Welcome to the United States of Anxiety

1. Anxiety: America's New Normal

Anxiety is my constant partner, right there by my side like a bad college roommate, second-guessing my choices, disrupting my concentration, and causing low-level chaos on the reg.

A nation on edge. Despite data showing the world is safer and healthier than ever, Americans report higher stress levels than almost any other country, even those facing civil unrest and economic collapse. This pervasive anxiety manifests in various ways, from physical symptoms like chest tension and headaches to irrational fears about everyday things. The author's personal experience, including recurring stress dreams about waitressing, mirrors this national trend.

The paradox of safety. We live in a time of unprecedented safety, with declining violent crime rates, increased life expectancy, and improved access to food and healthcare compared to previous generations. Yet, this objective reality doesn't align with our subjective feeling of constant dread. The author contrasts her free-range 1970s childhood, where dangers like serial killers and unlocked doors didn't cause widespread panic, with today's hyper-vigilant culture.

Seeking the root cause. The book explores how this shift occurred, moving from a less fearful past to a present where anxiety is a constant companion. It questions why, despite indicators pointing towards happiness and contentment, so many feel paralyzed by angst. The journey involves examining how our relationship with fundamental human needs and societal changes, particularly in communication and media, contribute to this stressed-out state.

2. Basic Needs Now Fuel Our Fears

If people aren’t stressed about just procuring enough food to survive, they fall off a cliff of anxiety directly into stressing about how the food they eat affects their outward appearance.

Food as a status symbol. What we eat, how we look, and where we live, once simple physiological needs, have become significant sources of anxiety and social comparison. The rise of trends like avocado toast highlights how food choices are now tied to identity and the fear of missing out (FOMO), driven by social media's visual culture. This contrasts with past generations who focused on practicality and availability, not virtue signaling through diet.

Body image obsession. Societal ideals of the perfect body have swung wildly throughout history, from Rubenesque figures to Twiggy's waif look, creating constant pressure to conform. This historical scrutiny, amplified by modern media and filters, contributes to rising body dysmorphia and anxiety about weight, even as obesity rates increase. The author's personal journey with weight loss and public shaming illustrates the deep-seated nature of this anxiety, regardless of actual health.

Shelter and fashion stress. Our homes and clothing, meant for protection and comfort, have also become battlegrounds for anxiety, fueled by aspirational media and social comparison. The shift from durable, long-lasting items to fast fashion and constantly renovating homes creates pressure to keep up appearances, regardless of financial strain. This contrasts with previous generations who valued utility and permanence in their possessions and homes.

3. Safety Concerns in a Safer World

The paradox of living in the safest possible time is that those who suffer from anxiety aren’t hardwired to take the win; we panic when things go too well.

Fear vs. reality. Despite significant declines in violent crime, child mortality, and other objective dangers since the 1970s, Americans perceive crime as rising and live with heightened fears for their safety and that of their children. This disconnect is fueled by increased media coverage of rare, high-profile incidents, creating a sense that danger lurks everywhere. The author contrasts her own unsupervised childhood freedom with the hyper-vigilance surrounding children today.

Financial insecurity's impact. Beyond physical safety, financial security is a major driver of anxiety, consistently ranking as a top stressor for Americans. Stress about money impacts health, relationships, and overall well-being, sometimes leading to severe consequences. The pressure to maintain appearances (nice homes, trendy clothes) exacerbates financial strain, creating a cycle of anxiety where basic needs are intertwined with economic fears.

Health anxieties abound. Constant reports on new health hazards, from hot tea causing cancer to the dangers of everyday substances, contribute to a sense that life itself is hazardous. While medical science has improved longevity and health outcomes, the barrage of information about potential risks can be overwhelming. This contrasts with past eras where dangerous substances like radium and heroin were marketed as health aids, highlighting a shift from ignorance to information overload as a source of anxiety.

4. Technology Amplifies Our Stress

The short-term, dopamine-driven feedback loops that we have created [at Facebook] are destroying how society works—no civil discourse, no cooperation, misinformation, mistruth.

The social media paradox. While technology connects us faster and cheaper than ever, it also fuels anxiety through constant comparison, curated highlight reels, and the pressure to perform online. Social media algorithms prioritize emotionally charged content, including outrage and conflict, contributing to polarization and a sense of constant crisis. Studies show increased social media use correlates with higher levels of isolation, anxiety, and depression.

Comparison culture. Social media creates an environment of constant "comparing up," where individuals measure their everyday lives against the carefully curated, often filtered, images of others. This leads to body dissatisfaction, wardrobe anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy, particularly for those who don't conform to online ideals. The rise of influencers, who monetize aspirational lifestyles, further exacerbates this pressure to present a perfect online persona.

Information overload and misinformation. The ease of disseminating information online means both facts and misinformation spread rapidly, making it difficult to discern truth and contributing to a sense of chaos and distrust. This is particularly evident in political discourse and discussions around safety and health. The constant barrage of conflicting information, often tailored by algorithms, keeps individuals in a state of hyper-vigilance and anxiety.

5. Politics: The Great Divider

Do we want a civil war? Because this is how civil wars are started.

Polarization and lost civility. Political divisions in America have reached unprecedented levels, fueled by a "me-against-you" mentality and a loss of civil discourse. This polarization creates a sense of instability and unsafety, as trust in leaders and institutions erodes. The author, identifying as politically agnostic, laments the loss of a shared sense of national identity and the inability of opposing sides to find common ground or mutual respect.

Media's role in division. The 24/7 news cycle and social media algorithms profit from highlighting conflict and discord, contributing to the perception of constant political warfare. Engaging with political news on social media often leads to unproductive arguments and increased anxiety, as individuals are exposed to tailored content designed to provoke outrage. This contrasts with past eras where political information was less immediate and less personalized.

Finding a path forward. While fixing national politics is a monumental task, individuals can mitigate their political anxiety by limiting exposure to inflammatory online content and seeking information from unbiased sources. The author suggests that face-to-face conversations, focusing on personal experiences rather than dogma, can foster understanding, even if they don't lead to agreement. De-escalation and choosing kindness over conflict are presented as personal strategies to navigate political tension.

6. Parenting Under Public Scrutiny

Motherhood is hard.

The pressure to be perfect. Parenting, a fundamental social role, has become a source of immense anxiety, fueled by societal expectations and constant public scrutiny, particularly online. The "Mommy Wars" and the rise of "sharenting" create a competitive environment where every decision, from feeding choices to clothing, is open to critique. This contrasts with past generations where parenting was more private and less subject to external judgment.

Children as status symbols. In some affluent circles, children themselves have become status symbols, with luxury clothing, extensive extracurriculars, and elite college admissions signaling parental success. This trend, amplified by social media, puts pressure on parents to provide material advantages, regardless of cost, and contributes to anxiety about whether their children measure up. The author questions the impact of this pressure on both parents and children.

Overprotection vs. independence. While child safety has objectively improved, parental anxiety has led to increased overprotection, limiting children's independence and outdoor play. This contrasts sharply with the free-range childhoods of previous generations. The backlash against seemingly harmless parenting choices, sometimes leading to legal intervention, highlights the intense public judgment parents face, contributing to their stress and fear of making mistakes.

7. Friendship: A Vital Buffer Against Stress

Friendship was a given when I was in grade school, a guarantee.

The changing nature of connection. While childhood friendships were often based on proximity and shared activities, adult friendships require more effort and intentionality. The author contrasts her neighborhood-based childhood friendships with the geographically dispersed, chosen family of friends she has as an adult. These deep, honest connections are presented as crucial for well-being and a buffer against life's stressors.

Social media's impact on friendship. Social media offers new ways to connect and maintain relationships across distance, providing a sense of belonging and dopamine boosts. However, it can also lead to superficial connections, comparison-induced anxiety, and misunderstandings due to the lack of face-to-face interaction. The author distinguishes between online acquaintances and true friends, emphasizing the irreplaceable value of in-person bonds.

The importance of community. Studies show that strong social connections are vital for physical and mental health throughout life, reducing stress hormones and increasing longevity. Isolation and loneliness, conversely, are linked to increased anxiety, depression, and health risks. Finding and nurturing a supportive community, whether online or off, is presented as a fundamental human need that directly impacts our ability to manage anxiety.

8. The Twisted Pursuit of Fame

Fame is worth whatever bad behavior it takes to get there, and the Kardashians are the cover girls for this movement.

Fame over accomplishment. Society's fascination with fame, often detached from any discernible skill or achievement, has become a significant cultural shift. Reality TV and social media promote the idea that attention and notoriety, regardless of how they are obtained, equate to worth and success. This contrasts with past eras where fame was typically earned through hard work, talent, or significant contributions.

The dark side of notoriety. The blurring line between fame and infamy, where bad behavior is rewarded with attention, contributes to a culture where some individuals seek notoriety through violent acts. Mass shooters, often isolated and desperate for recognition, study previous attacks and aim to surpass them in showmanship or body count. The media's role in publicizing perpetrators' names and details inadvertently fuels this desire for infamy.

Combating the fame myth. The author argues that this cultural shift, coupled with factors like increased gun access and mental health issues, contributes to the rise in mass violence. To counter this, society needs to stop glorifying perpetrators and focus on celebrating achievement and positive contributions. Encouraging people to report concerning behavior through anonymous tip lines is presented as a practical step in preventing violence fueled by the desire for infamy.

9. Hobbies Offer an Escape, But Can Add Stress

One of the best things we can do to get out of our heads, to stop living in so much fear and panic, to lose ourselves in the zen of a singular focus, is to find a project or activity.

Finding flow and focus. Engaging in hobbies and creative pursuits can be a powerful antidote to anxiety, providing a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and a break from worrying. Activities like gardening, crafting, or learning a new skill allow individuals to lose themselves in a singular focus, fostering a state of flow that reduces stress. This aligns with Maslow's concept of esteem needs and self-actualization.

Hobbies become complicated. Even seemingly simple hobbies can become sources of stress when they intersect with societal pressures, competition, or unexpected discoveries. Genealogy, for example, can lead to uncomfortable family secrets or raise privacy concerns regarding DNA data used by law enforcement. The pressure to monetize hobbies or make them "Instagrammable" can also detract from the pure joy of the activity itself.

The paradox of choice in leisure. While having numerous options for hobbies and entertainment (like streaming services) might seem beneficial, the paradox of choice can lead to anxiety and dissatisfaction. The effort required to choose, coupled with high expectations, can make leisure feel like another source of stress rather than relaxation. The author notes her own default to murder documentaries after struggling to choose what to watch, highlighting this phenomenon.

10. Finding Purpose in Action and Kindness

I’d taken my facts and turned them into acts, and that put me at ease.

Action over worry. While understanding the sources of anxiety is important, the most effective way to reduce it is through concrete action. Turning knowledge into tangible steps, whether it's recycling, supporting sustainable brands, or getting involved in local community efforts, provides a sense of control and purpose. This contrasts with passive worrying or simply complaining online.

The power of kindness. Choosing kindness and empathy, even in the face of conflict or perceived slights, can diffuse tension and improve personal well-being. The author's experience with the angry cab driver illustrates how a simple act of kindness can transform a stressful interaction. Extending grace to others, even when they don't meet our expectations, contributes to a less anxious personal environment.

Transcending self through helping others. Maslow's later addition to his hierarchy suggests that true self-actualization involves helping others on their own path. Engaging in activities that benefit the community or support those in need can provide a deeper sense of fulfillment and purpose, shifting focus away from personal anxieties. This aligns with the idea that connecting with others and contributing to something larger than oneself is key to reducing stress and finding meaning.

Last updated: May 5, 2025