Supersurvivors

1. Trauma Survivors Exist on a Spectrum: From Hiding to Thriving

On the spectrum of trauma survivorship, everyone falls somewhere between hiding under a rock and becoming a rock star.

Defining Supersurvivors. Not all trauma survivors are the same; some merely cope, while others transform their lives in remarkable ways. Supersurvivors are those who not only recover but also revolutionize their lives, often turning their worst experiences into catalysts for positive change. Asha Mevlana's cancer diagnosis, for example, led her to abandon a corporate career and pursue her passion for music, ultimately achieving mainstream success as a rock violinist.

Beyond Resilience. While resilience is the ability to bounce back to a pre-trauma state, supersurvivors bounce forward, using their experiences to propel themselves toward new goals and missions. They don't just survive; they thrive, often contributing to the world in ways they never thought possible before their trauma. This involves a shift in focus from mere survival to a broader engagement with the world.

Common Principles. Despite the diversity of their experiences, supersurvivors share common principles, including hope, personal control, social support, forgiveness, and spirituality. These principles, however, often work in unexpected ways, challenging conventional wisdom and highlighting the complexities of the human response to adversity. Understanding these principles can offer valuable insights for anyone facing setbacks and difficulties, regardless of the severity of their trauma.

2. Positive Thinking Can Be a Paradox: Realism Often Trumps Rosy Outlooks

I’m just not a silver-lining kind of person.

The Pitfalls of Blind Optimism. While conventional wisdom suggests that positive thinking is essential for recovery, research reveals a more nuanced picture. Blindly telling yourself "everything will be fine" can undermine your ability to take necessary action to improve your situation. Realistic thinking, on the other hand, involves acknowledging the potential for negative outcomes and taking steps to mitigate them.

Grounded Hope. Alan Lock, who became the first blind person to row across the Atlantic, exemplifies the power of realistic thinking. Despite losing his sight, he didn't deny the challenges he faced. Instead, he focused on what he could do, setting achievable goals and taking precautions to manage the risks involved. This grounded hope, based on a firm understanding of reality, enabled him to achieve extraordinary feats.

The Importance of Goal Disengagement. Sometimes, the most adaptive response to trauma is to disengage from unattainable goals. Psychologist Carsten Wrosch's research shows that giving up on goals that are unlikely to be realized can improve mental health by freeing up resources to pursue other, more achievable ones. This doesn't mean lowering one's standards, but rather beginning the goal pursuit process from a place of realism.

3. Illusions of Control: How Overconfidence Can Lead to Unexpected Success

My attitude’s always been I can do anything I set my mind to and do it better than the next guy. I’ll fight like hell to prove that to you.

The Power of Positive Illusions. While realistic thinking is crucial, a certain degree of overconfidence can also be beneficial. Positive illusions, such as an exaggerated sense of personal control, can motivate people to take risks and persist in the face of setbacks. This is particularly evident in supersurvivors who often believe they have the ability to control their destinies, even when faced with overwhelming odds.

Comparative Optimism. Most people believe they are at less risk than average, a phenomenon known as comparative optimism. This "delusion" can be a powerful motivator, encouraging people to pursue ambitious goals and overcome obstacles. Casey Pieretti, a stuntman who lost a leg in an accident, exemplifies this mindset. Despite the inherent dangers of his profession, he believes he is at lower risk than others because he is "good" at what he does.

Grounded Hope Formula. A useful formula might be: a realistic view of the situation + a strong view of one’s ability to control one’s destiny through one’s efforts = grounded hope. This combination of realism and confidence can be a powerful catalyst for personal growth and achievement.

4. Shattered Worldviews: Trauma's Challenge to Our Core Beliefs

What they didn’t tell you was just how hard it is to come back.

The Assumptive Worldview. Most people operate under the assumption that the world is basically good, that good things happen to good people, and that they themselves are good people. Trauma shatters these assumptions, leading to disorientation and a loss of meaning. This can be a painful and destabilizing experience, but it can also be an opportunity for growth.

Accommodation vs. Overaccommodation. When trauma challenges our worldview, we must either accommodate the new reality or overaccommodate, leading to maladaptive beliefs such as "The world is an awful place" or "I'm a bad person." Paul Rieckhoff, a veteran who questioned the Iraq War, was able to accommodate his experience by adjusting his worldview without abandoning his core beliefs. Cindy Sheehan, whose son was killed in Iraq, struggled to accommodate, leading to a deep cynicism and distrust of institutions.

The Importance of Integration. The key to navigating a shattered worldview is to integrate the traumatic experience into one's existing beliefs and values. This involves acknowledging the reality of the trauma, processing the emotions associated with it, and finding new ways to make sense of the world. This process can lead to a more nuanced and resilient worldview.

5. The Company We Keep: Social Support's Vital Role in Recovery

I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.

The Power of Connection. Social support is a critical factor in trauma recovery. Studies show that people with strong social connections are more likely to survive life-threatening illnesses and experience better mental health outcomes. Amanda Wigal, who miraculously woke up from a coma, credits the unwavering support of her loved ones with her survival and recovery.

The Social Support Deterioration Effect. Despite the initial outpouring of support following a trauma, many survivors experience a decline in social support over time. This can lead to feelings of estrangement and isolation, even when support is still available. It is the victims’ subjective perception that support will continue to be accessible when it is needed that is most effective in buffering victims from the emotional impact of the trauma.

Building Social Resilience. Jane McGonigal, who suffered a concussion, created the SuperBetter game to combat feelings of isolation and foster social connection. The game encourages players to invite real-world allies to participate in their recovery, providing a concrete way for loved ones to offer support and build a sense of community.

6. Awakened by Death: Confronting Mortality to Live More Fully

Death destroys a man: the idea of Death saves him.

The Terror Management Theory. Human beings are unique in their ability to contemplate their own mortality. This awareness can be terrifying, leading to unconscious defenses such as clinging to cultural worldviews and accumulating wealth. However, these defenses can also lead to prejudice and materialism.

Mortality Salience vs. Death Reflection. Philip Cozzolino distinguishes between mortality salience, a superficial awareness of death, and death reflection, a deeper, more personal encounter with mortality. While mortality salience can trigger defensive behaviors, death reflection can lead to a reevaluation of life priorities and a shift toward more meaningful goals.

The Transformative Power of Loss. Paul Watkins, a successful businessman, experienced a profound shift in perspective after the death of his friend in the 9/11 attacks. This loss led him to question his life choices and ultimately abandon his career to become a priest, dedicating his life to serving others.

7. Faith's Double-Edged Sword: How Beliefs Can Both Help and Hinder

Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

The Benefits of Faith. Religious faith can provide comfort, meaning, and social support, buffering the negative effects of trauma and promoting resilience. The Nun Study, for example, found that happier nuns lived longer, suggesting a link between faith and longevity. James Cameron's unwavering belief in God helped him to survive a lynching and dedicate his life to fighting for civil rights.

The Dark Side of Faith. However, religious beliefs can also be a source of struggle and distress. Michael Bussee, who grew up believing that homosexuality was a sin, experienced years of self-hatred and attempted to change his sexual orientation through ex-gay therapy. This highlights the importance of examining the specific content of one's religious beliefs.

The Importance of a Nurturing God. Research suggests that a view of God as merciful, benevolent, and forgiving is more beneficial than a view of God as harsh, judgmental, or punishing. Michael's eventual shift toward a more loving and accepting view of God was crucial to his healing and his ability to embrace his true self.

8. The Right Choice: Navigating Life's Forks in the Road After Trauma

There is scarcely any passion without struggle.

The Illusion of Control. Trauma often forces us to confront the limits of our control. While it's important to maintain a sense of agency, it's also crucial to accept that some things are beyond our control. This acceptance can free us to focus on what we can change and make more informed choices.

Maximizers vs. Satisficers. Barry Schwartz identifies two types of decision-makers: maximizers, who strive to make the best possible choice, and satisficers, who aim for "good enough." While maximizers may achieve objectively better outcomes, they often experience more regret and dissatisfaction. Iram Leon, who chose to run marathons with his daughter despite his terminal cancer, exemplifies the satisficer mindset.

Embracing the Imperfect. The key to navigating life's forks in the road is to accept that there is no perfect choice. Every decision involves trade-offs, and it's important to focus on the positive aspects of the chosen path rather than dwelling on what was left behind. Asha Mevlana's journey, though filled with challenges and uncertainties, ultimately led her to a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Last updated: March 22, 2025