Slowing Down to the Speed of Life

1. Your Experience of Life is Created by Your Thinking.

Thought is the power that creates human experience—the ultimate force that creates, shapes, and transforms our lives.

Thought shapes reality. We don't experience the world directly, but through the lens of our thinking. Every emotion, perception, sensation, decision, and behavior is a product of our thoughts. Without thinking, there would be no subjective experience of events, only the events themselves.

Internal vs. external. While external circumstances exist (a tree falls, traffic is heavy), our experience of those circumstances is entirely generated by our internal thought process. For example, a traffic jam can be perceived as a frustrating delay or a rare moment to relax and listen to music; the external situation is the same, but the internal experience differs based on thought.

Thought + Consciousness = Experience. Consciousness is the faculty that makes thought appear real, like a television displaying a signal. It takes whatever thought is present and brings it to life through our senses. We cannot experience a negative feeling without first creating a corresponding negative thought.

2. Innate Mental Health is Your Birthright.

Mental health is our birthright.

Built-in well-being. Just as our bodies know how to heal, we have an innate capacity for psychological health. This isn't something we learn, but something we are born with, like an immune system for the mind. It's the source of self-esteem, perspective, compassion, creativity, patience, and wisdom.

Temporarily hidden. This innate mental health is always present, though it can be obscured by stress, misunderstanding, or habitual negative thinking, much like the sun hidden behind clouds. It doesn't disappear; it's simply waiting to be reawakened or accessed.

The toolkit within. This natural state provides everything needed for a happy and productive life. It's the inner voice, common sense, or instinct that guides us. Knowing it's always available and learning to trust it allows us to slow down and live life more happily.

3. Navigate Life with Two Modes of Thought.

Although thought creates all experience, thought may proceed in two very different ways or modes.

Processing vs. Free-Flowing. Thought operates in two distinct modes: the analytical/processing mode (like a computer, dealing with known variables, memory, planning) and the free-flowing/reflective mode (like a river, bringing new information, creativity, intuition, dealing with unknowns).

Analytical mode's role. This mode is essential for learning, memory, planning, and tasks with known variables (e.g., calculating distance, remembering a route). It's fast and efficient when used appropriately, but stressful and unproductive when trying to solve problems with unknown variables.

Free-flowing mode's power. This mode is effortless, stress-free, and ideal for creativity, insight, and solving problems with unknowns. It's where intuition and inspiration arise. Accessing it requires letting go of analytical effort and trusting that answers will emerge, often when the mind is quiet (e.g., in the shower, on vacation).

4. Feelings Are Your Navigational Compass.

Your feelings are a navigational tool that can help guide you toward healthy psychological functioning.

Feelings signal state of mind. Feelings are thoughts in a more subtle form. They serve as a compass, indicating which mode of thinking you are in. Comfortable feelings generally signal healthy thinking, while uncomfortable feelings suggest you are caught up in some form of unhealthy thinking.

Simple categories. Instead of labeling feelings specifically (angry, stressed, happy), think of them simply as comfortable or uncomfortable. This simplifies navigation. Uncomfortable feelings are not "bad"; they are helpful alerts that your thinking is off track.

Alert, don't analyze. When uncomfortable feelings arise, they are a tip-off to notice your thinking, not to analyze the feelings themselves or their perceived cause. This simple recognition ("something is off") can clear the mind and point you back towards healthy, free-flowing thought.

5. Being Present is the Entry Point to Well-being.

The entry point into healthy psychological functioning is living in the moment.

The power of now. Living fully in the present moment is the gateway to accessing your innate mental health. It's in the moment that we experience life directly, without the contamination of past regrets or future worries.

Escape the busy mind. Our busy, analytical minds constantly pull us away from the present, dwelling on memories or anticipating future events. This mental time travel prevents us from experiencing the richness and peace available right here, right now.

Effortless presence. Being in the moment isn't something you force; it's the natural state when the mind is quiet. Experiences like being engrossed in music, witnessing a beautiful sunset, or being in a crisis can momentarily silence the busy mind and bring us fully into the present.

6. Thought Recognition is Key to Returning to the Moment.

This process of self-awareness, or thought recognition, is perhaps the most powerful tool we have to restore our mental health.

Noticing your thinking. Thought recognition is the ability to see that your thoughts are not absolute reality, but merely your current experience of reality. It's realizing that you are the thinker, and your thinking is creating your feelings and perceptions in the moment.

Breaking the cycle. When you recognize that you are caught up in negative or hurried thinking, this simple act of awareness can automatically shift your state of mind. It's like waking up from a dream; the dream loses its power once you realize it wasn't real.

Effortless shift. You don't need to change the content of your thoughts. The act of recognition itself clears the mind and allows a healthier, more appropriate thought to emerge naturally from the free-flowing mode. This is the self-correcting mechanism of the mind.

7. Understand Moods as Temporary Weather.

Moods are simply fluctuations in the quality of our thinking.

Internal climate change. Moods are like internal weather systems – they shift and change, influencing how we perceive the world. In high moods, life seems good, problems are manageable, and there's enough time. In low moods, life looks grim, problems seem insurmountable, and we feel rushed.

Perception, not reality. Moods drastically alter our perception, making the same circumstances appear entirely different. A low mood can make a minor issue seem like a crisis, while a high mood can make a challenge feel exciting. It's crucial to remember that this is a distortion caused by the mood, not a reflection of objective reality.

Ride the wave. You cannot think your way out of a low mood; analytical thinking often feeds it. The best approach is to recognize the mood, not take its perceptions too seriously, and allow it to pass naturally. Avoid making important decisions or having serious discussions when in a low mood, as your judgment is impaired.

8. Presence Transforms Relationships.

Slowing down to the speed of life in relationships is the essence of ongoing intimacy and love.

Intimacy in the moment. True intimacy and connection in relationships stem from being fully present with another person, free from the distractions of a busy, analytical mind filled with agendas, expectations, or past resentments.

Beyond conditioning. When we operate from the free-flowing mode, we see others with compassion, kindness, and unconditional acceptance, looking beyond their habits or our conditioned beliefs about them. This allows for genuine connection and appreciation of differences.

Heart-to-heart communication. Effective communication comes from the heart (free-flowing mode), not the head (analytical mode). It involves listening without interpretation or judgment, speaking spontaneously and respectfully, and prioritizing rapport over a specific outcome. Getting permission and ensuring the timing is right are key steps.

9. Peaceful Parenting Comes from Slowing Down.

Slowing down to the speed of life so powerfully enhances the raising of children that we have worked with parents who find raising supposedly impossible teenagers to be every bit as wonderful and rewarding as raising a tranquil eight-year-old.

Enjoy the journey. Parenting years fly by, yet we often miss the present moments by dwelling on past stages or anticipating future ones. Slowing down allows you to appreciate each unique stage and find joy in ordinary interactions, rather than constantly wishing for things to be different.

Responsive, not reactive. A speeded-up mind is easily rattled and reactive, turning minor incidents into major catastrophes. Slowing down allows you to maintain perspective, respond calmly and appropriately to challenges, and see the innocence in your child's behavior rather than taking it personally.

Presence is key. Being truly present with your children, even for short periods, is more impactful than spending more time with them while distracted. This presence fosters connection, helps them feel valued, and allows your innate wisdom to guide your parenting decisions.

10. Work Smarter by Living Above the Line.

Ironically, you need to slow down in order to deal with increased demands.

Calm mind, better work. A frantic, speeded-up approach to work leads to mistakes, poor relationships, burnout, and decreased productivity. Working smarter means operating from a calm, clear state of mind, which enhances focus, creativity, and problem-solving abilities.

Levels of organizational health. Organizations, like individuals, operate at different levels of psychological health, from dysfunctional/bureaucratic (fearful, blaming) to visionary (creative, inspired). Higher levels of understanding lead to better decision-making, higher morale, increased productivity, and greater success.

Pacing and presence. Effective time management at work comes from pacing yourself and being present in the moment, doing one thing at a time. This "tortoise approach" reduces fatigue from overthinking and allows for more efficient, enjoyable work, even under pressure. Rapport and presence are also crucial for healthy work relationships and effective meetings.

11. Enjoy Life by Appreciating the Present.

Instead of waiting to enjoy our lives when everything is finally done (which it never is), we can learn to enjoy the journey rather than merely looking forward to the final destination.

Enjoyment is internal. True, lasting enjoyment doesn't come from achieving goals or having specific experiences; it comes from our state of mind in the present moment. Waiting for external conditions to be perfect before allowing ourselves to be happy is a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.

Appreciate the ordinary. When the mind slows down and is present, ordinary moments become extraordinary. The need for constant excitement or achievement diminishes as the simple beauty and richness of everyday life become apparent.

The journey is the reward. Happiness and enjoyment are found in the process of living, moment by moment, not solely in reaching a future destination. By focusing on the present and appreciating each step, we unlock the inherent joy available to us at any time.

12. Stress is Created from the Inside Out.

Stress is not something that happens to us but rather something that develops within our own thinking.

Stress is a perception. External events are not inherently stressful; our perception and thinking about them create the feeling of stress. What is stressful to one person may be exciting to another. The degree of stress experienced originates within us.

Thought attacks. Stress often escalates from a single thought into a "thought attack" when we dwell on it, add details, and allow it to multiply. Recognizing these thoughts early, before they spiral, is key to preventing stress from overwhelming us.

Lower your tolerance. Building tolerance for stress is counterproductive; it simply means you'll experience more of it before you notice. Lowering your tolerance means becoming more sensitive to the early signals of stressful thinking, allowing you to shift your state of mind and return to a calmer state sooner.

Last updated: May 17, 2025