The Latehomecomer

1. Escape from War and Persecution

On May 9, 1975 Khaosan Pathet Lao, the newspaper of the Lao People’s Party, announced the agenda: “It is necessary to extirpate, down to the root, the Hmong minority.”

Genocide decree. Following the end of the Vietnam War in 1975, the Hmong people in Laos, who had aided the American CIA in the "Secret War," faced systematic persecution and death warrants from the communist Pathet Lao government and their North Vietnamese allies. Villages were infiltrated, and those who had fought or supported the Americans were targeted for extermination or reeducation camps.

Forced flight. With their men and boys killed or disappearing, and facing certain death if they surrendered, families like the author's parents fled into the dense Laotian jungle. This marked the beginning of years of hiding, scavenging for food, and constantly evading soldiers, enduring hunger, fear, and the constant threat of bombs and ambushes.

Dreams deferred. The author's parents, young and newly married in the jungle, had simple dreams before the war – her mother of becoming a nurse, her father of a small farm. The war shattered these aspirations, forcing them into a brutal fight for survival where the future stretched only as far as the next step, and the possibility of a normal life seemed impossible.

2. Survival in the Jungle and Camps

For my mother’s and father’s families, the possibility of a new life, of foraging in fear, was a better choice than the separations of defeat, of death.

Ambush and separation. Life in the jungle was marked by constant danger. An ambush by soldiers separated the author's parents, forcing the women and children to surrender while the men fled deeper into the jungle, hoping to return. This period highlighted the brutal choices imposed by war, where families were torn apart simply to increase the chances of survival for some.

Enemy captivity. The surrendered women and children were held captive for seven months in an enemy village. They faced harsh conditions, including:

• Lack of food and clean water (chemical warfare suspected)
• Forced labor (building huts)
• Psychological manipulation (told their husbands had abandoned them)
• Witnessing death (graves of children, propaganda films)

Birth in captivity. The author's older sister, Dawb, was born in this enemy camp. Her birth, named "white" (dawb) for her pale skin, symbolized hope amidst despair, though the name also carried the unintended meaning of "surrender." Her arrival gave the author's mother a new focus and a reason to hold onto life, even as she grieved the presumed death of her husband.

3. The Perilous Journey to Thailand

The Mekong River saw the deaths of more Hmong people than any other river.

Reunion and resolve. After seven months, the women and children were miraculously reunited with the men, who had survived in the jungle. This reunion, filled with relief and shared trauma, solidified their resolve: they could no longer survive in Laos. The only option was to reach the Mekong River and cross into Thailand, where refugee camps offered a slim chance of safety.

The Mekong crossing. The journey to the river was arduous, taking ten days of walking at night with minimal food, battling rain, fever, and sickness. The Mekong itself presented the final, terrifying obstacle. As mountain people, most Hmong could not swim, and the wide, fast-flowing river was guarded by soldiers.

A desperate crossing. With no money for rafts, the author's father tied his wife, baby daughter, and mother to himself with bamboo and attempted to drag them across the treacherous currents in the dark. This desperate act, driven by the will to survive together, resulted in the loss of precious possessions (like the mother's silver necklace) but ultimately brought them to the shores of Thailand, shivering but alive.

4. Life and Waiting in Refugee Camps

Ban Vinai Refugee Camp was a place where kids kept secrets and adults stayed inside themselves.

Initial reception. Upon reaching Thailand, the family was met with a mix of indifference and hostility from Thai villagers and soldiers. They were labeled "refugees" (opoyop), stripped of dignity, and sent to overcrowded, unsanitary holding centers before being moved to Ban Vinai Refugee Camp.

Ban Vinai reality. Ban Vinai became home for years, a fenced-in world of dust, limited resources, and waiting. Life was defined by:

• Insufficient food rations (often moldy)
• Poor sanitation and widespread illness
• Lack of work or purpose for adults
• Constant fear of violence outside the camp boundaries
• Loss and death (illness, suicide)

Childhood in the camp. Despite the harsh realities, children like the author found moments of joy and normalcy. They played games (including war games), explored the limited environment, and were cared for by a network of family and community. The author's birth in the camp symbolized hope, and her early years were marked by the love and protection of her family, particularly her grandmother.

5. The Difficult Transition to America

We were on a road leading to America, and then we were in a place surrounded by a high fence that was as sharp as knives.

Decision to leave. Facing the potential closure of Ban Vinai and forced repatriation to Laos, the family decided to seek resettlement in America. This decision was met with resistance from the grandmother, who feared the unknown and the separation from her children, highlighting the intergenerational conflict between the desire for safety and the yearning for familiar ways and family unity.

Phanat Nikhom processing. The family moved to Phanat Nikhom, a transition camp designed to prepare refugees for life in Western countries. This period was characterized by:

• Intensive cultural orientation (language classes, learning basic tasks)
• Medical examinations (leading to the author taking her sister's place to ensure they could leave together)
• Continued confinement (barbed wire fences, guards)
• Psychological unease (haunted by the death of a fellow refugee, fear of the dark)

The journey across the ocean. The flight to America was a disorienting experience, marked by long waits in foreign airports (like Tokyo) and the vast, unseen ocean below. The author's first glimpse of her father's vulnerability came when he struggled to ask for directions in English, foreshadowing the challenges of navigating a new language and culture.

6. Challenges of American Resettlement

My father’s heart hurt more than my body—the flesh can take blows, the heart suffers them.

Initial shock. Arrival in America brought a new set of challenges. The family settled in the McDonough Housing Project in St. Paul, Minnesota, a stark contrast to their previous lives. They faced:

• Poverty and reliance on welfare ($605/month for a family of four)
• Language barriers and cultural misunderstandings
• Discrimination and hostility from some Americans
• The pressure to adapt quickly ("grow up or grow old")

Financial strain. Money became a constant source of worry, limiting their ability to visit family (like the grandmother in California) and forcing them to rely on secondhand goods and strict budgeting. This financial hardship underscored the gap between the promised land of opportunity and the reality of refugee life.

Invisible struggles. The family learned to navigate American systems (welfare, schools, shopping) while trying to maintain their dignity and protect the children from the harsh realities of their situation. The parents' quiet struggles and yearning for invisibility highlighted the emotional toll of being outsiders in a new country.

7. Education as a Path to the Future

Education was the answer to our lives’ questions.

Parental aspirations. Despite their own limited education and language barriers, the author's parents placed immense value on schooling for their children. They saw education as the key to unlocking opportunities in America and achieving the better life they had dreamed of.

Navigating the school system. The author and her sister faced difficulties in the American school system, including:

• Language acquisition challenges (the author's initial silence)
• Cultural differences in classroom behavior
• Moving between multiple schools due to various issues (bullying, lack of ESL support)

Finding a voice. The author's turning point came in high school with a supportive English teacher who recognized her talent for writing. This affirmation helped her find a way to express herself, even as she struggled with spoken English, demonstrating that education could provide a path for self-discovery and validation.

8. Preserving Identity and Family Bonds

The strongest thing that can hold people together is blood.

Importance of extended family. The extended family, particularly the network of uncles, aunts, and cousins, provided a crucial support system in America. They shared resources, offered advice, and held regular family meetings to discuss challenges and reinforce cultural values and the importance of mutual support.

Intergenerational connection. The grandmother's visits from California were vital for maintaining cultural ties and providing a link to the past. Her stories, traditional practices (like herbal healing), and physical presence grounded the children in their Hmong heritage, even as they adapted to American life.

Adapting traditions. While some traditions were difficult to maintain in America (like large funerals or traditional farming), the family found ways to adapt. They held clan dinners, shared stories, and relied on each other, demonstrating the resilience of Hmong culture and family structure in a new context.

9. The Weight of the Past and Trauma

Memories live on, behind us, under our closed lids and in our dreams.

Lingering trauma. The experiences of war, escape, and life in the camps left lasting scars. The author's parents and other adults continued to suffer from nightmares and the psychological toll of their past, highlighting the long-term impact of trauma on refugees.

Haunted by the past. The family's experience in the "haunted section-8 house" symbolized the way the past could intrude upon the present. The ghost of the little boy who died there mirrored the unresolved grief and fear carried by the family, forcing them to confront the idea that even in America, they could not fully escape the shadows of death and loss.

Physical manifestations. The trauma and stress of their experiences also manifested physically, such as the author's unexplained illness. This period underscored the deep connection between emotional well-being, historical trauma, and physical health, suggesting that the body itself carried the weight of their journey.

10. Finding Belonging and Defining Home

We are here looking for a home.

The search for home. The narrative is a continuous search for a place of safety, belonging, and stability. From the mountains of Laos to the camps of Thailand and the neighborhoods of America, the concept of "home" is fluid and elusive, constantly redefined by circumstances.

Home as people. Ultimately, the sense of home is found not in a physical place but in the presence of loved ones. The family's ability to create a sense of belonging, even in temporary or challenging environments, stemmed from their strong bonds and mutual support.

America as a complex home. America offered safety from persecution and opportunities for the future, but it also presented new forms of hardship and alienation. The family's journey illustrates the complex reality of finding a place in a new country, where belonging is earned through struggle and adaptation, not simply given.

11. Facing Loss and Honoring Ancestors

By documenting our deaths, we were documenting our lives.

Death as a constant. Death was a pervasive presence throughout the family's journey, from the war in Laos to the illnesses and suicides in the camps. These experiences shaped their understanding of life's fragility and the importance of honoring those who were lost.

Honoring the dead. Traditional Hmong beliefs about the spirit world and the role of sons in guiding ancestral spirits remained important, even in America. The fear of dying alone or being unable to find their way back to the ancestors underscored the cultural significance of death rituals and family continuity.

Grandmother's passing. The grandmother's death, the first natural death in the family in America, marked a significant moment. Her final wishes for a "good bed" symbolized her desire for peace and dignity after a life of hardship. Her passing highlighted the importance of remembering and documenting the stories of the older generation, ensuring their lives and struggles are not forgotten.

Last updated: June 7, 2025