The Manual

1. Focus on what you can control, let go of what you can't

Working within our sphere of control, we are naturally free, independent, and strong. Beyond that sphere, we are weak, limited, and dependent.

Sphere of control. Our thoughts, opinions, and actions fall within our control, while external circumstances like our reputation, social status, and physical attributes are beyond our influence. By focusing on what we can control, we cultivate inner strength and resilience.

Freedom through acceptance. Letting go of attachments to things outside our control leads to peace and contentment. This doesn't mean becoming passive, but rather directing our energy towards areas where we can make a meaningful impact. By accepting what we cannot change, we free ourselves from unnecessary stress and disappointment.

2. Desires and aversions shape our peace of mind

Desire demands the attainment of that which you desire, and aversion demands the avoidance of that which you dislike. Those who fail to attain their desires are disappointed. Those who attain what they dislike are distressed.

Managing desires. Our desires and aversions significantly impact our emotional well-being. By carefully examining and moderating our wants, we can reduce disappointment and distress.

Practical approach. To maintain inner peace:

• Focus aversions on things within your control
• Temporarily suspend desires until you've mastered self-control
• When dealing with external matters, act with calm deliberation rather than hasty strain

3. Prepare for life's challenges with realistic expectations

In preparing for any action, remind yourself of the nature of the action.

Anticipate obstacles. By mentally preparing for potential challenges, we can maintain our composure when faced with difficulties. This doesn't mean becoming pessimistic, but rather developing a realistic outlook.

Practical application:

• Before important events, visualize potential scenarios
• Remind yourself of your commitment to inner harmony
• Approach situations with a flexible mindset, ready to adapt

4. Reframe negative thoughts and interpretations

People are not disturbed by things themselves, but by the views they take of those things.

Power of perspective. Our interpretations of events, not the events themselves, determine our emotional responses. By reframing our thoughts, we can significantly alter our experiences and reactions.

Cognitive restructuring:

• Question automatic negative thoughts
• Look for alternative explanations
• Focus on what you can learn or how you can grow from challenging situations
• Practice gratitude to shift focus from what's wrong to what's right

5. Cultivate inner virtues over external validation

Do not take satisfaction in possessions and achievements that are not your own.

True self-worth. Genuine satisfaction comes from developing our character and living in harmony with our values, not from external possessions or accomplishments we can't claim as our own.

Internal focus:

• Identify and nurture personal virtues (e.g., integrity, compassion, wisdom)
• Set goals based on personal growth rather than societal expectations
• Celebrate progress in self-improvement, not just outward achievements
• Practice self-reflection to better understand your motivations and values

6. Practice self-discipline and moderation

Enjoy sex only within the bounds of your marriage; but do not assume a posture of moral superiority and look down upon those who behave otherwise.

Balanced living. While advocating for self-discipline, Epictetus emphasizes the importance of avoiding extremes and maintaining a non-judgmental attitude towards others.

Practical moderation:

• Meet basic needs without indulging in excess
• Cultivate self-control in various aspects of life (e.g., eating, drinking, entertainment)
• Avoid moralistic attitudes that may lead to arrogance or disconnection from others
• Strive for consistency between public and private behavior

7. Lead by example, not preaching

Do not proclaim yourself a philosopher, or go around preaching your principles. Show them by example.

Actions over words. True wisdom is demonstrated through behavior, not proclamations. By living our principles quietly and consistently, we inspire others more effectively than through lecturing or preaching.

Humble leadership:

• Focus on personal growth rather than showcasing knowledge
• Listen actively and ask thoughtful questions in conversations
• Allow others to draw their own conclusions from your actions
• Avoid self-aggrandizement or moral superiority

8. Embrace your mortality and live purposefully

Continually remind yourself that you are a mortal being, and someday will die. This will inspire you not to waste precious time in fruitless activities, like stewing over grievances and striving after possessions.

Memento mori. Remembering our mortality can serve as a powerful motivator to live intentionally and focus on what truly matters.

Living with purpose:

• Regularly reflect on your life's finite nature
• Prioritize activities and relationships that align with your values
• Let go of petty grievances and material obsessions
• Make conscious choices about how you spend your time and energy

9. Maintain equanimity in the face of fortune and misfortune

Do not wish that all things will go well with you, but that you will go well with all things.

Emotional resilience. Instead of hoping for favorable circumstances, cultivate the ability to maintain inner peace regardless of external events.

Practicing equanimity:

• Develop a broader perspective on life's ups and downs
• Recognize the impermanence of both positive and negative situations
• Focus on your response to events rather than trying to control outcomes
• Practice mindfulness to stay grounded in the present moment

10. Fulfill your duties with honor and integrity

Duties are determined by relations. If a man is your father, the relationship implies the duties of listening to his counsel, following his instructions, patiently receiving his correction, and helping to take care of him in his old age.

Relational ethics. Our roles and relationships come with inherent responsibilities. Fulfilling these duties with integrity contributes to personal growth and social harmony.

Honoring commitments:

• Identify the duties associated with your various roles (e.g., family member, citizen, professional)
• Strive to meet these obligations regardless of how others behave
• Maintain your principles even in challenging relationships
• Seek to understand and fulfill the spirit of your duties, not just the letter

Last updated: January 24, 2025