Collaborating with the Enemy

What's "Collaborating with the Enemy" about?

• Focus on collaboration: The book explores how to work effectively with people you don't agree with, like, or trust, especially in complex and contentious situations.
• Challenge of collaboration: It addresses the central challenge of collaboration, which involves working with diverse others, including opponents and enemies, to achieve common goals.
• New approach: Adam Kahane proposes a new approach called "stretch collaboration," which abandons the illusion of control and embraces conflict and connection.
• Practical guidance: The book provides practical guidance and real-world examples of how to implement this unconventional approach to collaboration.

Why should I read "Collaborating with the Enemy"?

• Relevance to modern challenges: The book is highly relevant in today's divisive and polarized world, where collaboration is often necessary but difficult.
• Practical solutions: It offers practical solutions and methodologies for working with diverse groups to address complex challenges.
• Insightful examples: The book includes insightful examples from Kahane's experiences in various countries, providing a global perspective on collaboration.
• Personal and professional growth: Reading the book can enhance your ability to collaborate effectively in both personal and professional settings.

What are the key takeaways of "Collaborating with the Enemy"?

• Stretch collaboration: The book introduces the concept of stretch collaboration, which involves embracing conflict and connection, experimenting a way forward, and stepping into the game.
• Three stretches: It outlines three fundamental stretches: embracing conflict and connection, experimenting a way forward, and stepping into the game.
• Alternating power and love: Kahane emphasizes the importance of balancing power and love in collaboration, using both drives alternately to achieve effective outcomes.
• Role of self-awareness: The book highlights the need for self-awareness and personal responsibility in collaboration, encouraging individuals to focus on their own actions and contributions.

What is "stretch collaboration" as described by Adam Kahane?

• Abandoning control: Stretch collaboration involves giving up the illusion of control and embracing the messy realities of discord, trial and error, and co-creation.
• Three fundamental shifts: It requires three shifts: embracing conflict and connection, experimenting a way forward, and stepping into the game.
• Focus on relationships: The approach emphasizes the importance of relationships, encouraging collaborators to engage with both conflict and connection.
• Iterative process: Stretch collaboration is an iterative process that involves experimenting with different possibilities and learning from the outcomes.

How does Adam Kahane define "power and love" in collaboration?

• Power as self-realization: Power is defined as the drive of everything living to realize itself, manifested in the behavior of asserting.
• Love as unity: Love is defined as the drive towards the unity of the separated, manifested in the behavior of engaging.
• Complementary drives: Kahane argues that power and love are complementary drives that must be employed alternately for effective collaboration.
• Balancing act: The book emphasizes the need to balance these drives to avoid the pitfalls of overemphasizing one at the expense of the other.

What are the three stretches in "Collaborating with the Enemy"?

• Embrace conflict and connection: This stretch involves working with both conflict and connection within and beyond the team, rather than focusing solely on harmony.
• Experiment a way forward: It requires experimenting with different perspectives and possibilities, taking one step at a time, and learning from the outcomes.
• Step into the game: This stretch involves fully participating in the situation, being open to changing oneself, and taking responsibility for one's role in the collaboration.

What is the "enemyfying syndrome" mentioned in the book?

• Definition: Enemyfying is the behavior of thinking and acting as if the people we are dealing with are our enemies, who are the cause of our problems.
• Common behavior: It is a common behavior that simplifies complex realities into black and white, often leading to increased conflict and reduced problem-solving capacity.
• Impact on collaboration: Enemyfying can amplify conflicts, narrow the space for creativity, and distract from the real work needed to address challenges.
• Overcoming enemyfying: The book suggests that overcoming enemyfying requires embracing conflict and connection and focusing on collaboration rather than division.

How does "Collaborating with the Enemy" address the issue of control in collaboration?

• Illusion of control: The book argues that in complex situations, collaboration cannot and need not be controlled, and attempts to do so are often counterproductive.
• Stretch collaboration: Stretch collaboration involves abandoning the assumption of control and embracing the realities of discord and co-creation.
• Iterative process: It emphasizes an iterative process of experimenting and learning, rather than rigidly adhering to a predetermined plan.
• Role of flexibility: Flexibility and openness to change are crucial for successful collaboration in uncontrolled and complex contexts.

What are some real-world examples used in "Collaborating with the Enemy"?

• South Africa's transition: The book discusses Kahane's involvement in South Africa's transition from apartheid to democracy, highlighting the role of collaboration.
• Colombian peace process: It includes examples from the Colombian peace process, where diverse stakeholders worked together to end a long-standing civil war.
• Drug policy in the Americas: Kahane describes his work on drug policy in the Americas, where collaboration opened up new possibilities for addressing the issue.
• Guatemala's post-conflict efforts: The book also covers efforts in Guatemala to implement peace accords and repair the social fabric after a civil war.

What are the best quotes from "Collaborating with the Enemy" and what do they mean?

• "The miraculous option is that we work things through together." This quote highlights the transformative potential of collaboration, even in seemingly impossible situations.
• "Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." It emphasizes the need to balance power and love in collaboration for effective outcomes.
• "We are crossing the river by feeling for stones." This metaphor illustrates the iterative and exploratory nature of stretch collaboration, where the path is discovered through action.
• "If you’re not part of the problem, you can’t be part of the solution." It underscores the importance of self-awareness and personal responsibility in collaborative efforts.

How does "Collaborating with the Enemy" suggest dealing with disagreement and conflict?

• Embrace conflict: The book suggests embracing conflict as a natural and necessary part of collaboration, rather than avoiding or suppressing it.
• Alternate power and love: It recommends alternating between asserting (power) and engaging (love) to manage conflict and move forward.
• Focus on relationships: Building strong relationships and connections can help navigate disagreements and find common ground.
• Experiment and learn: The book encourages experimenting with different approaches and learning from the outcomes to address conflict effectively.

What exercises does "Collaborating with the Enemy" recommend for practicing stretch collaboration?

• Establish a baseline: The book suggests starting by assessing your current use of power and love in collaboration.
• Strengthen weaker drive: It recommends practicing actions that strengthen your weaker drive, whether it be power or love.
• Shift talking and listening: The exercises include shifting your talking and listening from downloading and debating to dialoguing and presencing.
• Step into the game: Finally, the book encourages stepping into the game by taking responsibility for your role in the collaboration and being open to change.