The Reason

1. Lacey's Journey from Suicidal Atheist to Christian Rock Star

"I wasn't supposed to have woken up today."

A life-changing encounter. Lacey Sturm's transformation began on the day she planned to commit suicide. A chance encounter with a compassionate stranger at a church led to a profound spiritual experience that changed her perspective on life and faith. This pivotal moment marked the beginning of her journey from a suicidal atheist to a passionate Christian and eventually a rock star.

Finding hope and purpose. Through her newfound faith, Lacey discovered a sense of worth and purpose that had been missing in her life. She began to see the world and herself through a different lens, recognizing the inherent value in every person as a creation of God. This shift in perspective not only saved her life but also became the foundation for her future career as a musician and advocate for those struggling with similar issues.

2. The Power of Music in Shaping Identity and Purpose

"I believe music was ultimately meant to express God's heart, and to express the heart of others toward God."

Music as a spiritual connection. For Lacey, music became a powerful medium to express her faith and connect with others on a deeper level. She discovered that worship music, in particular, had the ability to create a profound spiritual experience, opening up her soul to understand and meditate on deeper truths.

From listener to creator. Lacey's journey with music evolved from being a passionate listener of bands like Nirvana to becoming the lead singer of Flyleaf. She recognized the potential of music to impact lives and saw her role as a musician as a calling to bring hope and inspiration to others, especially those struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts.

• Music genres that influenced Lacey:
  • Grunge (Nirvana)
  • Christian rock
  • Metal

3. Confronting Death and Embracing Life's Fragility

"Memento Mori came to life in tragic ways, with my molar pregnancy and the death of my friend Rich Caldwell, who was killed in a car accident, and it came to life in beautiful, miraculous ways, with the birth of my two sons."

Facing mortality. Lacey's experiences with a molar pregnancy and the loss of a close friend brought the concept of "Memento Mori" (remember you will die) into sharp focus. These events forced her to confront the fragility of life and the importance of living each day with purpose and intention.

Embracing life fully. Rather than being paralyzed by the fear of death, Lacey used these experiences to fuel a deeper appreciation for life. She began to see each day as a precious gift and an opportunity to make a positive impact on others. This perspective influenced not only her personal life but also her music and lyrics, infusing them with a sense of urgency and authenticity.

4. Finding Purpose Through Faith and Artistic Expression

"I gave my voice to him that night, and I said, 'God, have your way in my singing. You made it, you healed it, and you gave it back to me, so now I give it back to you. It's yours forever. Amen.'"

A divine calling. Lacey's decision to dedicate her voice and musical talent to God marked a significant turning point in her life. She saw her ability to sing and create music as a gift from God, meant to be used for a higher purpose than just entertainment.

Music with a mission. This sense of divine purpose transformed Lacey's approach to music. She began to see her role as a musician as a platform to reach out to those who were struggling, particularly with issues of depression, self-worth, and suicidal thoughts. Her lyrics and performances became infused with messages of hope, redemption, and the intrinsic value of every individual.

• Ways Lacey used her music:
  • To express her faith
  • To connect with and inspire fans
  • To address difficult topics like depression and suicide

5. The Struggle Between Fame and Personal Beliefs

"The reason we wanted a label that would market us to radio that had no regard for Jesus at all, and the reason we wanted to tour with bands who were atheistic and blasphemous in their lyrics, was because that's where I would find a hopeless girl like myself looking for her real purpose."

Navigating the secular music world. Lacey and her band, Flyleaf, made a conscious decision to pursue a career in mainstream rock rather than limiting themselves to the Christian music scene. This choice was driven by a desire to reach a broader audience, particularly those who might be struggling with the same issues Lacey had faced.

Balancing faith and artistry. This decision created tension between Lacey's strong Christian faith and the often secular, sometimes anti-religious nature of the rock music world. She had to navigate complex situations, balancing her desire to share her faith with the need to connect with audiences who might be skeptical or hostile to religious messages.

• Challenges faced:
  • Maintaining integrity while appealing to a mainstream audience
  • Dealing with potentially offensive content from other bands
  • Finding ways to express faith without alienating non-religious fans

6. Balancing Career and Family in the Music Industry

"I remember lying beside my baby boy, looking at his innocent face, and wishing that my only job was to be his momma."

Career vs. motherhood. The birth of Lacey's first child marked a significant shift in her priorities. She found herself torn between her successful music career and her desire to be fully present as a mother. This internal struggle led to a period of intense soul-searching and prayer.

A difficult decision. After much consideration and prayer, Lacey made the difficult decision to step down from Flyleaf. This choice represented a significant shift in her life, prioritizing her role as a mother over her career as a rock star. It highlighted the ongoing challenge many women face in balancing professional success with family life.

• Factors influencing Lacey's decision:
  • Desire to be present for her children
  • Physical toll of touring on her voice and health
  • Changing perspective on life priorities

7. The Impact of Loss and the Importance of Appreciating Others

"I love you, Sameer," I said as I cried. "I'm so sorry that I haven't appreciated you like I should. I don't feel like I've appreciated anyone like I should, especially Rich."

Grief as a teacher. The sudden loss of Rich Caldwell, Flyleaf's sound engineer and close friend, had a profound impact on Lacey and the band. This tragedy brought home the reality of life's fragility and the importance of appreciating those around us while we can.

Renewed appreciation. In the wake of this loss, Lacey found herself reevaluating her relationships with her bandmates and others in her life. She recognized the need to express love and appreciation more openly and frequently, understanding that each interaction could potentially be the last.

• Lessons learned from loss:
  • The importance of expressing gratitude and love regularly
  • Recognizing the unique contributions of each person in our lives
  • Living with an awareness of life's impermanence

Last updated: August 12, 2024