The Latehomecomer

1. Escape from War and Genocide in Laos

The Secret War, the biggest covert operation in CIA history, and its ramifications would tear into the history of a people, break into the pages of their lives, and let the winds of war and death blow them all over the world.

War forced escape. Following the end of the Vietnam War in 1975, the Hmong people in Laos, who had aided the American CIA in the "Secret War," faced a death warrant from the new communist government. Villages were targeted, and systematic killings began against those who had fought against communist rule. With men and boys lost in battle, remaining Hmong communities, largely women and children, were forced to flee into the dense Laotian jungle to survive.

Jungle life hardships. Life in the jungle was a constant struggle for survival, marked by hunger, fear, and the ever-present threat of attack. Families scavenged for food like cassava and taro roots, endured harsh weather, and hid from patrolling soldiers. The author's parents met and married during these years, their union born out of shared hardship and the uncertainty of a "war of no tomorrows."

Separation and ambush. The jungle offered little permanent safety, and families were often ambushed and separated. The author's mother, pregnant, was captured with other women and children and held in an enemy camp for seven months, while the men, including her father, escaped back into the jungle. This period tested bonds and forced difficult choices between surrender and continued flight.

2. Survival in Thai Refugee Camps

Ban Vinai Refugee Camp was a place where kids kept secrets and adults stayed inside themselves.

Crossing the Mekong. After escaping the enemy camp and reuniting, the family's only hope was to reach Thailand by crossing the treacherous Mekong River. This dangerous journey, often undertaken at night under fire, claimed many Hmong lives. The author's family, including her pregnant mother and grandmother, crossed tied together with bamboo, losing precious possessions like a traditional silver necklace to the strong currents.

Life in Ban Vinai. Upon reaching Thailand, families were processed by the United Nations and sent to refugee camps like Ban Vinai, which housed tens of thousands of Hmong. Life was characterized by scarcity, poor sanitation, and a sense of containment behind barbed wire fences. Rations were meager, and illness was common, leading to many deaths, often unmarked.

Waiting and uncertainty. The camps were places of waiting, with no clear future. Adults struggled with the loss of their homeland and way of life, while children like the author grew up knowing only the camp environment. Despite the hardships, the Hmong community provided mutual support, sharing resources and preserving cultural traditions like storytelling and shamanic healing amidst the dust and uncertainty.

3. The Difficult Journey to America

My father’s hand was hot over mine, and he didn’t look down at me as he followed the signs, trying to take care of me, to notice.

Transition camp challenges. The journey to America involved a stop at Phanat Nikhom Transition Camp, a place designed to prepare refugees for resettlement. This camp, with its cement buildings and barbed wire, felt less like a temporary home and more like another form of captivity. Refugees underwent health checks and learned basic English phrases and American customs.

Fear and vulnerability. The author, as a child, experienced fear in the transition camp, particularly after falling near a deceased woman's body, leading to a belief that her spirit was vulnerable. The language barrier and the unfamiliar environment highlighted the family's vulnerability and dependence on others, including the author's father struggling to ask for directions in English.

Preparation and hope. Despite the challenges, the camp was a place of preparation for a new life. Families studied for tests required for entry into countries like America, focusing on demonstrating their connection to the Secret War effort. The journey itself, involving long flights across the ocean, was filled with both exhaustion and a fragile hope for a better future, symbolized by the distant lights of cities seen from the airplane window.

4. Initial Struggles and Poverty in the US

It is hardly ever enough to simply be alive.

Resettlement challenges. Arriving in America, specifically St. Paul, Minnesota, brought a new set of challenges beyond physical survival. Families were often housed in low-income projects like McDonough, facing poverty, cultural isolation, and discrimination. The initial welfare checks provided basic support but highlighted their dependence and lack of financial independence.

Financial strain. Money became a constant source of worry and limitation. The monthly welfare check was barely enough to cover rent, utilities, and basic necessities, leaving little for anything extra like visiting family in other states. This financial strain impacted family relationships and dreams, forcing difficult choices and sacrifices.

Cultural adjustment. Adjusting to American life meant navigating unfamiliar customs, language barriers, and a different social structure. Parents struggled to find work that matched their skills or experience, often taking low-wage factory jobs. Children, while adapting faster, felt the weight of their parents' struggles and the pressure to succeed in a new world.

5. Navigating American Culture and Identity

In the books on the American shelves, the young woman noticed how Hmong was not a footnote in the history of the world.

Invisibility and difference. In America, the author and her family encountered a world where their history and identity were largely invisible. The Vietnam War narrative in American schools and media often omitted the Hmong role, making their past feel unacknowledged. This lack of representation contributed to a sense of being different and not fully belonging.

Cultural clashes. Daily life involved navigating cultural differences, from social interactions to expectations about behavior. Simple acts like public displays of affection or children speaking up in class highlighted the contrast between Hmong and American norms. The pressure to assimilate while preserving cultural heritage created internal tension.

Language barrier. The language barrier was a significant obstacle, not just for communication but for identity and confidence. Adults struggled to learn English, limiting job opportunities and interactions. Children, learning faster, often became translators for their parents, shifting family dynamics and taking on adult responsibilities prematurely.

6. Education as the Path to a Better Future

Education was the answer to our lives’ questions.

Hope for the future. For Hmong parents, education in America represented the primary pathway to a better life for their children, a chance they themselves were denied by war and displacement. They strongly encouraged their children to excel in school, believing it held the key to escaping poverty and achieving success. This belief became a central driving force for the family.

Schooling experiences. The author and her siblings navigated the American school system, facing challenges like language acquisition, cultural misunderstandings, and fitting in with peers. Early experiences were sometimes difficult, marked by shyness and a struggle to find their voice in English. However, supportive teachers and the inherent value placed on learning by their family motivated them to persevere.

Ambition and pressure. The emphasis on education created both ambition and pressure for the children. They saw older cousins pursuing higher education and felt the weight of their parents' hopes. Secret dreams of attending prestigious universities emerged, fueled by a desire to honor their family's sacrifices and contribute to the success of the Hmong community in America.

7. The Strength of Family Bonds Amidst Loss

The strongest thing that can hold people together is blood.

Kinship as survival. The Hmong culture places immense value on family and kinship, a bond that proved essential for survival during war and displacement. The extended family, including uncles, aunts, and cousins, provided a crucial support network in the refugee camps and during resettlement in America, sharing resources and offering emotional support.

Shared burdens. Family members shared the burdens of adjusting to a new country, from financial struggles to navigating bureaucracy. Older children took on responsibilities for younger siblings, allowing parents to work or attend school. This collective effort reinforced the idea that the family unit was paramount and that individual well-being was tied to the group's survival.

Enduring connections. Despite geographical separation and the challenges of resettlement, family ties remained strong. Visits from Grandma in California were eagerly anticipated, highlighting the enduring importance of intergenerational connections. Family meetings served as forums for discussing challenges, reinforcing cultural values, and reminding everyone of their shared history and collective aspirations.

8. Intergenerational Differences and Changing Roles

It’s hard to watch your parents stumble before other adults.

Shifting dynamics. Resettlement in America led to significant shifts in family dynamics and roles, particularly between parents and children. Children, learning English and American customs faster, often became intermediaries for their parents in interactions with the outside world, such as at stores or doctor's appointments. This reversed traditional roles, placing children in positions of responsibility.

Cultural gap. A cultural gap emerged between the older generation, rooted in Laotian traditions and refugee experiences, and the younger generation, growing up immersed in American culture. Parents struggled to understand their children's Americanized behaviors and desires, while children sometimes felt embarrassed by their parents' lack of English or unfamiliarity with American norms.

Parental sacrifice. Parents made immense sacrifices, working difficult jobs and enduring hardships to provide opportunities for their children. They prioritized their children's education and well-being, often at the expense of their own comfort or cultural preservation. This sacrifice, though sometimes creating distance, was a profound expression of love and hope for the future.

9. Finding Home and Belonging in a New Land

Our first piece of America, the first home we would buy with the money our parents earned.

Search for stability. After years of displacement and temporary housing in camps and projects, the family yearned for a permanent home in America. Buying their first house, even a small, old one, represented a significant step towards stability and belonging, a tangible piece of the country they now inhabited. It symbolized their hard work and determination to build a life.

Challenges of homeownership. The reality of homeownership brought new challenges, including dealing with issues like mold and the financial strain of maintenance. Despite these difficulties, the house was a source of pride and a space where the family could gather and create new memories, blending Hmong traditions with American life.

Defining home. The concept of "home" evolved throughout the narrative, shifting from a lost homeland in Laos to temporary shelters in Thailand and finally to a purchased house in America. Home became less about a physical place and more about the presence of loved ones, shared experiences, and the ongoing effort to build a life together, regardless of the external circumstances.

10. Preserving History Through Storytelling

By documenting our deaths, we were documenting our lives.

Importance of narrative. The author recognized the absence of Hmong voices and stories in the historical record, particularly concerning the Secret War and the refugee experience. This realization fueled a desire to document her family's history and the collective journey of the Hmong people, ensuring their experiences were not forgotten.

Passing down stories. Storytelling was a vital part of Hmong culture, used to pass down history, traditions, and values across generations. The author's grandmother, in particular, shared stories of life in Laos, weaving tales of witches, tigers, and the hardships of her youth. These stories connected the author to her heritage and provided context for her family's present life.

Writing as preservation. The author's journey to becoming a writer was deeply intertwined with her desire to preserve her family's stories. Writing became a way to process her experiences, bridge the gap between her Hmong identity and American life, and give voice to the struggles and resilience of her people, ensuring their legacy would endure.

11. Facing Illness and Death with Resilience

I looked at the glittering bracelet on my wrist and decided that a divided heart can be a good thing.

Vulnerability of life. The narrative highlights the fragility of life, marked by illness, injury, and the constant threat of death experienced during the war and in the camps. Even in America, the family faced health challenges, from the author's sister's polio to the author's own mysterious illness, underscoring that vulnerability persisted despite finding refuge.

Spiritual beliefs. Hmong spiritual beliefs, including the power of shamans and the importance of ancestral spirits, played a role in understanding and coping with illness and death. The grandmother's shamanic practices were sought for healing and protection, reflecting a worldview where the spiritual and physical realms were interconnected.

Resilience in the face of loss. Despite experiencing profound loss and facing the inevitability of death, particularly with the grandmother's declining health, the family demonstrated remarkable resilience. They supported each other, drew strength from their bonds, and found ways to celebrate life even amidst grief, embodying a deep-seated determination to persevere.

12. The Enduring Power of Love and Memory

Once we are, we will always be.

Love as a driving force. Love, in its various forms—familial, romantic, and cultural—served as a powerful driving force throughout the narrative. It motivated parents to make sacrifices, children to take on responsibilities, and individuals to endure unimaginable hardships. Love was the thread that held the family together across continents and generations.

Memory's persistence. Memories of Laos, the jungle, and the refugee camps, though sometimes painful, remained vivid and shaped the family's identity and perspective. These memories, shared through stories and conversations, connected the past to the present and served as a reminder of where they came from and what they had overcome.

Legacy and continuity. The narrative emphasizes the importance of legacy and continuity, particularly through the birth of new generations in America. These children, born into a different world, represented the future and the continuation of the family's story. The effort to pass down cultural knowledge and values ensured that the experiences of the past would inform the lives of the future, creating a lasting connection across time.

Last updated: June 7, 2025