Working with Difficult People, Second Revised Edition

1. Recognize and address difficult workplace behaviors

"When we take emotion out of difficult workplace situations, we effectively evaluate what we need to do in order to get what we want and need from a particular relationship."

Identify behavior patterns. Difficult workplace behaviors often fall into recognizable categories, such as hostile, pushy, deceitful, manipulative, rude, egotistical, procrastinating, rigid, uncommunicative, or overly critical. By identifying these patterns, you can develop targeted strategies to address them effectively.

Remain objective. When dealing with difficult people, it's crucial to separate emotions from facts. Focus on specific behaviors and their impact on work, rather than making personal judgments. This approach allows for more constructive problem-solving and helps maintain professional relationships.

Develop a toolkit of responses. Prepare a range of strategies to address different types of difficult behavior:

• Active listening techniques
• Assertive communication skills
• Conflict resolution methods
• Stress management techniques
• Emotional intelligence practices

2. Develop strategies for dealing with hostile and angry people

"When you have been sandbagged by a colleague, it knocks the wind out of you. Take a few deep breaths, then realize the Underminer's intention wasn't to squash you but to inflate himself."

Maintain composure. When faced with hostility or anger, it's essential to remain calm and professional. Take deep breaths, count to ten, or use other stress-reduction techniques to keep your emotions in check.

Address the underlying issue. Hostile behavior often stems from unmet needs or frustrations. Try to identify and address the root cause of the anger:

• Ask open-ended questions to understand their perspective
• Acknowledge their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their actions
• Offer solutions that address their concerns while maintaining professional boundaries

Set clear boundaries. Establish and communicate limits on acceptable behavior:

• Use "I" statements to express how their actions affect you and the work environment
• Clearly state the consequences of continued hostile behavior
• Document incidents and involve HR or management if the situation doesn't improve

3. Navigate interactions with pushy or presumptuous colleagues

"To win their cooperation, first win their trust by leveling with them. Don't plead for yourself, but press for them to do what is important for themselves and for the company."

Establish clear communication. When dealing with pushy colleagues, it's crucial to be direct and assertive in your communication:

• Clearly state your boundaries and expectations
• Use specific examples to illustrate your points
• Avoid ambiguous language that could be misinterpreted

Find common ground. Look for shared goals or interests that can serve as a foundation for collaboration:

• Emphasize how working together can benefit both parties
• Identify areas where your skills complement each other
• Propose solutions that address both your needs and theirs

Practice assertiveness. Develop and use assertive communication techniques:

• Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings
• Stand firm on your positions while remaining open to compromise
• Practice saying "no" when necessary, offering alternatives when possible

4. Handle deceitful or underhanded coworkers effectively

"When you have been sandbagged by a colleague, it knocks the wind out of you. Take a few deep breaths, then realize the Underminer's intention wasn't to squash you but to inflate himself."

Document everything. When dealing with deceitful colleagues, maintaining a clear record of interactions and agreements is crucial:

• Keep detailed notes of conversations and decisions
• Use email to confirm verbal agreements
• Save relevant documents and communications

Verify information. Don't take everything at face value when dealing with potentially deceitful coworkers:

• Cross-check important information with other reliable sources
• Ask for clarification or additional details when something seems unclear
• Trust your instincts if something feels off

Address issues directly. When you suspect deceit, confront the issue professionally:

• Schedule a private meeting to discuss your concerns
• Present factual evidence of discrepancies or misleading information
• Focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame

5. Manage shrewd or manipulative individuals in the workplace

"Recognize the games that Prima Donnas play. Like children who pout, stomp their feet, and throw tantrums, they use a variety of irritating techniques to wear you down and get their own way."

Recognize manipulation tactics. Be aware of common manipulation techniques:

• Guilt-tripping
• Gaslighting
• Playing the victim
• Using flattery or charm
• Making veiled threats

Set and maintain boundaries. Establish clear limits on what you will and won't accept:

• Communicate your boundaries clearly and consistently
• Be prepared to enforce consequences for boundary violations
• Don't compromise your values or professional standards

Stay focused on facts and outcomes. When dealing with manipulators:

• Keep conversations centered on work-related topics
• Use objective criteria for decision-making
• Document agreements and expectations in writing

6. Address rude or abrasive behavior professionally

"When rude bosses bruise your ego, forget your fantasies about how to get even. Concentrate on being treated politely, with attention to your thinking and your feelings."

Lead by example. Demonstrate the behavior you expect from others:

• Treat everyone with respect, regardless of their position
• Use polite language and maintain a professional tone
• Show appreciation for others' contributions

Address issues promptly. Don't let rude behavior fester:

• Speak privately with the offender as soon as possible after an incident
• Use specific examples to illustrate the problematic behavior
• Explain how their actions impact you and the work environment

Establish a positive work culture. Promote a culture of respect and professionalism:

• Implement and enforce clear policies on workplace behavior
• Recognize and reward courteous and collaborative behavior
• Provide training on communication skills and emotional intelligence

7. Cope with egotistical or self-centered team members

"When you feel the boss doesn't use your skills and talent, either you didn't speak up or you didn't demonstrate the potential benefits."

Appeal to their self-interest. Frame your ideas and requests in terms of how they benefit the egotistical person:

• Highlight how your proposal can make them look good
• Emphasize the recognition or rewards they might receive
• Show how your success contributes to their success

Provide recognition strategically. Offer sincere praise when warranted:

• Acknowledge their contributions publicly
• Be specific about what they did well
• Use their desire for recognition as motivation for positive behavior

Set clear expectations and boundaries. Establish guidelines for collaboration:

• Define roles and responsibilities clearly
• Use objective criteria for evaluating performance
• Hold everyone accountable for their commitments

8. Overcome challenges posed by procrastinating or vacillating coworkers

"Procrastinators frequently blame their habit of putting things off on not having enough time. Of course, they have the same number of hours as everyone else; but they may try to do too much at once or fritter away their time on the insignificant."

Understand the root causes. Procrastination often stems from:

• Fear of failure or perfectionism
• Lack of clear priorities or direction
• Poor time management skills
• Feeling overwhelmed by tasks

Break projects into manageable steps. Help procrastinators by:

• Creating clear, specific action items
• Setting intermediate deadlines for each step
• Celebrating small victories along the way

Provide structure and accountability. Implement systems to keep projects on track:

• Use project management tools to visualize progress
• Schedule regular check-ins to discuss progress and obstacles
• Offer support and resources to overcome roadblocks

9. Deal with rigid or obstinate individuals in a professional setting

"Don't let Chapter and Versers lace your creative efforts into a straitjacket. Win them over by promising to enlist their computer brains after you look for better ways."

Understand their perspective. Rigid individuals often resist change due to:

• Fear of the unknown or loss of control
• Past negative experiences with change
• Strong belief in established methods

Present change gradually. Introduce new ideas in a non-threatening manner:

• Start with small, low-risk changes
• Provide data and evidence to support new approaches
• Allow time for adjustment and feedback

Find common ground. Look for areas of agreement:

• Acknowledge the value of their experience and knowledge
• Identify shared goals or priorities
• Frame changes as building on existing strengths rather than replacing them

10. Improve communication with tight-lipped or uncommunicative colleagues

"You don't know where you stand if bosses aren't telling you. The word feedback is not in their vocabulary."

Create a safe communication environment. Foster an atmosphere where people feel comfortable sharing:

• Practice active listening without judgment
• Encourage open dialogue and diverse viewpoints
• Respect confidentiality when appropriate

Ask open-ended questions. Encourage more detailed responses:

• Use "what," "how," and "why" questions
• Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no
• Show genuine interest in their thoughts and opinions

Utilize multiple communication channels. Some people may prefer:

• Face-to-face conversations
• Written communication (email, memos)
• Group discussions
• One-on-one meetings

11. Respond constructively to complaining or critical people at work

"Don't wilt from the guilt. Guilt Ladlers try to shift the blame for their poor judgment or insecurity onto you. They criticize your actions as the cause of their hurt feelings so that you, in turn, feel guilty and they have more control."

Listen actively and empathetically. Show that you're hearing their concerns:

• Use nonverbal cues like nodding and maintaining eye contact
• Paraphrase their points to ensure understanding
• Acknowledge their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their conclusions

Focus on solutions. Shift the conversation from problems to potential fixes:

• Ask for specific suggestions on how to improve the situation
• Collaborate on developing action plans
• Follow up on agreed-upon solutions

Set boundaries on negativity. While addressing valid concerns, limit excessive complaining:

• Redirect conversations to productive topics
• Encourage a balanced perspective by asking about positive aspects
• Model constructive criticism and problem-solving behaviors

Last updated: October 21, 2024