. "Refusal clause" laws allow healthcare providers to deny services based on moral objections. Anti-choice laws create significant hurdles to abortion access, and "fetal protection" laws punish pregnant women for perceived harmful behavior, even leading to criminal charges for stillbirths.

Distrust of women. Legislation often reflects a fundamental distrust of women's ability to make their own decisions. "Informed consent" laws for abortion, for example, mandate misleading information and ultrasounds, implying women don't understand the procedure. Bills requiring male consent for abortion or police reports for rape/incest pregnancies further demonstrate this lack of trust in women's word and judgment.

Punitive consequences. These policies are inherently punitive, punishing women for not adhering to the "pure" ideal. Whether it's denying emergency contraception based on marital status, criminalizing pregnant women, or upholding abortion bans without health exceptions, these laws have real and dangerous consequences, treating women as less than full citizens whose bodies are subject to state control.

7. The Purity Myth contributes to victim-blaming and normalizes violence against women.

So long as women are supposed to be “pure,” and so long as our morality is defined by our sexuality, sexualized violence against us will continue to be both accepted and expected.

Qualifying rape victims. The myth that only "chaste" women can be truly raped persists, influencing how sexual violence is perceived and prosecuted. Laws based on outdated notions of women as property (where rape was "deflowering" owned property) still impact legal interpretations. Women with sexual histories are often seen as less credible victims because the "damage is done."

Media blame. Media coverage of sexual assault frequently blames victims, especially young women, by focusing on their behavior (drinking, being out late) rather than the perpetrator's actions. The narrative often shifts to "girls gone wild" rather than the violence committed against them. Examples include coverage of Imette St. Guillen or the Duke lacrosse case, where the victim was dehumanized and labeled.

Enabling predators. This culture of victim-blaming and devaluing "impure" women enables predators. Companies like Girls Gone Wild systematically target drunk young women, and despite numerous assault allegations against staff, the focus remains on the women's "wild" behavior, not the predatory actions. This normalization of coercion and assault is a direct consequence of a culture that sees women's sexuality as something to be "gotten" and women as objects.

8. Traditional masculinity, built on fear of femininity, reinforces the purity myth and harms everyone.

The fear of being feminine... is fundamental to America’s current understanding of masculinity.

Oppositional definition. American masculinity is often defined oppositionally – by what it is not, which is feminine. This "femiphobia" leads to the disparagement of anything associated with women or femininity, creating a precarious psychological state for men who must constantly prove their "manliness" by dissociating from the feminine.

Devaluing women. This fear directly contributes to misogyny by positioning women and femininity as inferior. Men are punished via feminization (e.g., dressing inmates in pink), reinforcing the idea that being a woman is the worst possible state. This cultural disdain enables sexism, the sexual double standard, and violence against women.

Maintaining the status quo. The virginity movement actively promotes this traditional, femiphobic masculinity, seeing it as essential to the "natural order" and patriarchal standards. Pundits like James Dobson, Kathleen Parker, and Harvey Mansfield argue that feminism is destroying men by promoting equality, which they see as "feminizing" men and disrupting the gender binary. This isn't a defense of men, but an attack on women's progress and a push to maintain male dominance.

9. The Purity Myth stems from a fundamental distrust of women's ability to make moral choices.

Whether it’s about the decision to have (or not have) a child... the virginity movement presupposes that women don’t know what’s best for them.

"Moral children" concept. The virginity movement and related conservative groups view women, regardless of age, as "moral children" who need to be controlled and guided, particularly in sexual matters. This paternalistic view assumes women are incapable of making sound decisions about their bodies, relationships, and futures without external intervention.

Justifying control. Framing women as either out-of-control "girls gone wild" or helpless "damsels in distress" justifies societal and political control over their lives. If women are seen as incapable or inherently prone to making bad choices (especially sexual ones), then it seems reasonable for laws and social norms to dictate their behavior.

Ignoring real issues. This focus on women's supposed sexual failings and need for control distracts from the real problems young women face, such as poverty, lack of healthcare access, and violence. Instead of addressing these tangible issues, the purity movement expends energy promoting outdated sexual norms and punishing those who deviate, demonstrating a greater concern for maintaining traditional roles than for women's actual well-being.

10. Moving beyond the Purity Myth requires trusting women and reframing sexuality as a positive, moral choice.

Teaching sex as a moral, responsible act—not to be taken lightly, but also not to be used as fodder for criticism—has the potential to create real change in young women’s lives.

Trusting autonomy. Countering the Purity Myth requires trusting women to make informed decisions about their bodies and sexuality. This means providing accurate, comprehensive sex education that empowers young people, rather than shaming them or withholding information. It acknowledges that young women are capable of making safe and responsible choices when given the tools.

Reframing sexuality. Sexuality needs to be reframed as a natural, positive, and moral aspect of human experience, not something inherently dirty or shameful. This challenges the "commodity model" of sex, where women lose value by engaging in it, and moves towards a "performance model" based on mutual consent, collaboration, and pleasure.

Valuing women wholly. Ultimately, moving beyond the Purity Myth is about valuing women as whole human beings, not just for their sexual status. It means recognizing their intelligence, capabilities, and contributions to society are independent of whether they are virgins, mothers, or in relationships with men. It requires creating a culture where women's desires and choices are respected, not pathologized or punished.

11. Dismantling the Purity Myth requires collective action, education, and supporting women.

Battling the myth of sexual purity and its consequences isn’t just about trying to reverse the damage done to young women—we also need to move forward with a positive vision.

Countering misinformation. Fighting the Purity Myth involves actively challenging the false narratives spread by its proponents. This includes:

• Creating alternative media (blogs, websites, campaigns) that offer positive representations of women.
• Supporting organizations that provide accurate sex education and advocate for women's health.
• Using online platforms for activism and citizen journalism.

Organizing and advocating. Affecting real change requires organized effort. This means:

• Battling abstinence-only funding and advocating for comprehensive sex education in schools.
• Monitoring and opposing legislation that limits women's reproductive rights and autonomy.
• Supporting local grassroots organizations that work directly with women and girls.

Building community and trust. Overcoming the deeply entrenched Purity Myth is a long-term effort that requires solidarity. Finding community, online or locally, provides support and shared purpose. It's crucial to approach this work with compassion, believing in the possibility of changing minds and fostering a culture that finally trusts and values all women.

Last updated: May 24, 2025