Workhorse

1. Juggling Social Work and Restaurant Grind

I didn’t know I’d be hostessing when I left my apartment in the morning; I only agreed to cover the shift about an hour before my visit to Mr. Stein, when George, the maître d’, called and asked me to come in, so I wasn’t wearing my most comfortable hostess shoes.

The daily hustle. The author worked as a social worker for homebound seniors in Brooklyn, a demanding job with low pay. To supplement her income and manage student loan debt, she took on part-time shifts as a hostess and reservationist at Babbo, a popular New York City restaurant. This often meant rushing from one job to the next, dealing with physical discomfort and the emotional toll of both roles.

Financial necessity. The social work salary of $35,000 a year was insufficient to live comfortably in New York City and pay off $40,000 in student loans. The $11/hour at Babbo, plus pooled tips from hostess shifts, provided crucial extra income. This financial pressure often dictated her schedule and willingness to take on last-minute shifts, regardless of personal cost.

Contrasting realities. The social work job involved confronting difficult realities like poverty, neglect, and the decline of elderly clients, often in challenging environments. The restaurant job, while physically demanding and chaotic, offered a different kind of stress related to managing demanding guests and navigating the fast-paced, high-pressure environment of a top restaurant.

2. Drawn to the Restaurant World's Allure

All I’d thought about before I walked in was the money, but as Brad continued, I found myself wondering, Where the hell am I? But it was drawing me in.

Beyond the paycheck. Initially seeking the Babbo job for the higher hourly wage compared to her university work-study, the author quickly became captivated by the restaurant's unique atmosphere. The blend of high-profile owners, celebrity clientele, and the intense, almost theatrical environment felt far removed from her suburban upbringing and the grim realities of social work.

A different world. Babbo offered a glimpse into a world of perceived glamour and sophistication. The author was intrigued by the owners, Mario Batali and Joe Bastianich, described with reverence, and the presence of celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Luke Wilson. This exposure contrasted sharply with her social work environment and felt like the exciting New York City experience she had moved for.

Hooked on the mystique. Despite the chaos and demanding nature of the job, the author was drawn into the restaurant's mystique. The energy, the constant flow of people, and the feeling of being part of something exclusive were compelling. It offered an escape and a sense of excitement that her social work job lacked.

3. Life as Joe Bastianich's Executive Assistant

Office Joe was very different from Babbo Joe.

A new level of intensity. Transitioning to Joe Bastianich's executive assistant role meant leaving the physical demands of hostessing but entering a world of constant, unpredictable demands. Joe's personality in the office was jarringly different from his public persona – abrupt, fast-paced, and often unclear in his instructions.

Managing the unpredictable. The job involved managing Joe's chaotic schedule, handling a constant influx of emails and calls, and dealing with his often eccentric ideas and demands, such as buying bowling balls for an art project or navigating his aversion to meetings. The author had to learn to decipher his fragmented communication and anticipate his needs.

A constant state of readiness. The role required being available almost constantly, even outside traditional work hours. Joe's communication style, including one-word texts like "Call," created a sense of urgency. The author felt she had to be perpetually "on," ready to respond to any request at a moment's notice.

4. Navigating the "Reservation Racket" Perks

What really turned people on was getting something that no one else could.

Leveraging access. As Joe's assistant, the author became the gatekeeper for his extensive network of contacts, including celebrities, media figures, and business partners. A significant part of her job involved managing requests for hard-to-get reservations at the group's popular restaurants, particularly Babbo and the California locations.

Currency of favors. The hospitality industry, like the fashion world, operated on a system of favors and connections. Providing access to exclusive dining experiences became a form of currency. The author facilitated these requests, making her important to these influential people and reinforcing her position within the "inner circle."

Unexpected benefits. This role also came with unofficial perks and gifts from grateful contacts, such as designer makeup, luxury skincare, and discounted high-end clothing. While these material benefits were a tangible upside, the real value for the author was the sense of importance and belonging derived from being the person who could "make it happen" for Joe's network.

5. Work as a Substitute for Personal Life

Except for my parents, there wasn’t anyone else outside of work who would notice I was gone.

Isolation despite connection. Despite being constantly surrounded by people at work and interacting with a wide network of contacts, the author struggled to form deep personal connections outside of her job. Her demanding schedule and the all-consuming nature of her role left little time or energy for building a personal life.

Work as identity. The job became a central part of her identity, providing a sense of purpose and belonging that was missing elsewhere. The excitement and demands of work often overshadowed her personal needs and desires, leading to a neglect of relationships and personal well-being.

Fear of intimacy. The author acknowledges a long-standing difficulty with intimacy and close relationships, which social work helped her navigate professionally but hindered her personally. This fear contributed to her reliance on work as a safe space, where interactions were often transactional or defined by professional roles rather than emotional vulnerability.

6. The Eataly Phenomenon and Finding Belonging

I would have taken this job just to be near them—Aaron, Edo, Michele—had I known they existed.

A new source of energy. The launch of Eataly Flatiron brought a new wave of people into the author's orbit, particularly the Italian partners and the Segal brothers. The energy and excitement surrounding this massive project were infectious, and the author found herself drawn to the "Eataly boys."

Seeking camaraderie. The author felt a strong desire for camaraderie and friendship with the Eataly team, who were closer to her age and shared a similar lifestyle centered around the food industry. Their presence provided a buffer from the intensity of working directly for Joe and offered a sense of belonging she craved.

An antidote to the grind. Being around the Eataly boys, especially Michele and Edo, provided moments of genuine connection and lightheartedness that contrasted with the demanding nature of her job. Their acceptance and enthusiasm felt like a "drug," making the long hours and stress more bearable and reinforcing her desire to stay connected to this world.

7. Burnout and the Physical/Mental Toll

My breathing worsened. I started feeling weak at the gym—I couldn’t finish a fifty-minute barre class.

Physical manifestations of stress. The relentless pace and high-pressure environment of the job began to take a significant toll on the author's physical health. Symptoms like shortness of breath, dizziness, heart palpitations, and extreme fatigue became common, indicating severe burnout.

Ignoring warning signs. Despite physical symptoms and concerns from others, including her former social work colleague and Gina, the author initially dismissed the signs or attributed them to external factors. She continued to push herself, driven by the demands of the job and a fear of falling behind.

The cost of constant stress. A visit to a cardiologist confirmed that her symptoms were stress-related, highlighting the serious health risks associated with her work habits. The constant state of "fight-or-flight" was physically debilitating, underscoring the unsustainable nature of her workload and lack of boundaries.

8. The Illusion of Glamour vs. Reality

I was flying high from my new influential connections and swag, grateful to be around people who I wanted to be like, but couldn’t help but notice that everyone was going somewhere but me.

External perception vs. internal state. While the author's job provided access to a world of glamour, travel, and influential people, her personal reality often felt stagnant and isolated. She facilitated exciting opportunities for others but felt left behind in her own life, lacking the personal milestones and deep connections she saw in her peers.

The price of access. The perks and connections came at the cost of personal time, energy, and the ability to build a life outside of work. The author realized that while she was surrounded by people living seemingly fulfilling lives, her own life felt empty in comparison, despite the external trappings of her job.

A gilded cage. The job, with its excitement and access, became a "gilded cage." It offered a compelling distraction from her personal struggles but ultimately trapped her in a cycle of overwork and isolation, preventing her from addressing the underlying issues holding her back.

9. Seeking Connection, Fearing Intimacy

I did want someone in my life who I would see the next day, but it’d been so long that it felt overwhelming.

Difficulty forming deep bonds. A recurring theme is the author's struggle with intimacy and forming lasting romantic relationships. Despite opportunities and interest from men she found attractive, she often pulled back, preferring fleeting connections or avoiding vulnerability.

Work as a shield. The demanding nature of her job served as a convenient excuse for not pursuing relationships or investing in friendships outside of work. It allowed her to remain "closed off," as Gareth put it, avoiding the emotional risks associated with getting close to someone.

Regret and self-sabotage. The author reflects on missed opportunities and acknowledges her own role in sabotaging potential connections, driven by fear and a reluctance to step outside her comfort zone. This pattern left her feeling increasingly lonely and regretful as she got older.

10. The Scandal and Its Aftermath

Eater broke the story on my thirty-ninth birthday: Mario was accused of sexual misconduct and abusive behavior by former staff and female journalists spanning back to the late ’90s.

An abrupt shift. The public allegations of sexual misconduct and abusive behavior against Mario Batali sent shockwaves through the company. This event drastically altered the work environment and the author's role, as the focus shifted entirely to crisis management and legal issues.

Excluded from the inner circle. For the first time, the author was excluded from the most critical conversations, which were handled by attorneys and crisis PR teams. This exclusion, despite her years of being privy to confidential information, highlighted the limits of her "insider" status and the disposable nature of her role in a true crisis.

Personal reaction and anger. The scandal triggered a deep sense of anger and disillusionment in the author, both for the alleged victims and for the disruption it caused to the world she had invested so much in. It forced her to confront the darker side of the industry and the people she had worked for.

11. Realizing the Need for Change

I was resolved to learn from my mistakes, from Gina’s mistakes, to heed her warning.

A wake-up call. The combination of burnout, health issues, personal isolation, and the fallout from the scandal served as a powerful wake-up call. The author began to seriously question her life choices and the sustainability of her current path.

Learning from others. Witnessing Gina's struggle with cancer and her reflections on life, as well as the experiences of others in the industry, reinforced the author's realization that she needed to prioritize her own well-being and happiness over the demands of her job.

Acknowledging self-sabotage. The author confronts her own patterns of behavior, particularly her fear of intimacy and her tendency to prioritize work over personal fulfillment. She recognizes that she had actively contributed to her own isolation and unhappiness.

12. Leaving the Island of the Job

The job was an island.

The difficulty of letting go. Despite the negative impacts of the job, the author found it incredibly difficult to leave. The role had become so intertwined with her identity and provided a sense of purpose and belonging that she feared losing.

A cycle of dependence. The job offered a compelling distraction from personal issues and provided a ready-made social circle, albeit a superficial one. This created a cycle of dependence, where the perceived benefits of staying outweighed the acknowledged costs, making it hard to break free.

Taking control. Ultimately, the author realizes that if she wants to change her life and build genuine connections, she has to be the one to initiate the change. She can no longer wait for external circumstances or rely on others to provide the life she desires; she must actively choose to leave the "island" of her job and build something real for herself.

Last updated: June 1, 2025