You Do You

1. Accept Yourself: There Is Nothing Wrong With You.

Unless you’re a serial killer or one of those people who keeps trying to start “the wave” when nobody around you is interested, there is nothing wrong with you.

Embrace who you are. This book is about accepting your strengths and flaws, whether they are self-identified or things others have a problem with. Society burdens us with conventions and expectations, leading many to feel something is wrong with them and seek external "fixes" for non-existent problems. You are a good person, a "special snowflake," and your individuality is not a flaw.

Identify your "you-ness." Figuring out who you are and what makes you happy is like choosing a character and world in a video game. You pick based on strengths and accept weaknesses. Ask yourself: What are my strengths and weaknesses? What is my ideal world? Don't let others define your character or path; play to your strengths and pursue what makes you happy.

Overcome LCD Living. The pressure to conform leads to "Lowest Common Denominator Living," stifling your unique personality and desires just to fit in. This results in "just getting by" instead of thriving. Recognizing this condition is the first step to breaking free and living authentically, regardless of external judgment.

2. Challenge the Tyranny of "Just Because" and the Social Contract.

The biggest obstacle to doing you is doing things just because that’s how everyone else does them, or because it’s the way those things have always been done.

Question arbitrary norms. The "Tyranny of 'Just Because'" forces us to do things without rational justification, simply because it's tradition or what others expect. This can range from attending unwanted parties to adhering to outdated social rules. Denying your true nature to fit in is "screwing you."

Amend the social contract. Society operates on an unspoken "social contract," guidelines for behavior that help us coexist peacefully. While some rules are essential (like not being a psychopath), many are arbitrary, outdated, or harmful to individual happiness. These are the clauses that lead to LCD Living.

Negotiate your terms. You can amend the social contract to suit your needs without being an asshole. The goal is more happiness and harmony, not making enemies. Identify what you want, need, and deserve (your WNDs) and negotiate with the world to get the best deal for yourself, ensuring it doesn't totally screw over others.

3. Reclaim "Selfish" as a Healthy Form of Self-Care.

Being selfish and being selfless don’t have to be mutually exclusive.

Selfishness isn't always bad. We're taught "Don't be selfish" from childhood, equating it with hurting others. However, being concerned with your own self-interest is often necessary for well-being. There's a spectrum between "good selfish" (self-care) and "bad selfish" (harming others).

Self-care benefits others. Protecting your own happiness and well-being allows you to be more present, capable, and generous towards others. Examples include:

• Getting enough sleep to be better for your family.
• Taking "me time" to recharge and avoid burnout.
• Declining unwanted invitations to free up your time and resources.
• Making choices that reduce your environmental impact.

Embrace "self-ISH." If others label your self-care as "selfish," redefine the term. Being "self-ISH" means looking out for yourself while also not being an asshole. It's about prioritizing your needs when it doesn't adversely impact others, or even benefits them indirectly.

4. Reject the Pressure to Be "Perfect" All the Time.

Accepting that we all have flaws—and therefore, vulnerabilities—is the only way forward into gaining confidence in who and what we are.

Perfection is unsustainable. Constantly striving for perfection is exhausting and leads to self-inflicted disappointment. It's okay to have bad days, make mistakes, or not always perform at your maximum capacity. Courageously accepting your flaws is key to building confidence.

Lower the bar. You don't have to "do your best" on everything. Prioritize what truly matters and give yourself permission to slack off occasionally on things that don't. This frees up energy and reduces stress.

• Cut unnecessary tasks from your to-do list.
• Accept that "good enough" is often sufficient.
• Recognize that the world won't end if you're not perfect.

Beware of enabling others. Always doing your best can lead others to depend on you excessively, preventing them from stepping up. Dialing back occasionally can encourage others to take responsibility and allows you a much-needed break.

5. Embrace Being "Difficult" to Get What You Want and Need.

There is nothing wrong with liking things the way you like them and asking for what you want.

"Difficult" can mean confident. Being labeled "difficult" often just means you're confident, vocal, and willing to stand up for your beliefs or needs. This is admirable, not a flaw. Don't let others' discomfort with your assertiveness stop you.

Ask for what you want. You won't get what you don't ask for. This applies to everything from help around the house to better seats at a movie or a raise at work. The worst they can say is no, and often, simply asking opens doors.

Push back and negotiate. Don't settle for less than you want, need, or deserve. Negotiating for better terms, whether it's a price, a deadline, or a personal boundary, is a valuable skill. It shows you value your time, energy, and money.

• Ask questions others avoid.
• Lay down the law by asking for more than you expect.
• Establish precedents for how you want to be treated.

6. Value Solitude and Your Own Way Over Being a "Team Player."

I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.

Solitude is invigorating. It's okay to prefer your own company or work independently rather than always being a "team player." Solitude allows for reflection, creativity, and recharging. Protecting your alone time is essential self-care.

Benefits of being alone:

• Fewer dishes to wash.
• Freedom to indulge in personal preferences (music, food, activities).
• No need to wear pants or maintain social performance.
• Opportunity for deep thinking and self-connection.

DIY life has perks. Doing things your way, independently, can be more efficient and satisfying than group efforts. While collaboration has its place, don't feel obligated to join every team or group activity if you prefer to go solo.

Take responsibility for your choices. If you choose to do things your way, be prepared to own the outcomes, good or bad. Learning from your solo mistakes is part of the process of asserting your individuality.

7. Take Calculated Risks and Don't Let Fear Suffocate Your Dreams.

fear is just another word for suffocating your dreams with a big blue tarp.

Risk is necessary for growth. Don't let the fear of judgment or failure prevent you from taking calculated risks. Whether it's changing your look, auditioning, making a big purchase, expressing your feelings, or starting a new venture, risks can lead to significant personal growth and happiness.

Judgy McJudgerson's fear. When others tell you "Don't quit your day job" or express doubt about your risky choices, it often stems from their own fear and discomfort with stepping outside norms. Don't let their fear hold you back.

Silence the haters. You can manage external doubt by:

• Flying under the radar and keeping your plans private.
• Screening calls and avoiding negative energy.
• Clapping back with witty or direct responses.

Manage internal doubt. Your own brain can plant seeds of doubt, fueled by obligation, guilt, and fear. Acknowledge these feelings but don't let them take over. Ask yourself if the obligation is real, if the guilt is warranted, and if the fear is healthy or paralyzing.

8. Ignore Predictions About Your Future Choices and Feelings.

Letting other people’s expectations get in the way of your experience—and of learning from it—is no way to live.

Nobody has a crystal ball. Don't let others tell you what will happen or how you will feel as a result of your life choices. Whether they say "You will change your mind" or "You will regret that," their predictions are based on their own subjective views, not your reality.

Distinguish objective vs. subjective. Understand the difference between objectively wrong choices (harming others, breaking laws) and subjectively wrong choices (those others simply disagree with). Don't be bullied into preemptive regret over subjective opinions.

Make your own mistakes. You have to try things for yourself to see if they work out. If a decision doesn't go as planned, it doesn't automatically mean you'll regret it. Learn from the experience and move on.

Don't be paralyzed. Don't let the fear of potential regret, especially regret predicted by others, stop you from making decisions and living your life authentically. Act with confidence, accept the consequences, and recalibrate if needed.

9. Define Your Own Success, Not Society's Arbitrary Standards.

At the end of the day, success is simply the achievement of a goal—any goal—that you set for yourself.

Success is personal. Society often equates success with specific achievements like getting a college degree, landing a "good job" (high-paying), getting married, or owning a home. However, your definition of success is yours alone.

Diverse paths to fulfillment. Success can be achieving any goal you set, whether it's professional, personal, or ephemeral. Examples include:

• Creating a stable family life.
• Mastering a skill or hobby.
• Achieving sobriety.
• Making a positive impact on your community.
• Simply getting through a challenging day.

Reward yourself. Don't wait for external validation. Celebrate your own successes, no matter how small they seem to others. Acknowledge your achievements and give yourself credit.

Ignore external judgment. Don't let others' definitions of success make you feel inadequate if your path differs. Their opinions are irrelevant to your personal fulfillment. Focus on achieving the goals that matter to you.

10. Let Your "Freak Flag" Fly and Embrace Your Weirdness.

Acknowledging and acting on your own weirdness gives you power.

Weirdness is a choice. Being strange, quirky, or eccentric is often an active choice to be peculiar in ways that don't harm others. This is different from unconventional life choices, but both challenge norms.

Celebrate nonconformity. Society should celebrate weirdness. The right to be weird should be inalienable. Don't let Judgy McJudgerson's smirks or criticisms stop you from expressing your unique self.

Mental redecorating for weirdness. If you feel judged for your weirdness, reframe it as a strength. Your quirks make you unique and interesting. Embrace them rather than repressing them.

Practice being weird. If you're "weird-curious," start small:

• Pretend you're a toddler, unconcerned with judgment.
• Channel the confidence of a celebrity.
• Act like you're alone, even in public, to build comfort.

11. Prioritize Chosen Relationships Over Obligatory Family Ties.

I believe that love and respect should be consistently earned—not granted in perpetuity on the basis of having passed a single DNA test.

Family isn't always first. While biological ties are important, love and respect should be earned, not automatically granted based on genetics. It's okay to prioritize relationships with friends or partners who actively choose and support you, especially if family relationships are difficult or unsupportive.

Black sheep are okay. If you're the "black sheep" who doesn't fit in with your family's norms, accept it. There's nothing wrong with having different values or interests. You don't need to change to fit in; your uniqueness is a strength.

Reclaim your time. You don't have to feel obligated to spend excessive time with family members if it's draining or unpleasant. It's okay to say no to invitations or limit interactions, even for significant events like weddings.

Chosen family matters. Friends and partners you choose can provide more love, support, and understanding than biological family. Prioritizing these relationships is valid and healthy. Don't feel guilty for choosing what's best for your well-being.

12. Own Your Mental Health and Reject Stigma.

My life got immeasurably better when I stopped worrying about LOOKING like a crazy person and started ACTING like one.

Mental health is health. Don't let stigma prevent you from addressing mental health issues like anxiety or panic attacks. Seeking professional help and practicing self-care for your mental well-being is as valid and necessary as treating physical ailments.

Self-care isn't silly. Incorporate activities that make you feel happy and calm into your life, even if they seem unconventional (like a litter box full of sand under your desk). These practices can be powerful tools for managing stress and anxiety.

Be open about your struggles. Talking openly about your mental health can chip away at stigma and allow others to offer support. Overcoming your own sense of shame is crucial for healing and empowerment.

Prioritize your well-being. It's okay to "act crazy" if it means taking necessary steps to address your mental health. Don't worry about how it looks to others; focus on what works for you to feel better.

13. Break Free from the "Cult of Nice" and Speak Your Truth.

I don’t support mouthing off, making enemies, and being mean for no good reason.

Niceness isn't mandatory. You are not obligated to constantly look, act, or say nice things, especially if you don't feel like it or if it compromises your authenticity. The "Cult of Nice" pressures us to maintain a pleasant veneer regardless of our true feelings.

It's okay not to smile. Don't feel compelled to smile on demand or engage in unwanted small talk just to appear personable. Your facial expression or conversational habits are your prerogative.

Defend yourself and your values. While gratuitous meanness is unacceptable, don't let the pressure to be "nice" prevent you from defending yourself, your values, or the truth when provoked. Sometimes, a not-so-nice response is warranted.

Choose your battles. Decide if a situation warrants a direct, potentially confrontational response. If there's valid provocation and the outcome is worth the potential conflict, don't be afraid to speak your mind, even if it's not "
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Last updated: May 5, 2025