Key Takeaways
1. The Sublime and Unease of the Zealous Do-Gooder
The life of a zealous do-gooder is a kind of human sublime—by which I mean that, although there is a hard beauty in it, the word “beautiful” doesn’t capture the ambivalence it stirs up.
Awe and Dread. The do-gooder, driven by an intense moral compass, evokes a mix of awe and unease. Their commitment to ethical living, pushing beyond what seems reasonable, inspires admiration but also a sense of discomfort. This "sublime" quality highlights the tension between the beauty of their actions and the unsettling feeling that such a life is both admirable and unsustainable for most.
Rigidity and Narrowness. The do-gooder's life is characterized by a certain rigidity and focused narrowness. Their dedication to moral goodness often leads to a life that seems detached from ordinary existence, making ordinary life seem "flabby and haphazard." This focused approach, while effective in achieving their goals, can also create a sense of separation from others.
Freedom and Constraint. Paradoxically, the do-gooder is both less and more free than others. They are less free in the sense that they are bound by a strong sense of duty, but more free in their ability to control themselves and act according to their intentions, unhindered by weakness or self-doubt. This self-mastery allows them to live a life that is truly their own, shaped by their moral convictions.
2. Duty Beyond the Familiar: The Do-Gooder's Moral Compass
There is no organic, necessary connection between him and his work—it doesn’t choose him, he chooses it.
Abstract Morality. Unlike those who do good within their immediate communities, the do-gooder is driven by a more abstract sense of injustice and a longing for goodness as such. They are not bound by a sense of belonging but by a desire to do as much good as possible, often looking beyond their own people to address broader moral issues.
Chosen Path. The do-gooder's work is not something that chooses them, but something they actively choose. This lack of an organic connection can make their actions seem unnatural to others, as they are moved not by personal ties but by a commitment to a moral idea. This choice sets them apart from those who are moved by compassion for something they see, something outside themselves.
Reproach and Discomfort. The do-gooder's life serves as a constant reproach to others, reminding them of the ever-present need for help. Unlike the hero who acts spontaneously in a specific crisis, the do-gooder seeks out crises, planning their good deeds in cold blood. This makes their actions seem perverse to some, and their life a constant reminder of the world's suffering.
3. The Shifting Sands of Motivation: From Grand Causes to Personal Action
What makes me happy? What makes me happy is being a nurse. And why shouldn’t I do what makes me happy, as long as I am working for the good of the world?
From Activism to Care. Some do-gooders begin with grand, world-changing ambitions, but eventually find that personal, direct action is more fulfilling. This shift often comes from a realization that the pursuit of abstract ideals can lead to a loss of personal happiness and connection.
Happiness as a Tool. The do-gooder may come to believe that happiness is not a distraction from doing good, but a necessary component of it. By doing what makes them happy, they can do better work and have a more sustainable impact on the world. This perspective challenges the notion that self-sacrifice must always involve misery.
Rejection of Purity. The do-gooder may reject the idea of moral purity, recognizing that it can lead to rigidity and a lack of empathy. They may embrace a more pragmatic approach, focusing on relieving suffering rather than adhering to strict principles. This shift allows them to be more effective and more human.
4. The Perils of Purity: When Ideals Clash with Humanity
The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection, that one is sometimes willing to commit sins for the sake of loyalty, that one does not push asceticism to the point where it makes friendly intercourse impossible.
The Unappealing Saint. The pursuit of moral perfection can lead to a life that is unappealing and alien, driven by duty rather than by the loves and delights of ordinary people. This raises the question of whether the moral ideal is truly a human ideal, or whether it lacks some crucial human quality.
The Conflict with Family. The do-gooder's commitment to strangers can often conflict with their obligations to family. This tension highlights the fundamental human urge to prioritize those closest to us, and the do-gooder's challenge to this deeply ingrained instinct.
The Rejection of Asceticism. The do-gooder's pursuit of extreme morality can lead to a rejection of ordinary pleasures and spontaneity. This raises the question of whether a life devoted only to duty is truly a life worth living, or whether it lacks some essential human element.
5. The Unseen Suffering: Expanding the Circle of Moral Concern
He cared about them because they were more helpless and more brutally trodden on than even the most oppressed people; their suffering was greater and their situation more unjust.
Beyond Human Suffering. Some do-gooders expand their moral concern beyond human beings to include animals, particularly those who are most vulnerable and oppressed. This expansion is often driven by a sense of injustice and a desire to alleviate suffering wherever it exists.
The Numbers Game. The do-gooder may focus on the sheer quantity of suffering, choosing to help those who are most numerous and most brutally treated. This approach is often driven by a desire to maximize their impact and alleviate the greatest amount of pain.
Dispassion and Pragmatism. The do-gooder may approach suffering with a degree of dispassion, focusing on practical solutions rather than emotional responses. This pragmatism allows them to be more effective in their work, but can also make them seem cold or detached to others.
6. The Limits of Morality: Balancing Duty and Self
Is it good to try to live as moral a life as possible? Or is there something in the drive to extraordinary goodness that distances a person too much from ordinary humanity?
The Question of Quantity. The do-gooder's life raises the question of how much morality can demand of a person. Is it possible to live a life devoted entirely to duty, or is there a point at which the demands of morality become too extreme?
The Conflict with Self. The do-gooder's commitment to others can often conflict with their own needs and desires. This tension highlights the fundamental human urge to care for oneself, and the do-gooder's challenge to this deeply ingrained instinct.
The Problem of Perfection. The do-gooder's pursuit of moral perfection can lead to a life that is rigid and unforgiving. This raises the question of whether it is possible to hold oneself to unforgiving standards without becoming unforgiving of others.
7. The Legacy of the "Drunk": Questioning the Nature of Helping
The term “do-gooder” is, of course, often demeaning. It can mean a silly or intrusive person who tries to do good but ends up only meddling.
The Suspicion of Helping. The term "do-gooder" is often used in a demeaning way, suggesting that those who try to help are often intrusive, self-righteous, or ineffective. This skepticism arises from a deep uncertainty about how a person ought to live and whether it is possible to truly help others without causing harm.
The Problem of Control. The do-gooder's desire to help can often be rooted in a need to control others, rather than a genuine desire to alleviate suffering. This raises the question of whether helping can ever be truly selfless, or whether it is always tainted by the helper's own needs and desires.
The Disease of Helping. The concept of "codependency" suggests that the desire to help others can be a form of illness, a way of avoiding one's own problems by focusing on the problems of others. This perspective challenges the notion that helping is always a virtuous act, and suggests that it can sometimes be a form of self-destruction.
8. The Unintended Consequences of Good Intentions
The usual way to do good is to help those who are near you: a person grows up in a particular place, perceives that something is wrong there, and sets out to fix it.
The Limits of Aid. The do-gooder's efforts to help others can often have unintended consequences, sometimes causing more harm than good. This raises the question of whether it is possible to truly help others without understanding the complex systems in which they live.
The Problem of Paternalism. The do-gooder's desire to help can often be rooted in a sense of superiority, a belief that they know what is best for others. This paternalistic approach can undermine the agency of those they are trying to help, and perpetuate systems of inequality.
The Importance of Local Knowledge. The do-gooder may fail to recognize the value of local knowledge and expertise, imposing solutions that are not appropriate for the specific context. This highlights the importance of listening to and learning from those who are most affected by the problems they are trying to solve.
9. The Power of the Personal: Finding Meaning in the Mundane
Only actual lives convey fully and in a visceral way the beauty and cost of a certain kind of moral existence.
The Value of Stories. The do-gooder's life is best understood not through abstract ideas, but through the stories of their actual experiences. These stories reveal the beauty and cost of a certain kind of moral existence, and the complex choices that do-gooders must face.
The Importance of the Everyday. The do-gooder's life is not always filled with grand gestures and heroic acts, but also with small, everyday choices that reveal their moral character. These choices, often overlooked by others, are a crucial part of their moral journey.
The Limits of Abstraction. The do-gooder's life highlights the limits of abstract moral principles, and the importance of grounding morality in the concrete realities of human experience. This perspective suggests that morality is not just a matter of following rules, but of living a life that is both meaningful and compassionate.
10. The Unfolding Story: Embracing Uncertainty and Imperfection
It’s a measure of their seriousness that they doubt and question themselves.
The Acceptance of Doubt. The do-gooder's life is not characterized by certainty, but by a willingness to doubt and question their own motives and actions. This self-reflection is a sign of their seriousness and their commitment to living a truly ethical life.
The Embrace of Imperfection. The do-gooder may come to accept that perfection is impossible, and that the pursuit of moral goodness is a lifelong journey, not a destination. This acceptance allows them to be more forgiving of themselves and others, and to find joy in the process of striving for a better world.
The Ongoing Quest. The do-gooder's life is not a static achievement, but an ongoing quest for meaning and purpose. This quest is characterized by a willingness to learn, to grow, and to adapt to the ever-changing realities of the world.
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FAQ
What is Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar about?
- Exploration of extreme altruism: The book investigates the lives of people who dedicate themselves to helping others, often at great personal cost, and examines the moral, psychological, and social complexities of selflessness.
- Profiles and philosophy: Through detailed narratives and philosophical inquiry, MacFarquhar presents individuals who embody the overpowering urge to help strangers, revealing both their motivations and the consequences of their actions.
- Themes of duty and sacrifice: It grapples with questions about how much morality can demand from a person, the tension between caring for family versus strangers, and the psychological and social consequences of extreme idealism.
- Cultural critique: The book situates personal stories within broader social and historical contexts, including skepticism about altruism and the rise of concepts like codependency.
Why should I read Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar?
- Insight into moral extremity: The book offers a rare, nuanced look at people who push moral ideals to their limits, helping readers understand the psychological and ethical dimensions of radical altruism.
- Challenges assumptions: It questions everyday beliefs about morality, family loyalty, and the limits of duty, encouraging readers to reflect on their own values and actions.
- Engaging storytelling: MacFarquhar’s detailed profiles and vivid storytelling make complex philosophical ideas accessible and emotionally resonant.
- Relevance to modern dilemmas: The book addresses contemporary issues about helping others, codependency, and the limits of charity, making it timely and thought-provoking.
What are the key takeaways from Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar?
- Complexity of selflessness: Extreme altruism is both inspiring and troubling, raising questions about the costs and limits of living for others.
- Ambivalence toward do-gooders: Society admires but also feels uneasy about those who devote themselves to strangers, reflecting deep-seated ambivalence about morality and human nature.
- Limits of helping: The book explores how helping can sometimes be harmful or self-destructive, and how the urge to help must be balanced with self-care and respect for others’ autonomy.
- Philosophical debates: It presents a range of philosophical arguments about duty, family, and the demands of morality, showing that there are no easy answers.
Who are some of the real-life do-gooders featured in Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar, and what are their stories?
- Dorothy Granada: A nurse and activist who worked in Nicaragua, enduring war and personal sacrifice to provide healthcare to marginalized communities, transitioning from radical activism to hands-on nursing.
- Aaron Pitkin: An animal-rights advocate who lives frugally and dedicates his life to reducing suffering, especially for chickens, balancing pragmatism with moral rigor.
- Baba Amte and family: Indian social workers who founded leper colonies and rural health projects, showing generational legacies of moral commitment and ascetic discipline.
- Sue and Hector Badeau: A couple who adopted and fostered 22 children, many with severe trauma or disabilities, illustrating the joys and challenges of extreme altruistic parenting.
- Kimberly Brown-Whale: A pastor and altruistic kidney donor whose story intertwines faith, family, and the practical realities of helping others.
What are the key characteristics of do-gooders as described in Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar?
- Unyielding sense of duty: Do-gooders possess a strong, often inflexible commitment to moral principles, living lives marked by discipline and sacrifice.
- Moral extremity and isolation: Their standards and emotions can seem inhumanly lofty, creating distance from others and sometimes unease or reproach.
- Not solely compassion-driven: Many do-gooders plan their actions coldly and commit to helping before encountering those in need, making their good deeds a way of life rather than occasional acts.
- Emotional control: They often suppress overwhelming emotions to maintain their commitments, which can make them seem detached or austere.
How does Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar address the tension between caring for family and strangers?
- Moral conflict: Do-gooders often face the difficult choice of balancing obligations to family with duties to strangers, challenging the common belief that family always comes first.
- Historical and religious context: The book discusses how various traditions, from Abraham to Gandhi, have grappled with or rejected family claims to pursue larger moral causes.
- Societal ambivalence: Most people find it natural to prioritize family, and do-gooders’ impartiality can seem unnatural or even monstrous, fueling discomfort and suspicion.
- Philosophical implications: The tension highlights the limits of moral impartiality and the deep-rooted value of familial loyalty.
What philosophical arguments about morality and duty are explored in Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar?
- Peter Singer’s shallow pond argument: The book explains Singer’s utilitarian view that if you would save a drowning child nearby, you should also help distant strangers, as distance carries no moral weight.
- Utilitarianism’s radical demands: It discusses how utilitarianism requires maximizing well-being impartially, often demanding extreme sacrifice and rejecting special duties to family.
- Critiques and alternatives: Philosophers like Bernard Williams argue that morality cannot override all other human concerns, such as loyalty and love, which give life meaning.
- Ambivalence and complexity: The book presents the ongoing debates and the psychological difficulty of living up to such demanding moral standards.
How does Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar explore the concept of "codependency"?
- Origins in Al-Anon: Codependency emerged from the families of alcoholics, particularly through Lois Wilson, who recognized the compulsive need to control and help.
- Definition and evolution: By the 1980s, codependency described anyone preoccupied with controlling another’s behavior, often seen as a disease of excessive selflessness and control.
- Psychological dynamics: The book explores how codependency can stem from childhood trauma, leading to confusion between love, suffering, and control.
- Critiques and expansions: Melody Beattie and others expanded the concept, emphasizing the dangers of helping without consent and the risk of bitterness and victimhood.
What challenges do professional helpers face according to Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar?
- Emotional overinvolvement: New social workers and therapists often work obsessively, sacrificing personal life and becoming emotionally entangled with clients, leading to burnout.
- Need for detachment: Over time, they learn to develop a "thick skin" to protect themselves, but too much detachment can lead to cynicism and loss of care.
- Complexity of change: Helpers confront the difficulty of effecting real change in others, often facing client resentment and systemic obstacles.
- Moral and psychological toll: The work is grueling, sometimes leading to self-destructive behaviors like drinking or apathy.
What criticisms of humanitarian aid and foreign aid workers are presented in Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar?
- Moral delusions and powerlessness: Aid workers often impose help without understanding local contexts, leading to unintended harm and self-delusion about their effectiveness.
- Addiction to crisis: Some aid workers become addicted to the adrenaline of emergency work, paralleling the violence they seek to alleviate.
- Economic and political consequences: Aid can prolong conflicts, undermine local markets, and relieve governments of responsibility, perpetuating systemic problems.
- Accountability issues: NGOs may prioritize publicity and funding over actual impact, sometimes resembling a new form of colonialism with little scrutiny of results.
How does Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar differentiate between harmful and healthy helping, especially in the context of AA and Al-Anon?
- Lois Wilson’s realization: Lois learned that trying to control her alcoholic husband prevented his self-change, and that relinquishing control was essential.
- AA’s mutual support: Bill Wilson’s sobriety was sustained by helping others like himself, emphasizing shared experience rather than control.
- Helping from above vs. alongside: The book distinguishes between imposing help and offering support as a fellow sufferer, with the latter being more healing.
- Codependency critique: Helping that stems from compulsion and control is often a disease, but a freely chosen moral life with duty and love is not pathological.
What are the best quotes from Strangers Drowning by Larissa MacFarquhar and what do they mean?
- On the nature of do-gooders: “The life of a zealous do-gooder is a kind of human sublime—by which I mean that, although there is a hard beauty in it, the word ‘beautiful’ doesn’t capture the ambivalence it stirs up.” This highlights the awe mixed with discomfort that do-gooders inspire.
- On duty and morality: “Love in action is a harsh and dreadful thing compared with love in dreams.” —Fyodor Dostoevsky. This underscores the difficult reality of living a moral life beyond idealized notions.
- On moral demands: “If you don’t do that, then you have to say that it’s permissible to value yourself more than a thousand times as much as you value strangers. Does that sound plausible? I don’t think that sounds very plausible.” —Toby Ord, illustrating the radical demands of utilitarian morality.
- On the cost of helping: The book is filled with reflections on the psychological and social costs of extreme altruism, challenging readers to consider the true meaning of selflessness.
Review Summary
Strangers Drowning explores extreme altruism through profiles of individuals who dedicate their lives to helping others, often at great personal cost. The book examines philosophical and psychological perspectives on altruism, challenging readers to consider their own moral obligations. While some reviewers found it thought-provoking and well-written, others criticized its lack of clear conclusions. Many readers appreciated MacFarquhar's nuanced approach and compelling storytelling, though some felt uncomfortable with the extreme examples presented. Overall, the book sparked reflection on the nature of goodness and human responsibility.
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