The Inner Game of Stress

1. Recognize the two selves: Self 1 (the Stress Maker) and Self 2 (inner wisdom)

"Self 1 was filled with the concepts and expectations of others, and usually delivered them with the voice of a drill sergeant. He couldn't play, but, boy, did he have plenty of criticisms!"

Self 1 vs. Self 2. The Inner Game concept introduces two distinct selves within us. Self 1 is the critical, judgmental voice that creates stress and doubt. It's the internal narrator that constantly evaluates, worries, and second-guesses our actions. Self 2, on the other hand, represents our natural abilities, intuition, and inner wisdom. It's the part of us that can perform effortlessly when not interfered with by Self 1.

Recognizing the difference. The key to reducing stress and improving performance lies in distinguishing between these two selves. By learning to quiet Self 1 and trust Self 2, we can access our full potential and reduce unnecessary stress. This applies not only to sports and professional settings but to all aspects of life.

Signs of Self 1 interference:

• Excessive self-criticism
• Overthinking simple tasks
• Feeling paralyzed by fear of failure
  Characteristics of Self 2 performance:
• Effortless flow
• Heightened focus and awareness
• Natural learning and improvement

2. Understand stress as a choice, not an inevitability

"Living in chronic stress is not possible without serious consequences."

Stress is not mandatory. Contrary to popular belief, stress is not an inevitable part of modern life. It's a response we choose, often unconsciously, based on our perceptions and attitudes. By recognizing this, we can start to make different choices about how we respond to challenging situations.

Health implications. Chronic stress has serious health consequences, affecting our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It's not just uncomfortable; it's actively harmful to our bodies and minds. Understanding this can motivate us to take stress reduction seriously.

Physical effects of chronic stress:

• Weakened immune system
• Increased risk of heart disease
• Digestive issues
  Mental and emotional effects:
• Anxiety and depression
• Impaired decision-making
• Reduced quality of life

3. Utilize the STOP tool to break stress momentum

"STOP is a surprisingly simple tool, and it means exactly what it says: Stop the unconscious momentum and make the shift to being conscious."

Breaking the cycle. The STOP tool is a powerful technique for interrupting the automatic stress response. It consists of four steps: Step back, Think, Organize your thinking, and Proceed. This simple process allows you to pause, reflect, and make conscious choices rather than reacting automatically to stressors.

Practical application. STOP can be used in any situation where you feel stress building. It's particularly effective in high-pressure work environments, difficult conversations, or when facing important decisions. By creating a moment of pause, you give yourself the opportunity to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

How to use STOP:

1. Step back: Create physical or mental distance from the situation
2. Think: Reflect on what's really happening and why you're feeling stressed
3. Organize: Plan your response based on your priorities and values
4. Proceed: Move forward with clear intention and reduced stress

4. Become the CEO of your life to regain control

"Your life is yours. You are its owner. Ownership is the foundation of stability and responsibility."

Taking charge. Viewing yourself as the CEO of your life shifts your perspective from victim to decision-maker. This mindset empowers you to take responsibility for your choices, set clear priorities, and make decisions aligned with your values and goals.

Practical steps. To embody this CEO mentality, start by defining your life's mission statement, identifying your core values, and setting clear priorities. Regularly assess your decisions and actions to ensure they align with your overall vision for your life.

Key areas to focus on as the CEO of your life:

• Personal mission and values
• Relationships and social connections
• Career and financial decisions
• Health and well-being
• Personal growth and learning

5. Apply the Three Control Questions to manage stress

"What don't I control here? What am I currently trying to control? What could I control that I'm not presently controlling?"

Focusing on what matters. The Three Control Questions help you identify areas where you're expending energy unnecessarily and redirect your focus to aspects of your life where you can make a real difference. This tool is particularly useful in situations that feel overwhelming or out of control.

Shifting perspective. By answering these questions, you gain clarity on your sphere of influence and can let go of trying to control things beyond your power. This shift often leads to a significant reduction in stress and an increase in effectiveness.

Benefits of using the Three Control Questions:

• Reduced anxiety about uncontrollable factors
• Increased sense of empowerment
• More effective problem-solving
• Better allocation of time and energy

6. Cultivate inner stability through awareness, choice, and trust

"Awareness tells you where you are. Choice tells you where you want to be. Trust in your own resources, inner and outer, is the key ingredient to movement toward your desired outcome."

The ACT framework. Awareness, Choice, and Trust (ACT) form the foundation of inner stability. Awareness helps you understand your current state and surroundings. Choice empowers you to decide on your desired direction. Trust in your abilities and resources gives you the confidence to move forward.

Practical application. Cultivating these three elements in your daily life can lead to greater resilience and reduced stress. Practice mindfulness to increase awareness, make conscious choices aligned with your values, and build trust in yourself through positive self-talk and acknowledging past successes.

Ways to develop ACT:

• Awareness: Regular meditation or mindfulness practices
• Choice: Decision-making exercises and journaling
• Trust: Reflecting on past achievements and overcoming self-doubt

7. Embrace the PLE Triangle: Performance, Learning, and Enjoyment

"Three things actually happen at the same time when the Inner Game is being played well. Performance is excellent, learning is occurring naturally, and enjoyment is present."

Balancing priorities. The PLE Triangle emphasizes the importance of balancing Performance, Learning, and Enjoyment in any activity. Often, we focus solely on performance, neglecting the other two crucial aspects. By giving equal weight to all three, we can achieve better results and greater satisfaction.

Applying PLE. Consider how you can incorporate all three elements into your work, relationships, and personal pursuits. Set goals not just for what you want to achieve, but for what you want to learn and how you want to feel during the process.

Questions to ask yourself when applying PLE:

• Performance: What specific outcomes am I aiming for?
• Learning: What new skills or insights can I gain from this experience?
• Enjoyment: How can I find pleasure or satisfaction in this activity?

8. Redefine your perspectives to reduce stress

"The purpose of the Redefine tool is to bring our key definitions into conscious awareness so that we can let go of what isn't aligned with our current commitments and to allow us to choose what is."

Challenging assumptions. The Redefine tool encourages you to examine and update the definitions and beliefs that shape your perception of the world. Many of our stress-inducing thoughts come from outdated or limiting definitions we've accumulated over time.

Steps to redefine. Start by identifying a stressful concept or belief. Trace its origin and question its current validity. Then, create a new definition that aligns better with your present values and goals. This process can dramatically reduce stress by changing how you interpret and respond to various situations.

Areas to apply the Redefine tool:

• Self-image and personal worth
• Definitions of success and failure
• Relationships and social expectations
• Work and career goals
• Life purpose and meaning

9. Build a personal shield using inner resources

"The shield can be made out of inner abilities of your own choosing."

Creating protection. The concept of a personal shield involves consciously selecting and cultivating inner resources to protect yourself from stress and negative influences. These resources can include qualities like clarity, hope, understanding, awareness, and courage.

Customizing your shield. Your personal shield should be tailored to your specific needs and challenges. Regularly assess which inner resources you need most and focus on developing them. This proactive approach to stress management can significantly increase your resilience.

Steps to build your personal shield:

1. Identify your most common stressors
2. List your existing inner strengths
3. Choose 3-5 key qualities to focus on developing
4. Practice embodying these qualities in daily life
5. Regularly update your shield based on new challenges

10. Transform aging and mortality into opportunities for growth

"You can say, 'I am not going to let stress rob me of the chance to enjoy this great gift of life.'"

Reframing aging. Instead of viewing aging as a decline, see it as an opportunity for continued growth, learning, and enjoyment. This shift in perspective can significantly reduce stress associated with getting older and enhance quality of life in later years.

Embracing mortality. Accepting the reality of death can paradoxically lead to a fuller, more meaningful life. It can motivate us to prioritize what truly matters, let go of trivial concerns, and live more authentically.

Ways to embrace aging positively:

• Set new learning goals at every stage of life
• Focus on wisdom and experience as valuable assets
• Cultivate intergenerational relationships
• Engage in activities that bring joy, regardless of age
  Approaches to facing mortality:
• Regular reflection on life's meaning and purpose
• Practicing gratitude for each day
• Creating a legacy through relationships and contributions to others

Last updated: September 2, 2024