We Have Always Been Here

1. Growing up in Pakistan: Navigating cultural expectations and gender roles

I'd only ever been surrounded by women who didn't have the blueprint for claiming their lives.

Cultural constraints. In Pakistan, Samra Habib grew up observing strict gender roles and limited opportunities for women. Her mother's identity was often overshadowed by her father's decisions, exemplified by her name change without consent. The author witnessed the sacrifices women made to be considered pious and worthy of heaven.

Early influences. Despite these constraints, Habib was drawn to women who challenged societal norms. She recalls being captivated by a woman riding a motorcycle, freely socializing with both men and women. This early exposure to non-conformity planted seeds of questioning and curiosity about alternative ways of living.

Religious identity. Growing up as part of the Ahmadiyya Muslim community, a persecuted minority sect in Pakistan, added another layer of complexity to Habib's identity. This experience of being an outsider within her own country would later inform her understanding of marginalization and the importance of creating inclusive spaces.

2. Immigration to Canada: Challenges of adapting to a new culture and identity

I was still recovering from a social setback that past spring. I was supposed to have received a drama award at my middle-school graduation, and my mother had bought me a special outfit from a flea market for the occasion: velour bell-bottoms and an oversized T-shirt that read TAKE ME BACK TO TRINIDAD in bright red letters.

Culture shock. Arriving in Canada as a young girl, Habib faced numerous challenges adapting to a new culture. She struggled with:

• Learning English and overcoming language barriers
• Navigating a new school system and social dynamics
• Balancing her Pakistani identity with the pressure to assimilate

Identity crisis. The author grappled with conflicting expectations from her family and her new Canadian environment. She often felt caught between two worlds, unsure of where she truly belonged. This struggle manifested in various ways:

• Changing her name or appearance to fit in at school
• Hiding aspects of her cultural background from peers
• Feeling disconnected from both her Pakistani roots and Canadian identity

Finding resilience. Despite these challenges, Habib began to develop coping mechanisms and find ways to express herself. She discovered a love for drama and performance, which became an outlet for her creativity and a way to explore different identities.

3. Arranged marriage and personal autonomy: Breaking free from family expectations

I was sixteen, and this was the closest I had ever been to a boy in my entire life. As the song ended, we held each other for a few more seconds before disengaging. He offered me a soft smile and made his way to the snack table.

Cultural pressure. At a young age, Habib found herself in an arranged marriage to her cousin, Nasir. This arrangement, made by her mother, represented the expectations placed on young women in her community to prioritize family honor and tradition over personal desires.

Internal conflict. The author struggled with the disconnect between her arranged marriage and her growing sense of self. Key issues included:

• Lack of emotional connection with Nasir
• Desire for education and personal growth
• Emerging awareness of her own sexuality and desires

Breaking free. Ultimately, Habib found the courage to end her arranged marriage, despite the potential consequences. This decision marked a turning point in her life, asserting her autonomy and setting the stage for future self-discovery.

4. Exploring sexuality and gender identity: Journey of self-discovery

I was about to find out.

Questioning norms. As Habib began to explore her identity, she started questioning the heteronormative expectations she had grown up with. This journey involved:

• Recognizing her attraction to women
• Experimenting with gender expression and presentation
• Challenging internalized beliefs about sexuality and relationships

Queer awakening. The author's exploration of her sexuality was gradual and multifaceted. Key experiences included:

• Developing crushes on female friends and acquaintances
• Encountering queer representation in media and literature
• Attending LGBTQ+ events and spaces

Self-acceptance. Over time, Habib came to embrace her queer identity. This process involved overcoming internalized homophobia, finding community support, and learning to love herself authentically.

5. Reclaiming faith: Finding acceptance in queer-inclusive Islamic spaces

I was witnessing that which I had only ever imagined: a queer utopia of sorts. A fantasy of being accepted and being seen.

Religious trauma. Habib's early experiences with Islam were complicated by the rejection she faced from her community after ending her arranged marriage. This led to a period of estrangement from her faith and spiritual practices.

Discovering inclusive spaces. The author's journey back to Islam was facilitated by discovering queer-inclusive Muslim spaces, such as Unity Mosque in Toronto. These spaces offered:

• Acceptance of LGBTQ+ identities within an Islamic context
• Reinterpretation of religious texts through a queer lens
• Community support and belonging

Spiritual renewal. Through these inclusive spaces, Habib was able to reclaim her faith on her own terms. She found a way to reconcile her queer identity with her Muslim heritage, creating a more holistic and authentic spiritual practice.

6. Photography as empowerment: Documenting queer Muslim stories

Representation is a critical way for people to recognize that their experiences—even if invisible in the mainstream—are valid.

Visual storytelling. Habib discovered photography as a powerful medium to document and share the experiences of queer Muslims. Her project aimed to:

• Increase visibility for a marginalized community
• Challenge stereotypes about Islam and LGBTQ+ identities
• Create a sense of belonging and validation for queer Muslims

Overcoming obstacles. The author faced numerous challenges in pursuing her photography project, including:

• Gaining trust from potential subjects
• Navigating cultural and religious taboos around representation
• Addressing concerns about safety and privacy

Impact and empowerment. Through her photography, Habib not only empowered her subjects but also found personal healing and growth. The project became a way to reclaim narratives and create a more inclusive vision of Muslim identity.

7. Reconciliation with family: Acceptance and unconditional love

"Okay," she said. "I still love you."

Coming out. Habib's journey of self-discovery culminated in coming out to her family, particularly her mother. This moment was fraught with anxiety and uncertainty, given her conservative upbringing.

Surprising acceptance. Contrary to her fears, the author's mother responded with love and acceptance. This unexpected reaction demonstrated the potential for growth and change within traditional families.

Rebuilding relationships. The process of coming out and being accepted allowed Habib to rebuild and strengthen her relationship with her family, particularly her mother. This reconciliation involved:

• Open communication about her identity and experiences
• Mutual efforts to understand and support one another
• Redefining family dynamics to include her queer identity

8. Creating chosen families: Building community and support networks

Maybe my friends—my chosen family—could be the loves of my life.

Finding connection. Throughout her journey, Habib discovered the importance of chosen family – close friends and mentors who provided unconditional support and acceptance. These relationships offered:

• Emotional support during difficult times
• Guidance and mentorship in navigating queer identity
• A sense of belonging and community

Diverse support network. The author's chosen family included a wide range of individuals:

• Queer friends and partners
• Supportive colleagues and mentors
• Fellow artists and activists

Redefining love. Through these relationships, Habib came to understand that love and family can take many forms beyond traditional blood relations or romantic partnerships.

9. Representation matters: Visibility for queer Muslims in media and society

I wanted to convey the countless narratives found within Islam and explore unfamiliar territory to create a broader, more multi-layered understanding of Muslims.

Media landscape. Habib recognized the lack of representation for queer Muslims in mainstream media and society. This absence contributed to feelings of isolation and invisibility within both Muslim and LGBTQ+ communities.

Creating change. Through her writing, photography, and activism, the author worked to increase visibility for queer Muslims. Her efforts included:

• Sharing personal stories and experiences
• Highlighting diverse queer Muslim voices and narratives
• Challenging stereotypes and misconceptions about Islam and LGBTQ+ identities

Ripple effect. By increasing representation, Habib's work has helped:

• Empower other queer Muslims to embrace their identities
• Educate broader society about the diversity within Muslim communities
• Foster greater understanding and acceptance of intersectional identities

Last updated: November 25, 2024