The Love Dare

1. Love is patient: Cultivate a long-term perspective

Patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your lip, more than clasping a hand over your mouth, patience takes a needed deep breath.

Patience is crucial for a thriving marriage. It involves controlling your emotions rather than letting them control you. When faced with frustration or disagreement, take a moment to pause and consider the bigger picture. Remember that your spouse is human and will make mistakes, just as you do.

Practice patience by:

• Taking deep breaths before responding in tense situations
• Listening fully to your spouse's perspective before reacting
• Choosing to overlook minor irritations
• Focusing on long-term relationship growth rather than short-term conflicts

Cultivating patience builds trust and creates a safe environment for both partners to grow and express themselves freely. It allows for grace and understanding, essential ingredients for a lasting, loving relationship.

2. Love is kind: Practice daily acts of thoughtfulness

Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.

Kindness is proactive love. It involves anticipating your spouse's needs and meeting them without being asked. Small, consistent acts of kindness can significantly impact the overall health and happiness of your marriage.

Ideas for practicing kindness:

• Leave encouraging notes for your spouse
• Perform a chore they usually handle
• Bring them their favorite treat
• Offer a massage or back rub after a long day
• Listen attentively when they need to talk

Remember that kindness is not just about grand gestures, but also about the everyday moments. A warm smile, a gentle touch, or a word of appreciation can go a long way in making your spouse feel loved and valued. By consistently choosing kindness, you create a positive cycle of love and affection in your relationship.

3. Love is not selfish: Put your spouse's needs first

Love is too smart for that. Instead of putting your mate in a position to rebel, love says to give them the grace and room to be themselves.

Selflessness is transformative in a marriage. It involves consciously setting aside your own desires and prioritizing your spouse's needs. This doesn't mean completely neglecting yourself, but rather finding a balance where both partners feel valued and supported.

Ways to practice selflessness:

• Ask your spouse about their day before sharing about yours
• Support their hobbies or interests, even if they differ from yours
• Make decisions together, considering their preferences
• Surprise them with something they've been wanting
• Be willing to compromise on issues that are important to them

By consistently putting your spouse first, you create an atmosphere of mutual care and consideration. This approach fosters deeper intimacy and trust, as both partners feel secure in the knowledge that their needs are being met and their voice is being heard.

4. Love is accountable: Seek wisdom and guidance

Wise couples build their houses on the rock of God's Word. They've seen what sand can do.

Accountability strengthens marriages. No couple is an island, and seeking guidance from trusted mentors, counselors, or spiritual advisors can provide valuable perspective and support. This humility to learn and grow together is a hallmark of a healthy relationship.

Benefits of accountability:

• Gain objective insights into relationship dynamics
• Learn from others' experiences and wisdom
• Have support during challenging times
• Maintain transparency and honesty in your marriage
• Continuously grow and improve as individuals and as a couple

Consider finding a mature, happily married couple to mentor you, or join a marriage support group at your church or community center. Regular check-ins with these accountability partners can help you stay on track and address issues before they become major problems.

5. Love is God's Word: Build your marriage on biblical principles

Wise couples build their houses on the rock of God's Word. They've seen what sand can do. They know how it feels when their footing gets soft and the foundation gives way.

Scripture provides a solid foundation for marriage. The Bible offers timeless wisdom on love, forgiveness, communication, and commitment – all essential elements of a strong marriage. By grounding your relationship in these principles, you create a stable base that can weather life's storms.

Ways to incorporate God's Word into your marriage:

• Read the Bible together regularly
• Discuss how biblical principles apply to your relationship
• Pray together, using Scripture as a guide
• Attend Bible studies or marriage enrichment classes
• Memorize verses about love and marriage

Remember that building your marriage on God's Word is an ongoing process. It requires consistent effort and a willingness to align your actions with biblical teachings. As you do this together, you'll find your relationship growing stronger and more resilient.

6. Love agrees in prayer: Unite spiritually as a couple

United prayer actually ushers the presence of God into your marriage in a special way, accompanied by the love, joy, and peace you long to experience in your home.

Praying together strengthens your bond. When couples pray together, they invite God into their relationship and align their hearts with His will. This shared spiritual practice can deepen intimacy, foster unity, and provide comfort during challenging times.

Benefits of praying together:

• Increases emotional and spiritual intimacy
• Helps resolve conflicts and misunderstandings
• Aligns your goals and priorities as a couple
• Provides comfort and strength during difficult times
• Cultivates gratitude and appreciation for each other

Start small if praying together feels uncomfortable at first. Begin with short, simple prayers before meals or at bedtime. As you grow more comfortable, you can expand to longer prayer sessions, discussing specific needs or concerns. Remember, the goal is to connect with each other and with God, not to perform or impress.

7. Love endures: Commit to unconditional, lifelong love

Love motivated by raw duty cannot hold out for very long. And love only motivated by ideal conditions can never be assured of sufficient oxygen to keep it breathing. But love that is lifted up as an offering to God never loses its anchor and is able to sustain itself when all other weather conditions have lost their ability to energize us.

Enduring love is a choice. It's not based on feelings or circumstances, but on a deliberate decision to remain committed regardless of challenges. This kind of love reflects God's unconditional love for us and forms the foundation of a lasting marriage.

Characteristics of enduring love:

• Forgives freely and often
• Perseveres through difficult seasons
• Chooses to love even when feelings waver
• Supports and encourages during personal struggles
• Remains faithful in thought and action

Cultivating enduring love requires daily choices to prioritize your spouse and your marriage. It means choosing to love even when it's difficult, and trusting that your commitment will carry you through tough times. This steadfast love creates a secure, lasting bond that can withstand life's challenges.

8. Love is a covenant: View marriage as an unbreakable promise

A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life. It is spoken before God out of love for another.

Marriage is a sacred covenant. Unlike a contract, which is based on conditions and can be broken, a covenant is an unconditional commitment made before God. This perspective transforms how you approach your marriage, viewing it as a lifelong, unbreakable promise.

Implications of the marriage covenant:

• Commitment to love unconditionally
• Promise to remain faithful "for better or worse"
• Dedication to work through conflicts rather than giving up
• Willingness to sacrifice for the good of the relationship
• Trust in God's design for marriage

Embracing the covenant nature of marriage provides a sense of security and permanence. It encourages both partners to invest fully in the relationship, knowing that divorce is not an option. This commitment allows for deeper trust, vulnerability, and growth within the marriage.

Last updated: January 22, 2025