Somebody Else's Kids

1. The classroom that created itself: A resource teacher's unexpected journey

There is some old law of physics that speaks of Nature abhorring a vacuum. Nature must have been at work that fall. There must have been a vacuum we had not noticed because all at once there was a class where no class was ever planned.

An accidental classroom. Torey Hayden, a resource teacher, found herself unexpectedly creating a special education classroom when the school system's attempt to mainstream special needs students left a void. This classroom became a haven for children who didn't fit into the regular education system:

• Boo: An autistic boy who struggled with communication
• Lori: A girl with brain damage who couldn't read
• Tomaso: An emotionally disturbed boy with a traumatic past
• Claudia: A pregnant 12-year-old

The formation of this class highlighted the gaps in the education system and the need for specialized attention for children with unique challenges. It also demonstrated how sometimes the most meaningful educational experiences arise organically, in response to real needs rather than predetermined plans.

2. Unconventional students with extraordinary needs and potential

They were so beautiful to me, so far beyond anything for which I could find words.

Beauty in difference. Hayden's classroom was filled with children who society often overlooked or misunderstood. Each child had their own unique challenges and gifts:

• Boo: Despite his autism, he showed moments of profound connection and understanding
• Lori: Her inability to read didn't diminish her emotional intelligence and caring nature
• Tomaso: Behind his anger lay a deep need for love and acceptance
• Claudia: Her pregnancy at a young age masked her intelligence and need for support

Hayden saw beyond their labels and difficulties, recognizing the inherent worth and potential in each child. This perspective allowed her to connect with them on a deeper level and find innovative ways to help them learn and grow.

3. The power of acceptance and individualized learning approaches

I'm not teaching Lori reading. I change what I surmise I have a chance at changing. The rest I accept, at least until I can figure out what to do about it.

Adapting to needs. Hayden's approach to teaching emphasized acceptance of each child's current abilities and limitations, while always looking for ways to help them progress. This meant:

• Abandoning traditional curricula when they weren't effective
• Creating personalized learning plans for each student
• Focusing on life skills and emotional growth alongside academic learning
• Celebrating small victories and incremental progress

This flexible, child-centered approach allowed for breakthroughs that might not have happened in a more rigid educational setting. It also taught the children to accept themselves and each other, fostering a supportive classroom community.

4. Challenges of mainstreaming and the education system's limitations

For many children the mainstreaming law had been a godsend, particularly, those children with physical handicaps. They were "normal" children. Their disability touched only their physical selves. ... Other groups of children, however, especially the retarded and the emotionally disturbed, received more pain than benefit from the law.

One size doesn't fit all. The implementation of mainstreaming laws, while well-intentioned, revealed the complexities of educating children with diverse needs:

• Benefits for some: Children with physical disabilities often thrived in mainstream settings
• Challenges for others: Children with cognitive or emotional issues often struggled
• System limitations: Regular classrooms weren't equipped to handle severe special needs
• Teacher preparedness: Many teachers lacked training to effectively teach special needs students

Hayden's classroom became a necessary middle ground, providing specialized attention that mainstreaming couldn't offer while still preparing students for potential integration. This highlighted the need for a more nuanced approach to special education that recognizes the diverse needs of different types of disabilities.

5. The impact of past trauma on children's behavior and development

Tomaso had been a severely abused child in his natural home. One beating had fractured her skull and pushed a bone fragment into her brain. X rays revealed lesions.

Trauma's lasting effects. Many of Hayden's students carried deep emotional scars from past abuse or neglect, which manifested in their behavior and learning difficulties:

• Lori's brain injury affected her ability to read and write
• Tomaso's violent outbursts stemmed from witnessing his father's murder
• Claudia's pregnancy at 12 was a result of exploitation and lack of education

Understanding these traumas was crucial to helping the children heal and learn. Hayden's approach involved:

• Creating a safe, stable environment in the classroom
• Building trust through consistency and unconditional acceptance
• Addressing emotional needs alongside academic ones
• Helping children process their experiences in healthy ways

This trauma-informed approach allowed for breakthroughs in both behavior and learning, demonstrating the importance of addressing a child's emotional well-being in education.

6. Building trust and emotional connections in a special education setting

I wanted to open my mouth and tell her I understood, to let her know I cared and she wasn't alone anymore. But I couldn't do it.

The power of connection. Hayden's success with her students was largely due to her ability to form deep emotional bonds with them. This process was often challenging and required:

• Patience: Building trust took time, especially with children who had been hurt before
• Vulnerability: Hayden had to be willing to open herself up emotionally
• Consistency: Providing unwavering support, even in difficult moments
• Insight: Understanding the unspoken needs behind behaviors

These connections allowed Hayden to reach students in ways that traditional teaching methods couldn't. It also provided the children with much-needed emotional support and stability, often for the first time in their lives.

7. The struggle between idealism and bureaucracy in education

Civilized behavior, I believe, is more often measured by what a person restrains himself from doing than by what he does.

Navigating the system. Hayden often found herself at odds with school administrators and bureaucratic requirements that didn't align with her students' needs. This tension manifested in:

• Conflicts over curriculum: Hayden's decision to stop teaching Lori reading
• Pressure to conform: Expectations to follow standard teaching methods
• Ethical dilemmas: Balancing individual needs with system requirements
• Personal cost: The emotional toll of fighting for her students

Despite these challenges, Hayden chose to prioritize her students' needs over bureaucratic expectations. This often required diplomacy, creativity, and a willingness to take professional risks for the sake of her students.

8. The transformative power of caring and believing in every child

I am sorry for letting you think such unimportant things were so important. We were wrong about a lot of things, Lori. Sometimes when people live in a small world, small things start looking awfully important.

Redefining success. Hayden's approach emphasized the importance of valuing each child's unique strengths and progress, rather than measuring them against standardized expectations. This involved:

• Celebrating small victories: Recognizing incremental progress as significant
• Focusing on emotional growth: Valuing kindness and empathy as much as academic skills
• Adapting expectations: Setting realistic, individualized goals for each student
• Believing in potential: Maintaining hope for growth, even in difficult cases

This perspective allowed children who had been labeled as failures to experience success and build self-esteem. It also challenged societal norms about what constitutes valuable learning and achievement.

9. Navigating ethical dilemmas and personal growth as an educator

I hated myself for thinking those thoughts. I hated knowing I even had them. But they were there and the only way I could dispel them was to envision the future.

Personal challenges. Hayden's journey as a teacher involved confronting her own limitations, biases, and ethical quandaries:

• Questioning her methods: Doubting the effectiveness of her unconventional approaches
• Emotional burnout: Dealing with the intense emotional demands of her work
• Ethical conflicts: Balancing individual student needs with systemic requirements
• Personal sacrifices: The impact of her dedication on her personal life

These struggles led to significant personal growth and a deeper understanding of her role as an educator. They also highlighted the intense emotional and ethical demands placed on teachers, especially those working with special needs students.

10. The bittersweet reality of progress and setbacks in special education

Sometimes this happened. Not often and never at times I would expect it. But little moments still possessed the power to break my heart.

Emotional rollercoaster. Working with special needs children involved a constant ebb and flow of progress and setbacks:

• Breakthroughs: Moments of unexpected progress that brought joy and hope
• Regressions: Heartbreaking instances where students seemed to lose ground
• Slow progress: The challenge of maintaining hope during long periods of minimal change
• Uncertain futures: The reality that many students would face lifelong struggles

Hayden learned to find meaning and satisfaction in the day-to-day work, rather than focusing solely on long-term outcomes. This perspective allowed her to continue giving her best to each child, regardless of their ultimate prognosis.

Last updated: October 6, 2024