Rising Strong

1. Embrace vulnerability and curiosity to rise strong after failure

The goal of the process is to rise from our falls, overcome our mistakes, and face hurt in a way that brings more wisdom and wholeheartedness into our lives.

The rising strong process involves three key steps: The Reckoning (walking into our story), The Rumble (owning our story), and The Revolution (writing a new ending based on key learnings). This process requires vulnerability and curiosity about our emotions and experiences. By engaging in this process, we can transform our failures and hurts into opportunities for growth and authenticity.

To rise strong, we must:

• Recognize when we're emotionally hooked
• Get curious about our feelings and thoughts
• Challenge our initial interpretations and assumptions
• Integrate new learnings into our lives

2. Recognize and reckon with emotions to avoid off-loading hurt

Emotion can feel terrible, even physically overwhelming. We can feel exposed, at risk, and uncertain in the midst of emotion.

Reckoning with emotion is essential to avoid harmful off-loading behaviors. Many people struggle to engage with difficult emotions, leading to destructive patterns such as:

• Chandeliering: Suppressing emotions until they erupt unexpectedly
• Bouncing hurt: Using anger, blame, and avoidance to deflect pain
• Numbing: Dulling emotional pain through various means (e.g., alcohol, food, work)
• Stockpiling hurt: Accumulating pain until it manifests as depression or anxiety
• High-centering: Fearing emotional paralysis and avoiding vulnerability

To reckon with emotions effectively:

• Give yourself permission to feel
• Pay attention to physical and emotional responses
• Practice mindfulness and breathing techniques
• Write about your experiences to gain clarity

3. Rumble with your story to uncover truth and gain key learnings

The goal of the rumble is to get honest about the stories we're making up about our struggles, to revisit, challenge, and reality-check these narratives as we dig into topics such as boundaries, shame, blame, resentment, heartbreak, generosity, and forgiveness.

The rumbling process involves examining the stories we tell ourselves about our experiences and challenging our initial interpretations. This process helps us uncover deeper truths and gain valuable insights.

Key steps in the rumbling process:

1. Write your "shitty first draft" (SFD) of the story
2. Identify the key players and your emotions
3. Challenge your assumptions and confabulations
4. Explore alternative perspectives and interpretations
5. Identify the gap between your SFD and the reality
6. Extract key learnings from this delta

4. Practice self-compassion and avoid shame in the face of failure

The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity.

Cultivating self-compassion is crucial when facing failure or disappointment. Shame often leads to destructive behaviors and self-criticism, while self-compassion allows for growth and resilience.

To practice self-compassion:

• Recognize the difference between shame ("I am bad") and guilt ("I did something bad")
• Speak to yourself as you would to a loved one
• Acknowledge your humanity and imperfections
• Seek support from trusted friends or professionals
• Use mindfulness to observe your thoughts without judgment

5. Cultivate wholehearted living through integration and authenticity

We can't be "all in" if only parts of us show up. If we're not living, loving, parenting, or leading with our whole, integrated hearts, we're doing it halfheartedly.

Wholehearted living requires integrating all aspects of ourselves, including our vulnerabilities and imperfections. This integration allows for more authentic connections and a deeper sense of worthiness.

Steps towards wholehearted living:

• Embrace your whole self, including perceived flaws
• Challenge societal expectations and norms
• Cultivate self-acceptance and self-love
• Practice vulnerability in relationships
• Align your actions with your values

6. Establish boundaries and practice accountability in relationships

Boundaries are simply our lists of what's okay and what's not okay.

Healthy relationships require clear boundaries and accountability. By establishing and communicating our limits, we create space for genuine connection and mutual respect.

Key aspects of boundaries and accountability:

• Clearly define what's acceptable and what's not
• Communicate your boundaries respectfully
• Hold yourself and others accountable for actions
• Practice empathy and understanding
• Be willing to have difficult conversations
• Recognize that trust is built through consistent behavior

7. Transform organizational culture through story rumbles

Story rumble teams would be trained to use the rising strong process to facilitate large and small group discussions around pressing issues.

Implementing story rumbles in organizations can lead to more open communication, better problem-solving, and a stronger culture of trust and accountability.

Benefits of organizational story rumbles:

• Encourages open and honest dialogue
• Addresses conflicts and misunderstandings proactively
• Fosters a culture of continuous learning and improvement
• Builds trust and empathy among team members
• Aligns individual and organizational values
• Improves decision-making and problem-solving processes

8. Redefine smart and embrace your authentic self

Definitions belong to the definers, not the defined.

Embracing your authentic self requires challenging societal definitions of intelligence, success, and worth. By redefining these concepts on your own terms, you can cultivate greater self-acceptance and confidence.

Steps to redefine smart and embrace authenticity:

• Identify and challenge internalized beliefs about intelligence and worth
• Recognize and celebrate your unique strengths and experiences
• Embrace your cultural background and personal history
• Define success on your own terms
• Surround yourself with people who appreciate your authentic self

9. Challenge nostalgia and face hard truths about your past

We need to cross-examine them, recognizing and accepting the inconsistencies and gaps in those that make us proud and happy as well as those that cause us pain.

Examining your past with honesty and clarity is essential for personal growth and understanding. Nostalgia can often mask painful truths and prevent us from addressing important issues.

Strategies for challenging nostalgia:

• Seek out multiple perspectives on past events
• Acknowledge the complexity of your family history
• Identify patterns of behavior or thinking that stem from your past
• Recognize the impact of trauma or difficult experiences
• Use your understanding of the past to inform present choices

10. Engage in constructive criticism and ignore cheap shots

For criticism to be useful, you have to have some skin in the game.

Distinguishing between constructive criticism and harmful attacks is crucial for personal and professional growth. Engaging with meaningful feedback while ignoring cheap shots can help you improve without compromising your self-worth.

Guidelines for handling criticism:

• Identify the source and intention of the criticism
• Focus on feedback from people whose opinions truly matter
• Separate the content of the criticism from your emotional reaction
• Use constructive feedback as an opportunity for growth
• Develop resilience to ignore unhelpful or malicious comments

11. Make rising strong a daily practice for revolutionary change

Rising strong is the final piece of this transformation.

Integrating the rising strong process into your daily life can lead to profound personal transformation and positively impact those around you. By consistently practicing vulnerability, curiosity, and self-reflection, you can create lasting change in your relationships, work, and community.

Ways to make rising strong a daily practice:

• Regularly check in with your emotions and thoughts
• Journal about your experiences and challenges
• Share your stories and learnings with trusted friends or family
• Apply the rising strong process to small, everyday setbacks
• Encourage others to engage in their own rising strong journey
• Celebrate your progress and growth along the way

Last updated: January 22, 2025