The Underground Girls of Kabul

1. Bacha Posh: Girls Living as Boys for Survival and Status

Having at least one son is mandatory for good standing and reputation here.

Son preference is paramount. In Afghanistan's deeply patriarchal society, a family's strength, status, and security are tied to having sons. Daughters are often seen as burdens, requiring dowries and offering no lineage continuation. The inability to produce a son can bring shame upon both the wife and husband.

A practical solution emerges. Faced with the immense pressure to have a son, some families resort to a practice known as bacha posh ("dressed like a boy"). This involves cutting a daughter's hair, dressing her in boys' clothes, and presenting her to the world as a son. This temporary transformation serves multiple purposes.

Reasons for the practice:

• To gain social status and avoid pity or ridicule for lacking a son.
• To allow the child to work and contribute financially to the family, as girls are often restricted from public work.
• To provide a male escort for sisters, granting them limited freedom outside the home.
• As a magical or spiritual practice believed to encourage the birth of a real son later.

2. The Borrowed Freedom of Boyhood

That life can include flying a kite, running as fast as you can, laughing hysterically, jumping up and down because it feels good, climbing trees to feel the thrill of hanging on.

A world opens up. For girls living as bacha posh, the experience offers a taste of the freedoms denied to Afghan women. They can move freely outside the home, play sports, attend school with boys, run errands, and interact with men without suspicion or restriction. This contrasts sharply with the confined lives of their sisters.

Privileges and burdens. While some bacha posh from wealthier families enjoy this freedom as a form of empowerment, others from poorer backgrounds are subjected to child labor, working in shops or on the streets to support their families. The experience is not always one of liberation, but often one of added responsibility.

Learning male behavior. Girls quickly learn to adopt male mannerisms, speech patterns, and attitudes. They observe and imitate boys, understanding that their acceptance and safety in the male world depend on convincingly performing the role. This performance becomes a survival skill.

3. Puberty: The Inevitable Return to Womanhood

Once puberty had commenced for a bacha posh, her acceptance of the future as a woman was not always immediate.

The clock is ticking. The bacha posh arrangement is almost always temporary, intended to end before or at the onset of puberty. As a girl's body begins to develop, maintaining the disguise becomes increasingly difficult and risky. Societal rules dictate that a young woman must be shielded and prepared for marriage.

Pressure to conform. Families face renewed pressure from relatives and neighbors to revert the bacha posh to her birth sex. Remaining in male disguise past puberty can damage her reputation, make her unmarriageable, and bring shame upon the family. The transition back is often abrupt and non-negotiable.

Challenges of transition. For girls who have lived as boys for many years, the sudden shift back to a restricted female life can be deeply challenging. They may struggle with feminine tasks, social interactions with women, and the loss of their former freedoms. Some resist the change fiercely, having internalized a male identity and rejected the limitations of womanhood.

4. Gender Identity: A Complex Mix of Nature and Nurture

I have experienced this myself. You learn everything. It’s all in the mind and in the environment.

Identity is shaped by experience. The experiences of bacha posh suggest that gender identity is not solely determined by birth sex but is significantly shaped by social environment and learned behavior. Girls raised as boys often develop male traits, mannerisms, and even internal feelings of being male.

The struggle for self-definition. For some, like Shukria, the male identity becomes deeply ingrained, leading to confusion and discomfort with traditional female roles and even intimacy with men. Others, like Zahra, may actively reject womanhood after experiencing the advantages of being male.

Nature and nurture interact. While biology provides a foundation, the intense social conditioning and lived experience of being treated as a boy can profoundly influence a person's developing sense of self and gender. The bacha posh phenomenon highlights the plasticity of identity, particularly during formative childhood years.

5. Ancient Roots and Global Parallels of Disguise

Bacha posh existed in Afghanistan 'when there were only bows and arrows.'

A long-standing tradition. The practice of bacha posh is not a recent phenomenon or solely a product of the Taliban era. Evidence suggests it has existed in Afghanistan for centuries, possibly predating Islam and linked to ancient Zoroastrian beliefs about influencing the sex of unborn children through ritual and magic.

Echoes across cultures. Similar practices of women adopting male roles or disguises for survival, freedom, or status can be found throughout history and in various patriarchal societies globally. Examples include:

• "Sworn virgins" in Albania and Montenegro.
• Women warriors and scholars throughout history who dressed as men.
• Girls disguised as boys for work or safety in other conservative regions.

A symptom of oppression. These parallels indicate that dressing girls as boys is a recurring human response to extreme gender segregation and son preference. It is a creative, albeit often difficult, strategy for navigating oppressive systems where being male offers significant advantages and being female imposes severe limitations.

6. Patriarchy and Honor Culture Drive Societal Rules

Power has always been held by those who manage to control the origins of life by controlling women’s bodies.

Control over women is key. Afghanistan's society is structured around a strict patriarchal system where men hold power and control resources. Women's bodies, particularly their reproductive capacity and sexuality, are central to this control, determining lineage, inheritance, and family honor.

Honor dictates behavior. A rigid honor culture governs social interactions, especially for women. A woman's purity and behavior reflect directly on the reputation of her male relatives. Any perceived transgression, even unintentional, can lead to severe consequences, including violence or death. This constant scrutiny limits women's freedom and reinforces the need for male guardianship.

Rules are enforced by all. While men primarily hold formal power, women also participate in enforcing societal norms and policing each other's behavior. Older women, having endured the system themselves, often perpetuate it by scrutinizing younger women and upholding traditional expectations, including the pressure to produce sons.

7. War, Aid, and the Fleeting Focus on Women's Rights

To them, Azita is not even marginally important anymore.

War exacerbates inequality. Decades of conflict in Afghanistan have reinforced conservative traditions and disrupted social progress. In times of insecurity, families often retreat to stricter customs, further limiting women's rights and opportunities for safety and control.

Foreign aid's mixed impact. While international intervention after 2001 brought some gains for women, particularly in urban areas like Kabul (e.g., increased school enrollment, female representation in parliament), these changes were often superficial, geographically limited, and dependent on foreign funding and presence. The massive influx of aid also fueled corruption and created a disconnect between the "jet-setting" elite and the majority of Afghan women.

Rights become political tools. Women's rights were sometimes used as a justification for the war, but were often sidelined in political negotiations, especially as the focus shifted to finding an "exit strategy" and engaging with conservative elements like the Taliban. This left Afghan women vulnerable to losing the limited gains they had made.

8. Afghan Women's Quiet Acts of Resistance

I am not afraid of the Taliban, and I am absolutely not afraid of you.

Navigating within constraints. Despite facing immense restrictions, Afghan women demonstrate remarkable resilience and agency. They find creative ways to navigate the patriarchal system, often through subtle acts of defiance and negotiation rather than overt rebellion.

Strategies of resistance:

• Educating daughters discreetly at home.
• Using humor and wit to challenge norms.
• Forming informal networks and sharing knowledge (e.g., about fertility or coping strategies).
• Leveraging limited opportunities, like Azita using her parliamentary seat to advocate for her province.
• Adopting the bacha posh practice itself as a form of both concession and subversion.

Strength in unexpected places. Women like Azita, Shukria, and Nader, shaped by their experiences as bacha posh or by challenging norms, develop inner strength and confidence. They become advocates for themselves and others, demonstrating that resilience and leadership can emerge even from the most challenging circumstances.

9. Freedom, Not Gender, is the Ultimate Desire

Between gender and freedom, freedom is the bigger and more important idea.

The core aspiration. For many Afghan women, the fundamental difference between men and women is freedom. Men possess it, while women do not. The desire for freedom—to move, work, study, and make choices—often outweighs the desire to conform to a specific gender role or expression.

Gender as a tool. The bacha posh practice highlights that gender can be perceived as a performance or a tool to access freedom. If adopting a male identity grants access to a wider world and greater autonomy, some are willing to make that trade, at least temporarily.

Beyond the binary. The experiences of women like Nader and Shahed, who continue to live as men into adulthood, suggest that for some, the rejection of traditional womanhood is profound. Their identity becomes tied to the freedom and capabilities associated with being male, demonstrating that the desire for autonomy can transcend conventional gender norms.

10. The Enduring Struggle and Hope for Change

Being born entirely without it forces innovation in women, who must learn to survive almost from the moment they are born.

Innovation born of necessity. The bacha posh phenomenon is a testament to the ingenuity and resilience of Afghan women and families navigating a difficult system. It is an innovation born of necessity, a survival strategy in a society that devalues daughters and restricts women.

Seeds of change. While the practice itself is a symptom of inequality, the experiences gained by bacha posh can sometimes empower them later in life. Women who have lived as boys may develop confidence, assertiveness, and a broader understanding of the world, which can help them challenge norms and advocate for change.

The path forward. Lasting change requires addressing the root causes of patriarchy and son preference, promoting women's economic empowerment, strengthening the rule of law, and challenging restrictive interpretations of religion and culture. It also requires the support of Afghan men who are willing to redefine honor and advocate for equality, recognizing that a society that empowers women benefits everyone.

Last updated: May 3, 2025