The Power of Being Yourself

1. Connect Through Shared Humanity

It’s so true that the things that unite us as people are far more important than the things that divide us, no matter where we were born, no matter where we live.

We all have heart. Despite superficial differences in culture, language, or background, people everywhere share fundamental emotions and desires. The author's experience in London and the global reaction to 9/11 demonstrated that shared sadness and joy can unite people across borders, proving that "everyone has the same plumbing." This shared humanity is the foundation for genuine connection and understanding.

Bridge cultural gaps. Authenticity and openness are key to connecting with people from different backgrounds. Instead of conforming to expectations or hiding your true self, being genuine allows others to see your heart, which resonates universally. This approach helped the author build relationships and change the culture at Willis in London, despite initial resistance to his American style.

Emotion fosters unity. Tears of sadness or joy, smiles, and laughter are universal languages that bring people together. The author argues that we should embrace these emotional expressions rather than suppress them, as they reveal our true identity and foster a sense of common cause. This emotional connection is vital for building strong teams and meaningful relationships, both personally and professionally.

2. Articulate a Compelling Vision

Without a detailed plan, nothing would ever happen for you, and to make that plan work you needed to be able to bring your vision alive in an exciting, understandable way that could fire other people up and energize them to help you turn your hopes and dreams into reality.

Dreams need a plan. Hopes and dreams are important starting points, but they remain fantasies without a clear, articulated vision and a detailed plan to achieve them. The author learned from his father that believing in possibility must be coupled with a concrete roadmap and the ability to communicate that roadmap in an inspiring way to others. This transforms abstract desires into actionable goals.

Show Grandma's house. The "Grandma's house" analogy illustrates the power of painting a vivid, exciting picture of the future destination to motivate people through the difficult journey. By focusing on the "chocolate-chip cookies" (the payoff), you engage others emotionally and gain their buy-in for the long haul. This principle applies whether you're motivating children on a road trip or employees toward a corporate goal.

Vision builds culture. A shared, exciting vision is essential for uniting a group and preventing a "cold corporate culture" where people lack direction and purpose. The author implemented this by removing office doors at Willis to encourage communication and constantly articulating a bold vision for the company's future, like aiming for a high stock price when it was still private. Communicating this vision with passion energizes people and fosters a sense of shared expectation.

3. Earn Respect By Being Yourself

He knew what his ticket to acceptance and respect was, and he knew it came wrapped in horsehide with red seams.

Respect is earned. True respect is not given based on title or background; it is earned through hard work, integrity, and staying true to yourself. The author's grandfather, an Italian immigrant, earned respect in Trenton by contributing to the community and using baseball as a vehicle for acceptance, demonstrating that you can cut your own path regardless of the obstacles. This principle emphasizes diligence and authenticity over seeking approval.

Passion plus capability. An unstoppable force is created when you combine passion with competence. While passion provides the drive and resilience, knowing what you're doing ensures effectiveness. The author saw this in his father's relentless pursuit of bringing baseball back to Trenton; his passion for the city, combined with his understanding of how to navigate the system, made the seemingly impossible project a reality.

Overcoming prejudice. Facing prejudice or doubt from others can be a powerful motivator to prove them wrong by succeeding on your own terms. The author's decision to take the Willis CEO job, despite the previous chairman's dismissive attitude based on his lack of insurance/international experience and American background, was fueled by a desire to earn respect and demonstrate that being himself was an asset, not a liability.

4. Learn and Grow From Pain

You can’t hide from the truth of your life and call that being yourself.

Face painful truths. Sadness and disappointment, particularly personal tragedies like the loss of a child, are profound teachers. The author shares the painful story of his son Chris's struggles with addiction and his own regrets about not being emotionally present enough as a father. This raw honesty highlights that true selfhood requires confronting difficult realities and learning from mistakes, no matter how painful.

Neglect damages relationships. The author identifies neglect as a primary reason for losing important relationships, whether with children, friends, or colleagues. His focus on career over being a fully present father had devastating consequences. The lesson is a stark warning: structural support or financial help are not substitutes for emotional presence, communication, and genuine care.

Act now, avoid regret. The most critical takeaway from the author's experience is the urgent call to action: prioritize and nurture the important relationships in your life today. Don't wait, don't make excuses, and don't assume there will be time later. Reach out, listen, express love, and be present, because the pain of regret for missed opportunities is immense and irreversible.

5. Maintain Optimism and See Opportunity

My heart told me it was possible to make Willis a great brand in Chicago.

Look up, not down. Even in the face of personal tragedy or economic crisis, maintaining a positive outlook allows you to see opportunities that others miss. The author's decision to pursue renaming the Sears Tower to Willis Tower during the 2008 financial crisis was driven by this principle, seeing a chance to secure a great deal and build brand recognition precisely when others were focused on negativity and fear.

Purpose thinking shifts perspective. Focusing on a larger purpose beyond immediate problems can transform challenges into possibilities. The author's drive to make Willis a great brand in Chicago, or the Primerica team's purpose of helping middle-class families achieve financial security, provided the motivation to overcome obstacles and achieve remarkable results. This outward-focused purpose fuels optimism and resilience.

Inspiration is lasting. While motivation can be fleeting, true inspiration comes from within and is self-sustaining. The author's time at Primerica, where he inspired thousands to pursue better lives, showed him the power of connecting with people's hopes and dreams. The story of the helicopter pilot, inspired years later by a speech, illustrates how planting seeds of optimism and possibility can have long-term, transformative effects.

6. Take Action and Engage with Life

If you don’t get off your butt and get out in the world and mix with people, you’re always going to miss out.

Play in traffic. This metaphor means actively engaging with the world, putting yourself out there, and taking chances by interacting with people face-to-face. It's about showing up for meetings, making calls, attending events, and being present in the mix of life. The author argues that serendipity and opportunity rarely find you sitting passively; you have to go out and meet them.

Show up, emotionally. Beyond physical presence, "playing in traffic" requires emotional engagement. It means being fully present, open, and authentic in your interactions. This willingness to be seen and to connect on a human level is what makes interactions meaningful and can lead to unexpected positive outcomes, like the author's first job with Sandy Weill despite his initial mistake.

Send out your ships. Waiting for opportunities ("waiting for your ship to come in") is a passive approach. The author challenges this by asking, "How many ships did you send out?" To receive opportunities, you must first create the potential for them by taking action, putting yourself out there, and initiating interactions. This proactive mindset is essential for personal and professional growth.

7. Lead and Communicate with Emotion

A great speaker is somebody who can speak from their heart and transfer that passion to somebody else and make them feel good.

Heart is the teleprompter. Authentic, heartfelt communication is far more powerful and memorable than reading a scripted message. The author advocates for letting your heart guide your words, allowing genuine emotion and passion to flow freely. This approach connects deeply with people because it feels real and vulnerable, making them feel something rather than just hear words.

Make people feel. The impact of communication is measured not by what people remember you said, but by how you made them feel. The author's speeches, whether to thousands at Primerica or one-on-one, aimed to inspire, excite, and make people feel good. This focus on emotional connection builds trust and rapport, which is crucial for leadership and influence.

Courage to be real. Speaking from the heart requires courage, especially in professional settings where emotional expression is often discouraged. Joe Califano's anti-smoking campaign, driven by his personal experience and conviction, is an example of doing what is right despite potential negative consequences. The author's decision to offer partner benefits at Willis, based on fairness rather than business strategy, also demonstrates leading with heart.

8. Find Your Purpose to Fuel Passion

When you couple emotion together with purpose, then you have passion, and that’s what makes the world go around.

Passion needs purpose. Emotion alone can be chaotic or ineffective; true passion arises when emotion is coupled with a clear, outward-focused purpose. This purpose provides direction and meaning, channeling emotional energy into productive action. The author's "method to his madness" at Willis was his intense focus on growth and client retention, driven by a purpose to make the company great.

Purpose is outward-focused. A meaningful purpose is rarely solely about personal gain (ego or greed); it's about making a difference for something or someone else. Whether it's helping clients grow their businesses (First Data), revitalizing a city (Trenton Thunder), or inspiring others to achieve their dreams (Primerica), focusing on genuine concern for others frees you from self-consciousness and allows you to be truly yourself.

Genuine concern wins. When your actions are driven by genuine concern for others, you build trust, foster loyalty, and ultimately achieve greater success. The author's early initiative to create a money market-like fund to help small investors, despite no immediate commission, was born from this concern and built lasting relationships. Derek Jeter's respected career exemplifies a purpose focused on the game and the team, not just himself, earning universal admiration.

Last updated: May 4, 2025