You Can't Lie to Me

1. Trust Your Gut, But Verify with the BS Barometer

Because here’s the secret: more trusting people make better lie detectors.

Intuition as a Starting Point. While gut feelings can be valuable, they should not be the sole basis for judging someone's honesty. The BS Barometer provides a structured approach to evaluate those feelings, ensuring a more accurate assessment. It's about finding the sweet spot between gullibility and cynicism.

The BS Barometer Process:

• Gathering Intel: Establishing a baseline of normal behavior.
• The Wiretap: Analyzing verbal cues and inconsistencies.
• The Stakeout: Observing facial expressions and microexpressions.
• Full Body Surveillance: Decoding body language and nonverbal signals.
• The Interrogation: Asking targeted questions to uncover the truth.

Combining Instinct and Analysis. The most effective approach involves trusting your initial instincts but then verifying them through careful observation and analysis. This prevents false accusations and promotes more trusting relationships.

2. Power Imbalances and Deception: A Critical Connection

When people in power lie, they focus on rewards more than on costs—they spend much more energy thinking about what they stand to gain than what they stand to lose.

Power and Lack of Guilt. Those in positions of authority may be more prone to lying due to a focus on potential rewards and a reduced sense of guilt. This can make them harder to detect, as they may not exhibit typical stress signals. It's not just those in corner offices, but anyone who holds power over you.

Desperation and Deception. Conversely, those without power may lie out of desperation, seeking to avoid negative consequences. Understanding the motivations behind lying, whether driven by greed or fear, is crucial for effective deception detection.

The Power Dynamic. Be aware of the power dynamics in your relationships and interactions. Recognize that those in positions of authority may be more likely to lie, and those in vulnerable positions may be more likely to conceal the truth.

3. Baselining: Establishing the Truthful Norm

You’ll be studying them from head to toe, while running down a nine-point checklist. You’ll size up their norms in mere minutes—but they won’t have a clue.

The Foundation of Deception Detection. Baselining involves observing a person's normal behavior, speech patterns, and body language to establish a point of reference. This allows you to identify deviations that may indicate deception. It's about studying them from head to toe, while running down a nine-point checklist.

Key Elements of Baselining:

• Nonverbal signals: Posture, gestures, eye contact
• Verbal cues: Tone of voice, speech rate, word choices
• Social norms: Cultural background, personal habits

Low-Stress Norming. The goal is to create a relaxed environment to obtain an accurate baseline. This involves establishing rapport, asking open-ended questions, and avoiding accusatory language.

4. The Wiretap: Listening Beyond the Words

While body language has been the focus of lie detection for decades, recent research has proven that a detailed analysis of a person’s speech may be much more accurate than an observation of nonverbal behavior.

Verbal Indicators of Deception. Analyzing a person's speech can reveal subtle clues about their honesty. This involves paying attention to word choices, sentence structure, and inconsistencies in their story.

Key Verbal Flags:

• Start-stop sentences: Abrupt changes in direction
• Mixed-up tenses: Shifting between past and present
• Lack of details: Glossing over important events
• Overuse of adjectives: Exaggerating or embellishing the truth

Statement Analysis. This technique involves examining the grammar and logic of a person's words to identify potential deception. It's about exposing the meaning behind the words.

5. Stakeout: Spotting Facial Faux Pas and Microexpressions

Can you spot the lightning-fast changes in facial expression? And do you know what flashes of forehead tension tell you?

The Face as a Window to the Soul. Facial expressions can reveal underlying emotions, even when someone is trying to conceal them. Microexpressions, fleeting changes in facial expression, can be particularly revealing.

Universal Emotions:

• Happiness: Genuine smiles involve crow's feet around the eyes.
• Sadness: Inner eyebrows pull together and curl up.
• Disgust: Upper lip pulls up, nose wrinkles.
• Fear: Mouth opens, eyes widen, eyebrows raise.
• Surprise: Mouth opens, eyebrows raise and curl.
• Anger: Brows come down, mouth tightens.
• Contempt: Half-smile or smirk of superiority.

Deviations from the Baseline. The key is to compare a person's facial expressions to their normal behavior. Any sudden changes or inconsistencies may indicate deception.

6. Full Body Surveillance: Decoding Nonverbal Hot Spots

You’ll learn to decode the entire body’s micromovements, which will set up your BS Barometer for success with all the information you’ll need throughout your upcoming interrogation.

Beyond the Face. Body language encompasses a wide range of nonverbal signals, including posture, gestures, and movements. Decoding these signals can provide valuable insights into a person's true feelings and intentions.

Key Nonverbal Hot Spots:

• Shoulder shrugs: Indicate uncertainty or doubt.
• Hand shrugs: Similar to shoulder shrugs, but involving the hands.
• Body blockers: Protective shields used to create distance.
• Pacifiers: Self-touch gestures used to relieve tension.

Navel Intelligence. Pay attention to the direction of a person's belly button, as it often indicates where their attention is focused.

7. The Interrogation: Asking Powerful Questions

You’ll learn to synthesize all the data you’ve collected, zeroing in with a few carefully crafted questions that get you right to the truth.

The Art of Questioning. Asking the right questions is crucial for uncovering the truth. This involves starting with open-ended questions, using the WAIT technique, and employing advanced interrogation strategies.

Key Interrogation Techniques:

• Strategic Use of Evidence: Withholding information to see how the person responds.
• Ask a "How" Question: Focusing on emotions and feelings.
• Tell the Story Backward: Increasing cognitive load.
• Ask the Same Question Three Ways: Testing consistency.
• Ask a Bizarre Question: Catching the person off guard.
• Throw Them a Lifeline: Offering a plausible alternative.

The Power of Silence. After asking a question, remain silent and allow the person to fill the void. This can create discomfort and encourage them to reveal more information.

8. The Self-Exam: Recognizing Your Own Biases and Patterns

Ultimately, you’ll turn this process back on yourself and consider the most important question: How have I been lying to myself?

Turning the BS Barometer Inward. The final step involves examining your own biases, patterns, and motivations. This can help you identify why you may be attracting dishonest people into your life or failing to recognize deception.

Key Questions to Ask Yourself:

• What's at stake for you?
• What mistakes are you making that are attracting deception?
• Why are you permitting dishonest people to be a part of your story?
• How have you been lying to yourself?

The Importance of Authenticity. By confronting your own deceptions and biases, you can create a more genuine and fulfilling life.

9. Emotional Investment: The Key to Accurate Deception Detection

Emotional investment is essential for accurate deception detection; it’s the biggest predictor of your success.

Skin in the Game. Accurate deception detection requires a personal stake in the outcome. This means caring about the truth and being willing to confront the potential consequences of dishonesty.

The Emotional Investment Scale:

• Assess your level of emotional investment in the situation.
• Consider the potential consequences of being deceived.
• Recognize that emotional investment can both enhance and hinder your ability to detect deception.

The Power of Empathy. While emotional investment is crucial, it's also important to maintain empathy and avoid becoming overly suspicious.

10. The Power of Authenticity: Living a Life Free from Deception

You’ll stand straighter and face life with more courage.

Beyond Deception Detection. The ultimate goal is not simply to spot liars but to create a life filled with honesty, trust, and authenticity. This involves setting positive intentions, building strong relationships, and living in alignment with your values.

Key Steps to Authenticity:

• Set positive intentions: Focus on what you want to create, not what you want to avoid.
• Build strong boundaries: Protect yourself from manipulation and abuse.
• Surround yourself with honest people: Seek out relationships based on trust and respect.
• Live in alignment with your values: Make choices that reflect your true self.

The Ripple Effect. By living an authentic life, you inspire others to do the same, creating a more honest and trustworthy world.

Last updated: February 17, 2025