Fired and Falling Apart

Alexis Spencer, a thirty-something social media contractor in Chicago, is abruptly let go from her job. The loss is more than financial—her sense of self-worth, already fragile, crumbles. She's plagued by old habits, like nail-biting, and a persistent belief that she's unlucky, destined for disappointment. Her long-term boyfriend, Andrew, is supportive but Alexis's pessimism and avoidance of responsibility strain their relationship. The chapter sets the tone: Alexis is stuck, unable to move forward, blaming her past and circumstances for her present failures.

Relationship on the Rocks

After losing her job, Alexis cancels dinner plans with Andrew, choosing instead to wallow in self-pity and wine. Their argument escalates, revealing deep cracks: Alexis's defensiveness, Andrew's frustration, and the emotional distance between them. When Andrew tries to propose, Alexis's self-destructive tendencies push him away, and he leaves, heartbroken. Alexis hits a new low, realizing she's lost not just her job, but the person who anchored her.

Wine, Regret, and Reflection

Alone, Alexis drowns her sorrows in wine and vodka, sifting through a box of college memories. She's haunted by photos of her younger, reckless self—Lexi—and the friends who seemed to "make it" in life. Alexis blames her current failures on her past self's choices, wishing she could go back and fix everything. In a drunken haze, she toasts to her former self, wishing for a do-over.

Waking Up in 2002

Alexis awakens in a strange, messy college bedroom, wearing unfamiliar clothes. She quickly realizes she's somehow been transported back to 2002, her freshman year at the University of Wisconsin Oshkosh. The world is different—no smartphones, payphones still exist, and pop culture references are dated. She's disoriented, but the opportunity to "fix" her past is tantalizing.

Realizing the Past

As Alexis navigates campus, she encounters old friends, professors, and the trappings of early-2000s college life. She's invisible to some, out of place to others. Clues pile up—outdated technology, familiar faces, and her own younger self's reputation. The shock crystallizes: she's truly in the past, with a chance to change her future.

Meeting My Younger Self

Alexis finds her old dorm room and comes face-to-face with Lexi, her brash, self-absorbed, party-girl younger self. Lexi is skeptical, defensive, and hilariously shallow. The two clash—literally and verbally—over everything from body image to life choices. Alexis tries to convince Lexi of her identity and mission, but Lexi resists, mocking her older self's appearance and failures.

Failed Fixes and Frustration

Alexis tries to steer Lexi toward better habits: studying, healthier eating, avoiding bad relationships, and skipping the infamous lower-back tattoo. Lexi resists at every turn, convinced she's fine as she is. The two bicker, sabotage each other, and make little progress. Alexis realizes that simply dictating change doesn't work—Lexi must want to change herself.

The Hot Spring Misadventure

Lexi, convinced that time-travel movies hold the answer, drags Alexis and their friends on a road trip to a hot spring, hoping for a magical return to the future. The trip is a comedic disaster, but it sparks real conversations among the friends about anxiety, body image, and hidden insecurities. Alexis begins to see her friends—and herself—more deeply, realizing how little she knew about them the first time around.

Family, Loss, and Longing

Returning home for Thanksgiving, Alexis is overwhelmed by the chance to see her mother, who in her present is long dead. She struggles to maintain her cover as Lexi's "older sister," but her emotional reactions and muscle memory betray her. The holiday is poignant, filled with family traditions, laughter, and the ache of impending loss. Alexis is forced to confront her grief and the reality that some things—like her mother's death—cannot be changed.

Lessons from Old Friends

Back at school, Alexis witnesses her friends' struggles: Katie's anxiety, Nikki's disordered eating, Claire's insecurity masked by her pursuit of a "trophy wife" life. For the first time, Alexis listens, supports, and encourages them. She realizes that her friendships were always surface-level, and that true connection requires vulnerability and effort. These moments of honesty begin to change not just her friends' futures, but her own.

The Truth About Change

After a disastrous party and a literal collision with fate, Alexis is forced to confront the truth: she is the architect of her own misery. Her attempts to "fix" Lexi were really attempts to avoid responsibility for her own choices. The scars—physical and emotional—are hers to bear. Only by accepting responsibility and forgiving herself can she move forward.

Hitting Rock Bottom

A drunken fight with Lexi leads to a car accident that nearly kills her younger self. In the hospital, Alexis is wracked with guilt, finally understanding that her self-destructive patterns hurt not just herself, but those she loves. The friends rally around Lexi, and Alexis is forced to wait, reflect, and finally, apologize.

The Hospital Revelation

In the hospital, Alexis and Lexi have a raw, honest conversation. Alexis admits she was wrong to blame her past self for her present failures. She realizes that change must come from within, and that self-compassion is as important as self-improvement. Lexi, too, is changed by the experience, and the two reconcile, embracing both their flaws and their potential.

Accepting Responsibility

With newfound clarity, Alexis lets go of her need to control or rewrite her past. She thanks Lexi for the lessons, forgives herself, and accepts that pain and loss are part of life. She realizes that the only way forward is to take responsibility for her choices and to live fully in the present.

Returning to the Present

Alexis wakes up in her present-day apartment, but everything is different. She's engaged to Andrew, her friendships are strong, her career is fulfilling, and her brother is happy. The changes she made in the past—by changing herself—have rippled forward, creating a life she's proud of. Some losses remain, but she faces them with acceptance and gratitude.

A New Future Unfolds

Alexis reflects on her journey, recognizing that every version of herself—flawed, lost, or hopeful—served a purpose. She embraces her future with Andrew, cherishes her friendships, and honors her mother's memory. The lesson is clear: you can't change the past, but you can change how you live with it. Self-love, responsibility, and connection are the keys to a meaningful life.

Characters

Alexis Spencer

Alexis is a thirty-something woman stuck in a cycle of self-blame, avoidance, and pessimism. Her inability to take responsibility for her choices leads to professional and personal failures, most notably the loss of her job and her relationship with Andrew. Psychologically, Alexis is defensive, self-critical, and prone to escapism—whether through wine, nostalgia, or blaming her past self. Her journey through time is a metaphor for her internal struggle: only by confronting her own flaws, forgiving herself, and embracing vulnerability does she find peace and a better future.

Lexi (Young Alexis)

Lexi is Alexis at eighteen: impulsive, self-absorbed, and convinced that life will "just work out." She's the embodiment of Alexis's regrets and missed opportunities, but also her resilience and potential. Lexi's initial resistance to change mirrors Alexis's own avoidance, but as the two clash and connect, Lexi becomes a mirror—forcing Alexis to see herself honestly. Lexi's eventual willingness to grow is both a gift to her future self and a testament to the power of self-compassion.

Andrew James

Andrew is Alexis's long-term boyfriend, a source of stability and optimism. He loves Alexis deeply, but her inability to move past her own baggage and accept happiness drives a wedge between them. Andrew's patience and eventual departure are catalysts for Alexis's transformation. In the alternate future, his presence as a supportive partner underscores the rewards of self-growth and vulnerability.

Nikki

Nikki is one of Alexis's closest college friends, outwardly fun-loving but privately battling disordered eating and a need for comfort. Her journey, from being the target of the "Get Nikki Fat" plan to seeking therapy and self-acceptance, parallels Alexis's own. Nikki's openness about her struggles helps Alexis realize the importance of real connection and empathy.

Katie

Katie is the "mom" of the friend group, always looking out for others while quietly managing her own anxiety. Her Type A tendencies mask a deep need for control in a chaotic world. Katie's willingness to be vulnerable about her mental health helps break down the group's emotional barriers and inspires Alexis to be more honest with herself and others.

Claire

Claire is the quintessential "trophy wife" in training, obsessed with finding a rich husband but secretly plagued by self-doubt and a fear of inadequacy. Her journey toward becoming a therapist and author is sparked by Alexis's encouragement and the group's newfound honesty. Claire's transformation is a testament to the power of friendship and self-belief.

Justin

Justin is Alexis's older brother, a bit clueless but deeply caring. His awkward crush on Alexis (not realizing her true identity) is played for laughs but also highlights his isolation and need for genuine relationships. In the new future, Justin finds happiness and love, reflecting the positive ripple effects of Alexis's growth.

Mom (Alice)

Alice is Alexis's late mother, whose presence in the past is both a blessing and a source of pain. She represents unconditional love, tradition, and the ache of loss. Her subtle recognition of Alexis's true identity and her final message—"A mother always knows"—provide closure and healing for Alexis.

Dad (Jeff)

Jeff is the family's anchor, supportive but less emotionally attuned than Alice. He represents the comfort of home and the importance of family rituals. His interactions with Alexis and Lexi are a reminder that love is often shown in small, everyday gestures.

Veronica

Veronica is a minor but pivotal character—a bartender and later a hospital patient—who offers Alexis crucial advice: "You can't help someone who won't help themselves." Her words echo throughout Alexis's journey, guiding her toward self-acceptance and responsibility.

Plot Devices

Time Travel as Self-Confrontation

The novel uses time travel not as a sci-fi gimmick, but as a metaphor for confronting one's past. Alexis's journey to 2002 is a chance to "fix" her life, but the real lesson is that change must come from within. The device allows for direct interaction between past and present selves, making psychological growth tangible.

Dual Protagonist Structure

By splitting Alexis into Alexis and Lexi, the narrative externalizes self-critique and self-compassion. Their banter, fights, and eventual reconciliation dramatize the process of integrating past mistakes and present wisdom. This structure also allows for comedic and poignant moments, as each self learns from the other.

Foreshadowing and Symbolism

Recurring motifs—like the scar on Alexis's leg, the lower-back tattoo, and the "Get Nikki Fat" plan—serve as physical reminders of choices and consequences. The hot spring, Ouija board, and phone booth are red herrings for time travel "solutions," ultimately reinforcing that there are no shortcuts to self-acceptance.

Parallel Friendships and Family Dynamics

The struggles of Nikki, Katie, and Claire echo Alexis's own need for vulnerability and growth. Family scenes, especially with her mother, provide emotional stakes and underscore the theme that some losses are immutable, but healing is possible.

Narrative Voice and Humor

Alexis's voice is sharp, funny, and brutally honest, making her journey relatable and engaging. The humor balances the novel's emotional weight, inviting readers to laugh at the absurdity of self-sabotage while rooting for transformation.

Analysis

The Girl I Was is a heartfelt, sharply funny exploration of regret, self-sabotage, and the long, messy road to self-acceptance. By literalizing the internal battle between past and present selves, Jeneva Rose crafts a narrative that is both entertaining and deeply resonant. The novel's central lesson is that true change cannot be forced upon others—or one's younger self—but must be chosen, owned, and nurtured from within. The time-travel conceit is less about rewriting history and more about learning to live with it, to forgive, and to grow. Through Alexis's journey, readers are reminded that every version of ourselves—no matter how flawed—deserves compassion, and that the only way to a better future is through honesty, responsibility, and connection. The book's modern relevance lies in its message: you can't erase the past, but you can choose what you do with it, starting now.

Last updated: July 17, 2025