The Menu

1. Accept the Reality: Traditional Relationships Are Off The Menu.

Steak is not on the menu.

Face the truth. For many in the first world today, the traditional expectation of finding a spouse, falling in love, and having children is statistically unlikely. This isn't a moral judgment or a societal solution, but a practical reality resulting from shifts in social contracts, technology, and economics. Disappointment stems from the gap between expectations and reality; accepting this uncomfortable truth is the first step to finding alternative purpose.

Needs vs. Wants. Historically, men and women needed each other for survival, forming a functional social contract. Technology, outsourcing, and welfare states have largely eliminated this mutual need. Now, relationships are based on wants and desires, which are often luxurious and unrealistic, leading to an impasse where neither sex is willing or able to consistently provide what the other wants.

The existential blow. This shift delivers a devastating blow to human hard-wiring that compels us towards partnership and family. Ignoring this reality and clinging to outdated expectations leads to misery, disappointment, and potentially tragic outcomes like Fred's story. The book offers a "Plan B" – a menu of alternative sources of meaning and purpose for a life without the opposite sex as the primary objective.

2. Take Ownership: Be Active in Shaping Your Life.

Naturally, if you give a damn about your life, there is only one choice – active.

Choose your path. Life presents two fundamental approaches: active or passive. The passive approach is characterized by laziness, helplessness, and reliance on hope for success, whether in grades, jobs, health, or finding a partner. It's waiting for life to happen to you, outsourcing responsibility to external forces like society, luck, or even God.

Active pursuit. The active approach means consciously exerting your will on life, taking ownership of what you can control or influence. It's a decision to make your one finite life the best it can be through effort and hard decisions. This immediately provides a mission and purpose, giving you a reason to get up each day.

Avoid misery. The most miserable people are often passive individuals waiting for a magical shortcut. They prefer inaction and despair over taking control and putting in the necessary work. Choosing the active path is the absolute bare minimum required to give your life meaning and avoid becoming a "miserable, worthless, depressed, suicidal sack of shit."

3. Build Your Foundation: Secure Finances and Health.

if you don't have your health, then you have nothing.

Essential groundwork. While not inherently exciting, securing your career, finances, and health is foundational. You cannot fully enjoy life or pursue deeper purpose if you are struggling with unemployment, debt, or poor health. These areas provide the stability needed to explore other items on life's menu.

Financial stability. Supporting yourself provides immediate purpose and pride, countering the dependency fostered by welfare or familial support. Moving beyond entry-level jobs to a profession or even entrepreneurship increases income and provides a sense of value and contribution. Getting finances in order – investing for retirement early, aggressively paying off debt, and planning your estate – reduces stress and frees up resources for more meaningful pursuits later.

Physical and mental well-being. Regular exercise is crucial not just for physical health but also for mental well-being, countering the sedentary nature of modern life and fulfilling a deep-seated human need for physical labor. Prioritizing health means focusing on your own needs, not external beauty standards. Regular doctor visits for prevention and addressing mental health issues through therapy are mandatory self-care in a world that presents unique psychological challenges.

4. Cultivate Your People: Friends and Community Are Paramount.

you will find they are increasingly becoming the most important thing in a post-marriage society.

Life needs connection. Despite the absence of a traditional partner, life lacks purpose and meaning without people to share it with. While family provides a foundational bond, modern societal changes mean friends are becoming increasingly vital as stable, long-term relationships.

Chosen family. Unlike family, friends are chosen, representing a voluntary investment of time and life in each other – the highest compliment one can receive. Friendships are mutually beneficial and cost nothing but provide everything. Actively seeking and nurturing friendships is crucial, especially as traditional social structures like school end and people drift apart.

Finding community. As friends inevitably move on or succumb to age and apathy, actively seeking new connections is necessary. This can involve joining social clubs, fraternal orders, or online groups centered around shared interests. Engaging in activities like fun part-time jobs (bartender, barista) or volunteering also provides social interaction and opportunities to build new relationships and find belonging.

5. Develop Your Inner World: Find Meaning in Philosophy, Spirituality, and Intellect.

Just like a computer, the human mind cannot function without an operating system.

Beyond survival. Once basic needs are met, humans must confront existential questions about purpose and mortality. Without a spouse or children to provide inherent meaning, finding an internal "operating system" – whether through religion, philosophy, or personal principles – becomes mandatory to avoid nihilism or hedonism.

Structured belief. Religion offers clear answers to life's big questions, providing purpose, community, and comfort in the face of mortality. Even for the secular, religious texts offer wisdom, and engaging with religious communities can provide belonging. Finding a faith community that aligns with modern sensibilities and actively engages with society can provide significant purpose.

Philosophical tools. Philosophy provides frameworks for living and making the most of life, acting as a practical guide rather than just a belief system. Studying various schools of thought (Stoicism, Epicureanism, Minimalism) helps navigate challenges, manage emotions, and define personal values. Intellectual pursuits, like consuming podcasts on history or science, offer lifelong stimulation and contribute to a richer understanding of the world and oneself.

6. Embrace Your Career: It's Your Primary Contribution and Legacy.

Your career is likely going to be the single most important thing you do in your life and for society, period.

Mathematical reality. Given the sheer amount of time spent working, your career will mathematically be the largest component of your conscious life and, therefore, a significant part of your legacy. Instead of resisting this fact, embrace it and strive for excellence in your chosen profession.

Purpose through work. Having a profession, not just a job, provides immediate purpose and value, defining your contribution to the economy and society. Excelling in your field, whether as a nurse, chef, or accountant, offers a source of pride and ensures your life's work has tangible worth.

Beyond the paycheck. While money is a benefit, the deeper value lies in the accomplishment and skill development. For men, this taps into the hardwired need to "do" and produce. For women, accepting career as a primary value source may challenge traditional instincts but is crucial in a post-marriage world. Advanced education and training further enhance your career, providing intellectual stimulation, professional respect, and potential social connections.

7. Explore & Adventure: The World is Your Buffet of Hobbies.

The world is simply hands down the largest and best open-environment video game you can ever play.

Limitless options. If life feels bleak, remember the vast array of hobbies, activities, and possibilities available. The key is not finding one lifelong passion, but recognizing the limitless number of options and sampling many, as novelty eventually wears off even on enjoyable pursuits.

Try everything. Don't limit yourself to familiar or seemingly suitable hobbies. Try things you think you'd hate; you might be surprisingly good at them or find unexpected enjoyment. Simply trying new things adds purpose and meaning, providing a richer experience than passive leisure like watching TV or playing video games.

Travel and adventure. Travel, while a hobby, deserves special mention as it can provide years of purpose and stimulation. Beyond typical tourism, focus on adventure and exploration – immersing yourself in cultures, undertaking challenging journeys (like rafting rivers), or finding unique experiences. Prioritize budgeting for travel and consider remote work to maximize mobility and exploration.

8. Design Your Environment: Live Where You Can Thrive.

your external environment is going to be the number one determining factor of your mental health and life happiness.

Environment matters. The physical and social environment you inhabit profoundly impacts your mental and physical health. Living in a toxic, stressful, dangerous, or simply unpleasant location can make life miserable, regardless of other successes.

Seek your ideal. Don't passively accept living somewhere based on a job or familial ties if it's detrimental to your well-being. Actively explore different places through travel to find an environment conducive to a happy, healthy, and stress-free life. This search itself can provide significant purpose.

Prioritize location. Make finding where you truly want to live a high priority, even if it takes years. The long-term benefits of living in a supportive community with a pleasant climate, manageable commute, and low stress outweigh the short-term inconvenience of searching or the perceived benefits of staying in a detrimental location. Avoid becoming like those who die living in places they never liked.

9. (For Women) Leverage Freedom: Pursue Your Dream Life Unburdened.

a life free of trying to impossibly meet men's internet-porn-derived beauty standards is one of peace, not to mention sanity.

Freedom from expectations. Without the demands of a husband or children, modern women have unprecedented freedom. This allows them to pursue a life defined by their own desires and potential, rather than being constrained by traditional roles or the unrealistic expectations of men.

Redefine purpose. This freedom allows women to prioritize their "dream job" or career based on passion and fulfillment, not just income needed to support a family. It also opens opportunities to step into leadership roles as men increasingly opt out of traditional societal participation. Advanced education can be pursued for intellectual growth and professional respect, not just financial necessity.

Self-defined well-being. Health and beauty can be pursued for personal well-being and self-expression, free from the pressure to conform to male beauty standards. This reduces immense stress and allows focus on genuine physical and mental health. Embracing this freedom means letting go of the hope for a traditional partner and actively building a fulfilling life on one's own terms, finding peace and self-love.

10. (For Men) Embrace "Doing": Find Purpose in Action and Practicality.

To “do things” gives men such joy, satisfaction, and meaning, aside from sex, there is little else that men live for.

Hardwired for action. Men are genetically predisposed to be "human doings," deriving purpose and satisfaction from completing tasks, building things, and achieving tangible results. While this drive historically served the purpose of attracting a mate and providing for a family, the drive itself remains a powerful source of meaning even without that traditional outcome.

Practical pursuits. Embrace this inherent drive by developing practical skills or professions. Whether it's a trade, engineering, or building your own home ("The Bachelor Hut"), the act of doing and creating provides deep satisfaction and pride. This counters the apathy and inaction that can result from the lack of traditional relationship goals.

Beyond the job. While a profession provides structure, men can find additional purpose in practical hobbies or institutions that involve action and camaraderie. The gym, martial arts, joining the reserves or fire department, or mentoring younger men all tap into this "doing" nature, providing physical activity, skill development, social connection, and a sense of contribution.

11. Plan for the Future: Secure Your Later Years and Legacy.

if you actually want to help people you shouldn't donate part of your estate to a charity, and you certainly shouldn't let any of it fall into the hands of the government.

Beyond immediate needs. Securing your financial future through retirement planning is essential, but without traditional heirs, planning your estate becomes equally important. This involves deciding who will inherit your assets and ensuring your life's work is directed according to your wishes.

Meaningful distribution. Instead of relying on potentially inefficient charities or allowing assets to be consumed by the government, consider distributing your wealth while you are alive. Identify deserving individuals in your life – hard-working young people needing tuition, friends facing unexpected hardship, or truly effective, rare charities – and provide direct assistance.

Leaving a mark. Your legacy is more than just your career; it's the impact you have on the world and the people in it. This can be through direct financial support, mentoring, volunteering, or creating something lasting like a book or a non-profit. Actively planning your legacy ensures your life's efforts continue to have meaning and positive influence after you are gone.

12. Manage Expectations: Approach the Opposite Sex with Low Investment.

Your life is not worth an 8
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Last updated: May 11, 2025