The New Naked

1. Sex is a Dipstick: Gauge Your Relationship's Health

I always tell my patients that sex is the dipstick of every relationship.

Indicator of Relationship Health. Sex serves as a barometer for the overall well-being of a relationship. Regular, mutually satisfying sex indicates a healthy connection, while infrequent or unsatisfying sex can signal underlying problems. It's a simple yet profound way to assess the emotional and physical intimacy between partners.

Biological Imperative. Humans are biologically programmed to have sex regularly, not just during specific mating seasons. This drive ensures the survival of the human race and fulfills emotional and physical needs in healthy adults. A relationship lacking regular sex is, therefore, biologically speaking, a relationship in danger.

Addressing the Problem. Lack of sex should not be ignored or assumed to be normal. It could indicate medical issues, infidelity, or a lack of communication about sexual needs. Addressing these issues is crucial for maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

2. Satisfaction is a Skill: Learn and Practice Good Sex

No one wants to think that he or she might be terrible in bed.

Sex as a Learned Ability. Good sex isn't automatic; it's a skill that requires learning and practice. Many people are technically proficient but lack the ability to create true satisfaction for their partners. This is where education and open communication become essential.

Addressing Unsatisfying Sex. Wives often harbor secret worries about their sex lives, feeling desperate for solutions. The key is to treat sex as a skill to be learned and emotions with the LSD approach. This involves understanding the basics of good sex and being willing to experiment and communicate openly.

The Importance of Communication. Many women struggle to achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and men often finish too quickly. Open communication about preferences, positions, and desires is crucial for bridging this gap and creating mutually satisfying experiences.

3. Foreplay Starts in the Morning: Extend Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom

Great foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom—it starts first thing in the morning.

Beyond the Physical. Great sex isn't just about the physical act; it's about the emotional connection and intimacy that build throughout the day. Foreplay begins the moment you wake up and continues with small acts of kindness and thoughtfulness.

Daily Chores as Foreplay. Participating in household chores, showing appreciation, and being present in conversations are all forms of foreplay. These actions demonstrate care and respect, setting the mood for intimacy later in the day.

The Brain's Role. For women, especially, foreplay starts in the brain. Thoughtfulness, kindness, and genuine affection create desire and make sex a welcome result. This emphasizes the importance of emotional connection and communication in building sexual satisfaction.

4. Masturbation: A Double-Edged Sword for Sexual Satisfaction

Masturbation, or self-pleasuring, is as normal a human activity as walking or talking.

Normalcy of Masturbation. Masturbation is a healthy and normal activity for both men and women, whether they're in a relationship or not. It can provide sexual release, help individuals understand their bodies, and fill the need for intimacy when a partner isn't available.

Potential Psychological Hazards. Masturbation can become problematic if it interferes with sexual activities with a partner. Chronic masturbation can lead to a reliance on specific sensations and techniques, making it difficult to achieve arousal and orgasm during partnered sex.

Maintaining Balance. The key is to maintain a balance between self-pleasuring and partnered sex. Varying techniques, reducing frequency, and incorporating masturbation into foreplay can help prevent it from becoming a barrier to intimacy.

5. Communication is Key: Unlock Better Sex Through LSD (Listening, Security, Desire)

Mastering these three elements will instantly improve your and your partner’s ability to communicate with each other.

The LSD System. The LSD system—Listening, Security, and Desire—provides a framework for improving communication and intimacy in relationships. Mastering these elements allows couples to talk freely, openly, and honestly about their needs and desires.

Listening as a Skill. Listening is a skill that men often struggle with. Learning to listen without interrupting, validating a partner's feelings, and decoding messages are crucial for fostering understanding and connection.

Security and Desire. Addressing financial concerns, providing emotional support, and making a partner feel loved and desired are essential for creating a secure and fulfilling relationship. These elements enhance communication and pave the way for better sex.

6. Stress and Depression: Silent Killers of Sexual Desire

The number one reason people get turned off to sex is that it’s just not fun for them.

Impact of Stress. Stress can significantly impact libido and sexual desire. Problems at work, family issues, and personal struggles can all contribute to a decline in sexual activity. Open communication and support are crucial for navigating these challenges.

Depression's Toll. Depression can also wreak havoc on sexual desire. A depressed partner needs professional help, and medication may be necessary. Addressing the underlying mental health issues is essential for restoring a healthy sex life.

The Importance of Addressing Issues. Ignoring stress and depression can lead to further withdrawal, substance abuse, and relationship problems. Seeking help and communicating openly are crucial for preventing these issues from derailing a relationship.

7. The Penis Unveiled: Understanding Male Anatomy and Function

Erections are vital for a penis to stay healthy.

The Penis as a Hydraulic System. Understanding how a penis works—as a hydraulic system that relies on blood flow—is essential for appreciating the factors that can affect its function. This knowledge can help couples address sexual dysfunction with greater understanding and empathy.

Erections and Penile Health. Erections are not just for sex; they're vital for maintaining the health of penile tissue. The surge of blood during an erection provides oxygen and removes metabolic waste products.

Debunking Myths. Many misconceptions surround penis size and function. Understanding what's normal and what's not can alleviate anxieties and promote a healthier approach to sex. This includes recognizing that size isn't everything and that skill and communication are far more important.

8. Pornography's Peril: The Impact on Real Relationships

Porn is killing sex in America (No, I am not exaggerating!).

Pornography's Pervasiveness. The easy availability of pornography has transformed sexual behavior, often with detrimental effects on real relationships. Over-reliance on porn can lead to unrealistic expectations, sexual dysfunction, and emotional disconnection.

The Dangers of Porn Addiction. Porn addiction is a real and serious problem that can ruin lives. It can lead to a reliance on specific stimuli, making it difficult to achieve arousal and orgasm during partnered sex.

Moderation and Communication. While occasional use of erotica may be harmless, it's crucial to maintain a balance and communicate openly about its impact on the relationship. If porn is causing problems, it's time to take action and seek professional help if needed.

9. Affairs and Betrayal: The Ultimate Relationship Breakers

As soon as you tell them that I’m a board-certified urologist, specializing in reproductive issues and sexual dysfunction, their eyes light up.

The Prevalence of Infidelity. Affairs are a common occurrence in relationships, with studies showing that a significant percentage of married individuals have engaged in extramarital sex. Understanding the reasons behind infidelity is crucial for preventing it.

Reasons for Cheating. Men often cheat for sexual reasons, while women often cheat for emotional reasons. Addressing unmet needs, improving communication, and fostering intimacy can help prevent affairs.

Rebuilding Trust. Affairs can be devastating, but some couples can rebuild their relationship through honesty, forgiveness, and a commitment to change. Seeking professional help is often necessary for navigating the complex emotions and challenges involved.

10. The Power of Humanism: Caring is at the Core of Lasting Relationships

Caring will always be at the core.

Humanism in Relationships. Showing genuine care and concern for your partner is essential for building a lasting and fulfilling relationship. This involves acknowledging their needs, being present in conversations, and demonstrating kindness and thoughtfulness.

Humanism and Sex. Practicing humanism in your relationship will directly transfer into your sex life. When both partners feel cared for and appreciated, they're more likely to be open to intimacy and experimentation.

The Importance of Effort. A small amount of well-placed, well-timed, and well-meaning effort can reap surprisingly enormous rewards. Showing your partner that you care is worth the effort, as it strengthens your bond and enhances your sex life.

Last updated: February 26, 2025