What Now?

1. Embrace the Present Moment: Your Twenties Are a Time for Growth and Self-Discovery

"What now?" is a question to which we are forced to return many times in our life, but it takes on particular urgency in our twenties and thirties.

Your twenties are pivotal. This decade is filled with transitions, challenges, and opportunities for growth. It's a time when you're figuring out who you are, what you want, and how to navigate the adult world. Many young people report high levels of stress and anxiety during this period, feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of school, work, relationships, and finding their place in the world.

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool. By practicing meditation and mindfulness, you can develop a greater sense of self-awareness, learn to manage stress more effectively, and cultivate a deeper connection to the present moment. This doesn't mean you'll have all the answers, but it can help you approach life's challenges with more clarity, compassion, and resilience.

2. Understand the Three Marks of Existence: Impermanence, Unsatisfactoriness, and No Separate Self

"You are suffering," he was saying, "let me explain why."

Everything changes. The first mark of existence, impermanence, reminds us that nothing in life is permanent. This can be both liberating and terrifying. When we resist change, we create suffering for ourselves. Learning to accept and even embrace impermanence can help us appreciate the present moment more fully.

Desire and aversion cause suffering. The second mark, unsatisfactoriness or dukkha, refers to the human tendency to cling to pleasure and avoid pain. This constant grasping and pushing away creates a sense of dissatisfaction. By recognizing this pattern, we can learn to relate to our experiences with more equanimity.

We are interconnected. The third mark, no separate self, challenges our notion of a fixed, independent identity. In reality, we are deeply interconnected with all things. Understanding this can lead to greater compassion and a sense of belonging in the world.

3. Learn to Meditate: Develop a Practice of Mindfulness and Awareness

"Meditation is a process of becoming familiar with life."

Start with the basics. Begin by setting aside a few minutes each day to sit quietly and focus on your breath. As thoughts arise, gently acknowledge them and return your attention to your breath. This simple practice can help calm your mind and increase your awareness of the present moment.

Work with hindrances. As you meditate, you'll likely encounter common obstacles such as:

• Grasping: Wanting things to be different
• Aversion: Resisting what is
• Restlessness: Feeling agitated or unsettled
• Sleepiness: Feeling drowsy or dull
• Doubt: Questioning the practice or your ability

Learning to recognize and work with these hindrances is an important part of the meditation journey.

Extend mindfulness to daily life. Practice bringing awareness to everyday activities like walking, eating, and using technology. This can help you cultivate a more mindful approach to all aspects of your life.

4. Navigate Emotions: Feel Them Without Being Consumed by Them

"Freedom, for me, comes not from changing myself, but from growing ever more expansive and loving toward all of the darkness within."

Use the RAIN technique. When strong emotions arise, try this approach:

• Recognize: Identify what you're feeling
• Allow: Accept the emotion without trying to change it
• Inquire: Explore the emotion with curiosity and kindness
• Nourish: Offer yourself compassion and support

Understand common emotional challenges. Many young adults struggle with:

• Fear and anxiety
• Desire and longing
• Anger and frustration

By learning to work skillfully with these emotions, you can develop greater emotional resilience and self-understanding.

Practice forgiveness. Learning to forgive yourself and others is a powerful way to release emotional pain and cultivate inner peace. This doesn't mean condoning harmful actions, but rather freeing yourself from the burden of resentment and anger.

5. Cultivate Mindful Relationships: Love Yourself and Connect Authentically with Others

"To really see and connect with my partners, I needed to confront my own wounded and aching places."

Start with self-love. Developing a compassionate relationship with yourself is the foundation for healthy relationships with others. Practice self-acceptance and learn to treat yourself with kindness and understanding.

Practice mindful communication. In your relationships, strive to:

• Listen deeply without judgment
• Speak honestly and kindly
• Be present and attentive

Navigate heartbreak and loneliness. These painful experiences are often part of the journey. Use them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery, rather than allowing them to close your heart.

6. Engage in Mindful Sex: Explore Intimacy with Awareness and Vulnerability

"Mindful sex is about showing up as our whole selves, allowing ourselves to be seen, and being willing to truly see the other person."

Cultivate body awareness. Practice being present in your body and attuned to your physical sensations. This can enhance your capacity for pleasure and intimacy.

Explore desire mindfully. Rather than getting caught up in fantasy or expectation, try to stay present with the actual experience of desire in your body and mind.

Communicate openly. Practice honest, vulnerable communication with your partner(s) about your wants, needs, and boundaries.

7. Practice Radical Self-Care: Nurture Yourself to Sustain Social Justice Work

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare." - Audre Lorde

Recognize the importance of self-care. For marginalized individuals and activists, self-care is not a luxury—it's a necessity for survival and sustained engagement in social justice work.

Develop a supportive community. Find or create a sangha (community) of like-minded individuals who can offer support, understanding, and encouragement.

Prioritize rest and renewal. Make time for activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. This might include meditation, time in nature, creative pursuits, or meaningful connections with others.

8. Change the World Without Burning Out: Activism Rooted in Love and Interconnectedness

"Our liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together."

Understand interconnectedness. Recognize that your well-being is inextricably linked to the well-being of all beings. This understanding can fuel compassionate action without falling into us-versus-them thinking.

Practice compassion for all. Cultivate compassion not only for those who suffer but also for those who cause harm. This doesn't mean condoning harmful actions, but rather recognizing the shared humanity in all people.

Take action from a place of love. Let your activism be motivated by love and a desire for collective liberation, rather than hatred or fear. This approach is more sustainable and ultimately more effective in creating lasting change.

9. Live with Urgency and Acceptance: Your Hair Is on Fire and Everything Is Okay

"The Buddha told his students to practice as if their hair were on fire."

Embrace the paradox. Recognize that life requires both urgency and acceptance. Practice as if your hair is on fire, bringing full commitment and presence to each moment. At the same time, understand that at a deeper level, everything is already perfect as it is.

Establish a daily practice. Commit to a regular meditation practice, even if it's just for a few minutes each day. This consistency will help you develop greater awareness and stability of mind.

Seek community and guidance. Find a meditation community and teacher(s) who resonate with you. Their support and wisdom can be invaluable on your journey.

Remember, you're already whole. While there's always room for growth and healing, at your core, you are already complete and worthy of love and belonging. Let this truth guide you as you navigate the challenges and opportunities of your twenties and beyond.

Last updated: August 21, 2024