Singlism

1. Singlism: Recognizing and Naming the Bias

I named the bias of singlism to make it more recognizable, in hopes that every time the word was uttered or read, a puff of old-fashioned consciousness-raising would waft through the air.

Defining Singlism. Singlism is the stigmatizing of adults who are single, encompassing negative stereotyping and discrimination. It's a bias often unrecognized, unlike more familiar prejudices like racism or sexism. Naming this bias is the first step toward acknowledging and addressing it.

The Dark Side of Singlehood. While single life can be joyous and fulfilling, there's also a dark side: the negative assumptions, expectations, and treatment single individuals face. This includes being asked intrusive questions, being expected to work late, and facing financial penalties.

Beyond Not Having "The One." Singlism is not simply about not having a romantic partner. It's about the systemic disadvantages and negative perceptions that come with being single, regardless of whether someone desires a relationship. It's about challenging the assumption that single people are somehow incomplete or lacking.

2. Singles Face Stereotypes and Discrimination

People who do not have a serious coupled relationship (my definition, for now, of single people) are stereotyped, discriminated against, and treated dismissively.

Negative Stereotypes. Single people are often stereotyped as immature, insecure, self-centered, unhappy, and lonely. These stereotypes are pervasive and can affect how single individuals are treated in various aspects of life. Studies show that these perceptions exist despite evidence to the contrary.

Legal and Institutional Discrimination. Discrimination against single people is often legal, with many states offering no protection from marital status discrimination. This includes unequal compensation in the workplace, lack of access to benefits, and discriminatory practices in housing. Federal laws also favor married people, creating a system of legalized discrimination.

Housing Discrimination. Research has demonstrated housing discrimination against singles, with rental agents often preferring married couples over single individuals or unmarried couples. This bias can make it more difficult for singles to find suitable housing. This is often justified by the perception that married couples are more stable and responsible.

3. Marriage Isn't a Guarantee of Happiness or Health

Getting married does not make people lastingly happier or definitively healthier either.

Challenging the Marital Mythology. The glorification of marriage often leads to the belief that it is the key to lasting happiness and health. However, research suggests that getting married does not result in lasting improvements in well-being, and people who have always been single are not very different in health or happiness from people who have been continuously married.

Longitudinal Studies. Longitudinal studies show that people who get married experience a small increase in happiness around the time of the wedding, but their happiness soon returns to pre-marriage levels. This challenges the notion that marriage is a transformative experience that leads to lasting happiness.

Diversified Relationships. Singles often maintain a diversified relationship portfolio, investing in friendships, family, and other connections rather than solely relying on one person. This can lead to a fulfilling and supportive social life, even without a romantic partner. It's about resilience, not victimization.

4. Singlism Manifests in Politics and Religion

With political strategists targeting unmarried voters (especially women) as a key to the 2008 presidential election, it is time for politicians to respect Americans’ real lives.

Political Disregard. Politicians often overlook the needs and concerns of unmarried voters, focusing instead on married couples and families. This is despite the fact that unmarried women, along with young people and people of color, make up a significant portion of the voting-eligible population.

The Marriage Gap. The marriage gap, the difference between how unmarried and married women register and vote, is often more determinative than the gender gap. This highlights the importance of understanding and engaging unmarried voters in politics.

Religious Prejudice. Some religious institutions exhibit prejudice against single individuals, particularly single pastors. This prejudice is often based on unfounded fears and stereotypes, rather than actual evidence or experience. It's about challenging the assumption that marriage is the only path to serving society and God.

5. Economic Disparities Impact Single Individuals

There is never a single person’s bonus - that is, a single person never pays less relative to a couple, whether married or unmarried, with the same amount of income as the single person.

Tax Penalties. Single individuals often pay more in income taxes than married couples filing jointly, even with the same taxable income. This is due to the structure of the tax system, which often favors couples. The real penalty is a singles penalty, not a marriage penalty.

Benefit Disparities. Spouses of veterans and federal employees are eligible for financial, medical, and other benefits simply because they're married. Single individuals do not have access to these same benefits, even if they have other dependents or caregiving responsibilities.

The High Cost of Single Life. Single individuals often pay more for health insurance, travel packages, and other goods and services than married couples. This is due to the prevalence of "single supplements" and discounts for couples. It's about recognizing that singles subsidize the discounts that go to couples.

6. The Media Perpetuates Singlist Stereotypes

People who are single are targets of singlism: negative stereotypes and discrimination.

Negative Portrayals. The media often portrays single people in a negative light, depicting them as lonely, miserable, and incomplete. This reinforces harmful stereotypes and contributes to the stigmatization of single life.

The "Spinster" Trope. The image of the "spinster" as a cranky, frigid, and unlovable hag is a persistent stereotype in media and popular culture. This stereotype is often used to denigrate unmarried women and reinforce the idea that marriage is the only path to happiness.

Ignoring Single People's Realities. The media often focuses on marriage and traditional family structures, neglecting the realities and experiences of single people. This can make single individuals feel invisible and overlooked. It's about challenging the assumption that what single people want, more than anything else, is to become unsingle.

7. Internalized Singlism Affects Self-Perception

I’m a loser, I’m not married, let’s all just look at me.

Internalizing Negative Messages. Single individuals often internalize the negative stereotypes and messages they receive from society, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. This internalized singlism can be just as damaging as external discrimination.

Feeling Visible and Invisible. Single individuals often feel both overly visible and invisible, as they are simultaneously scrutinized for their single status and overlooked in discussions about relationships and family. This can lead to feelings of vulnerability and isolation.

Challenging Internalized Beliefs. Overcoming internalized singlism involves challenging negative beliefs about single life and recognizing the value and worth of single individuals. It's about slaying the feeling that there is something wrong with being single.

8. Activism and Resistance are Essential to Change

Everyday acts of resistance to singlism matter, too.

Everyday Acts of Resistance. Challenging singlism can take many forms, from everyday acts of resistance to organized activism. This includes speaking out against discriminatory practices, challenging stereotypes, and valuing all of the important people and relationships in our lives.

Singles Activists. Activists such as Thomas F. Coleman and Nicky Grist have pursued various routes of creating change, including lobbying, advocacy, and education. Their work has helped to raise awareness of singlism and promote fair treatment for single individuals.

The Importance of Visibility. Making single people and their concerns visible is crucial for creating change. This includes including marital status in exit polls, challenging discriminatory language, and promoting positive representations of single life in the media.

9. Understanding the Psychology Behind Singlism

Why People Cling to Mythologies about Marriage and Coupling: Consider This

System Justification Theory. System justification theory suggests that people are motivated to defend and justify the status quo, including the glorification of marriage and coupling. This can lead to the derogation of single individuals whose lives challenge that belief system.

Threats to Beliefs. When people's beliefs about the fairness of society are threatened, they may cling even more strongly to mythologies about marriage and coupling. This is particularly true for men.

The Role of Identity. For women, romantic relationships are often central to their identity. As a result, they may be more likely to defend their own romantic relationships when their beliefs about the fairness of society are threatened.

10. Valuing All Relationships, Not Just Romantic Ones

A singlist view is a narrow one, in which one sexual partnership is valued and celebrated, and all other adult relationships are demoted and sometimes even denigrated.

Beyond the Conjugal Ideal. A singlist view is a narrow one, in which one sexual partnership is valued and celebrated, and all other adult relationships are demoted and sometimes even denigrated. It's about recognizing that there are many ways to lead a meaningful life, and that romantic relationships are not the only source of fulfillment.

The Importance of Friendships. Friendships, family ties, and other non-romantic relationships are often undervalued in a society that prioritizes romantic partnerships. It's about urging our fellow humans to value all of the important people and relationships in our lives.

Emotional Independence. Emotional independence is a valuable trait that allows individuals to thrive regardless of their relationship status. It's about recognizing that we can be whole and complete without a romantic partner.

Last updated: February 9, 2025